Marital Sex Life While Living with Parents

[Taken]

Aloha,

I'm a 33 year old male who will be soon marrying a 35 year old woman from the Philippines. My fiance just turned 35 a few days ago.

We plan on living with my parents on their property, while we are building a separate home that is on the same land as my parents. This would help us save money rather than renting a home for ourselves.

My parents and my fiance are in support of this. However, when I discuss the issue of being intimate with my significant other, she is somewhat shy and nervous about the possibility of us having sex in my parents' house. My fiance thinks it might be disrespectful but I'm trying to persuade her that it isn't, since there are couples out there who are intimate while they are living with families. My parents' house is fairly big, and we can find privacy for our time to be intimate. Although, my fiance still kind of nervous about it, and I'm kind of frustrated that I won't be able to be intimate with her if she is not willing to be intimate with me in my parents' place. It will take probably 6-8 months for our house to be built on my parents' land. I want to save money just as much as my fiance, and just as my parents want us to save money. We are blessed with our situation.

However, I'm often anxious about the prospect that my fiance is getting older, and that we have only so many years to have a child of our own. We both want a child, at least two children. Of course, to do so means we have to be regularly engaged in sex.

Likewise, my fiance has a lower sex drive than me. We discuss this openly that I need more intimacy than she does, and that my fiance even proposed to have only three times a week of sex, but I think it should be at least once a day, or once every other day.

So, I suppose my question is how do I get my fiance to feel comfortable about us having sex in my parents' home, and also how do I reconcile our sex drives? How do I get my fiance to be as interested in lovemaking as I am?

Mahalo,
Kana

Sounds like you want to sneak off in your parents home like a naughty school boy and your fiance’ is leery of that prospect.

My suggestion…Take advantage of your parents generosity, while maintaining respect for your parents, their home and your fiance’.

If you insist on your proposal, move the wedding date up to a sooner timeframe.

Glorify God,
Taken

 

[Rella ~ I am a woman]

YUCK! That would make it even worse, having the entire household focused on her sexual performance. Wow.... for her sake, I hope she doesn't follow through with this relationship. This is getting way out of balance. Is her entire worth based on having sex 24/7? What is she, a sex slave??? This man sounds like an animal ...not a human with a heart.

First of all... My mom.. (adopted) ... married my dad after my birth mom died. We moved into her house ... very small...where they had a normal sex life enough to at least get mom pregnant twice. First was a miscarry of twins and the 2nd was born 2 months early and back then they did not know how to sustain the birth.

I digress. They knew I knew and her dad knew but it was considered perfectly normal to everyone... The bedroom door was closed.....

This oe said the fiance is concerned about being in a house with the inlaws even though he said it was a large house and they would be able to get off on their own.

But I see her as looking for a pathway out of her country.... and here. She may well figure once married and here, if they divorce she will be here.

He said " I've known this woman since 2018. I've met her five times in person, and we've done lots of things intimately, engaging in oral sex, and we did have premarital sex for the first time at our last visit."

5 visits in 5 plus years?

Almost sounds like a penpal online thing that emotions came into play.


How many of you would marry a person who you only had met 5 times?

Something seems really off.

He never said if she was a virgin... yes, I know a stretch at 35... but if she is or has little
experience she will NOT be overly hot to trot until she is relaxed and comfortable.

NO>>> I do not talk from experience but what I have read and heard.

Beyond that I could say a couple of things but this is not the place.

She said she would agree to once a day... sheeesh.

I also never heard of people in love negotiating that... they are not in love they are in lust

 

[Rella ~ I am a woman]

Sounds like you want to sneak off in your parents home like a naughty school boy and your fiance’ is leery of that prospect.

My suggestion…Take advantage of your parents generosity, while maintaining respect for your parents, their home and your fiance’.

If you insist on your proposal, move the wedding date up to a sooner timeframe.

Glorify God,
Taken

He already said she had the something to come here... and she has to be married within 3 months.

This is a bad idea... all of it.

