Please read and pray for me urgent

[MO04]

Get ready with your snacks, this may be a bit lengthy.



Im new to this forum thing but when I have nowhere to turn to, aside from Jesus, im turning to forums for perspective and prayer.



Ill try to summarize as good as i can or else I can almost write a book about everything thats really been going wrong in my life. Please forgive me for any typos or spelling mistakes.



Im at a stage of my life right now where I feel like the enemy is really gunning for me. And yes, most of my issues I can acknowledge that it was purely just me and my poor decision making and im definitely feeling like the God of justice that fights for me, is now the God of justice that is fighting me on behalf of other people.



My thoughts are all over the place so forgive the jumping back and forth.



I am filled with so much pain, anger, resentment, sadness, guilt, shame, regret. Its scary to feel like this might just be how I feel for the rest of my life. I feel like im pushing everyone I love away because as much as I want to be taken out of this pit, I find comfort dwelling in my sorrows even though it does not feel good. I feel like ive failed myself and ive let God down. All my past trauma is building back up, people from my past keep showing up, past hurt and sins that I have testified that God has delivered me from has almost in such a perfect way overtaken me. I know somewhere in the Bible it says something like the demon brought 7 of its friends....I hope someone gets my reference...I feel like the spiritual warfare is 7 times stronger.



To be honest I havent been in my word, I havent really been praying, ive been going to Church but honestly im just there, because thats all I feel like I bring. Its been so overwhelming that ive stepped down from the worship team for a bit because I feel like my life is in so much shambles that it does not reflect Christ, therefore I do not want to lead the congregation to worship if my heart isnt even in the right place. I feel ashamed because to others I am "that Christian girl" in a good way. But deep down I struggle.



I feel stuck, I feel embarrassed and ashamed that this is how I am now because I used to be so on fire for God and now I feel like im not doing enough, am I even holding onto the hem of His garment? I dont know. Maybe this is my desperate attempt of doing so.



God keeps taking me out of things and I plop myself right back into it. I feel like im doing the complete opposite of what I should be doing. Ive definitely reached rock bottom and I dont know what to do but ask for advice and prayer.



Ive made a lot of mistakes in the past which eats me up alive everyday. The current one that is killing me right now is how a friend and I fell apart. We both hurt each other, and she may think that there is another reason why ive kept my distance but the reason Ive kept my distance was because in my anger towards her, I told someone ive never met before a secret that I know she would not want out like that. I instantly regretted it and it kills me. Recently ive been seeing her family members around, its like they are taunting me. Its like God is reminding me of my mistake.



I have really bad trust issues and it spills into all my relationships. Including with God. Ive always equated my trust issues to just humans but in this season of my life I can see how I have not been trusting God at all, so I go back to the things He has delivered me from because I dont trust that He will deliver the promises He has for me. I hate that I am writing that, it almost feels blasphemous. But ive pushed so many people away, I feel like the whole world is against me, I feel like im not good enough for anyone including myself. When I need Gods community the most, im pushing them away. This is so unlike me so you can imagine my shock after analyzing my actions...at least thats not how I usually act on the day to day.



I have an issue with pride. I prided myself so much for keeping in the faith even when things were tough. I pride my myself that I was lust free. At a point, I did feel like I was holier than thou, that I was favorited. And wow did God humble me in the most painful way possible. I think all of this is also to humble myself, because im not better than anyone just because lust isnt in my "deliverance list"...at least it was. It it now, and it was worse than before.



I feel like im unlovable, so I keep going back to things that make me feel temporarily loved even after God has told me to run so many times, Hes even given me physical signs that it is indeed Him telling me to stop but I dont listen. My prayer goes like this: "God, im going to do it, please dont let it hurt too bad." So silly of me right? Ive been in a situationship with this guy for years and we've never been officially together. Hes the first guy that actually liked me back. I feel like im holding on because I feel like God maybe wont bring me someone who is actually fit for me. Dont get me wrong, the guy is a Man of God, he is flawed, so am I. I feel like im capitalizing off his flaws, im holding him back and it kills me.



I miss the me that listened to God, that did not let circumstances dictate who God is in my life. I MISS the me that trusted God even when she had no idea what was going on. I miss believing He cares for me and my wants.



I dont know what im holding onto at this moment and I decided im going to fast about it. I dont even really know how to fast but im so desperate for God im willing to try and see what's up.



