Hello :)

[Jar]

I studied when I was a child, and comprehended pretty much what any child could about the word of God. As an adult, I turned away from God but it's only been the past year that I've been serious about my re-commitment to God. Only in the past few months have I been eagerly soaking up the word of God by reading both from the source and from biblical scholars. Sometimes, I feel like I'm just pouring water into an already full jar!

I'm a (top secret) year old woman who has been married for 3 years. I'm an army brat, I grew up on a base and it was only natural that I meet a military man and marry. I've tried joining the military, but after an injury and a few life choices (marriage and a house) I let go of that dream and left the military. I always hoped that I could get back there some day. Now, it's a few years later and I'm faced with this painful decision. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for over three years. It seems that this is not the hand that God has given me. I'm wrapping up the last of my hormone treatments but with no success- my next option is exploratory surgery. After surgery it's IVF which morally and least of all, financially, are out of the question. My husband doesn't want to have anything to do with adoption just yet and so I cannot force him into this.

After talking with my husband, we have come to the conclusion that there are just somethings that I've got to learn to let go of-- my want for a child being one of them. Perhaps, later on down the road, that day will come where I can experience the miracle of life from my own womb or perhaps through adoption (Lord willing), but maybe there's something out there that I should be doing. I'm going to be giving myself a year, by then I should truly know this is what I want to do- to become a Chaplain in the Canadian Forces. There's a lot that I have to do, it's a long road that will probably be fraught with obstacles but I'm confident that if this is what God has chosen for me to do, I will find a way through it all. The process is very daunting, from getting a Masters in Divinity (due to our financial situation, this may be the biggest hurdle), having 2 years of ministry leadership (The church I love is in 1500km away, and since being posted I haven't bothered to try and find another), meeting with the Interfaith Committee on Canadian Military Chaplaincy (ICCMC). Then there's the normal military procedures, and training! Oh boy! I'm dizzy just thinking about it!

But you know, I'm reminded of a Yiddish proverb that goes, 'Man plans, God laughs.' Regardless of what the Lord has in store for me, my faith in Him is steadfast- after the crazy, bitter journey I've been on and all those wasted years without Him in my life.

God Bless! Hope to hear from you all soon.

 

[HammerStone]

Welcome to the community, Jar.

I know the obvious parallel would come from the story of Abraham and Sarah and I'm sure that's not the first time you've heard that analogy. I see the connection in the chosen forum name, but let me just say that the old jar will never be full until the Lord's Day. Until then, there will always be things that we don't understand or might have to see in a different light. I know I feel quite full sometimes, but there's always room for more as our God sees to that!

God bless you two for dealing with the children issue. I'm afraid I don't have any wise words to give you that you don't already know, though I do pray for Father's will and the path you take to become clear one way or another. Just remember that there is always hope and simply because something doesn't happen now, in the past, or even soon doesn't mean it's not His will. The Apostle Paul seemed to wrestle with this a lot (as he hoped to accomplish certain things or go to certain places over time). I think we all struggle with hope in one form or another and this particular instance is yours.

If there's anything I can impart, stick to prayer and have faith that the path will open up.

I'm not sure how familiar you are with American football, but this is perhaps my favorite life analogy:

In the game of football you have a running back (RB) who is handed the ball after the snap on a play where there is a run called. Now, ideally this takes place as part of a choreographed movement where he has the lane or opening to run through. However, anyone that plays the game knows the best RBs aren't the ones who follow directions, but there the ones that can use the tools they have to improvise when that hole/opening is not where it's supposed to be. The best players aren't necessarily the quickest (because a wrong step takes you into the arms of your tackler regardless of how fast you run) or the ones with the best moves. It often comes down to the ability to react and faith in his blockers in front of him.

This weird analogy has a point. We're the RBs. God is our coach and Jesus is the Quarterback. We as the RB have a plan and we think we know where we are supposed to go, but oftentimes when the play unfolds things change on a dime. I Corinthians 10:13 is our promise that there will always be a way. I don't know what the future holds, but I know Father loves you and holds you. Your path will open up.

 

[Jar]

Thank you for the welcome, and I have to admit the analogy made me smile. I've been doing a lot of reflecting on what I feel I'm supposed to do... and I know that it took Abraham and Sarah a while to be blessed with Isaac- even when God had promised them that they would have a son, it was years later that it actually happened. One of my most favorite stories about infertility comes from Samuel 1 between Hannah and her husband, Elkanah. She rails against her childlessness and makes a vow to God that if He blesses her with a son that she would dedicate him to the life of God. Because of our childlessness, my marriage has been a bit strained.

'Elkanah her husband would say to her, "Hannah, why are you weeping? Why don't you eat? Why are you downhearted? Don't I mean more to you than ten sons?' 1 Samuel 1: 8.

This verse has been a snap back to reality, so to speak. I didn't come to this story on my own, but through a book about Christians dealing with childlessness called, 'When Empty Arms Become a Heavy Burden.'

I will be giving myself a year, as the rest of my treatments wrap up. If anything, at least I'll be able to learn more about the word of Christ if I am successful in my attempts to get funding for a M. of Div. If I don't become a Padre, then perhaps social work will be an option, so I can become a Christian councilor. While I'm not confident to lead a congregation- I don't think I could possibly live up to such an honour- I would love to be at least able to affect people and help them through their hardships.

But going back to your analogy, I wholeheartedly concur with the message you are relaying- who knows what's in store? I'll always pray, always seek guidance in Him and comfort that He has my best interests at heart.

 

[pastorlesofm]

Thank you for the welcome, and I have to admit the analogy made me smile. I've been doing a lot of reflecting on what I feel I'm supposed to do... and I know that it took Abraham and Sarah a while to be blessed with Isaac- even when God had promised them that they would have a son, it was years later that it actually happened. One of my most favorite stories about infertility comes from Samuel 1 between Hannah and her husband, Elkanah. She rails against her childlessness and makes a vow to God that if He blesses her with a son that she would dedicate him to the life of God. Because of our childlessness, my marriage has been a bit strained.



This verse has been a snap back to reality, so to speak. I didn't come to this story on my own, but through a book about Christians dealing with childlessness called, 'When Empty Arms Become a Heavy Burden.'

I will be giving myself a year, as the rest of my treatments wrap up. If anything, at least I'll be able to learn more about the word of Christ if I am successful in my attempts to get funding for a M. of Div. If I don't become a Padre, then perhaps social work will be an option, so I can become a Christian councilor. While I'm not confident to lead a congregation- I don't think I could possibly live up to such an honour- I would love to be at least able to affect people and help them through their hardships.

But going back to your analogy, I wholeheartedly concur with the message you are relaying- who knows what's in store? I'll always pray, always seek guidance in Him and comfort that He has my best interests at heart.

Welcome To CB, I pray that you will be Blessed.