 

[Taken]

He already said she had the something to come here... and she has to be married within 3 months.

This is a bad idea... all of it.

Sounds like a mail order.

 

[TLHKAJ]

Some women from The Philippines want American citizenship and also a man to provide for them and will often seek to marry Westerners for that reason.

Sounds like an easy way for a sex crazed man to acquire a sex slave. I'm sorry, but this thread is disgusting.

 

[Rella ~ I am a woman]

YUCK! That would make it even worse, having the entire focused on her sexual performance. Wow.... for her sake, I hope she doesn't follow through with this relationship. This is getting way out of balance. Is her entire worth based on having sex 24/7? What is she, a sex slave??? This man sounds like an animal ...not a human with a heart.

No, you misunderstand.

If his mom were to have a little one on one time with her and simply say something like "Dear, you are or will be my new daughter (in law) married to my son and I want you to feel as comfortable living here as we all do. ... Then go on to just say, his dad and I know you are newly weds or will be and we dont want you to be concerned or embarrassed about anything"

Something like that.

His only other choice would be out of the house somewhere and that is no good.

Anyway... it truly is an odd situation ....

 

[Debp]

I notice the original poster only joined yesterday and he has only made three posts....all of them in this thread.

I wonder if we are being trolled?

If not, I think the woman's conscience must be bothering her....not only because of sex outside of marriage, but if she only wants citizenship and will marry him to get that.

Btw, nearly all Filipinas and Filipinos are raised Catholic...I think sex outside of marriage is considered a mortal sin for them. Again, are we being trolled?

 

[Lambano]

Some women from The Philippines want American citizenship and also a man to provide for them and will often seek to marry Westerners for that reason.

About 20 years ago, one of my coworkers had an arranged marriage just like this to a Filipino woman. And yes, it was something like a "mail-order bride" chosen from an online catalog, though he wasn't allowed to test out the merchandise beforehand like the OP. The last I heard from him, the marriage was working out just fine and they were both very happy.

OT marriages were arranged in a similar fashion, with gifts paid to the bride's father. Seems pretty cold and commercial to my 21st century sensibilities.

 

[Deborah_]

I suppose my question is how do I get my fiance to feel comfortable about us having sex in my parents' home, and also how do I reconcile our sex drives? How do I get my fiance to be as interested in lovemaking as I am?

Most people feel inhibited about having sex if parents or parents-in-law are within earshot. And most couples have differing sex drives that they have to learn to reconcile.
The answer to the first question is practical. Pick the moment (when your parents are not in the house). Lock the door to your room so that you can be 100% sure of privacy. Obviously what you do depends on the details of your situation, so be inventive. And be patient. It may well be that sex is less frequent than you would like during your current living arrangements.
As for the second question: your goal is to please your partner, not yourself. As you get accustomed to living together, she will probably become more relaxed and more interested in lovemaking. But don't force it.

 

[Lambano]

Most people feel inhibited about having sex if parents or parents-in-law are within earshot.

Or kids.

But there's always that old trick with an FM radio, or its modern equivalent.

 

[Rella ~ I am a woman]

I notice the original poster only joined yesterday and he has only made three posts....all of them in this thread.

I wonder if we are being trolled?

If not, I think the woman's conscience must be bothering her....not only because of sex outside of marriage, but if she only wants citizenship and will marry him to get that.

Btw, nearly all Filipinas and Filipinos are raised Catholic...I think sex outside of marriage is considered a mortal sin for them. Again, are we being trolled?

Ummmm. Perhaps there... a mortal sin.... but I can tell you of many RCs that not only partake of sex outside of marriage , but live together, and also... yes... dont have a problem with abortion.

The fact that he said they met 5 times... the first 4 for oral sex... is bad enough. (More then what we needed or me wanted to know) but I do think she is wanting a meal ticket to get here.

In any event... I too... had that troll thing on my mind....

The op was just to descriptively forthcoming... almost like wanting to shock us.

