Am I living wrongly because I suffer so much?

[strawberryrain]

For as long as I can remember, I've been single, except for 1-2 relationships, in which I gave more than the other side... Until recently, I didn't pay much attention to this, because I always believed that I would find my soulmate. I look at the people around me and they all are in relationships except me. I'm very sad and afraid for myself since I feel that the loneliness and fear have shattered me. I'm afraid that I'm not the same calm and cheerful person anymore.. I attend sessions with a specialist, but it is crucial for me to hear your opinion on this issue and get advice from you, because I really need it...

I've always used my social media accounts primarily for fun and to keep in touch with my friends. However, unfortunately, I began comparing myself to the people who have relationships and the amount of followers/friends they have. I tell myself, "How do you think you're going to find your Person when you don't have many friends on social media? If you have a lot of followers, only then, there is probably a chance for you to be noticed by someone." I can't express how extremely exhausting and destructive on my mental health this is. Even though I know people who have met on social networks and yet don't have many followers....

Also, I've never been a party person and I didn't like big companies. I have some good friends, but no companies. I don't have boy friends who could become anything more. I'm not a shy or socially anxious person, there are just people who like to be among many people, but there are also those who don't like and I'm from the second one. Therefore, I constantly torture my mind with questions like ''Should I change myself completely? Should I start forcing and pushing myself among companies with more people, even though it will make me feel uncomfortable and not good? Is that the only solution and key for finding My Person?''

When it comes to dancing or social hobbies, unfortunately, the things I like to do aren't social and at the moment, there is nothing new I would like to try. Should that terrify me? Does this really mean that I'm doomed to never meet my partner in life? I am afraid that I live my life wrongly, dooming myself to loneliness and unhappiness. But do I really have to change who I am? Isn't it important to stay true to who you are? Should I start forcing myself to get a lot of followers, push myself into companies, and go to activities that aren't interesting to me, just because those are the ways to find a boyfriend? I really feel awful and desperate, as if I am in a huge black hole, from which there is no escape and no light ...

 

[EarlyMarksman]

For starters, I am a single, twenty-two year old male. I would also like to mention that I am not a specialist or anything like that, and I also don't make claims that my opinions have their origin in a mind of greatness. (Paul Harrell reference)
I used to feel similar to the way you described, but then I eventually realized how weak-minded that thought process is, as harsh as it is to say that. For one thing, social media doesn't help much. It honestly does a whole lot of bad as obviously portrayed here in your situation because here you are desiring what others have and becoming frustrated and sad over it. Getting off social media for a while is a great idea, and ideally permanently. You even said it is exhausting and destructive on your mental health, so why would you continue to use something that is hurting you?

Should you start forcing yourself to become something you aren't and change yourself completely? Well, truthfully only you can decide if it is worth doing so or not. However, people's opinions or outlook on you are moot and should not concern you. What truly matters is what the Lord thinks of you.

This whole mindset you have is making you desperate which is a dangerous place to be in, as you will be more likely to lower your standards and even possibly date someone who isn't a Christian which will only drag you down.

Why would you consider going to activities you aren't interested in just to find a boyfriend? I hate cities, so why would I force myself to go into one to find a woman? I'd just find a woman who likes city life and that wouldn't be a good match whatsoever. People typically inhabit areas and go to activities they find fun and entertaining. For an example, if someone hated baseball, then what sense would it make to go to a baseball game to find a soulmate? I hope you understand what I'm saying....or typing.

I can't offer solutions, as you ultimately are going to have to decide what you do. But I can offer what I think is sound advice.

 

[farouk]

In the end by Scripture reading and prayer the believer by God's grace can acquire a vertical ('looking unto Jesus' - Hebrews 12.2) rather than horizontal or even inward-looking one.

 

[kcnalp]

Living wrong is not necessarily the issue. Perhaps you are not convinced of the many promises God makes to His children?

 

[DNB]

For as long as I can remember, I've been single, except for 1-2 relationships, in which I gave more than the other side... Until recently, I didn't pay much attention to this, because I always believed that I would find my soulmate. I look at the people around me and they all are in relationships except me. I'm very sad and afraid for myself since I feel that the loneliness and fear have shattered me. I'm afraid that I'm not the same calm and cheerful person anymore.. I attend sessions with a specialist, but it is crucial for me to hear your opinion on this issue and get advice from you, because I really need it...

I've always used my social media accounts primarily for fun and to keep in touch with my friends. However, unfortunately, I began comparing myself to the people who have relationships and the amount of followers/friends they have. I tell myself, "How do you think you're going to find your Person when you don't have many friends on social media? If you have a lot of followers, only then, there is probably a chance for you to be noticed by someone." I can't express how extremely exhausting and destructive on my mental health this is. Even though I know people who have met on social networks and yet don't have many followers....

Also, I've never been a party person and I didn't like big companies. I have some good friends, but no companies. I don't have boy friends who could become anything more. I'm not a shy or socially anxious person, there are just people who like to be among many people, but there are also those who don't like and I'm from the second one. Therefore, I constantly torture my mind with questions like ''Should I change myself completely? Should I start forcing and pushing myself among companies with more people, even though it will make me feel uncomfortable and not good? Is that the only solution and key for finding My Person?''

When it comes to dancing or social hobbies, unfortunately, the things I like to do aren't social and at the moment, there is nothing new I would like to try. Should that terrify me? Does this really mean that I'm doomed to never meet my partner in life? I am afraid that I live my life wrongly, dooming myself to loneliness and unhappiness. But do I really have to change who I am? Isn't it important to stay true to who you are? Should I start forcing myself to get a lot of followers, push myself into companies, and go to activities that aren't interesting to me, just because those are the ways to find a boyfriend? I really feel awful and desperate, as if I am in a huge black hole, from which there is no escape and no light ...

You sound a little misguided. Seek the Kingdom first, and all other things will be added on to you. There is a sad and misguided desperation in your tone. You need to stop believing that being single is taboo, offensive or inadequate. Jesus Christ was virgin, unmarried and never dated, do you think that he felt insecure about it. Paul did not have a wife, and he was one of the most complete, confident, useful and purposeful men that ever lived, the list goes on. I too am single, and yes, it does get frustrating dwelling about the other side of the fence, assuming that it's greener. But, I can easily rationalize that it's not, and also appreciate the fact that I don't love God or Jesus enough, which is the only reason why that I could possibly feel lonely or unfulfilled when I potentially have the greatest companions, mentors and confidants that anyone could ever desire (God & Christ).