Is A Christian Couple Living Together Considered 'married'..?

[HeyDan]

Hi there. My question is not whether it is right or wrong for a Christian couple to live together before marriage. Personally, I believe it is not right but that is another topic.My question is, I know a Christian couple who is living together, sleeping together, etc. They have been together for 5 years and living with each other for 3 years. The girl just became a Christian about 18 months ago and is now fully aware that she should either get married or move out. Now, a question has arisen and has been asked of me... is she already married in God's eyes? If she leaves would that constitute a divorce? She has not made a marriage vow to her boyfriend. Her boyfriend asked her to marry him at Christmas and she said no.From a Christian perspective... do you believe these two people are already married to each other??Thank you for any light you can shed on this difficult matter.~Dan

 

[HammerStone]

Well Dan, here are my thoughts.The Biblical tradition of marriage was different from our own. In fact, most couples were married by simply living together for a specified period (similar to our notion of common law marriage) of time. These days, it requires a marriage certificate to be "officially" married.I guess my point here is that we've always had this symbolic notion of marriage that is a ceremony and a certificate/license. However, when does an official ceremony trump the heart in the eyes of God? Though maybe not directly related, I'm reminded here again of Hosea 6:6 where God says it's not about the sacrifices, it's about how much you love me behind those sacrifices. (IE: If you're doing it just to please me, it's not working, you must want it.) So are they married? I think only they and God can truly answer that.Marriage is ultimately in the heart, and no number of days or no ceremony will truly make it. They only make it "official" in the eyes of the public. I don't believe that this would constitute a divorce; the girl seems to have been clear that she didn't view this as marriage. (And ultimately remember that sins are forgiven, regardless!)

 

[HeyDan]

Denver,Thanks for your reply. My first reaction when I heard about their situation is that they are not married. But then when the girl asked me if she should leave because she did not want to marry her boyfriend I was put on the spot. Then my reaction was, "Hey wait a minute. If I tell this girl that it's okay to leave her boyfriend am I basically counseling her to get a divorce? I don't want to be responsible for that!!"I too believe that all sins are forgiven... ultimately. But I tend to believe that we still pay a price while here on earth for many, if not all, of our sins.~Dan

 

[Vickie]

QUOTE (Dan @ Apr 29 2009, 08:40 AM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=73135
Hi there. My question is not whether it is right or wrong for a Christian couple to live together before marriage. Personally, I believe it is not right but that is another topic.My question is, I know a Christian couple who is living together, sleeping together, etc. They have been together for 5 years and living with each other for 3 years. The girl just became a Christian about 18 months ago and is now fully aware that she should either get married or move out. Now, a question has arisen and has been asked of me... is she already married in God's eyes? If she leaves would that constitute a divorce? She has not made a marriage vow to her boyfriend. Her boyfriend asked her to marry him at Christmas and she said no.From a Christian perspective... do you believe these two people are already married to each other??Thank you for any light you can shed on this difficult matter.~Dan
Hello Dan, What Denver says has validity in it. Does a marriage certificate keep you together? Did it really put you together? I am in no way encouraging one to go out and sin by foricating with another.The marriage bed needs to be one joined together by God for HE IS IN THE DWELLING OF THOSE HOUSES.I would not be so quick to place any judgment on them, for there is one Judge and Law Maker. God knows the hearts we do not. God's spirit will convict them if they are seeking Him into their marriage. If they have verbally committed themselves together before God, let no man separate them. It is about the heart and God, not the man and certificates. Then again, it is between them and the Lord. If they're attending church, they should conform to the Laws surrounding them, that they not be a stumbling block to other members of the body of Christ. They're age may have a great play in their lack of understanding the laws of God. A lot of variables involved. I would pray for them and ask the Lord to guide you and not let you sin from it, but to give you understanding in it if it is His will. This is just my opinion on this, but let God be your guide in understanding this. Vickie

 

[HeyDan]

