Mixed Feelings About a Brother in Christ

[Fire-7]

Wow, this is going to be so embarrassing, and I hope he doesn't come to this forum, but I'm just venting right now, so you don't have to read this. I obviously am posting for people to read, but I know that people might get tired of me talking about this subject. I'm sorry if this seems repetitive. 

I have joined this bible study at my college - the Christian club. I think it is a G-d-send. Being a Christian, I have found that it can be lonely and isolating - feeling like you're the only person who is into the bible and serious about the things of G-d. I have already learned some things in the few weeks I've been in the club. I have met some cool people, and it's refreshing to see other (regular) guys who are passionate about G-d.

One of my main goals and reasons for joining is because I wanted a personal bible study partner. By chance, I did happen to meet one of the brothers who is just as passionate as I am. So I told him about my goal and he is on board to be my partner.

Here comes the conflicting part. The first time I saw this guy (before I knew him) I thought that he was a rather attractive guy! I've found out that he is 19y/o (9 years younger than me), but I personally find him very attractive! even more now that I have gotten to experience his awesome mind and personality. We have discussed several biblical subjects. He has alluded to homosexuality, although we didn't go in depth on the discussion. So I know what his stance is; he's against it.

I highly doubt that he has had any inclination that I am homosexual. At least if he has, he hasn't shown that it bothers him. We have exchanged a few texts and conversed via phone briefly. He's been very cool and warm to me, and I find him to be such a very cool person! However, I am now considering backing out of my goal and cutting him off all together, because I am not only finding him cool, but adorable as well. Although I see him as a buddy, another part of me is feeling him romantically. I mean when I say feeling him, I'm going to bed imagining my pillow is him and waking up in the middle of the night fantasizing about him (so embarrassing to admit this). I am becoming infatuated with him. Not that I'm obsessed. I just have a massive crush on him. I've only known the guy for a couple of weeks, and I'm already starting to feel jealous if I see him talking to or walking with or by a female.

So I'm thinking it would be irresponsible on my part to break partnership with him, because we've already established a plan. And of course we don't have any obligations and staying in contact is not something we have to do (I have been the one to initiate the texts messages anyway), but I am personally worried about becoming too attached to him, because I know that something will happen (a non-response to a message, the learning of a girlfriend or fiance', another friend who gets more attention, etc...) that will eventually cause me to feel a sense of abandonment and rejection down the road, and I don't know how I will react to it. But I know it will be painful.

Just the fact that I have these thoughts/feelings conflicts everything that our relationship would be about. I would be such a hypocrite to be reading the bible with him while thinking of making love to him. That doesn't even make sense - hence my conflicting feelings.

 

[tomwebster]

I don't know who you think your fooling. You know you do not really plan on studying the Bible. Get out of it or study with a group.

 

[calbhach]

Hi, Fire-7.

I'm sorry that you're having to make this decision. :\ I know it must be really hard for you. However, I have a few words of advice, which I hope will be helpful for you.

One thing you always have to be sure of is that everyone sins; these things just happen, because we’re sinners. Some people have a bigger problem with one thing than someone else does.

Romans 3:23 - For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,

However, no matter what the sin is that is committed, a repentant person will always be forgiven by God, even if the world does not forgive the sin committed.

Matthew 12:31 - Therefore I tell you, every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven people, but the blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven.
1 John 1:9 - If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

This just happens to be the thing you have a problem with. In my eyes, your being homosexual doesn't at all make you any less of a person, or any less a child of God. The Bible does state that homosexuality is wrong...but so are other sexual sins (masturbation, premarital sex, lusting after women, adultery, etc) , cussing, lying, revenge...things that people do everyday...even Christians. In my own mind, homosexuality is a sin, yes, but no better and no worse than other sins. A sin is a sin.

1 Timothy 1:10 - The sexually immoral, men who practice homosexuality, enslavers, liars, perjurers, and whatever else is contrary to sound doctrine,

The Bible tells us, though, that anything which can cause us to stumble in our faith (in this case, your being attracted to your Bible study buddy), should be removed from our lives. I know it might be painful, but as long as the possibility of a friendship like that can cause you to stumble in any way (lusting after him), then I believe it would be best to try to gently move away from it, you know...? Just like I had to remove so much from my own life to get away from pornography.

