Stupid Jokes

[followerofchrist]

Ok I just heard this ridiculous joke and I couldn't resist telling yall.There once was a boy called Matty who didnt have a body, he only had a head.Then it came to his 18th birthday, so his dad who felt sorry for him took for a pint down the local pub, Matty was very excited about having his 1st drink of alcohol , so the proud father came in and placed Matty down on the bar and ordered 2 pints.Then the father poured the beer into Mattys mouth, and once he'd finished a body had grown onto Mattys head, so he kept drinking and by the end of the night he was a normal man, with arms, legs, toes and fingers, but Matty kept on drinking.The lesson you should learn from this is to always 'Quit while your a head'

 

[followerofchrist]

Here's another, more appropriate for this site:A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee".The husband said, " You are in charge of the cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."Wife replies, "No you should do it, and besides it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."Husband replies, " I can't believe that, show me."So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and shows him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says:"HEBREWS"

 

[followerofchrist]

Two guys meet up in a bar. The first one asks, "Did your hear the news - Mike is dead??!!!""Woah, what the heck happened to him?""Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn't brake properly and boom - He hit the curb, the car flipped over and he crashed through the sunroof - Went flying through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom window.""What a horrible way to die!""No no, he survived that, that didn't kill him at all. So, he's landed in my upstairs bedroom and he's all covered in broken glass on the floor. Then, he spots the big old antique wardrobe we have in the room and reaches up for the handle to try to pull himself up. He's just dragging himself up when bang, this massive wardrobe comes crashing down on top of him, crushing him and breaking most of his bones.""What a way to go, that's terrible!""No no, that didn't kill him he survived that. He managed to get the wardrobe off him and crawls out onto the landing, he tries to pull himself up on the banister but under his weight, the banister breaks and he goes falling down on to the first floor. In mid air, all the broken banister poles spin and fall on him, pinning him to the floor, sticking right through him.""Now that is the most unfortunate way to go!""No no, that didn't kill him, he even survived that. So he's on the downstairs landing, just beside the kitchen. He crawls in to the kitchen, tries to pull himself up on the stove, but reached for a big pot of boiling hot water, whoosh, the whole thing came down on him and burned most of his skin off him.""Man, what a way to go!""No no, he survived that, he survived that! He's lying on the ground, covered in boiling water and he spots the phone and tries to pull himself up, to call for help, but instead he grabs the light switch and pulls the whole thing off the wall and the water and electricity didn't mix and so he got electrocuted, wallop, 10,000 volts shot through him.""Now that is one awful way to go!""No no, he survived that...""Hold on now, just how the heck did he die?""I shot him!""You shot him? What the heck did you shoot him for?""He was wrecking my house."

 

[Richard_oti]

(followerofchrist;42056)
Ok I just heard this ridiculous joke and I couldn't resist telling yall.The lesson you should learn from this is to always 'Quit while your a head'

 

[Richard_oti]

(followerofchrist;42057)
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning."HEBREWS"
Alright, you got a good laugh out of me on that one .I guess I am also now going to have to take responsibility since he-brews da coffee.Oy vey

 

[Richard_oti]

(followerofchrist;42060)
Two guys meet up in a bar. The first one asks, "Did your hear the news - Mike is dead??!!!""He was wrecking my house."

 

[followerofchrist]

Last one is my favorite because the ending is so unexpected

 

[Jackie D]

(followerofchrist;42057)
Here's another, more appropriate for this site:A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee".The husband said, " You are in charge of the cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."Wife replies, "No you should do it, and besides it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."Husband replies, " I can't believe that, show me."So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and shows him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says:"HEBREWS"
awe, there is nothing so sweet than to see the word rightly divided....ROFL

 

[Jackie D]

(Richard_oti;42063)
Alright, you got a good laugh out of me on that one .I guess I am also now going to have to take responsibility since he-brews da coffee.Oy vey
well you've got to be good for something...:read:Oy vey

 

[Richard_oti]

(Jackie D;42382)
well you've got to be good for something...:read:
And just what are you implying? (Jackie D)
Oy vey

 

[Christina]

Two 90 year old ladies who had been friends all their lives were name Barb and Flo. Barb was sitting with her friend who was dying. She said, "Flo remember how much we loved to play women's softball when we were youngsters? Will you come back from heaven and tell me if there is softball there?" Flo quietly died. Two weeks later Barb was awakened by a noise at 3 am. She heard the voice of her friend Flo. Flo said, "I have wonderful news and a bit of bad news". Barb says give me the good news. Flo said, "In heaven we play softball as much as we want, and we are young again, so we never get tired. The fields are beautiful and lined with flowers. It's lovely."Barb says, "OK so what is the bad news?"Flo: "You are scheduled to pitch on Tuesday

 

[Christina]

When Grandma Goes To CourtLawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren'tprepared for the answer.In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his firstwitness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her andasked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do knowyou, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you'vebeen a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat , and youmanipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're abig shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount toanything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across theroom and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was ayoungster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can'tbuild a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of theworst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife,.. Yes, I know him.'The defense attorney nearly died.The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quietvoice, said,'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both tothe electric chair.

 

[followerofchrist]

HAHA!! Nice one Kriss

 

[Jackie D]

A Texan, a Montanan and a North Dakotan all took their wives out to dinner together. While having their dinner the Texan looks at his wife and says, "pass the sugar, sugar".The Montanan not to be outdone looks at his wife and says, "pass the honey, honey".The North Dakotan, thinking he had caught on, said to his wife, "pass the pork, pig".

 

[Christina]

 

[His By Grace]

I thought this was cute from my sister-in-law:How To Start A Fight � � � HOW TO START A FIGHT There I was on my way to work ... Getting into a fight was the farthest thing from my mind ... Wasn't even on the horizon ... I was in a great mood ... And then ... I rear-ended a car. So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out of the car .. � (and you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed and life-stuff seems to get funny)? Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it ... He was a DWARF! He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says, "I AM NOT HAPPY!" So, I look down at him and say, "Well, which one are you then?" . . . And that's when the fight started . . �

 

[Jackie D]

(His By Grace;42788)
I thought this was cute from my sister-in-law:How To Start A Fight � � � HOW TO START A FIGHT There I was on my way to work ... Getting into a fight was the farthest thing from my mind ... Wasn't even on the horizon ... I was in a great mood ... And then ... I rear-ended a car. So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out of the car .. � (and you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed and life-stuff seems to get funny)? Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it ... He was a DWARF! He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says, "I AM NOT HAPPY!" So, I look down at him and say, "Well, which one are you then?" . . . And that's when the fight started . . �
ROFL!! too funny

 

[Letsgofishing]

In a boot camp several soldiers were at a shooting range, with their guns fully loaded. The Seargent A large and confident man shouted out the order " fire at will!!!!!!" instantly a soldier got up and started running for his life " who in the heck is that!!!!" the seargent barked "That's Will"

 

[Christina]

Now thats funny LGF see even you can learn to tell a joke:) proof God can perform miracles:)

 

[followerofchrist]

(kriss;42805)
Now thats funny LGF see even you can learn to tell a joke:) proof God can perform miracles:)
hahaha now thats funny!!