Thanks Vickie,I am leaning toward the belief that they are not married in God's eyes even though they have done things only married people should do. But they have not made a private or public vow before God to stay with each other for life. As you can imagine, this is an extremely delicate matter and although I am forming an opinion I am still open to any and all advice.~Dan

 

[Vickie]

QUOTE (Dan @ Apr 29 2009, 12:37 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=73142
Thanks Vickie,I am leaning toward the belief that they are not married in God's eyes even though they have done things only married people should do. But they have not made a private or public vow before God to stay with each other for life. As you can imagine, this is an extremely delicate matter and although I am forming an opinion I am still open to any and all advice.~Dan
I just now had this thought, what is your relationship to them, if you don't mind my asking. Another thought I had came to mind was, that if I were in your shoes, I'd find in the bible where it clearly speaks scriptures that show they are the temple of God I Cor 3:16 and some scriptures that show how the temple (their bodies ) are defiled by certain actions. I believe this is the appropriate approach. God has to sear the conscious and scriptures are the way to go to bring to light, sin with another brother in Christ. I would even go so far as to look up the marriage requirement noted in the Law of the O.T. To gain more information, though we are under the Law of Christ, not Moses, but there is the Law of God that is still the same in both convenants to a great degree. Hope this helped you a little more. Vickie

 

[Polar]

"From a Christian perspective... do you believe these two people are already married to each other??-- The answer would have to be "absolutely not."Your testimony to non-Christians or young Christians trying to find their way is greatly diluted at best if you choose to live this life.How are you going to be able to say that non-Christians are wrong for living together and having a sexual relationship if you yourselves as Christians do that without marraige. Do you really think "because we love God" is really going to fly as an answer?The non-Christians can profess the same heartfelt, sincere pure love for each other that the Christians in this situation profess.So, what are you going to tell them? "It is okay to live together outside of marriage because we are both Christians but if you aren't saved THEN it is a sin?" I don't see how that would pass the smell test. All the non-Christian would say, and validly so, is "Why wouldn't that commitment out of love apply to non-Christians who chose the same path?"You think you could explain the nuances to them? Fine. But you likely won't get the chance. Most won't approach you. They will simply see you as hypocrites or see your choice as validation of theirs. We are supposed to be living examples and this arrangement will have just the opposite effect of what we are supposed to be showing as far as purity and walking in God's will. Are you really going to say that due to marriage being defined as just living together in commitment in the Old Testament that it gives the seal of approval for doing so in today's age? As far as "In God's eyes," I challenge anyone here to show they know this is acceptable in His eyes. I would say this falls under, "Render unto Caesar." Society dictates that marraige requires either a religious or civil ceremony and if you don't do that, then you are not considered married. It impacts benefits, insurance, etc. Somehow I don't think the call to come out and "be ye seperate" applies to this.

 

[HeyDan]

QUOTE (Vickie @ Apr 29 2009, 02:16 PM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=73143
I just now had this thought, what is your relationship to them, if you don't mind my asking. Another thought I had came to mind was, that if I were in your shoes, I'd find in the bible where it clearly speaks scriptures that show they are the temple of God I Cor 3:16 and some scriptures that show how the temple (their bodies ) are defiled by certain actions. I believe this is the appropriate approach. God has to sear the conscious and scriptures are the way to go to bring to light, sin with another brother in Christ. I would even go so far as to look up the marriage requirement noted in the Law of the O.T. To gain more information, though we are under the Law of Christ, not Moses, but there is the Law of God that is still the same in both convenants to a great degree. Hope this helped you a little more. Vickie
To be perfectly honest I met the girl online and we became friends. I displayed an interest in her because although she was a new Christian she was very well spoken and it impressed me a great deal. Only after she admitted an interest in me was it revealed that she was living with a man. I was stunned to be quite frank. I'm still a bit stunned. So, I guess it is fair to say that I am not an objective observer. This is my problem as well. I'm sure we could get into the whole thing about whether I should or should not desire a girl who is living with another man. But for the purposes of this thread I simply need to know if they are married and if they break up would that constitute a divorce. I want no part in a divorce. Absolutely none. They are in agreement that what they are doing is a sin and that it needs to be corrected either by them getting married or one of them moving out.

