Deliverance from the Deepest Darkness — My War with Porn

[RenewedStrength316]

This isn’t a testimony for the faint of heart.
This is for the ones who’ve been to the edge.
Who didn’t just “struggle with porn,”
but got swallowed whole by it.

I wasn’t curious—I was consumed.
I didn’t just fall—I descended.
Into gay porn.
Into beastiality.
Into the filth that nobody talks about in church.
Into cam sites where souls auction themselves off for attention.
Into fantasies so dark, I questioned if I could ever be clean again.

I went where most won’t admit they’ve been.
And Satan told me I’d never come back.
That I was unredeemable.
Beyond the blood.
Too far gone.
Too twisted to be holy again.

He lied.

Because Jesus walked into that pit and pulled me out with blood on His hands and fire in His eyes.

> “He brought me up out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock…” — Psalm 40:2



Let me make this brutally clear:
This wasn’t recovery.
This wasn’t therapy.
This was deliverance.


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The Truth About Porn That No One Wants to Say

Porn is not about pleasure.
It’s about pain misdiagnosed.
It’s about identity stolen, wounds infected, and desires warped in the absence of truth.

Porn isn’t just lust—it’s spiritual trafficking.
It hijacks your ability to love, to feel, to worship.
It trains you to seek God’s image in perversion instead of purity.

> “Their glory is in their shame, with minds set on earthly things.” — Philippians 3:19



People say, “Well at least I’m not hurting anyone.”
But every time you click, you’re eating poison.
You’re empowering an industry that devours souls.
You’re hardening your heart to the voice of God.
And worst of all?
You’re inviting spirits into your house that don’t leave quietly.

Let’s stop pretending this is just about “making better choices.”
This is about choosing between life and death (Deuteronomy 30:19).
And every time you choose the screen, the fantasy, the abyss—you’re choosing death.


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No One Talks About the Fallout

You lose intimacy.
You start hiding.
You hate yourself.
You lie to everyone—especially God.
And slowly, without realizing it, you start believing you’re too filthy to be loved.

I’ve wept on the floor.
I’ve begged God to kill me rather than let me sin again.
I’ve thought about ending it just to silence the war in my head.

But God didn’t kill me.
He resurrected me.

He didn’t say, “Try harder.”
He said, “Die to it. Let Me kill it in you.”
And He did.
Not overnight. Not without pain.
But with fire.


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The Gospel Still Applies in the Darkest Room

Let me say this for every man, woman, or teen reading this who thinks they’ve gone too far:

You are not beyond the cross.

Jesus knew every click, every video, every fantasy—and He still picked up the whip, the cross, the nails.
Not to excuse your sin, but to kill it.

> “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” — Romans 5:8



You want freedom?
Then stop pretending.
Drag it into the light, and let Jesus burn it down.

He didn’t save me because I was strong.
He saved me because I was dead, and He’s the Resurrection and the Life.


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Final Warning and Final Hope

Don’t wait until you lose your marriage.
Don’t wait until you lose your soul.
Don’t wait until the mask falls off and there’s nothing left underneath.

If you’re still breathing, you can be made new.

But you can’t hide and be healed at the same time.
You must repent, not just from porn—but from the lies that kept you bound:

“I’m too far gone.”

“It’s not that bad.”

“No one needs to know.”


> “If we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship…and the blood of Jesus cleanses us from all sin.” — 1 John 1:7




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I’m Not Who I Was

I’m Shane.
I was addicted to darkness.
I chased the worst of it.
But Jesus chased me harder.
And now I write, compose, warn, weep, and fight.
Not as a perfect man—but as a free one.

This is not a message from a clean-cut preacher.
This is a cry from a man who should be dead, but isn’t.
And that means there’s hope for you.

> “And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and the word of their testimony…” — Revelation 12:11



The blood is still fresh.
The tomb is still empty.
And the fire is still burning.

Come into the light.

 

[Kokyu]

I appreciate the passion of your call to sinners to be free of their bondage to sin. Where, though, is your explanation of the "way of escape" from temptation about which the apostle Paul wrote? (1 Cor. 10:13) Is it not futile to tell people a way to freedom from the power of sin exists but not where or what that way is?

Also, be very, very careful about making your personal experience the basis for your authority to speak on the matter of freedom from sin. It is precisely because Jesus never descended into sin and darkness that he has the power and authority over these things that he does. It isn't, then, how deep into sin we've gone that qualifies us to speak about spiritual victory, but that our lives bear out the truth of God's word concerning how to live victorious in Jesus Christ.

It isn't how bad we were that is the baseline by which we judge our success spiritually, but how much of the pure, gracious and wise Jesus we express in our living.

 

[RenewedStrength316]

I appreciate the passion of your call to sinners to be free of their bondage to sin. Where, though, is your explanation of the "way of escape" from temptation about which the apostle Paul wrote? (1 Cor. 10:13) Is it not futile to tell people a way to freedom from the power of sin exists but not where or what that way is?

Also, be very, very careful about making your personal experience the basis for your authority to speak on the matter of freedom from sin. It is precisely because Jesus never descended into sin and darkness that he has the power and authority over these things that he does. It isn't, then, how deep into sin we've gone that qualifies us to speak about spiritual victory, but that our lives bear out the truth of God's word concerning how to live victorious in Jesus Christ.

It isn't how bad we were that is the baseline by which we judge our success spiritually, but how much of the pure, gracious and wise Jesus we express in our living.

Thanks for your thoughtful response. I appreciate your heart for sound doctrine and your desire to point people to the true way of escape in Christ.

My testimony is just that—a personal story of Jesus rescuing me from bondage and setting me free. It’s not meant to replace or explain every biblical principle, but to give evidence that God’s power really transforms lives.

I agree that spiritual victory is ultimately about reflecting Jesus’ character, and I pray that fruitfulness grows in every believer. But sometimes the first step is simply telling the truth about where we’ve been and what Christ has done.

Thanks again for engaging with my post. I pray we all keep pointing others to Jesus—the only true way out.