lost... and still getting worse.

[Super Kal]

This is me being honest, because I’m lost, and I’m starting to hate God…I don’t know what to do anymore… my life is utter crap right now, and I’m utterly sick of it right now. I want nothing to do with it… absolutely nothing to do with whatever He wants, because for the past year, my life has been nothing but failure after failure after failure. I feel like I’m the ant and God is the childish kid with the magnifying glass… living from one suicide attempt to the next is no way to live, and I certainly refuse to live like this if I’m nothing but God’s little “play thing”. Even reading the Bible now makes no sense to me… it’s just a bunch of words on a piece of paper… what good can come from reading a book?… a book will not change my life. A book cannot change the fact that I am alone. A book cannot change the fact that my life sucks and that God hasn’t done anything to make it better. Reading a book won’t get me a job. Reading a book won’t help me find someone in my life… Reading a book can’t and won’t make my life easier. What did I do to deserve this much pain and suffering?... that's a question to you, God... obviously I've done something to piss you off, but the only thing you've ever told me is to wait... wait for what?... that's all you ever say in my life... I'm tired of waiting on You... it's given me nothing but despair, hopelessness, sadness, and suffering. Humans were never meant to live with this much depression and hopelessness.I don’t care anymore… the thought of death gives me more peace of mind than life, because the thought of living this life disgusts me now…. If I weren’t so scared and cowardly, I would have killed myself by now… I’d ask you to pray for me, but I doubt that it would do any good anymore… I’ve prayed for someone that God asked me to pray for since October of ’07, and nothing… absolutely nothing, has come of it… in fact, it’s only gotten worse. Where’s God’s supposed love? What’s the point in prayer if nothing is ever going to come of it? What is the point? Say this person dies in the next year, or this person never comes to Christ… all that prayer… meaningless, worthless, pointless… nothing but wasted time, effort, love, patience, care, and compassion… and yet I still do it… and I don’t know why... If you want to pray, go ahead.All I know is that if nothing changes and my life gets worse, and God doesn’t help me in some way, I will end up killing myself without a second thought.

 

[HammerStone]

(Super Kal)
This is me being honest, because I’m lost, and I’m starting to hate God…
That's where you will get into trouble. He promises us both in New Testament and Old that he will never leave us, but we must not leave Him in return. We all struggle and have our demons. You're no different.Deuteronomy 31:8
And the LORD, he it is that doth go before thee; he will be with thee, he will not fail thee, neither forsake thee: fear not, neither be dismayed.
Jeremiah 17:13
O LORD, the hope of Israel, all that forsake thee shall be ashamed, and they that depart from me shall be written in the earth, because they have forsaken the LORD, the fountain of living waters.
If you forsake the Lord, you are only going to feel worse. Life without him is a lot worse, He will not give you what you cannot bear (I Corinthians 10:13). Galatians 6 has more to say on the subject, and part of that instruction is for us to help one another out.Your life cannot be worthless, and certainly you're not a failure at everything you do. Remember who the prince of this world is - remember who chastised Job in his faith. It's not God. And you're right, reading a book, even the Bible won't get you a job. That's for you to do. You're capable, I am sure you have a skillset that will allow for a job.(Super Kal)
Where’s God’s supposed love? What’s the point in prayer if nothing is ever going to come of it? What is the point? Say this person dies in the next year, or this person never comes to Christ… all that prayer… meaningless, worthless, pointless… nothing but wasted time, effort, love, patience, care, and compassion… and yet I still do it… and I don’t know why...
I pray for folks all the time who probably won't ever take up that free offer. I don't regret an instant of it. If there is a chance that someone's soul will be safe for the eternity, then that is all I need. Ultimately, it is up to that person, though.Life will go on. You're obviously having some trouble in finding a job, but despite the nature of our economy, life still goes on. The stock market is down nearly 1,000 points in two days now, but the world still spins on. Life gets bad, but you can handle it and death is not the way out. I am sure that there are people besides on this community that love you. Aren't they, at least, worth living for? Do you really just want to quit and tell everyone you weren't good enough?Hang in there, seek help if you must. You'll find it here and you will find it elsewhere.