 

[sniper762]

Hi there. My question is not whether it is right or wrong for a Christian couple to live together before marriage. Personally, I believe it is not right but that is another topic.My question is, I know a Christian couple who is living together, sleeping together, etc. They have been together for 5 years and living with each other for 3 years. The girl just became a Christian about 18 months ago and is now fully aware that she should either get married or move out. Now, a question has arisen and has been asked of me... is she already married in God's eyes? If she leaves would that constitute a divorce? She has not made a marriage vow to her boyfriend. Her boyfriend asked her to marry him at Christmas and she said no.From a Christian perspective... do you believe these two people are already married to each other??Thank you for any light you can shed on this difficult matter.~Dan

********************************************************we should live by the law of the land. marriage is now a legal institution. to avoid sinfull fornication, a couple should get legally married.of course, if you believe in immulating our biblical ancestors, the man could ask the girl's father for her hand in marriage, by giving him a couple of goats, or offering to serve him for 7 years. lol

 

[forgivenWretch]

What God joins together, let no man tear apart. I really do not think that God joined this couple.And also does God not tell us as Christians not to marry those who do not believe.

 

[WhiteKnuckle]

Thanks Vickie,I am leaning toward the belief that they are not married in God's eyes even though they have done things only married people should do. But they have not made a private or public vow before God to stay with each other for life. As you can imagine, this is an extremely delicate matter and although I am forming an opinion I am still open to any and all advice.~Dan

I knew a couple that tried this little trick years ago. They didn't last very long with eachother. Seems to me there should be a vow made before the Lord and with witnesses. Here's why,,"What ever is loosed on earth is loosed in heaven. What ever is bound on earth is bound in Heaven."So if you don't bind anything or loose anything, there is nothing in heaven bound or loosed."If a man died by the witness of 2 or 3" So, if a man can be convicted of a sin by 2 or 3, I believe the opposite is true, a man can be released by witness of 2 or 3.That's also why we have to "confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus Christ"There must be action taken as well as faith. Just the same as, "Faith without works is dead"I believe a marriage without vows is not a marriage. This is how I see it.Blessings to you.

 

[mjrhealth]

How we limit God, place our rules our understaning on the love of God. If a man and women are in love and committed to one another why should they not be married in Gods eyes. we have so little understanding of His ways. Of course they are married in Gods eyes, He doesnt require a certificate He requires a little love and dedication, but the enemy, oh no he will complicate it and that screws us all up. God loves them they are doing no wrong.In His love

 

[Copper25]

mjrhealth said

How we limit God, place our rules our understaning on the love of God. If a man and women are in love and committed to one another why should they not be married in Gods eyes. we have so little understanding of His ways. Of course they are married in Gods eyes, He doesnt require a certificate He requires a little love and dedication, but the enemy, oh no he will complicate it and that screws us all up. God loves them they are doing no wrong.In His love

I got one question and I want a direct answer If a man and a woman, saved or unsaved, were to just say one day to each other one day, "Honey, I consider us now married, it is ok to have sex"; then they had sex, would this be fornication? YES or NO, and supporrt your answer with scripture.

 

[WhiteKnuckle]

How we limit God, place our rules our understaning on the love of God. If a man and women are in love and committed to one another why should they not be married in Gods eyes. we have so little understanding of His ways. Of course they are married in Gods eyes, He doesnt require a certificate He requires a little love and dedication, but the enemy, oh no he will complicate it and that screws us all up. God loves them they are doing no wrong.In His love

This isn't about limiting God. This isn't about making up new rules as we go.The fact of the matter is anyone can "say" they're married. Then later recant and say, "Well, we weren't really married anyway" and split. I base this on my experience of what I saw.

