Relationship with Non-Believer

[MyTwoCents]

Ok guys, I got a problem. Please know that I've prayed and thought about, and studied and asked advice and requested prayer and other things that I'd like to keep secret in a search for the answer to this for many days. I didn't just decide to post something cause I felt like it. Here's my situation.I have been led lately in my walk to help lead people to faith in Christ through the internet. I'm sure many on this forum would agree, out of common grounds, that God surely works through it. This specific girl, whom I've traded novels of letters with, have gotten to know her and she me quite well....well, we have moved on into a deeper connection, and a stronger relationship.I have met up with her and couldn't stop looking into her eyes. We had an amazing time. I have been in love before, and I know this is not infatuation...my heart is falling for this girl. This is not my only option...it is just the one girl that I feel my heart being pulled to, I can't get enough. She is open minded, and respects everything I believe. She helps me see things from all sides, and has a great attitude on life. She has a lot of love in her heart, and wants to do good things for people. (and does)She is an unbeliever! How can it be that I am not supposed to pursue a relationship with this girl, if it be so much in my heart to do so? We haven't kissed, and I don't even plan on it...I just want to spend time with her. I make it absolutely clear that there isn't lust in my heart and I can't let it in, and if I saw that she was making me fall off the path, that I would have to run to protect my relationship with the Father, which is more important than anything else. And this is true! I would leave EVERYTHING on Earth, if God was clear to me that it was what he wanted me to do. I would do ANYTHING. As long as He were clear.But I feel like I'm fighting good for good. What am I supposed to do? Talk to her and pretend like I don't feel the way I do? She'll know I'm just hiding it...not talk to her again because there's no future for us, because I shouldn't be yoked with an unbeliever? Date her and have faith that she may one day come to Christ? The only thing I know is, if I just decide not to talk to her anymore, all this non-believer sees is law. All she sees is rules. I want her to see the love of Christ in me, not me being held back by the law, not me having to be a martyr, but me showing mercy and love. Thats what I have in my heart.This is something eating me alive. I need serious help, I need a clear answer. I don't want to invest time in a relationship when it has no future...mainly because I know myself, and know that if I get any more involved, I'm not going to be able to turn the other direction, and she could throw me off the path. But she wants to make every effort not to! She would never want that! But if we don't have that same common ground...that same decision making process, that same spiritual understanding on all things, that same faith....it is enivitable, is it not?One more point. I know I'm looking too far into the future, and not taking it day by day like I usually do, for 'tomorrow has enough troubles of it's own'. However, like I said, I want my path to be that for the Lord, not for me. If this is something I want, it doesn't matter. I want what God wants. But how can I know what that is?Torn once again...If you don't have an answer please at least pray for my clarity.MyTwoCents

 

[Jordan]