Sorry this was so long, but please pray for me and if you are willing, please give me some encouragement and advice. Ill take anything. I do want to say, I love the Lord with all my heart, which is why I want to be better for Him and myself.



God bless all of you

 

[Angelina]

Greetings, Sister @MO04, and welcome to Christianity board. You may think that you have fallen away too far from him to restore you, but he has not fallen away from you. The Bible tells us when we are faithless, he remains faithful because he cannot deny himself. (2 Tim. 2:13) He is faithful and he does forgive and restore us when we repent of our waywardness (1 John 1:9). This is something that every believer has struggled with at least once in their walk with God.

Many believers wrestle in their flesh against the Holy Spirit that dwells within them. If this were not so, we would not need an advocate. 1 John 2:1 says, "My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have an advocate with the Father—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. 2 He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world.

The key is not to give up. Get yourself up, sister; brush yourself off and move forward knowing that our God never changes—he remains the same. (Hebrews 13:8). Fasting is a good first step toward your return, sister. Be blessed!

 

[Debp]

My advice is to place your eyes upon Jesus.

 

[MO04]

Greetings, Sister @MO04, and welcome to Christianity board. You may think that you have fallen away too far from him to restore you, but he has not fallen away from you. The Bible tells us when we are faithless, he remains faithful because he cannot deny himself. (2 Tim. 2:13) He is faithful and he does forgive and restore us when we repent of our waywardness (1 John 1:9). This is something that every believer has struggled with at least once in their walk with God.

Many believers wrestle in their flesh against the Holy Spirit that dwells within them. If this were not so, we would not need an advocate. 1 John 2:1 says, "My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have an advocate with the Father—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. 2 He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world.

The key is not to give up. Get yourself up, sister; brush yourself off and move forward knowing that our God never changes—he remains the same. (Hebrews 13:8). Fasting is a good first step toward your return, sister. Be blessed!

Thank you so much for this and for replying. I will be coming back time to time to read this response. I don't plan on giving up, I know there is a calling that has been placed in my life that I cannot just give up. Ive tasted and seen the goodness of God, there is nothing more in this world that I want than that.

 

[MO04]

My advice is to place your eyes upon Jesus.

Thats the goal. Im really trying to not look at the waves of the storm but to fix my gaze on Jesus

 

[Debp]

Thats the goal. Im really trying to not look at the waves of the storm but to fix my gaze on Jesus

Also be sure to sincerely confess your anger, resentment and whatever else you sense is wrong in your heart...after doing that, remember you are cleansed and forgiven. Don't keep thinking about all of it. 1 John 1:9. Move forward.

 

[Strawberry Shortcake]

I am going to break this down in simplest terms for you. I understand. I am AuDHD [autism and ADHD] I get suck in brain loops being neurodivergent. I have experienced this alot in my life time. I hope this encourages you.

Sometimes our minds get stuck in loops.
We replay conversations.
We overanalyze small mistakes.
We spiral into “I should be better by now.”

That doesn’t mean you’re failing spiritually.
It means you’re human.

God is not standing over you with a checklist.

“The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.” — Psalm 103:8

If you feel like you’ve been here before — struggling with the same thoughts, the same patterns — remember this:

“His mercies are new every morning.” — Lamentations 3:23

Not just when you’re doing well.
Not just when you’re regulated.
Every morning.

You can always come back.
Even if it’s the hundredth time.

Condemnation says, “You’ll never change.”
The Holy Spirit says, “Come closer.”

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” — Romans 8:1

If the voice in your head is harsh, impatient, or shaming — that is not the voice of your Shepherd.

“My sheep hear My voice…” — John 10:27

His voice steadies.
It does not spiral.

Even if your mind loops, God does not.
Even if you feel opposition — from others or from within — you are not disqualified.

“Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down, for the Lord upholds him with His hand.” — Psalm 37:24

You are allowed to start fresh today.
You are allowed to begin again right now.

God takes you as you are — not as you “should” be.

My dear broken hearted friend - come as you are.

 

[GRACE ambassador]

I am filled with so much pain, anger, resentment, sadness, guilt, shame, regret.

Precious friend, @MO04, I will pray for you.

Please Be Very Richly Encouraged, Edified, And Comforted In:

God's GRACE Word for our infirmities
+
Overcoming Depression Biblically And Naturally (Part I)
+
Overcoming Depression Biblically And Naturally (Part II)

Amen.

 

[MO04]

Precious friend, @MO04, I will pray for you.