 

[mjrhealth]

Do you remember the story of Jesus and the lady at the well, how He told her that she had five hisbands, yes she in His eyes was married to 5 men, not because of any certificate or ceremony but simply becasue she was sleeping with 5 different partners, He did not condemn her for it He simply pointed out what was going on, but us ,oh how we would love to condemn her. As Jesus said, " let him without sin cast the first stone". God is a God of love . anything done out of love is fine with Him, anything outside of love is self and of the world. Very few people today get married for love, and when they do the enemy is quick to tear it apart because he hates love, and when you are in love and get hurt he can do , and does a lot of damage. When two people are living together even when just for the sex, they are in Gods eyes considered married, ( not in the true sense ), simply because they have become one, but it is sin because there is no love its about the flesh, when two people are living togeter, are in love, dedicated to one another then they in Gods eyes are truly married, just because they havnt done the worldly thing and gone to a church and gotten a certificate doesnt mean they are not married, as Christians we are supposed to walk after the spirit not the flesh, if you keep looking at things with your worldly eyes then you will never see the truth.

 

[WhiteKnuckle]

Do you remember the story of Jesus and the lady at the well, how He told her that she had five hisbands, yes she in His eyes was married to 5 men, not because of any certificate or ceremony but simply becasue she was sleeping with 5 different partners, He did not condemn her for it He simply pointed out what was going on, but us ,oh how we would love to condemn her. As Jesus said, " let him without sin cast the first stone". God is a God of love . anything done out of love is fine with Him, anything outside of love is self and of the world. Very few people today get married for love, and when they do the enemy is quick to tear it apart because he hates love, and when you are in love and get hurt he can do , and does a lot of damage. When two people are living together even when just for the sex, they are in Gods eyes considered married, ( not in the true sense ), simply because they have become one, but it is sin because there is no love its about the flesh, when two people are living togeter, are in love, dedicated to one another then they in Gods eyes are truly married, just because they havnt done the worldly thing and gone to a church and gotten a certificate doesnt mean they are not married, as Christians we are supposed to walk after the spirit not the flesh, if you keep looking at things with your worldly eyes then you will never see the truth.

John 4Jesus said to her, Go, call your husband, and come here. 17 The woman answered and said, I have no husband. Jesus said to her, You have well said, I have no husband: 18 For you have had five husbands; and he whom you now have is not your husband: in that said you truly. 19 The woman said to him, Sir, I perceive that you are a prophet. In context she had no husband. Divorce is not recognized. If you divorce you can't remarry unless it's to be reconciled to your husband or wife. "If a woman divorce her husband and he remarries she causes him to commit adultery"Because they sleep together they're considered married? No,,, it's the same with a prostitute. 1 corintians 6:16, Don't you know he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body, for it is said the two shall become one flesh.If you commit adultery are you still married? Yes, I'm tired of people using this, "Don't cast the first stone" deal. You take it all out of context, and let anyone live like anything that claims they're a brother or sister. You do them a diservice by not correcting them or rebuking them.1 Corinthians 5I wrote to you in an letter not to company with fornicators: 10 Yet not altogether with the fornicators of this world, or with the covetous, or extortionists, or with idolaters; for then must you needs go out of the world. 11 But now I have written to you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortionist; with such an one no not to eat. 12 For what have I to do to judge them also that are without? do not you judge them that are within? 13 But them that are without God judges. Therefore put away from among yourselves that wicked personWhat do you call judging? It's not condemning. But, if you do the same thing and rebuke someone for it, then you're a hypocrite. So examine yourself before you make any claims against someone.If we're too afraid to proclaim Gods word even to use it to stop someone from doing wrong, then we're just as wrong and not fit for service.

 

[DivineHeartChurch]

Hi Everyone,I am having a problem with some of these responses. I do believe that this couple should get married, BUT, it is not our place to judge or decide what is best for them. It is between them and the Lord. I wrote an article recently where I discussed women as Ministers, and I do think it applies here as well. "If we as Christians believe the Doctrine that the Lord directs and guides everything we do in our lives, was it not the GOD who put this couple together and is guiding them in their lives. My response would be it is NO ones place to question this couples lives if they are Christians in faith, because if they are, the Lord is surely guiding their way.

