Alot has happened this past decade for me. I'm 32 years old now. 10 Years ago, when I was 22 while I was in college and in the National Guard. I was in love with my college sweetheart. Things were going well for me. I had went to church in the past, but never for the reason of knowing God. I believed in God, sure, and was 'saved by Jesus', and even read the New Testament out of Curiosity. But none of it really meant anything to me. It was just a story.
Then one weekend, i came home from school to visit my dad at home. One night as I woke up to use the bathroom, my dad was awake and told me he wanted to talked to me. I sat down with him and he the told me that he was really Gabriel and that he didn't have long because he couldn't be in a body of sin. I looked at him confused and he rose his hand. All of a sudden I felt warm water being poured over me, but yet I wasn't wet. (Baptism by spirit?). I then felt a sudden rush of air in my lungs and I sneezed with my mouth. As soon as that happened I was lifted out of my body and had this weird visual expierence where I saw a floating head appear out of thin air and said to me "Thomas I swear by my great name, you are mine!". He then asked me what I wanted. I responded with "I just want to be happy". After that the head disappeared and I went back to bed like nothing happened and it wasn't a big deal. Forgetting about the experience until months later.
In the meantime, i was still attending college, but something in me started to change. I started losing interest in things. Losing motivation to do anything. I stopped going to classes and ended up failing all my classes in the second semester.Which led to my girlfriend leaving me and me moving back in with my Dad. I start smoking weed and get kicked out of the Guard. This was just the beginning of my life starting to fall apart.
I ended up getting a job as a flagger, and I had alot of downtime. Alot of time for thinking and boredom. A few months into this job, oblivious to the oath I received earlier, my thoughts started thinking about God. Pondering God and if he was real, etc. Eventually I picked up the Bible and started reading it from the Beginning while at work. Started seeking for real.
Not too much longer after that. (weeks or maybe a couple months) I was hanging out with my friends. Everything was fine and normal, and suddenly I felt this sudden power fall over me. I started thinking for no apparent reason that i was about to die and god was about to smite me on the spot, and i start panicking in front of my friends. Tears strolling down my face and I'm screaming bloody murder. I had never had a more terrifying experience in my life. I remember my thoughts crying out to God and asking why. I then feel this amazing peaceful reassuring feeling wash over me and my mind takes control of itself. When I say it took control, i mean it felt like my brain and thoughts were steered and controlled. I heard a voice and thought simultaneously "Thomas you are the Lonely Sparrow, but I have given you wings, oh what mighty wings they are. Spread them and Fly!". And as quick as it happened the feelings and the voice was gone and my friends are staring at me bewildered.
This was 10 years ago. The time in my life where God revealed himself to me in his own way. Giving me the Oath and Gifting me with Wings.
Life has not been easy or happy for me these past ten years. Soon after receiving my wings, I remembered the oath that was given to me. I finished the Bible, and started reading other books. Like the Apocrypha, the Gnostic Texts and the Book of Mormon. My ego started going up feeling like I was chosen. I read a passage from the bible in the New Testament about how the Rich Man could not give away his possessions and following Jesus. Something about that passage struck something with me and I did something I thought I'd never do. I quit my job and gave away all my possessions to a local Church. All i owned was the clothes on my back and my vehicle and my bed/blanket. My dad then had me committed in the hospital where I was diagnosed as Schizo-Affective.
This diagnosis caused serious problems with my Dad. It changed his whole outlook on me and he disowned me, telling his current wife not to even contact me when he dies. I've tried reconnecting with my Mother's side of the family, but they too have put their distance. I have no close friends or family. I live with coworkers currently. Over the past few years I have lived with family or friends and have lost everybody in my life, one by one, slowly but surely. I am not going to tell my full struggle. But there have been many times I have felt like a slave or helpless in my situation. With no hope other than God. Even when i was depressed and isolated he was there for me.
It hasn't been all bad though. I have found out throughout the years that God is a great listener. He constantly reminds me he is there with subtle signs and whispers to the heart. Sometimes its an inside joke about something I would only understand. In my darkness moments he is right there suffering with me, truly understanding me, and being my companion. I live my life expecting him to know how I feel about something, and with the Oath i received, I can be myself in my thoughts with him, I can be true to him and honest. Most of all, it gives me hope. Hope that allows me to endure my struggles and always see me though even if just barely. Hope that keeps me searching to find a deeper meaning. And a continued Hope that my prayer i've held onto for years might be answered one day, even if it isn't in this life.
I've had thoughts and feelings I have cherished, while pondering and searching for God. Having this relationship with a higher power has allowed me to find value and meaning in feelings and love I harbor towards people who are no longer in my life.
Knowing God is real and not just believing has given me a new perspective about people.
For the people I've lost in my life, I still talk to them, hoping one day they will hear what i have to say. It allows me to hold onto love i have or to get things off my chest. I live "naked and not ashamed", knowing my inner thoughts and feelings could be exposed in the afterlife.
This has allowed me to life a "true'er" life. more from the heart, with more emotions.