Matthew 18:7-9 - 7 Woe to the world for temptations to sin! For it is necessary that temptations come, but woe to the one by whom the temptation comes! 8 And if your hand or your foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life crippled or lame than with two hands or two feet to be thrown into the eternal fire. 9 And if your eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than with two eyes to be thrown into the hell of fire.

>>but I am personally worried about becoming too attached to him, because I know that something will happen (a non-response to a message, the learning of a girlfriend or fiance', another friend who gets more attention, etc...) that will eventually cause me to feel a sense of abandonment and rejection down the road, and I don't know how I will react to it. But I know it will be painful.

Yeah...I can totally relate to this issue myself, really. I try to avoid getting too close to anyone, for fear of some form or fashion of rejection. :\ It's really sad, but true.

I'll be praying for you Fire-7. As a sister in Christ, I love you for who you are, not hate or disapprove of you for the sins that you commit or may commit. I hope that you can get all of these problems in your life resolved and if you need anyone to talk to, just shoot me a PM. ^^

God bless!
-Calbhach

 

[martinlawrencescott]

[sup]Matthew 26:39[/sup] Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”

Even Christ had to submit His will to the father. You can always pray for the person you care for, and God will even show you His heart for that person if you let Him.

[sup]1 Corinthians 13:4[/sup] Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. [sup]5[/sup] It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. [sup]6[/sup] Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. [sup]7[/sup] It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love always seeks the best of another even at the expense of self.

God has to answer these questions for you. But you're not alone in your struggles. If anyone suffered His identity, it was Christ, and He died for it. Remember, we are fully identified in Christ now, before any other part of us is identified with anything else. The more you suffer yourself for the sake of God and others the more you become like Jesus.

Seek God in prayer and seek His best in your life. Surround yourself with unbiased individuals who will represent Christ to you in love. That might seem impossible but I'll pray that for you and He will send them since He's cool like that. You have no reason to be ashamed for anything. Trust God for what you need and let His joy be your strength. His strength is made perfect in our weakness.

M

 

[Fire-7]

I don't know who you think your fooling.  You know you do not really plan on studying the Bible.  Get out of it or study with a group.

It's ok if you doubt my sincerity. That's your opinion. I know my intentions in the matter. Of course I can do it alone, but I wanted the encouragement more than anything. Thanks for your response.

 

[Angelina]

It's ok if you doubt my sincerity. That's your opinion. I know my intentions in the matter. Of course I can do it alone, but I wanted the encouragement more than anything. Thanks for your response.

Then study with a female companion so that you are not tempted in thought and can actually study...Why chance romantic notions when your purpose is to grow and mature in Christ? :huh:

Be Blessed !

 

[Fire-7]

Then study with a female companion so that you are not tempted in thought and can actually study...Why chance romantic notions when your purpose is to grow and mature in Christ? :huh:

Be Blessed !

So what if she asks why I chose to study with a woman instead of a man? Should I tell her the reason?

 

[Angelina]

So what if she asks why I chose to study with a woman instead of a man? Should I tell her the reason

The same reasons why you haven't told your study buddy that you have feelings for him...:huh:

Your purpose was to study the bible...was it not? Will you be distracted studying with a sister?



Blessings!!!

 

[timf]

and I'm already starting to feel jealous if I see him talking to or walking with or by a female.

So I'm thinking it would be irresponsible on my part to break partnership with him, because we've already established a plan.

You might want to consider the similarities between homosexuality and alcoholism. You both exist in a state of self-stimulation. Others are not seen as people but as objects to be used to achieve the stimulation of sensation.

but I wanted the encouragement more than anything

It is obvious what you want. You may want to give some consideration to what you need.

2 Corinthians 5:15 And that he died for all, that they which live should not henceforth live unto themselves, but unto him which died for them, and rose again.