Good Friend, Victim of Elderly Abuse

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Wrangler

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I'm too exhausted to go into all the details now. My 87-yo friend lost his wife last year and had his daughter move in with him this Spring. Now he regrets it and is a bit despondent, not sure what options he has now.

The abuse is emotional/psychological right now. A variety of head games. To explain properly takes a lot of background details. For now, I ask you to pray for Jerry and his daughter.

I contacted his lawyer today and am thinking about calling the police. I know there are various groups that can help. I need to educate myself on the options and distill it down for my friend. My wife has offered to take care of him in our home. This is likely his best option but I know he LOVES his house with good reasons. In other words, his options are not between good and bad but between different types of bad. :(

In the meantime, I'm going to write down over the next couple of days what he has already told me.
 
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Taken

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I'm too exhausted to go into all the details now. My 87-yo friend lost his wife last year and had his daughter move in with him this Spring. Now he regrets it and is a bit despondent, not sure what options he has now.

The abuse is emotional/psychological right now. A variety of head games. To explain properly takes a lot of background details. For now, I ask you to pray for Jerry and his daughter.

I contacted his lawyer today and am thinking about calling the police. I know there are various groups that can help. I need to educate myself on the options and distill it down for my friend. My wife has offered to take care of him in our home. This is likely his best option but I know he LOVES his house with good reasons. In other words, his options are not between good and bad but between different types of bad. :(

In the meantime, I'm going to write down over the next couple of days what he has already told me.

Distressing situation. Prayer, Yes, done.
Maybe look up this title...
15 Organizations Working to Advocate for Seniors
Might give you some options to consider.

Sorry for your friend.

Taken
 

Rita

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I'm too exhausted to go into all the details now. My 87-yo friend lost his wife last year and had his daughter move in with him this Spring. Now he regrets it and is a bit despondent, not sure what options he has now.

The abuse is emotional/psychological right now. A variety of head games. To explain properly takes a lot of background details. For now, I ask you to pray for Jerry and his daughter.

I contacted his lawyer today and am thinking about calling the police. I know there are various groups that can help. I need to educate myself on the options and distill it down for my friend. My wife has offered to take care of him in our home. This is likely his best option but I know he LOVES his house with good reasons. In other words, his options are not between good and bad but between different types of bad. :(

In the meantime, I'm going to write down over the next couple of days what he has already told me.
So sorry xx
Do you have any organisations that are linked to the elderly. We have ageuk and you can ring them for advice on all kinds of things. Obviously working in the elderly care sector we also have other contacts if we suspect abuse of any kind. Do you know of anyone who works in that sector in the US , they may know of places you can call to get advice on what he could do. Rita
 
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france$

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I'm too exhausted to go into all the details now. My 87-yo friend lost his wife last year and had his daughter move in with him this Spring. Now he regrets it and is a bit despondent, not sure what options he has now.

The abuse is emotional/psychological right now. A variety of head games. To explain properly takes a lot of background details. For now, I ask you to pray for Jerry and his daughter.

I contacted his lawyer today and am thinking about calling the police. I know there are various groups that can help. I need to educate myself on the options and distill it down for my friend. My wife has offered to take care of him in our home. This is likely his best option but I know he LOVES his house with good reasons. In other words, his options are not between good and bad but between different types of bad. :(

In the meantime, I'm going to write down over the next couple of days what he has already told me.
hi. I'm new to this forum way of communicating but this story hit a nerve. You are a very good friend in this man's time of need. If I may add my opinion, I see your friend already has victory. His current situation is a repeat of something he should have done years ago but didn't. He now has another opportunity to do it but seems reluctant. He is stronger & more powerful than he realises. Some things we are called upon to do are not pallatable. I like to remind myself that Jesus didn't come to bring peace but came with a sword. Just putting it out there. I will keep Jerry in my prayers.
Distressing situation. Prayer, Yes, done.
Maybe look up this title...
15 Organizations Working to Advocate for Seniors
Might give you some options to consider.

Sorry for your friend.

Taken
 

Wrangler

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hi. I'm new to this forum way of communicating but this story hit a nerve.
Welcome to CB. I look forward to getting to know you and enjoying passionate discussion.

