Billy Graham was returning to Charlotte after a speaking engagement and when his Plane arrived there was a limousine there to transport him to his home. As he prepared to get into the limo, he stopped and spoke to the driver. 'You know' he said, 'I am 87 years old and I have never driven a limousine. Would you mind if I drove it for a while?' The driver said, 'No problem. Have at it.' Billy gets into the driver's seat and they head off down the highway. A short distance away sat a rookie State Trooper operating his first speed trap. The long black limo went by him doing 70 in a 55 mph zone. The trooper pulled out and easily caught the limo and he got out of his patrol car to begin the procedure. The young trooper walked up to the driver's door and when the glass was rolled down, he was surprised to see who was driving. He immediately excused himself and went back to his car and called his supervisor. He told the supervisor, 'I know we are supposed to enforce the law.... But I also know that important people are given certain courtesies. I need to know what I should do because I have stopped a very important person.' The supervisor asked, 'Is it the governor?' The young trooper said, 'No, he's more important than that.'The supervisor said, 'Oh, so it's the president.' The young trooper said, 'No, he's even more important than that.' The supervisor finally asked, 'Well then, who is it?' The young trooper said, 'I think it's Jesus, because he's got Billy Graham for a chauffeur!' Smile - God loves you! I
A little humor for the soul
- Thread starter Christina
- Start date
-
Welcome to Christian Forums, a Christian Forum that recognizes that all Christians are a work in progress.
You will need to register to be able to join in fellowship with Christians all over the world.
We hope to see you as a part of our community soon and God Bless!
A Wifes Prayer Dear Lord I pray for wisdom to understand my husband;Geart Love to forgive him;Patience to deal with his moods;Forgive me Lord if I do not pray for strength,Im afraid I may hurt him very, very bad.
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday."I'd like to be six again," she replied, still looking in the mirror.On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day!He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was.Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's.What a fabulous adventure!Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well Dear, what was it like being six again??"Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. "I meant my dress size, you big dope!"The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.God bless
No one need take offense everyones covered equally
Christian Lightbulb JokesQ: How many Calvinists does it take to change a lightbulb?A: None. God has predestined when the lights will be on.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb?A: 10, as they need to hold a debate into whether or not the lightbulb exists. Even if they can agree upon the existence of the lightbulb they may not go ahead and change it for fear of alienating those who use fluorescent tubes.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: How many Catholics does it take to change a lightbulb?A1: None. They always use candles instead. A2. Two, one to do it and a priest to hear him confess and give the old bulb last rites. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: How many Atheists does it take to change a lightbulb?A1: None. Atheists don't believe in light bulbs. A2: One. But they are still in darkness. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: How many Pentecostals does it take to change a light bulb?A: 10, one to change it and 9 others to pray against the spirit of darkness. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: How many TV evangelists does it take to change a lightbulb?A: One. But for the message of hope to continue to go forth, send in your donation today. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q:How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb?A:10. One to actually change the bulb and 9 to say how much they like the old one. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q:How many Presbyterians does it take to change a light bulb?A1:Well, it should require about five committees to review the idea first. If each is staffed with half a dozen members, that's what ... 30? A2: (with dour expression) Change?? The Presby Philes --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q:How many members of the church of Christ does it take to change a light bulb?A:5. One to change the bulb, 4 to serve refreshments. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q:How many charismatics does it take to change a lightbulb?A:Three, one to cast it out and two to catch it when it falls! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q:How many conservatives does it take to change a lightbulb?A:Three. One to change it and two to storm out in protest if the person changing it is a woman!--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q:How many missionaries does it take to change a light bulb?A1:10. Five to determine how many can be changed by the year 2000, four to raise the necessary funds, one to go find a national to do the job! A2. One, and thirty natives to see the light. (Johannassen)--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q. How many Christians does it take to screw in a light bulb?A. Three, but they're really one.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q. How many Quakers does it take to screw in a light bulb?A. Ten to sit around in a circle until one feels the inner light.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q. How many Hare Krishnas does it take to screw in a light bulb?A. Ten, one to do it and the rest to dance around, play the tambourine, chant, and sing.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q. How many fundamentalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?A. THE BIBLE DOES *NOT* SAY *ANYTHING* ABOUT LIGHT BULBS!!!!--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q. How many Branch Davidians does it take to screw in a light bulb?A1. None, they provide their own illumination.A2. Nine, one to do it and the other eight to find a leg for him to stand on.