(MyTwoCents;59118)
Ok guys, I got a problem. Please know that I've prayed and thought about, and studied and asked advice and requested prayer and other things that I'd like to keep secret in a search for the answer to this for many days. I didn't just decide to post something cause I felt like it. Here's my situation.I have been led lately in my walk to help lead people to faith in Christ through the internet. I'm sure many on this forum would agree, out of common grounds, that God surely works through it. This specific girl, whom I've traded novels of letters with, have gotten to know her and she me quite well....well, we have moved on into a deeper connection, and a stronger relationship.I have met up with her and couldn't stop looking into her eyes. We had an amazing time. I have been in love before, and I know this is not infatuation...my heart is falling for this girl. This is not my only option...it is just the one girl that I feel my heart being pulled to, I can't get enough. She is open minded, and respects everything I believe. She helps me see things from all sides, and has a great attitude on life. She has a lot of love in her heart, and wants to do good things for people. (and does)She is an unbeliever! How can it be that I am not supposed to pursue a relationship with this girl, if it be so much in my heart to do so? We haven't kissed, and I don't even plan on it...I just want to spend time with her. I make it absolutely clear that there isn't lust in my heart and I can't let it in, and if I saw that she was making me fall off the path, that I would have to run to protect my relationship with the Father, which is more important than anything else. And this is true! I would leave EVERYTHING on Earth, if God was clear to me that it was what he wanted me to do. I would do ANYTHING. As long as He were clear.But I feel like I'm fighting good for good. What am I supposed to do? Talk to her and pretend like I don't feel the way I do? She'll know I'm just hiding it...not talk to her again because there's no future for us, because I shouldn't be yoked with an unbeliever? Date her and have faith that she may one day come to Christ? The only thing I know is, if I just decide not to talk to her anymore, all this non-believer sees is law. All she sees is rules. I want her to see the love of Christ in me, not me being held back by the law, not me having to be a martyr, but me showing mercy and love. Thats what I have in my heart.This is something eating me alive. I need serious help, I need a clear answer. I don't want to invest time in a relationship when it has no future...mainly because I know myself, and know that if I get any more involved, I'm not going to be able to turn the other direction, and she could throw me off the path. But she wants to make every effort not to! She would never want that! But if we don't have that same common ground...that same decision making process, that same spiritual understanding on all things, that same faith....it is enivitable, is it not?One more point. I know I'm looking too far into the future, and not taking it day by day like I usually do, for 'tomorrow has enough troubles of it's own'. However, like I said, I want my path to be that for the Lord, not for me. If this is something I want, it doesn't matter. I want what God wants. But how can I know what that is?Torn once again...If you don't have an answer please at least pray for my clarity.MyTwoCents
Well, I can't exactly help you there, but I can definately pray for you MyTwoCents.From reading the beginning of the post, I was like "Oh no!" But from reading your entire post, I can't say for sure. But I probably can say this... that we must be careful.But I can difinately say this safely... God doesn't want us to follow Him because we have to. God wants us to follow Him because we love Him.The answer to what I'm saying is, LOVE has no law. LOVE has no rules. LOVE has mercy, tenderhearted, forgiveness, joy etc. (Galatians 5:22-23)

 

[HammerStone]

I hate to start out with the old hackneyed saying, but it really works in life...If you love someone, set them free, and if its meant to be, it will work out and they will come back to you.God's very specific, he comes first.Mark 10:23-27
And Jesus looked round about, and saith unto his disciples, How hardly shall they that have riches enter into the kingdom of God! And the disciples were astonished at his words. But Jesus answereth again, and saith unto them, Children, how hard is it for them that trust in riches to enter into the kingdom of God! It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God. And they were astonished out of measure, saying among themselves, Who then can be saved? And Jesus looking upon them saith, With men it is impossible, but not with God: for with God all things are possible.
Now you might say, why would he bring up a verse about riches...this is LOVE! Hear me out! The above would certainly seem impossible, but all things are possible with our Father. Those that study this understand that the verse is in reference to a gate for which travelers would have to unpack their belongings, pass thru, and then return them to the camel. The gate took presidence, just as our Father YHVH does. If you want to follow Him, you don't have idols and things (even family) that you put above him. Not that they are hierarchical, but what's the first of the 10 Commandments? What do all of the other commandments stem from?Christ said it himself, he didn't come to give us peace. Religion is divisive. You're not going to get along with a person of another faith (or no faith). That's not a politically correct statement to make, but it plays out time and again. Can you spend the rest of your life worrying about this person? (That is, of course, assuming this relationship even makes it to that point.)You'll know what God wants because its in his Word. He warned us not out of spite, but out of love about yoking with unbelievers.II Corinthians 6:14
Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

 

[Alpha and Omega]

MytwocentsI feel for you. I wish one day will fall in love but who knows. I find it easier to tell people about God through his prophecies. Talk about the prophecies that have come true in recent years (I.E. 1948 Israels becomes nation). Also I find that the book of revelation has many prophecies that are coming to fruition as we speak. Talk about those and if she is into conspiracy theories then I find it is easier to talk to people about it. Because then they know the conspiracies but do not know it was written in the Bible. Anyways hope that helps and makes her heart fall in love with Christ. It may be a long shot but anything is possible. Take Care.