Please Be Very Richly Encouraged, Edified, And Comforted In:

God's GRACE Word for our infirmities
+
Overcoming Depression Biblically And Naturally (Part I)
+
Overcoming Depression Biblically And Naturally (Part II)

Amen.

Thank you so much for this. I will be reading through them all throughout march. My biggest prayer is that by the end of march, I will have a testimony of restoration and unwavering love. I hope to update you guys soon. Thank you for the encouragement and I thank you for replying to me. God bless you.

 

[MO04]

Also be sure to sincerely confess your anger, resentment and whatever else you sense is wrong in your heart...after doing that, remember you are cleansed and forgiven. Don't keep thinking about all of it. 1 John 1:9. Move forward.

With so many people telling me this, I need to believe this for myself. I need to be able to believe that God forgives me and I really need to forgive myself as well. Thanks for this encouragement.

 

[MO04]

I am going to break this down in simplest terms for you. I understand. I am AuDHD [autism and ADHD] I get suck in brain loops being neurodivergent. I have experienced this alot in my life time. I hope this encourages you.

Sometimes our minds get stuck in loops.
We replay conversations.
We overanalyze small mistakes.
We spiral into “I should be better by now.”

That doesn’t mean you’re failing spiritually.
It means you’re human.

God is not standing over you with a checklist.

“The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.” — Psalm 103:8

If you feel like you’ve been here before — struggling with the same thoughts, the same patterns — remember this:

“His mercies are new every morning.” — Lamentations 3:23

Not just when you’re doing well.
Not just when you’re regulated.
Every morning.

You can always come back.
Even if it’s the hundredth time.

Condemnation says, “You’ll never change.”
The Holy Spirit says, “Come closer.”

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” — Romans 8:1

If the voice in your head is harsh, impatient, or shaming — that is not the voice of your Shepherd.

“My sheep hear My voice…” — John 10:27

His voice steadies.
It does not spiral.

Even if your mind loops, God does not.
Even if you feel opposition — from others or from within — you are not disqualified.

“Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down, for the Lord upholds him with His hand.” — Psalm 37:24

You are allowed to start fresh today.
You are allowed to begin again right now.

God takes you as you are — not as you “should” be.

My dear broken hearted friend - come as you are.

Wow.
Im really touched by this. Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. I will definitely be coming back to this message throughout my life ahaha. Youve put it so plainly for me. I thank God for a community that loves eachother and encourages eachother and prays for eachother. Thank you for looking out for me and giving me this encouragement. I need to memorize more Bible verses for times like this especially. I need to keep His words in my heart so I have something to fall back on when the voices are so loud. God bless you.

 

[soberxp]

忘记旧人的过去，试着从一个新造的人为起点开始吧.
人总是会变的，当你意识到自己的意志改变时，想想神是否成全了你之前的意志，而你依然不满足，然后再想想自己是否准备好了接受神预备的事情，或者想想是否自己不是遵从自己的意志而是遵从神的意志.
你是否能分清自己的意志与神的意志之间的区别，哪个是一致的，哪个不是一致的，又为什么？

 

[Angelina]

忘记旧人的过去，试着从一个新造的人为起点开始吧.
人总是会变的，当你意识到自己的意志改变时，想想神是否成全了你之前的意志，而你依然不满足，然后再想想自己是否准备好了接受神预备的事情，或者想想是否自己不是遵从自己的意志而是遵从神的意志.
你是否能分清自己的意志与神的意志之间的区别，哪个是一致的，哪个不是一致的，又为什么？

@soberxp. If you choose to post in Chinese, please also translate it into English, or I will have to remove it. Thanks.

 

[Lambano]

Forget the past of the old man and try to start with a new man. When you realize that your will has changed, think about whether God has fulfilled your previous will and you are still not satisfied, and then think about whether you are ready to accept what God has in store, or whether you are not following your own will but obeying God's will. Can you tell the difference between your will and God's will, which is consistent and which is not, and why?

 

[soberxp]

@soberxp. If you choose to post in Chinese, please also translate it into English, or I will have to remove it. Thanks.

Okay.
Forget the past of the old man and try to start with a new man. People always change the will of self.
When you realize that your will has changed, think about whether God has fulfilled your previous will and you are still not satisfied, and then think about whether you are ready to accept what God has in store, or whether you are not following your own will but obeying God's will. Can you tell the difference between your will and God's will, which is consistent and which is not, and why?