Is it wrong to pray to be with someone when they love someone else?

[DaneClark]

I love someone who is engaged to someone else. I have loved this person for a very long time, but never had a fair chance to be with her. Our families are very close and she considers me to be a very close friend. The first time I wanted to tell her I liked her was in 8th grade, and she started dating another boy before I had a chance to tell her. When they FINALLY broke up 4 years later we were both out of school and in college, and she ended up meeting another guy. She was well aware of the fact that I had feelings for her but still only considered me a friend (but still, a very close friend) After she had been seeing this second guy for about 2 years I started praying every night that God find a way to bring us together and just give me a chance. However, after a few months of this, I decided to give up and try to meet someone else. When they first announced their engagement later that year, I was initially O.K. with it because I was confident that I would meet someone soon- big mistake. I always have a hard time meeting people because I'm very shy. One of my "must-haves" is that the perfect girl must be very close to the same age as me, something that is very hard to find when you're in your early 20's. Every relationship that I tried to get into was over before it even started. (Basically, what happened was that I tried to hook up with my 2 other childhood crushes, and soon found out that they were both the "friendly on the outside mean on the inside" type)That's when I started thinking about her again. I started praying again, even though at this point I knew that it was too late, but I just couldn't help it. Everything about her just seems so perfect for me. It's just not fair to have grown up with someone perfect for you, and having them be one of your closest friends, but not being able to be with them , It's so frustrating. When I pray, I tell god that I know that I'm being selfish, but it's just so hard not to want it. I know, I'm basically praying for something bad to happen to someone I love, but I just know that she could learn to love me if we were just given one more chance. She is of a very rare type, and even if I were to meet someone who was just like her in every way, something would still seem missing to me. I really do love her, and I want her to be happy, but why does she get to be happy when I don't? I know she could be happy with me, I just know it. I'm not asking God to change her free will, all I'm asking him is to let fate bring us into a situation where I can have one more chance. She's just so perfect for me, and it could take me years to find another girl like her. She has lots of VERY important qualities that nobody else can give me. If it isn't meant to be, why does my heart keep leading me back to her? Has anyone else ever been in a situation like this and had it turn out they way they wanted it in the end?

 

[HammerStone]

I'm going to jump into this, and I don't want you to take this as me judging your thoughts or pretending to know them, but I am here to caution where I feel the Lord leads me to do so.

Matthew 5:27-28Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

Keep that in mind as you deal with this. It's not an easy situation, but sometimes we must accept that things are not meant to be. I think you've answered part of the question for yourself when you said that your feelings for her were known. If that is truly the case, then that was the chance. It just was not meant to be.Don't give up, Father works in mysterious ways sometimes, and finding love can frustrate as much as anything. Keep your heart in the right place, and you'll find the right path.

 

[Christian Commando]

DaneClark- Well, first off, if she is actually "engaged" to a guy, stop praying. Tho it is not considered as "adultery" since those two are not married either. But, if "engaged", they have made a committment of "Courtship" as it were, with only each other. Truth is, we nor you, know who is right for who, until God reveals this to any couple for marriage. Unless you've come right out and spoke your feelings to her, you do not know for sure how she views your feelings for her unless she has said them herself. Men and women do not think alike, therefore, they interprete signs or signals recieved from the other Gender different than men expect them to. Men and women like to believe they can read the opposite Gender much of the time. Fact is tho, very little do men or women correctly read responces of thier opposite Gender. My suggestion is, focus first on your own relationship with God above all else, putting personal interests second and praying to God, then leaving them for Him to handle them for you. Most of the time what we think we want is not best for us, but if seek God first, all these things shall be added unto us by God and in our best interest and timing. God Bless!!

 

[Martin W.]

Hi Dane. I am going to tell you what I see in your situation. I hope you don't mind.It is though you expect all of heaven to go to work to provide you the love of your life. But I think the creator often leaves us to our own devices on a lot of life issues. He has a big world to take care of.However , I am a firm believer that if you were to focus your life on being the best christian man possible , as you go along , ask the Lord to provide the perfect girl for you .... I would not be surprised if Heaven granted your request.It is all a matter of focus. Focus on things of the Lord and often everything else falls into place. Not always easy to love the Lord more than the pretty girl down the street but I hope the best for you. These things can sometimes work out better than expected , and sometimes with someone you were not expecting ........ there are some fantastic Christian love stories out there ..... Martin W.

 

[Siskim]

It is to our highest to pray for God's Desires/will in our life...and whatever he chooses to do and provide will surely be realized by us as what we also desired the very most. Put complete abandon in the Lord! Without secret reserve..make preparations for his will, not yours, and watch and see what he will do!

 

[gumby]

I will say this much, if its gods will and plan that you get back together it will be. If its not then please try to move on with your life and see other people. I have been alone for 22 years with not a single date and im fine with that. God uses people for his will in many diffrent ways and my advice is to talk with god in depth, tell him your problem and if it pans out the way you want it to thats fine and if it dosnt that means god may have a bigger purpose for you somewere down the road

 

[MickinEngland]

I've known women in the past who i've felt were perfect for me, yet they've ditched me and gone off with another man. My attitude was then "okay, if she don't want me, I don't want her", and I've simply moved on with my life..

 

[DaneClark]

http://www.sw-mins.org/focus.html[/url] If so, it sounds like that's something I should have started doing years ago -SIGH- Oh well, I'm still young, I guess it's never too late to start

 

[DaneClark]

Perhaps I should add that I have Asperger's syndrome and have a difficult time socializing. That is why I am having such a hard time finding another girl.