 

[MyTwoCents]

Swamp Fox-Excellent post. Question-Can God not come first while I am in a relationship? I work a job, and don't envy money, wouldn't compromise the Lord's way to gain another dollar, don't choose the job over Him, it's just something I do in my life...Does that mean my job comes before God? No. It means I love God, and I love my job, and I do it with the approval of the Lord. If He told me to leave it tomorrow, I wouldn't hesitate. Same with this relationship....But I do agree, it does seem clear when the Word says, 'do not be yoked' but then we also have Galatians 5:22-23, which also seems clear to show the fruits of the spirit above any 'rule'. Jesus gave us the example when He said He was the Lord of the sabbath. He broke the rule out of mercy and love. Because love was more important than the rule.I don't know...I'm not saying I'm thinking about marrying her tomorrow...but I'm also not saying that the relationship couldn't eventually develop where I couldn't stop the momentum of it...so my question is less on marriage, but more what I should do TODAY...how should I treat her, how can I not look into her eyes? How can I not be around her, and tell her, "sorry, you are not a believer in Christ, so I'm not going to talk to you anymore..." Doesn't anyone see complete WRONG in this??

 

[Alpha and Omega]

Tell her that you would like to remain as friends and still talk with her, but you do not see a future because she is an unbeliever and you cannot see yourself with someone like that. But do not lose touch of course.

 

[HammerStone]

Swamp Fox-Excellent post. Question-Can God not come first while I am in a relationship? I work a job, and don't envy money, wouldn't compromise the Lord's way to gain another dollar, don't choose the job over Him, it's just something I do in my life...Does that mean my job comes before God? No. It means I love God, and I love my job, and I do it with the approval of the Lord. If He told me to leave it tomorrow, I wouldn't hesitate. Same with this relationship....
Word and deed my good friend. That is certainly not to single you out, because we all absolutely struggle with this at one point or another. I'm not saying you can or can't, don't mistake it for that. I'm just trying to point out what the Word says on the subject. It's sort of the question if what if they set up a noose in our neighborhoods tomorrow and started saying either repent for your Christian faith or die. How many would recant for that moment? Again, not to attack/hurt/direct anything at you, just trying to make us all think.
But I do agree, it does seem clear when the Word says, 'do not be yoked' but then we also have Galatians 5:22-23, which also seems clear to show the fruits of the spirit above any 'rule'. Jesus gave us the example when He said He was the Lord of the sabbath. He broke the rule out of mercy and love. Because love was more important than the rule.
There is nothing wrong with loving - and you should love as Christ has instructed us on numerous occasions. However, Christ was perfect, he didn't bend any rules when he healed on the Sabbath, otherwise he would not be. God doesn't bend his own rules, he is righteous.I Peter 1:19
But with the precious blood of Christ, as of a lamb without blemish and without spot:
This topic would get us off on a whole other topic, but Christ became the Sabbath, because it is all about him. You're right about the love part, because that's what he's desired most since the beginning (Hebrews 6:6).
I don't know...I'm not saying I'm thinking about marrying her tomorrow...but I'm also not saying that the relationship couldn't eventually develop where I couldn't stop the momentum of it...so my question is less on marriage, but more what I should do TODAY...how should I treat her, how can I not look into her eyes? How can I not be around her, and tell her, "sorry, you are not a believer in Christ, so I'm not going to talk to you anymore..." Doesn't anyone see complete WRONG in this??
It's not that it's completely wrong. It's that it is setting you up for reality. People of different faiths don't typically get along in those kind of close quarters. If you begin yoking yourself with someone who doesn't believe, the time will come where it's one way or the other, and with these old flesh bodies, the other often wins.Love her as a Christian would love her, and desire to bring her to the Lord, but also recognize that you can neither force this nor can you ultimately remain with someone who doesn't believe. The time will come, it might not seem like it right now, but it will come and it will not be fun. There is nothing wrong with knowing/befriending/helping someone who is not Christian, but you're already going down the road beyond that.

 

[MyTwoCents]

So we are saying that it is a definate that I should not have a relationship of dating/towards marriage with this girl if I want to concentrate on God's will and purpose for my life, and want to devote my life to the Lord.Are there any arguments against it?

