Hello. I need advice

[Chloe]

(Btw I'm not suppose to talking to anyone I dont know since I'm not allowed to talk online I'm sorry that makes you sin but if it doesn't please reply I really need help. Think hard about if this makes you sin, I dont want to make you sin.)


Hello. I need help. I did repent of my sins in the past but, one day, I decided to leave God permanently. I did all the things in Romans 1:20-32. I didn't like the fact that women are made for the man and that women have to obey their husbands so I suppressed the truth that truth. I also forced myself to believe I was a different gender and tried to force myself to have same sex attraction. And I told my friend that she would believe transgenderism and homosexuality was right and normal since she doesn't agree with transgenderism and she doesn't believe homosexuality is normal however she does believe it's right. I blasphemed God by calling him a misogynist, women-hater, and said stuff like "God doesn't really want to give women salvation and he does it becauase he has to". I started following Islam too. I abandoned God for months. And one day, my heart got hard. All sin to me became right. Even sins that I didn't believe were right before I repented. For an example, I didn't believe cheating was wrong anymore, I felt good everytime I was that someone or multiple people were murdered on the news, and I felt horrible when my mom said possible things about God. And I still do. For an example, When I was watching this video today (

), I felt very hostile and resentful towards it. Like I hated it. I feel like this with all things of God. I watched videos to test to see if I was saved and I realized that God hasn't the monster I imagined him to be. When I heard videos saying to "repent" I could feel a wall in my heart and I didn't want to repent. But, i still did because i knew i had to. Nothing really changed since then. This occured in April.



Also, I don't know if I was ever saved. I came to God because I wanted to happy, but I didn't feel sorry over my sin. I think I knew I had to stop sinning and I was willing to because I was willing to do anything to take away my pain. Does that count?



So, my 1st question is: Was I ever saved?



Question 2: Did I lose my salvation



Question 3: If yes, is there anything I do to gain God back? If no, why do I feel the way I do and how can I stop it?



I know I'm asking a lot of questions, so thank you for taking the time to answer

 

[GISMYS_7]

God's Word answers all your questions==believe it!!
1 John 1:9
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
How to be saved=born again and join the family of God! Romans: Chapter 10 verse 9-10-13 God says= That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in your heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be Saved. For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto Salvation.

 

[quietthinker]

The poison of sin Chloe is that it distorts our understanding of God. It makes us think and feel he is an Ogre and we are never good enough for anything.

The accusing voices in your head are not from God. He loves you more than you can imagine. He loves you so much he is prepared to give his life for yours.

When I first believed there were plenty of those accusing voices then I heard this little ditty....'Be my feelings what they will, Jesus is my Saviour still' It gave me hope because it is true.

The Devil wants to steal your hope and he doesn't care how he achieves that....sometimes he will flatter, other times accuse etc.

Be strong and call out to him in your distress to rescue you.....because he is your Saviour!