Annulment

[aspen]

what do you think about annulment? I tend to believe it is cruel. It is claiming that a marriage never existed and all children are bastards. I also think it is a 'pass' for the Catholic Church to avoid divorce. I just asked my wife for an annulment........ugh. I want to join a monastery......and I do not want our marriage to nullify me. It seems so hypocritical, but I did it. Not sure about going through with it. She tried, I tried...........

 

[Born_Again]

Can you do annulments after that long? Well, what my ex and I are doing right now is an amicable divorce. The marriage still existed but we agree we no longer want anything to do with each other and just want to move on with our lives. This is after 9 years of marriage and 4 kids. Aspen, brother, you do whatever you feel the Holy Spirit is calling you do to do. I know the Lord generally is against divorce but He also says to depart from the non-believer. I know in my heart the Lord wanted us to part ways... Numerous pastors I spoke to about it agreed as well. Pray and listen, brother. Pray and listen.

 

[pom2014]

God says you're married.

There are no annulments in scripture.

So you can only divorce because of adultery. And you can not remarry until your spouse dies.

This is God's way.

 

[Born_Again]

Well aren't I in a pickle then........

 

[aspen]

She did nothing wrong. I am devastated. HELLO

 

[River Jordan]

what do you think about annulment? I tend to believe it is cruel. It is claiming that a marriage never existed and all children are bastards. I also think it is a 'pass' for the Catholic Church to avoid divorce.

I tend to agree...seems like a legalistic work-around.

I just asked my wife for an annulment........ugh. I want to join a monastery......and I do not want our marriage to nullify me. It seems so hypocritical, but I did it. Not sure about going through with it. She tried, I tried...........

Again, I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through, but I hope you aren't deriving so much of your self-worth from your marriage that annulment of it means annulment of you as a person. You will get through this with God's help. Stay strong. :)

 

[aspen]

You know, I am working through it. It hit me harder than I thought it would, but I am almost thankful. It means I am fully human. I need God more than ever. I do not blame you, I just had to process.

 

[FHII]

You know, I am working through it. It hit me harder than I thought it would, but I am almost thankful. It means I am fully human. I need God more than ever. I do not blame you, I just had to process.

Good for you, Aspen. Annulments aren't Biblical. I simphathise with your delemna, but haven't figured out how to respond. YOu do need God, but not more than ever. You always needed him, its just now you realize it more than ever. Don't take that the wrong way... We always need him, but we have crisis that come up that make us realize it. Talk to her. Talk to God and follow what God says in the Bible and what God tells you (test the spirits though.... Don't let Satan appear as an angel of light before you!).

If nothing else, rely on grace. If you've been faithful to God, he gives it.

 

[Born_Again]

Good for you, Aspen. Annulments aren't Biblical. I simphathise with your delemna, but haven't figured out how to respond. YOu do need God, but not more than ever. You always needed him, its just now you realize it more than ever. Don't take that the wrong way... We always need him, but we have crisis that come up that make us realize it. Talk to her. Talk to God and follow what God says in the Bible and what God tells you (test the spirits though.... Don't let Satan appear as an angel of light before you!).

If nothing else, rely on grace. If you've been faithful to God, he gives it.

Absolutely FHII!!! That is right on!! Amen!!!

 

[justaname]

Marriage through the church is a covenant between a man and woman in front of and with God. No documentation given from any organization can claim that never happened. The formalities of divorce truly is a matter of the state, where legal matters are and need be resolved.

Divorce in the eyes of God is not divorce as communicated by the Christ, yet it is allowed. This being said God does not recognize annulment either. Unless you are attempting to communicate something about your history as a married couple, I do not see any advantage of an annulment.

This being said your conscience must stay clear in accordance to any dogma you feel obligated to.

I will express it again...

Forgive God, forgive His Church, forgive the woman you married, and forgive yourself.

The church's stance on homosexuality is not to blame for the demise of your marriage, your wife is not to blame, you are not to blame, and God is not to blame.
If blame is what you seek look to sin entering the world through one man.

 

[Born_Again]

Marriage through the church is a covenant between a man and woman in front of and with God. No documentation given from any organization can claim that never happened. The formalities of divorce truly is a matter of the state, where legal matters are and need be resolved.