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q. How many agnostics does it take to screw in a light bulb?A. None. Agnostics question whether light bulbs really exist.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q. How many Zen Buddhists does it take to screw in a light bulb?A. Two, one to screw it in and one not to screw it in.(Erlend H. Johannessen)--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: How many pro-choicers does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: Two, one to do it and one to assert that the bulb didn't exist before it was lit up.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: How many pro-lifers does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: Nine - four to block the entrance to the room, four to hold up pictures of burnt-out bulbs, and one to try and convince the person with the new bulb to let the room stay dark. (The above jokes, except those marked "Johannassen," were all received from the University of Warwick Christian Union)
Christian Lightbulb JokesQ: How many Calvinists does it take to change a lightbulb?A: None. God has predestined when the lights will be on.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb?A: 10, as they need to hold a debate into whether or not the lightbulb exists. Even if they can agree upon the existence of the lightbulb they may not go ahead and change it for fear of alienating those who use fluorescent tubes.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: How many Catholics does it take to change a lightbulb?A1: None. They always use candles instead. A2. Two, one to do it and a priest to hear him confess and give the old bulb last rites. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: How many Atheists does it take to change a lightbulb?A1: None. Atheists don't believe in light bulbs. A2: One. But they are still in darkness. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: How many Pentecostals does it take to change a light bulb?A: 10, one to change it and 9 others to pray against the spirit of darkness. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: How many TV evangelists does it take to change a lightbulb?A: One. But for the message of hope to continue to go forth, send in your donation today. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q:How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb?A:10. One to actually change the bulb and 9 to say how much they like the old one. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q:How many Presbyterians does it take to change a light bulb?A1:Well, it should require about five committees to review the idea first. If each is staffed with half a dozen members, that's what ... 30? A2: (with dour expression) Change?? The Presby Philes --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q:How many members of the church of Christ does it take to change a light bulb?A:5. One to change the bulb, 4 to serve refreshments. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q:How many charismatics does it take to change a lightbulb?A:Three, one to cast it out and two to catch it when it falls! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q:How many conservatives does it take to change a lightbulb?A:Three. One to change it and two to storm out in protest if the person changing it is a woman!--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q:How many missionaries does it take to change a light bulb?A1:10. Five to determine how many can be changed by the year 2000, four to raise the necessary funds, one to go find a national to do the job! A2. One, and thirty natives to see the light. (Johannassen)--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q. How many Christians does it take to screw in a light bulb?A. Three, but they're really one.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q. How many Quakers does it take to screw in a light bulb?A. Ten to sit around in a circle until one feels the inner light.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q. How many Hare Krishnas does it take to screw in a light bulb?A. Ten, one to do it and the rest to dance around, play the tambourine, chant, and sing.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q. How many fundamentalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?A. THE BIBLE DOES *NOT* SAY *ANYTHING* ABOUT LIGHT BULBS!!!!--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q. How many Branch Davidians does it take to screw in a light bulb?A1. None, they provide their own illumination.A2. Nine, one to do it and the other eight to find a leg for him to stand on.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q. How many agnostics does it take to screw in a light bulb?A. None. Agnostics question whether light bulbs really exist.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q. How many Zen Buddhists does it take to screw in a light bulb?A. Two, one to screw it in and one not to screw it in.(Erlend H. Johannessen)--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: How many pro-choicers does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: Two, one to do it and one to assert that the bulb didn't exist before it was lit up.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: How many pro-lifers does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: Nine - four to block the entrance to the room, four to hold up pictures of burnt-out bulbs, and one to try and convince the person with the new bulb to let the room stay dark. (The above jokes, except those marked "Johannassen," were all received from the University of Warwick Christian Union)The Little TurtleDeep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. "Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."
cedarhart
When good men do nothing, evil will triumph.Take a
- Nov 17, 2008
- 202
- 13
- 0
- 69
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny, a child in the kindergarten class, seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying as though he were ill, and said. "Johnny what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."
revdw76
New Member
Similar threads