 

[Jordan]

(Super Kal;59076)
This is me being honest, because I’m lost, and I’m starting to hate God…I don’t know what to do anymore… my life is utter crap right now, and I’m utterly sick of it right now. I want nothing to do with it… absolutely nothing to do with whatever He wants, because for the past year, my life has been nothing but failure after failure after failure. I feel like I’m the ant and God is the childish kid with the magnifying glass… living from one suicide attempt to the next is no way to live, and I certainly refuse to live like this if I’m nothing but God’s little “play thing”. Even reading the Bible now makes no sense to me… it’s just a bunch of words on a piece of paper… what good can come from reading a book?… a book will not change my life. A book cannot change the fact that I am alone. A book cannot change the fact that my life sucks and that God hasn’t done anything to make it better. Reading a book won’t get me a job. Reading a book won’t help me find someone in my life… Reading a book can’t and won’t make my life easier. What did I do to deserve this much pain and suffering?... that's a question to you, God... obviously I've done something to piss you off, but the only thing you've ever told me is to wait... wait for what?... that's all you ever say in my life... I'm tired of waiting on You... it's given me nothing but despair, hopelessness, sadness, and suffering. Humans were never meant to live with this much depression and hopelessness.I don’t care anymore… the thought of death gives me more peace of mind than life, because the thought of living this life disgusts me now…. If I weren’t so scared and cowardly, I would have killed myself by now… I’d ask you to pray for me, but I doubt that it would do any good anymore… I’ve prayed for someone that God asked me to pray for since October of ’07, and nothing… absolutely nothing, has come of it… in fact, it’s only gotten worse. Where’s God’s supposed love? What’s the point in prayer if nothing is ever going to come of it? What is the point? Say this person dies in the next year, or this person never comes to Christ… all that prayer… meaningless, worthless, pointless… nothing but wasted time, effort, love, patience, care, and compassion… and yet I still do it… and I don’t know why... If you want to pray, go ahead.All I know is that if nothing changes and my life gets worse, and God doesn’t help me in some way, I will end up killing myself without a second thought.
Kal, God cares about you so much. (I Peter 5:7) God so loved the world... (John 3:16-17) like Swamp Fox saids, we all have our demons / devils to deal with... these things can and will make you / us feel like that when you / we allow it to happen. Satan is the author of confusion. The Devil will condemn you at the right time to make you feel worse. And he makes things doesn't makes sence at all. Go will never leaver us or foraske us...(Hebrews 13:5)If you give Satan an inch, he will take you a mile.I will pray for you Kal.Just know that I love you.

 

[Super Kal]

you wanna know the truth?...i don't beleive you.yeah, everyone does have their own crap... and it seems that God has always helped those people out except me...and about praying for others and them never finding it?...that disgusts me from this belief system, because that only tells me one thing: God doesn't care. and as far as Him never leaving us... no. He does. We just delude ourselves into thinking that He doesn't.... you say it says so in the Bible... well, if the Bible was there to help us in our lives, then why doesn't it help?... think about it. When it all comes down to it, it's not worth the effort to live this life with it.

 

[Super Kal]

you know what, never mind... this thread was nothing but a mistake.

 

[Christina]

And what is it you want him to do for you Kal?

 

[Super Kal]

a reason to keep goinga reason to continuea hug when i need itcomfort, support, help more than anythingand please don't give me the "he loves you" or "read the bible" line, because I just don't believe it anymore...

 

[Jordan]

(Super Kal;59107)
you wanna know the truth?...i don't beleive you.yeah, everyone does have their own crap... and it seems that God has always helped those people out except me...and about praying for others and them never finding it?...that disgusts me from this belief system, because that only tells me one thing: God doesn't care. and as far as Him never leaving us... no. He does. We just delude ourselves into thinking that He doesn't.... you say it says so in the Bible... well, if the Bible was there to help us in our lives, then why doesn't it help?... think about it. When it all comes down to it, it's not worth the effort to live this life with it.
I'm sorry that you feel that way Kal, but I do really love you though... if I have not Him, then why does my heart have so much love towards people especially you? Whether you like it or not, whether you agree with me or not. He cares about you and the whole world.Without faith, it is impossible to please Him. (Hebrews 11:6)I will still pray for you Kal.

 

[Super Kal]

but why?... it doesn't work...the only thing in my life that is abundant is despair... is that how God wants us to live our life?

 

[HammerStone]

Kal, I tell you this out of love but at some point in life you've got to grow up, strap up your boots, and take it head on and overcome it.Quit feeling sorry for yourself and blaming it on God. My best friend was just in an accident where he lost both of his legs. He just stood on his first prosthetic leg today. You want to talk about someone who should quit, who could be mad at the world and God?If you continue to blame, it will only get worse and you will not find happiness. If he can overcome, you can overcome. You have yourself, and you have some folks that do care about you. Regardless of your relationship with the Lord, which I believe you will find at the right time.You're right, it isn't about reading the Bible at this point. It's about you. Make your destiny, there is a reason for all of this, even the bad in this world. Adversity comes and we all can handle what we are given. Killing yourself is not handling. It's giving up.

 

[Super Kal]

right now, I don't want a destiny.I don't want any of it.I'm following everything out of fear, not love, because I have no reason to follow out of love.

 

[HammerStone]

right now, I don't want a destiny.I don't want any of it.
So you can honestly look at me and tell me you don't have something you want to do, to achieve, to love, to be loved by, to go to, to go see? Anything at all?

