Saints,
I’m requesting for interceding prayer for my marriage. My wife and I married 16 years ago and while we attended church and believed in God, we were not living like Christians. Our marriage has never been good. I’m in the military and the separation that comes with that has produced its own challenges, but even while we’ve been together, it has been a series of bad days, that turn into bad months, and now we’re working on bad years.
After a particularly bad blow out 5 years ago, I surrendered to Jesus. I recognized my sin and the emptiness of my Christian walk, my lukewarm approach to the Lord, and the sin and evil that I had allowed to consume me. I endeavored on daily scripture reading and prayer, and it has changed me. I’m still very much a sinner, but I’m not longer controlled by it. My wife was not interested in joining me in changing. In my study of the scripture, I began to question much of what I had been taught growing up as a Catholic. I also questioned whether the church was meeting our spiritual needs. We would attend Mass Sunday morning and then Sunday evening have a blow out fight spewing the most hate filled words at each other like it was nothing. I brought up the idea of changing churches to her and she outright refused, accused me of trying to lead her away from Jesus, and thought that my idea of leaving the church was grounds for divorce and annulment of our marriage. We continue to attend Mass together.
She blames all of our problems on me. She lives in the world of social media and cuts off conversations and friendships with anyone that disagrees with her. I’m convinced that the algorithm on that thing reinforces every evil thought that she has about me. She has had friends that told her that she was wrong, and she cut them out of her life and replaced them with people that reinforce her position. She only talks to people that agree with her and in 16 years, I honestly can’t recall a single time that she admitted to being wrong and asked for forgiveness.
She’s a good mother, but is irresponsible with our finances, which has left us in many a tough position. She favors our daughter and is far harder on our son. She often takes problems that she has with me and airs them to our children. My son has lived through it his entire life and is old enough to recognize it and brings it up to me in private moments that he doesn’t think Mom is being reasonable.
Our intimate life is non-existent and has been for many years. When I bring it up, she makes me feel like some kind of obsessed pervert. We have been together an average 4-5 times a year for the last 10 years and once went 14 months. Before we were married, the situation was the exact opposite. We lived in sin together before marriage and I sometimes think that the Lord is punishing us for our fornication. Neither of us were virgins before marriage.
We have also slept in different beds for the last 10 years. Most nights I sleep on the couch and she allows our daughter to stay in the bed with her. She’s a very light sleeper and I occasionally snore, so theoretically, it makes sense. But I miss going to sleep and waking up next to her.
She doesn’t handle conflict well. When she disagrees with someone, they’re automatically wrong and are out to get her. She went through a period a few months ago where she was in an argument with a neighbor who had previously been a very close friend of hers. This friend is a good person and a believer. She cut her out of her life, won’t talk to her, and speaks about her like she’s an enemy. She brought the problem that she was having with this friend to me and when I didnt immediately agree with her (I didnt disagree either), she repeatedly screamed that she hated me in front of the kids and demanded a divorce. Shortly thereafter, I went on a work trip and let the situation cool. My mind went to some very dark places during that time. I would never commit suicide because I’ve seen its effects and I would never do that to my kids. But the assault on my soul was palpable. I could hear a voice in my mind repeatedly asking what kind of man does it take to have a wife treat him like that? I called her and told her that I wouldnt grant her an easy divorce and asked for some time to talk when I got back. She agreed to have a discussion with me, but it never happened. When I bring it up, she’s “too tired” or doesn’t have the time or energy to fight with me.
I walk on eggshells daily and at this point, just do whatever she wants to try to not make her go off the rails. She is the contentious wife that Solomon talks about in Proverbs. I really would rather dwell in the corner of a housetop. When I pull up to the house and her car isn’t in the driveway, I’m relieved. When I’m outside of the house, I’m a different person. I’m myself. When I’m with her; I feel like I’m not even a man anymore. I’m either yielding my God-given position of leadership in my family while seething in anger; or I’m fighting with her and setting a bad example for our kids.
What is a Christian man to do when he legitimately dislikes his wife? I turn to scripture, but I can’t find clarity.
-A Christian is permitted to divorce a non-believing spouse if the non-believer chooses to leave the marriage.
-I don’t know if she believes. She says she does. But has no interest in a biblical marriage, and is 100% cool with divorce (she grew up in divorced home with no Dad until her Mom remarried when she was 14).
-But then, I’m also encouraged to stay with her even if she’s not a believer because I might be the one to sanctify her.
-Then I always come back to the words right out of the Messiah’s mouth in Matthew 19:6. I made a covenant with her and God. He doesn’t demand that we take vows, but when we do I think that He expects us to keep them, no matter what.
I don’t want to quit on my marriage. Quitting is not in my nature and I believe that the scripture pretty clearly forbades
Divorce. I made a covenant with this woman before God and pledged to never leave. But I am miserable in this relationship. And I think she is too. And I think that part gets me more than anything. For the last 5 years, I’ve given in to everything she wanted. I let her empty our savings on things we didn’t need. I gave in to everything argument. Whatever she wanted , I gave. I out-chore her, I abandon other responsibilities for her, I bring her gifts (her primary love language), but it does nothing.
I prayed and I asked the Lord to save my marriage and to transform it into a biblical marriage. I’m not looking to dominate, but I want to be respected and acknowledged as the leader of our family. I believe that I’ve received messages from the Lord commanding me to be patient and that He is going to do what I asked. But with every cold remark, every unexplained dirty look, every glance at my empty bank account, my faith in that end sustains another cut.
So I’m asking for some prayer support from people that I don’t know. Will you please pray for my marriage, and I’m also humbly asking that you pray for me. I’m a sinner and weak, and the enemy is in my ear every single day. Thank you.