Divorce in the eyes of God is not divorce as communicated by the Christ, yet it is allowed. This being said God does not recognize annulment either. Unless you are attempting to communicate something about your history as a married couple, I do not see any advantage of an annulment.

This being said your conscience must stay clear in accordance to any dogma you feel obligated to.

I will express it again...

Forgive God, forgive His Church, forgive the woman you married, and forgive yourself.

The church's stance on homosexuality is not to blame for the demise of your marriage, your wife is not to blame, you are not to blame, and God is not to blame.
If blame is what you seek look to sin entering the world through one man.

The text I highlighted in bold is more true than one might think. I learned that exact thing during my divorce. I could not move on unless I was able to forgive. I had to forgive her, but I could not do that until I forgave myself. I was filled with so much guilt about the things I felt I did wrong to cause her to leave. But God showed me I had to forgive myself for those things and then forgive her. When I finally forgave myself, I was free.. It was an amazing feeling that can only come through Christ. You must forgive. Great post Justaname!!!

 

[KingJ]

The church's stance on homosexuality is not to blame for the demise of your marriage, your wife is not to blame, you are not to blame, and God is not to blame.
If blame is what you seek look to sin entering the world through one man.

No, the wife is to blame. Unless Aspen kept himself from her 1 Cor 7:5. This is not her gay from birth. This is adultery. Adultery = 10/10 on the marriage destroying richter scale > anything Aspen has done to her. She has sinned terribly in God's eyes and against Aspen. She needs to repent and reconcile immediately if Aspen will allow it.

Well aren't I in a pickle then........

Yes you are. The Christian never leaves. They leave us when they commit adultery ...or just want absolutely nothing to do with us ...ie no respect for honoring God with the marriage...ie no respect for God = no respect for you = they divorce. The Christian always sticks at marriage....even if they are unsaved.

There is one verse that everyone wanting a divorce needs to grasp...If ThEy CaRe AbOuT God that is... Matt 10:39 Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it.

God's sake / will = Mark 10:9 and Matt 5:32.

 

[Psychduck]

Hello folks,
There's been a great deal of conversation about me as I am Aspen's former wife.

Aspen, I have long read your posts as these topics are the kind of thing we used to talk about for hours on end. As the rest of you can probably tell, Aspen is highly intelligent, well read and interesting to talk to. So for anyone wondering why I read posts, that's why. Regarding why I hadn't been part of the discussion until now--it's because I don't expect to be accepted here. And posts about me tend to support that.

I do not wish Aspen any harm, nor do I wish to disrupt a community that supports him. However, I will not be silent as half truths and lies are spread about me. For the record, prior to marrying Aspen, while married to Aspen, and until more than a year after divorced from Aspen...Aspen was the ONLY person I'd been in a relationship with. That's right folks, I never had an affair. I did go on a women's retreat with a work colleague (along with her mother, three aunts and a cousin) at a retreat center Aspen and I had attended ourselves (not a nudist colony). I didn't even room with my work colleague. I was lodged in a cabin with an old lady named Barbara who was in silence the entire weekend. I know Aspen was worried about me going on the retreat, so I went out of my way to tell him ALL about it when I got back--about the laughs, the good talks I had with the other women, and about all of the centering prayer I had practiced.

I am now in a relationship with a woman. She is someone Aspen doesn't know, and has never met. I didn't meet her until I'd been divorced for over a year. If people wish to judge me for that, knock yourselves out. But please do not call me an adulterer when I am not. Please know that the ending of a 17 year marriage (20 yr relationship) is extremely complex, multifaceted and painful for all parties. I'm just asking that people be careful about what you say and to do so respectfully.

I wish you all the peace of Christ.

 

[River Jordan]

Thanks for sharing. Even though I haven't been around as long as others here, I've learned that in most of these situations there's two sides to every story. All I can say is I wish you both the best.

 

[7angels]

i see my post disappeared. whether it was erased or a computer error i have no idea. i don't know your circumstances that led up to this point and hearing it from one person tends to be bias. there is a saying that goes something like this "there is your story, there is his story, and somewhere in the middle is the truth." all those that are judging you are wrong according to scripture. it is correct to judge things like actions, decisions, and ect. to say that it is one person's fault is wrong because it takes two to have an argument. according to scripture the lifestyle you are now living is wrong but for the circumstances that led you to where you are now i cannot say who is at fault.

there is just one important thing i wish to tell you. according to scripture being a homosexual alone will not send you to hell in and of itself. many will argue this point but according to scripture homosexuality is not different from any other sin. where the trouble comes in is when God starts convicting you about you lifestyle and you willfully disobey by not changing

God bless.