 

[chrissy]

Yes, an arguement. The question you may have to ask yourself, if she knew God was real would she follow his commandments? Or would she turn the other way and choose evil over God? If it is shown to you that she detours you from his commandments and his path, then break it off. Because God is first understandibly. God is love. Were you always a follower of God? Can someone who doesn't know God come to know him? I would think so. God has his timing for people. As long as you keep the truth and follow his commandments the Lord will make known what you need to know. So my advice would be to stay in the relationship with her, until further notce. Realizing most people would look at my response in disbelief, but I believe when you follow his commandments and keep the truth he guides you where you are needed to be if that means not with her, the Lord will lead you in that direction. Only if you do what is expected of you, he directs your paths.

 

[bush_is_a_moonie]

I can only respond with a question... What if?Luke 15:Then drew near unto him all the publicans and sinners for to hear him.And the Pharisees and scribes murmured, saying, This man receiveth sinners, and eateth with them. And he spake this parable unto them, saying, What man of you, having an hundred sheep, if he lose one of them, doth not leave the ninety and nine in the wilderness, and go after that which is lost, until he find it?And when he hath found it, he layeth it on his shoulders, rejoicing.And when he cometh home, he calleth together his friends and neighbours, saying unto them, Rejoice with me; for I have found my sheep which was lost.I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance. And he said, A certain man had two sons:And the younger of them said to his father, Father, give me the portion of goods that falleth to me. And he divided unto them his living. And not many days after the younger son gathered all together, and took his journey into a far country, and there wasted his substance with riotous living. And when he had spent all, there arose a mighty famine in that land; and he began to be in want.And he went and joined himself to a citizen of that country; and he sent him into his fields to feed swine. And he would fain have filled his belly with the husks that the swine did eat: and no man gave unto him. And when he came to himself, he said, How many hired servants of my father's have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and will say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee,And am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thy hired servants. And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him. And the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in thy sight, and am no more worthy to be called thy son. But the father said to his servants, Bring forth the best robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet: And bring hither the fatted calf, and kill it; and let us eat, and be merry: For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they began to be merry. Now his elder son was in the field: and as he came and drew nigh to the house, he heard musick and dancing. And he called one of the servants, and asked what these things meant. And he said unto him, Thy brother is come; and thy father hath killed the fatted calf, because he hath received him safe and sound. And he was angry, and would not go in: therefore came his father out, and intreated him. And he answering said to his father, Lo, these many years do I serve thee, neither transgressed I at any time thy commandment: and yet thou never gavest me a kid, that I might make merry with my friends: But as soon as this thy son was come, which hath devoured thy living with harlots, thou hast killed for him the fatted calf. And he said unto him, Son, thou art ever with me, and all that I have is thine. It was meet that we should make merry, and be glad: for this thy brother was dead, and is alive again; and was lost, and is found.John 4He left Judaea, and departed again into Galilee. And he must needs go through Samaria. Then cometh he to a city of Samaria, which is called Sychar, near to the parcel of ground that Jacob gave to his son Joseph. Now Jacob's well was there. Jesus therefore, being wearied with his journey, sat thus on the well: and it was about the sixth hour. There cometh a woman of Samaria to draw water: Jesus saith unto her, Give me to drink. (For his disciples were gone away unto the city to buy meat.) Then saith the woman of Samaria unto him, How is it that thou, being a Jew, askest drink of me, which am a woman of Samaria? for the Jews have no dealings with the Samaritans.Jesus answered and said unto her, If thou knewest the gift of God, and who it is that saith to thee, Give me to drink; thou wouldest have asked of him, and he would have given thee living water. The woman saith unto him, Sir, thou hast nothing to draw with, and the well is deep: from whence then hast thou that living water? Art thou greater than our father Jacob, which gave us the well, and drank thereof himself, and his children, and his cattle? Jesus answered and said unto her, Whosoever drinketh of this water shall thirst again: But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life. The woman saith unto him, Sir, give me this water, that I thirst not, neither come hither to draw. Jesus saith unto her, Go, call thy husband, and come hither. The woman answered and said, I have no husband. Jesus said unto her, Thou hast well said, I have no husband: For thou hast had five husbands; and he whom thou now hast is not thy husband: in that saidst thou truly. The woman saith unto him, Sir, I perceive that thou art a prophet. Our fathers worshipped in this mountain; and ye say, that in Jerusalem is the place where men ought to worship. Jesus saith unto her, Woman, believe me, the hour cometh, when ye shall neither in this mountain, nor yet at Jerusalem, worship the Father. Ye worship ye know not what: we know what we worship: for salvation is of the Jews. But the hour cometh, and now is, when the true worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit and in truth: for the Father seeketh such to worship him. God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth. The woman saith unto him, I know that Messias cometh, which is called Christ: when he is come, he will tell us all things. Jesus saith unto her, I that speak unto thee am he. And upon this came his disciples, and marvelled that he talked with the woman: yet no man said, What seekest thou? or, Why talkest thou with her? The woman then left her waterpot, and went her way into the city, and saith to the men, Come, see a man, which told me all things that ever I did: is not this the Christ? Then they went out of the city, and came unto him. In the mean while his disciples prayed him, saying, Master, eat. But he said unto them, I have meat to eat that ye know not of. Therefore said the disciples one to another, Hath any man brought him ought to eat? Jesus saith unto them, My meat is to do the will of him that sent me, and to finish his work.