In Christ,
Chris
I’m requesting for interceding prayer for my marriage. My wife and I married 16 years ago and while we attended church and believed in God, we were not living like Christians. Our marriage has never been good. I’m in the military and the separation that comes with that has produced its own challenges, but even while we’ve been together, it has been a series of bad days, that turn into bad months, and now we’re working on bad years.
After a particularly bad blow out 5 years ago, I surrendered to Jesus. I recognized my sin and the emptiness of my Christian walk, my lukewarm approach to the Lord, and the sin and evil that I had allowed to consume me. I endeavored on daily scripture reading and prayer, and it has changed me. I’m still very much a sinner, but I’m not longer controlled by it. My wife was not interested in joining me in changing. In my study of the scripture, I began to question much of what I had been taught growing up as a Catholic. I also questioned whether the church was meeting our spiritual needs. We would attend Mass Sunday morning and then Sunday evening have a blow out fight spewing the most hate filled words at each other like it was nothing. I brought up the idea of changing churches to her and she outright refused, accused me of trying to lead her away from Jesus, and thought that my idea of leaving the church was grounds for divorce and annulment of our marriage. We continue to attend Mass together.
She blames all of our problems on me. She lives in the world of social media and cuts off conversations and friendships with anyone that disagrees with her. I’m convinced that the algorithm on that thing reinforces every evil thought that she has about me. She has had friends that told her that she was wrong, and she cut them out of her life and replaced them with people that reinforce her position. She only talks to people that agree with her and in 16 years, I honestly can’t recall a single time that she admitted to being wrong and asked for forgiveness.
She’s a good mother, but is irresponsible with our finances, which has left us in many a tough position. She favors our daughter and is far harder on our son. She often takes problems that she has with me and airs them to our children. My son has lived through it his entire life and is old enough to recognize it and brings it up to me in private moments that he doesn’t think Mom is being reasonable.
Our intimate life is non-existent and has been for many years. When I bring it up, she makes me feel like some kind of obsessed pervert. We have been together an average 4-5 times a year for the last 10 years and once went 14 months. Before we were married, the situation was the exact opposite. We lived in sin together before marriage and I sometimes think that the Lord is punishing us for our fornication. Neither of us were virgins before marriage.
We have also slept in different beds for the last 10 years. Most nights I sleep on the couch and she allows our daughter to stay in the bed with her. She’s a very light sleeper and I occasionally snore, so theoretically, it makes sense. But I miss going to sleep and waking up next to her.
She doesn’t handle conflict well. When she disagrees with someone, they’re automatically wrong and are out to get her. She went through a period a few months ago where she was in an argument with a neighbor who had previously been a very close friend of hers. This friend is a good person and a believer. She cut her out of her life, won’t talk to her, and speaks about her like she’s an enemy. She brought the problem that she was having with this friend to me and when I didnt immediately agree with her (I didnt disagree either), she repeatedly screamed that she hated me in front of the kids and demanded a divorce. Shortly thereafter, I went on a work trip and let the situation cool. My mind went to some very dark places during that time. I would never commit suicide because I’ve seen its effects and I would never do that to my kids. But the assault on my soul was palpable. I could hear a voice in my mind repeatedly asking what kind of man does it take to have a wife treat him like that? I called her and told her that I wouldnt grant her an easy divorce and asked for some time to talk when I got back. She agreed to have a discussion with me, but it never happened. When I bring it up, she’s “too tired” or doesn’t have the time or energy to fight with me.
I walk on eggshells daily and at this point, just do whatever she wants to try to not make her go off the rails. She is the contentious wife that Solomon talks about in Proverbs. I really would rather dwell in the corner of a housetop. When I pull up to the house and her car isn’t in the driveway, I’m relieved. When I’m outside of the house, I’m a different person. I’m myself. When I’m with her; I feel like I’m not even a man anymore. I’m either yielding my God-given position of leadership in my family while seething in anger; or I’m fighting with her and setting a bad example for our kids.
What is a Christian man to do when he legitimately dislikes his wife? I turn to scripture, but I can’t find clarity.
-A Christian is permitted to divorce a non-believing spouse if the non-believer chooses to leave the marriage.
-I don’t know if she believes. She says she does. But has no interest in a biblical marriage, and is 100% cool with divorce (she grew up in divorced home with no Dad until her Mom remarried when she was 14).
-But then, I’m also encouraged to stay with her even if she’s not a believer because I might be the one to sanctify her.
-Then I always come back to the words right out of the Messiah’s mouth in Matthew 19:6. I made a covenant with her and God. He doesn’t demand that we take vows, but when we do I think that He expects us to keep them, no matter what.
I don’t want to quit on my marriage. Quitting is not in my nature and I believe that the scripture pretty clearly forbades
Divorce. I made a covenant with this woman before God and pledged to never leave. But I am miserable in this relationship. And I think she is too. And I think that part gets me more than anything. For the last 5 years, I’ve given in to everything she wanted. I let her empty our savings on things we didn’t need. I gave in to everything argument. Whatever she wanted , I gave. I out-chore her, I abandon other responsibilities for her, I bring her gifts (her primary love language), but it does nothing.
I prayed and I asked the Lord to save my marriage and to transform it into a biblical marriage. I’m not looking to dominate, but I want to be respected and acknowledged as the leader of our family. I believe that I’ve received messages from the Lord commanding me to be patient and that He is going to do what I asked. But with every cold remark, every unexplained dirty look, every glance at my empty bank account, my faith in that end sustains another cut.
So I’m asking for some prayer support from people that I don’t know. Will you please pray for my marriage, and I’m also humbly asking that you pray for me. I’m a sinner and weak, and the enemy is in my ear every single day. Thank you.
In Christ,
Chris
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