Wow. That is a lot of pressure coming from the outside. The behaviors of a supposed minister is very telling. I'm sorry that happened to you!
Understanding MPD/DID & SRA/MK
- Thread starter TLHKAJ
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My advice is ....if you feel a tugging, and the Lord is urging you to take a deeper look into your history, keep following His lead. Ask Him daily to shine His light into the dark places and show you what you need to know. Knowing the truth leads to freedom. And that is His purpose.
I also tried CR and although the fellowship was nice, it wasn't a good fit for someone with dissociated memories and missing puzzle pieces. For example, I couldn't write down every person who has hurt me and what they did. I didn't have all my trauma memories, and due to dissociation, I may remember a trauma, and be unable to see faces of the perpetrators...or those puzzle pieces may come later, etc. You get the point. It helps folks with "regular" issues ...but not a great fit for people with SRA/MK/DID.
This made me smile ...and giggle a little. lol
You're on the right track!
Another weird thing in previous church was that I began to have demonic attacks to stop me going there like a collision on my way to church. However, it made me more determined when I should have left as I think it was the devil doing it to make me stay! I was trauma bonded tot he church and the abuse there. They had a meeting with me and the 4 elders, and one was even shouting at me for writing a piece about Abraham.
The they had a church meeting and excommunicated me. Later I found out that even Paul was allowed to be there when the charges were made against him so they disobeyed the Word.
The they had a church meeting and excommunicated me. Later I found out that even Paul was allowed to be there when the charges were made against him so they disobeyed the Word.
Amen! Forgiveness and restoration are two separate things. We can forgive, but holding boundaries is wisdom. And for those coming from a history of SRA/MK, it's not wise to have any contact at all until there is adequate deprogramming, alters bought to the Lord and healed, etc ...as those people who perpetrated against us would still be able to harm us until there is adequate freedom. Forgiving from a distance (between you and the Lord) is best ....maybe a letter to tell them you forgive them, etc. But contact would be unwise, let alone restoration.
Yes, it is very delicate. Perhaps, it is of the Lord's doings to bring you to a more solitary place. (Not saying it will always be this way.) It is often necessary to walk through some things alone (in the physical sense) so there are fewer distractions, and less interference. In my walk, there have been many more times of walking alone (with the Lord) than with support. And 8 times out of 10, when I sought support those people turned out to be cult plants.
Back in 2005/2006 when I was in the beginning of my journey, I was in prayer and I had a vision. I saw myself walking a narrow pathway through a dark dense thicket. To my left and to my right, it was so dark and I could hear commotions, dangers, distractions, etc. but ahead down the path, I saw the Lord Jesus. His arms were outstretched, and motioning me to walk toward Him. Even my pathway seemed dark, but as long as my gaze was upon Him, there was enough light in my path to take the next few steps.
What brought things to a head, was Christmas, having a standing invitation to my brothers daughter's house for lunch. I was really hopeful that I could get closer to them all (two daughters with families) after my isolation previously.
However, on Christmas Even afternoon, my brother (the Golden Child) arrived with his other daughter to tell me that two of the kids had their boyfriends coming for lunch so there would be no room for me at the table so I would have to eat my lunch on the sofa.
No concessions were made for my gluten free diet, as usual, which is much more strict now to be all grain free. I sat alone on a room to eat and left not long after having discovered that there were no presents for me despite me buying for them all. I felt unwanted so got out of there accidentally leaving behind my flask of gluten free gravy which I had brought. And that is it really. My reputation since childhood of being a hypochondriac with no-one accepting my chronic health seems to have taken over so that they all do not want me around.
However, on Christmas Even afternoon, my brother (the Golden Child) arrived with his other daughter to tell me that two of the kids had their boyfriends coming for lunch so there would be no room for me at the table so I would have to eat my lunch on the sofa.
No concessions were made for my gluten free diet, as usual, which is much more strict now to be all grain free. I sat alone on a room to eat and left not long after having discovered that there were no presents for me despite me buying for them all. I felt unwanted so got out of there accidentally leaving behind my flask of gluten free gravy which I had brought. And that is it really. My reputation since childhood of being a hypochondriac with no-one accepting my chronic health seems to have taken over so that they all do not want me around.
Has the Lord pointed toward any indications of satanic ritual abuse or MK Ultra in your history?
In hindsight now, I can see that a very hard training period has been needed and has had the intended results apart from some final very deep healing, for which I will remain cautious about where I go for help thanks AJ.
I do believe that God can heal me without seeing anyone as there is so much online to give me understanding about body work. Some is already helping just in a few days of practice.
I do believe that God can heal me without seeing anyone as there is so much online to give me understanding about body work. Some is already helping just in a few days of practice.
Not as such though I know that something bad happened in the hospital.