Having never lived as a cloistered nun or in a monastery but had to live in this word... I, for one, don't shock easily.

 

[Pearl]

Some women from The Philippines want American citizenship and also a man to provide for them and will often seek to marry Westerners for that reason.

That's what I thought.

 

[O'Darby]

Maybe I've just been around the internet forum block too many times, but my Troll Detector is solidly in the red zone. If the OP continues on these forums, I'll be astonished. Why do sexually-oriented threads like this ALWAYS get started by someone with no prior posting history? Anyway, OP, if your posts are real you have the honor of starting one of the weirder threads in my experience.

 

[dev553344]

Aloha,

I'm a 33 year old male who will be soon marrying a 35 year old woman from the Philippines. My fiance just turned 35 a few days ago.

We plan on living with my parents on their property, while we are building a separate home that is on the same land as my parents. This would help us save money rather than renting a home for ourselves.

My parents and my fiance are in support of this. However, when I discuss the issue of being intimate with my significant other, she is somewhat shy and nervous about the possibility of us having sex in my parents' house. My fiance thinks it might be disrespectful but I'm trying to persuade her that it isn't, since there are couples out there who are intimate while they are living with families. My parents' house is fairly big, and we can find privacy for our time to be intimate. Although, my fiance still kind of nervous about it, and I'm kind of frustrated that I won't be able to be intimate with her if she is not willing to be intimate with me in my parents' place. It will take probably 6-8 months for our house to be built on my parents' land. I want to save money just as much as my fiance, and just as my parents want us to save money. We are blessed with our situation.

However, I'm often anxious about the prospect that my fiance is getting older, and that we have only so many years to have a child of our own. We both want a child, at least two children. Of course, to do so means we have to be regularly engaged in sex.

Likewise, my fiance has a lower sex drive than me. We discuss this openly that I need more intimacy than she does, and that my fiance even proposed to have only three times a week of sex, but I think it should be at least once a day, or once every other day.

So, I suppose my question is how do I get my fiance to feel comfortable about us having sex in my parents' home, and also how do I reconcile our sex drives? How do I get my fiance to be as interested in lovemaking as I am?

Mahalo,
Kana

I would advise you that marriage is a sacred joining that God takes seriously. Treating your wife with love and respect is required. Put yourself in her shoes. I think when I was married I would not want to have relations under my inlaws roof.

 

[Debp]

Maybe I've just been around the internet forum block too many times, but my Troll Detector is solidly in the red zone. If the OP continues on these forums, I'll be astonished. Why do sexually-oriented threads like this ALWAYS get started by someone with no prior posting history? Anyway, OP, if your posts are real you have the honor of starting one of the weirder threads in my experience.

@KanaKon where are you? You joined Friday morning and were last seen Friday night.

 

[Azim]

Maybe I've just been around the internet forum block too many times, but my Troll Detector is solidly in the red zone. If the OP continues on these forums, I'll be astonished. Why do sexually-oriented threads like this ALWAYS get started by someone with no prior posting history? Anyway, OP, if your posts are real you have the honor of starting one of the weirder threads in my experience.

They posted the same thread in another Christian forum, and haven't replied back since, over there.

 

[O'Darby]

They posted the same thread in another Christian forum, and haven't replied back since, over there.

Thanks. My Troll Detector is pretty close to infallible. The OP does write pretty well, however - I'll give him that. Maybe he's doing some sort of research project?

 

[Phil .]

Talk with her about putting how she feels and what she wants ahead of what she believes other might think or be thinking. Bypassing and running from, rather than feeling the guidance of insecurity, is no way to spend a life.

Talk with her about how excitement and nervousness are the same sensation, just different interpretations.

Similarly, rather than ‘running’ by conceptualizing emotion as ‘anxiety’, honor your preferences as well.

The way to be on the same page with love making is acknowledging emotions and communicating. To do so sincerely means ‘sitting with it’ and realizing you’re just fine without it. Nothing’s more attracting than emotional availability and a deep emotional connection.