You are a very good friend in this man's time of need.
Thank you. He credits me with putting a stop to the nonsense, noting his daughter is much chastened with the little I've done.

If I may add my opinion, I see your friend already has victory. His current situation is a repeat of something he should have done years ago but didn't.
Oh, what is it that he should have done years ago?
 

france$

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Welcome to CB. I look forward to getting to know you and enjoying passionate discussion.


Thank you. He credits me with putting a stop to the nonsense, noting his daughter is much chastened with the little I've done.


Oh, what is it that he should have done years ago?
That is something for him to pray for. We all have a personal relationship with the Lord. I'm in a similar situation & my prayer has been answered but for Jerry, he may receive a different answer. I know this sounds a little cryptic but we are all different & He has a different purpose for us all to glorify Him. In that I found my peace & see it as His victory. Recently, I've come to understand the purpose of sufferring. Once we become a christian, things don't become suddenly rosy. We then have to grow & mature & at times it will be painful. That's when we cling to Jesus to show us the way. He can ease the pain
 

france$

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That is something for him to pray for. We all have a personal relationship with the Lord. I'm in a similar situation & my prayer has been answered but for Jerry, he may receive a different answer. I know this sounds a little cryptic but we are all different & He has a different purpose for us all to glorify Him. In that I found my peace & see it as His victory. Recently, I've come to understand the purpose of sufferring. Once we become a christian, things don't become suddenly rosy. We then have to grow & mature & at times it will be painful. That's when we cling to Jesus to show us the way. He can ease the pain
In addition, on a more practical level, seeing a lawyer is a great idea. I did & found it very helpful. I pray he gets the right advice.
 

Debp

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I'm too exhausted to go into all the details now. My 87-yo friend lost his wife last year and had his daughter move in with him this Spring. Now he regrets it and is a bit despondent, not sure what options he has now.

The abuse is emotional/psychological right now. A variety of head games. To explain properly takes a lot of background details. For now, I ask you to pray for Jerry and his daughter.

I contacted his lawyer today and am thinking about calling the police. I know there are various groups that can help. I need to educate myself on the options and distill it down for my friend. My wife has offered to take care of him in our home. This is likely his best option but I know he LOVES his house with good reasons. In other words, his options are not between good and bad but between different types of bad. :(

In the meantime, I'm going to write down over the next couple of days what he has already told me.
Just wondering how your friend is doing now.
 
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Wrangler

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Just wondering how your friend is doing now.
Thanks for asking. Things are much, much better but still not totally right.

He's repeatedly said that things can be fine for a couple of weeks and then suddenly, she gets into a mood that lasts a day or two. And again, return to treating him nicely for a couple of weeks.

Sometimes I suspect things are worse than he lets on but he does not want to worry me.

One example of a mood is when he stated he wanted to get something at the grocery store and look around. For him, holding onto the cart gives him a sense of functioning normally and not needing the rollerator. So, it is very good for his self esteem and mental outlook. His personality is often to use pretext. The item he said he wanted to buy was truly just an excuse to get a change of scenery, even though he also wanted the grocery item.

Not only did she tell him no to taking him to the store, she claimed she was going in a couple of days and would get the item. More than a week later, she still did not get item. He even told me that period of time was the longest she had not gone grocery shopping since she moved in. It is this sort of dismissing of what his needs are that becomes abusive.

Since then, he has got his own car fixed and has taken it for a drive. However, she is not there because he remains fully self reliant.
 
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amadeus

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I'm too exhausted to go into all the details now. My 87-yo friend lost his wife last year and had his daughter move in with him this Spring. Now he regrets it and is a bit despondent, not sure what options he has now.

The abuse is emotional/psychological right now. A variety of head games. To explain properly takes a lot of background details. For now, I ask you to pray for Jerry and his daughter.

I contacted his lawyer today and am thinking about calling the police. I know there are various groups that can help. I need to educate myself on the options and distill it down for my friend. My wife has offered to take care of him in our home. This is likely his best option but I know he LOVES his house with good reasons. In other words, his options are not between good and bad but between different types of bad. :(

In the meantime, I'm going to write down over the next couple of days what he has already told me.
Praying for your friend and his situation.
 
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