 

[KingJ]

Hello folks,
There's been a great deal of conversation about me as I am Aspen's former wife.

Aspen, I have long read your posts as these topics are the kind of thing we used to talk about for hours on end. As the rest of you can probably tell, Aspen is highly intelligent, well read and interesting to talk to. So for anyone wondering why I read posts, that's why. Regarding why I hadn't been part of the discussion until now--it's because I don't expect to be accepted here. And posts about me tend to support that.

I do not wish Aspen any harm, nor do I wish to disrupt a community that supports him. However, I will not be silent as half truths and lies are spread about me. For the record, prior to marrying Aspen, while married to Aspen, and until more than a year after divorced from Aspen...Aspen was the ONLY person I'd been in a relationship with. That's right folks, I never had an affair. I did go on a women's retreat with a work colleague (along with her mother, three aunts and a cousin) at a retreat center Aspen and I had attended ourselves (not a nudist colony). I didn't even room with my work colleague. I was lodged in a cabin with an old lady named Barbara who was in silence the entire weekend. I know Aspen was worried about me going on the retreat, so I went out of my way to tell him ALL about it when I got back--about the laughs, the good talks I had with the other women, and about all of the centering prayer I had practiced.

I am now in a relationship with a woman. She is someone Aspen doesn't know, and has never met. I didn't meet her until I'd been divorced for over a year. If people wish to judge me for that, knock yourselves out. But please do not call me an adulterer when I am not. Please know that the ending of a 17 year marriage (20 yr relationship) is extremely complex, multifaceted and painful for all parties. I'm just asking that people be careful about what you say and to do so respectfully.

I wish you all the peace of Christ.

So, why did you divorce Aspen? How do you pass a session of self judgment before God when God says in His word that it is His will that you stay married?

Basically....how do you justify to yourself and others (Christians ARE ambassadors of Christ) that YOUR will is not > God's will? You do realize that ALL the evidence points there at the moment.

Did Aspen cheat on you? Did Aspen beat you?
Do you think of these verses when you pray?

Mark 10:9 What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

Matt 19:8-9 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.
And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

Matt 16:25 For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.

Rom 8:13 For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live.



You are not just removing Aspen from your life according to scripture. When we obey God's commandments there is always hope of a better tomorrow.
Christians who love God fight for their marriage. We stay married to please God firstly. Christians who don't, don't. Its hardly rocket science.

 

[Psychduck]

To those who have been kind and welcoming, I thank you. To those who's comments aren't, I'm not surprised. It is not my job, nor would it be appropriate to recount the history of difficulties that led to the end of my marriage with Aspen. All I am willing to say is that it was a mutual decision based on multiple factors.

I felt the need to comment as 1) I believe I was being slandered unfairly and 2) people were providing Aspen spiritual advice based on the assumption I'd had an affair.

Perhaps it was a mistake to come here. I felt driven by the fact that lies were being told about me and the wish to respectfully disagree on the record.

Now I'm not sure I would ever come back... However, in spite of Aspen's and my split occurring nearly three years ago, he is really hurting right now. I didn't know how much until this morning. Perhaps instead of criticizing or questioning me, members could put their energy toward supporting him.

I wish you all peace. Please be good to Aspen.

 

[aspen]

KingJ lay off, please. I hold nothing against her - absolutely nothing. I am just hurt. On judgement day I will be her biggest fan. So just stop ok?

 

[KingJ]

That's good Aspen. I am her biggest fan right now.

 

[Born_Again]

Have you looked into the stipulations of an annulment where you live? Where I live, I have to essentially prove I entered the marriage under false pretenses or coercion. I could possibly have mine annulled as I was told by her I had to marry her or she would take my daughter out of state back home which was 1,200 miles away. So I married her. If you are still considering it, that may be some of the criteria you have to meet.

Now, that being said, God does infact say the spouse has to die before you can re-marry. But I wonder, given a marriage was terrible and it ended under terrible circumstances, Is the "victim" really set to suffer not being happy with someone again because the other spouse has not died? Just something to consider, I guess.