 

[WhiteKnuckle]

Hi Everyone,I am having a problem with some of these responses. I do believe that this couple should get married, BUT, it is not our place to judge or decide what is best for them. It is between them and the Lord. I wrote an article recently where I discussed women as Ministers, and I do think it applies here as well. "If we as Christians believe the Doctrine that the Lord directs and guides everything we do in our lives, was it not the GOD who put this couple together and is guiding them in their lives. My response would be it is NO ones place to question this couples lives if they are Christians in faith, because if they are, the Lord is surely guiding their way.

No one here is telling anyone what to do. This question was posed and we're giving answers. Whether they be our own opinions or the Word of God.But, if these people are members of a "church" it should be brought up to the people going to that particular building. As in, 1 member should talk to them, if no resolve can be made they should go to the pastor. If they are not part of a "church" then they should pray about it.If it is indeed found imoral what they are doing then it is up to us as brothers and sisters in Christ to set them back on the right track. But, this should be done out of love with kindness and respect and having nothing but the Glory of the Lord and the well being of our brothers or sisters in mind.It has nothing to do with sitting and scrutenizing someone elses life. But, if something is brought out in the open, then it's in the open.BTW, where can I read the article about women ministers?

 

[mjrhealth]

Do you remember the story of Jesus and the lady at the well, how He told her that she had five hisbands, yes she in His eyes was married to 5 men, not because of any certificate or ceremony but simply becasue she was sleeping with 5 different partners,

I apologise, i got that bit wrong, but it still stands that we do not require a certificate to be married in Gods eyes, that is a worldly requiremant.we do a lot of things in this world that we seem to think makes us look good in Gods eyes, celebrations, ceremony etc, they are purely man made and are not required to be a part of His family.

 

[WhiteKnuckle]

I apologise, i got that bit wrong, but it still stands that we do not require a certificate to be married in Gods eyes, that is a worldly requiremant.we do a lot of things in this world that we seem to think makes us look good in Gods eyes, celebrations, ceremony etc, they are purely man made and are not required to be a part of His family.

It's okay. I do that when I read or think fast to reply to a forum.I agree that we don't require a certificate to be married in Gods eyes. After reading more about it, a few websites have some good comments like Gotquestions.org.Firstly, I'd like to know why if someone wanted to be married they wouldn't want to make a vow to eachother.The Lord made covenants with us and vows. Men have made vows to the Lord. To the Lord covenants aren't to be broken.There is also a difference in Marriage sex and Fornication. Obviously you can have a long time girlfriend or boyfriend and have sex but not be married.We're also supposed to obey the Laws of the land. Now obviously it's not illegal to live together.The same as when the Apostles had the meeting in Acts, and what Paul talked about in Hebrews, and 1 Corinthians,,,,,, In reference to avoiding the appearance of evil, and offending borthers, and offending brothers with weak consciences....... It seems only proper that they would make vows to eachother before the Lord. And in light of a trial of someone who is doing wrong having 2 or 3 witnesses to condemn, it also seems right and proper to confess this before men. Just as it's proper to confess Jesus before men. It also seems proper to obey the laws of the land, and in this case these laws don't violate Gods laws.So, in making vows and having a witness, no one can bring up to them that they are Fornicators, because their witnesses will see what has been done in the sight of the Lord and their conscience will be clear. This will also prevent younger people or weaker brothers from getting overcome by lust with a boyfriend or girlfriend and say, "Oh well we're married now" then later on deciding it was not true and using an excuse to separate.This will provide no excuse for another brother to not obey laws, such as, "Well, I can speed if I want cause God has no law against that."Everything we do as believers and followers of Christ should be geared and evident of his Holiness and in consideration of the consciences of others around and we should know the effects of what we do can have on others.