 

[Christina]

Kal seems you are so focused on your self and what you dont have its a trap we all can fall into occastionally you have to pull yourself up. What do you do for others? I ask because true happieness is found in giving when you focus your energy on helping others worse off you gain a new perspective on the World. When people are grateful forwhat you have done for them they come to love you for many reasons. Just sitting home and feeling bad wont change anything. You are a worthwhile person when you have something to offer give it whether it be helping at a soup kitchen or being a big brother to someone volenteer at a hospital,habitat for humanity I dont know your abilitys .But I do know Keeping all you have to give locked up in yourself and just feeling bad about it wont help. God wont just fix it if you dont work with him. I hear what you want but what do you give?

 

[Super Kal]

(Swamp Fox;59128)
So you can honestly look at me and tell me you don't have something you want to do,
i don't have a drive to do anything right now
to achieve,
same with above
to love, to be loved by,
desperately... more than my own life... but as a Christian, it's not about what I want...it's about what God wants...
to go to, to go see? Anything at all?
again, three posts above

 

[Super Kal]

(Christina;59130)
Kal seems you are so focused on your self and what you dont have its a trap we all can fall into occastionally you have to pull yourself up. What do you do for others? I ask because true happieness is found in giving when you focus your energy on helping others worse off you gain a new perspective on the World. When people are grateful forwhat you have done for them they come to love you for many reasons. Just sitting home and feeling bad wont change anything. You are a worthwhile person when you have something to offer give it whether it be helping at a soup kitchen or being a big brother to someone volenteer at a hospital,habitat for humanity I dont know your abilitys .But I do know Keeping all you have to give locked up in yourself and just feeling bad about it wont help. God wont just fix it if you dont work with him. I hear what you want but what do you give?
I want to give... I find a lot of joy in giving... I've done it in the past, and it's given me joy... but there's a time where even an encourager needs encouraging... and when he doesn't get that encouragement from the friends around him in his life... the same people who on occasion got encouragement from me... I can't do it anymoreyeah, I am focused on myself... I have a lot to focus on... I have an incredibly lot to deal with in my life... every day it's the same thing... and the more I focus on God, the less things get done in my life... that's how things are appearing to me right nowand as far as I know, I don't have any abilities

 

[Jordan]

(Super Kal;59144)
I want to give... I find a lot of joy in giving... I've done it in the past, and it's given me joy... but there's a time where even an encourager needs encouraging... and when he doesn't get that encouragement from the friends around him in his life... the same people who on occasion got encouragement from me... I can't do it anymoreyeah, I am focused on myself... I have a lot to focus on... I have an incredibly lot to deal with in my life... every day it's the same thing... and the more I focus on God, the less things get done in my life... that's how things are appearing to me right nowand as far as I know, I don't have any abilities
Well, it shouldn't be that way, because Christ never focus on himself, but God, and since He is perfect, he did everything in His life...which means He got everything done in His life.To be focusing on self, will put someone in trouble quick. Look at Satan, he rely on himself every stinking day of his life to deceive...because of his pride. I am stating this out of love, for I truly care. I harm no one...

 

[Christina]

(Super Kal;59144)
I want to give... I find a lot of joy in giving... I've done it in the past, and it's given me joy... but there's a time where even an encourager needs encouraging... and when he doesn't get that encouragement from the friends around him in his life... the same people who on occasion got encouragement from me... I can't do it anymoreyeah, I am focused on myself... I have a lot to focus on... I have an incredibly lot to deal with in my life... every day it's the same thing... and the more I focus on God, the less things get done in my life... that's how things are appearing to me right nowand as far as I know, I don't have any abilities
perhaps you need to start small go talk with your doctor and see if he can give you something to help with the depression. That is what you are experiencing and often we need help to get us started. Then lets find out what your abilities are how can you know if you dont try, we are all often surprised by things/gifts God has given us a knack to do that we never knew we had in us. Stop being angry with God and your friends because they can not fix your problems. Alone. Try giving something to strangers without expecting anything in return there is a difference. And your kindness will be returned 10 fold

 

[Super Kal]

if I had the money, I would... but we'll see what happens through counseling

 

[Christina]

Great KalGlad you are taking a positive step God walks beside you but he doesnt tell what do to but he helps you in your right decisions he promises to save your soul to love you and to be by your side as you walk but you have to do the walking.I will pray for you.

 

[Jordan]

(Shornaal;59176)
Lots of good people suffer for their entire lives, why would you be different?Praying is nothing but wishing so why not do something about it yourself instead?I've myself been in the dark pit of despair and know that only you can climb out of it, cursing and pleading to imaginary friends won't help you.
Must your statement be anymore foolish. Praying is not just wishing, it giveth people strength to do it. With men it is impossible. With God everything is possible. (Matthew 19:26, Mark 10:27, Luke 18:27)