 

[Bibliocentrist]

I don't pretend/try to know much of help but here a few cents worth:tell/ask her what you said here.could try fasting since it is an important decision.the reason Paul said don't be unequally yoked is because we can't pray etc with each other. I know how hard it is for me to pray etc alone and I can't imagine living with someone where I still have to pray etc alone.don't do anything drastic unless/until you think/feel (head&heart) God/Jesus is leading/okaying it.whoever you go with it is a "life" love commitment.really look/listen (ears not just eyes) to her (way Jesus/Spirit would?) you may hear/see your answer.if you decide not to pursue it it should be in faith that God/Jesus will bring you The One. (God brought Eve to Adam.) (Can't leave out the "for My sake" part of the leaving things verses.)we can ask tons people advice but need to be careful it isn't because not want hear. (but that also mean we should do best to try help each other get to root issues.)love is a person (Jesus/God)/source of love is God.When i first saw your Q my first thought/feeling is: you are far more "lucky" than me, I have no forseeable (& have never had any) love hopes/"options".door(s) open/closed? (you said "not my only option").what is/are the possible end(s).can you see God's/Jesus' movement/purpose in it?

 

[BRIGHT]

This is my first time responding to a post so here goes. I definitely have learned one thing over the last five or six years... I definitely do not have all the answers! But I am hoping to bring you a little more peace with what is only my opinion on this matter, one of which I have not personally experienced but have been very close to people who have and have given this a lot of thought. My advice to you is to treat this like you would any other situation where you are not sure if you want to progress to the next level with a girl. If your heart says go for it you should do one of two things, find that peace of God and know it is right, or be willing to risk it all and ask for some time to know it is right! I would not continue in a relationship of any kind with someone I have feelings for thinking, we will remain "just friends" with the hope of them becoming a Christian one day and then proceeding. 99% of the time this does not happen. I seen my friends begin a friendship with a non-believer thinking they will witness, then become good friends, then feelings arise and boom, it ends either with heartbreak or a lot of grief along the way. Truth be told sometimes these relationships end well, the unbeliever becomes a Christian, but from my experience this has always been after years of marriage and lots of heartache in between. Which leaves me to wonder if this all could have been avoided and if maybe God had a better plan, not just for you but for the unbeliever as well. I do not want to tell you to break it off or continue in this relationship but to only find that "peace of God that passes all understanding." I will pray God will grant you that peace and for her salvation as well! Bright

 

[chrissy]

You have to question each individual in your life, believers inclusive. This is a deceptive world. Many liars. God is truth. I think if you are well grounded in his word and establish his laws in your life and keep truth that God will guide you in the right direction. If there be any situations arise where you see that a commandment of God's would be broken, don't pass by and go ahead and do it. Stop and tell her that this isn't something you are going to do and see her response. Once she sees you are firm in God's word and love him she'll either love you more or she'll slowly drift away. If you aren't truly commited to God and put him first I do think there are problems. So meditate on his precepts and commadments as we ought to do and keep the truth. Throughout the books of Moses shows us what we can and cannot do. Whosoever believes the old laws were ommited Malachi 4:4. (The last book of the old testament) Revelation 14:13 as well because believing that Jesus is the Son of God is the first step, but establishing your paths in his laws are the second.