Having lost everything in my life materially and relationships, has taught me to be grateful for everything you have, but not be attached. One day it might not be there. The one thing that has never left me, is the feeling that God is with me and understands and is listening.
Then one weekend, i came home from school to visit my dad at home. One night as I woke up to use the bathroom, my dad was awake and told me he wanted to talked to me. I sat down with him and he the told me that he was really Gabriel and that he didn't have long because he couldn't be in a body of sin. I looked at him confused and he rose his hand. All of a sudden I felt warm water being poured over me, but yet I wasn't wet. (Baptism by spirit?). I then felt a sudden rush of air in my lungs and I sneezed with my mouth. As soon as that happened I was lifted out of my body and had this weird visual expierence where I saw a floating head appear out of thin air and said to me "Thomas I swear by my great name, you are mine!". He then asked me what I wanted. I responded with "I just want to be happy". After that the head disappeared and I went back to bed like nothing happened and it wasn't a big deal. Forgetting about the experience until months later.
In the meantime, i was still attending college, but something in me started to change. I started losing interest in things. Losing motivation to do anything. I stopped going to classes and ended up failing all my classes in the second semester.Which led to my girlfriend leaving me and me moving back in with my Dad. I start smoking weed and get kicked out of the Guard. This was just the beginning of my life starting to fall apart.
I ended up getting a job as a flagger, and I had alot of downtime. Alot of time for thinking and boredom. A few months into this job, oblivious to the oath I received earlier, my thoughts started thinking about God. Pondering God and if he was real, etc. Eventually I picked up the Bible and started reading it from the Beginning while at work. Started seeking for real.
Not too much longer after that. (weeks or maybe a couple months) I was hanging out with my friends. Everything was fine and normal, and suddenly I felt this sudden power fall over me. I started thinking for no apparent reason that i was about to die and god was about to smite me on the spot, and i start panicking in front of my friends. Tears strolling down my face and I'm screaming bloody murder. I had never had a more terrifying experience in my life. I remember my thoughts crying out to God and asking why. I then feel this amazing peaceful reassuring feeling wash over me and my mind takes control of itself. When I say it took control, i mean it felt like my brain and thoughts were steered and controlled. I heard a voice and thought simultaneously "Thomas you are the Lonely Sparrow, but I have given you wings, oh what mighty wings they are. Spread them and Fly!". And as quick as it happened the feelings and the voice was gone and my friends are staring at me bewildered.
This was 10 years ago. The time in my life where God revealed himself to me in his own way. Giving me the Oath and Gifting me with Wings.
Life has not been easy or happy for me these past ten years. Soon after receiving my wings, I remembered the oath that was given to me. I finished the Bible, and started reading other books. Like the Apocrypha, the Gnostic Texts and the Book of Mormon. My ego started going up feeling like I was chosen. I read a passage from the bible in the New Testament about how the Rich Man could not give away his possessions and following Jesus. Something about that passage struck something with me and I did something I thought I'd never do. I quit my job and gave away all my possessions to a local Church. All i owned was the clothes on my back and my vehicle and my bed/blanket. My dad then had me committed in the hospital where I was diagnosed as Schizo-Affective.
This diagnosis caused serious problems with my Dad. It changed his whole outlook on me and he disowned me, telling his current wife not to even contact me when he dies. I've tried reconnecting with my Mother's side of the family, but they too have put their distance. I have no close friends or family. I live with coworkers currently. Over the past few years I have lived with family or friends and have lost everybody in my life, one by one, slowly but surely. I am not going to tell my full struggle. But there have been many times I have felt like a slave or helpless in my situation. With no hope other than God. Even when i was depressed and isolated he was there for me.
It hasn't been all bad though. I have found out throughout the years that God is a great listener. He constantly reminds me he is there with subtle signs and whispers to the heart. Sometimes its an inside joke about something I would only understand. In my darkness moments he is right there suffering with me, truly understanding me, and being my companion. I live my life expecting him to know how I feel about something, and with the Oath i received, I can be myself in my thoughts with him, I can be true to him and honest. Most of all, it gives me hope. Hope that allows me to endure my struggles and always see me though even if just barely. Hope that keeps me searching to find a deeper meaning. And a continued Hope that my prayer i've held onto for years might be answered one day, even if it isn't in this life.
I've had thoughts and feelings I have cherished, while pondering and searching for God. Having this relationship with a higher power has allowed me to find value and meaning in feelings and love I harbor towards people who are no longer in my life.
Knowing God is real and not just believing has given me a new perspective about people.
For the people I've lost in my life, I still talk to them, hoping one day they will hear what i have to say. It allows me to hold onto love i have or to get things off my chest. I live "naked and not ashamed", knowing my inner thoughts and feelings could be exposed in the afterlife.
This has allowed me to life a "true'er" life. more from the heart, with more emotions.
Having lost everything in my life materially and relationships, has taught me to be grateful for everything you have, but not be attached. One day it might not be there. The one thing that has never left me, is the feeling that God is with me and understands and is listening.
Last edited:
Blessings to you and Peace from God!
