Hi there [me being vunerable here]:
Today I take Vitamin D, and I’d be lying if I said I’m not a little hesitant.
It brings up memories from years ago when my MCAS Mass Cell Activation Syndrome was severely activated and I went undiagnosed for a long time. Back then, many medical professionals assumed I was anxious or dramatic. Some even questioned my mental health. But I was genuinely very sick.
Those years were some of the hardest of my life. I cried myself to sleep. I begged God for mercy. I didn’t believe He was cruel — I just couldn’t understand the breaking. My body felt like it was slowly failing, and I felt so alone in it.
In my desperation to heal, I went searching. I tried different natural paths and spiritual practices, things I didn’t fully understand at the time. I truly believed if I just did enough, visualized enough, believed hard enough, I could somehow will myself into health. The seeking became striving. The striving became frustration. And when nothing worked, it left me empty.
Eventually, I realized I had wandered into territory that wasn’t rooted in Christ. Not because I was rebellious [I had unknowingly been deceived] — because I was incredibly desperate.
So I let it all go and repented.
The books. The rituals. The certifications. The striving.
I laid it all at the foot of the cross.
Now I know the only way through anything — illness, fear, trauma, uncertainty — is not a new method, but clinging to Christ. Come what may.
“But You, O Lord, are a shield for me, my glory and the lifter of my head.” (Psalm 3:3)
“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you… When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned.” (Isaiah 43:2)
Today isn’t 2014.
My body isn’t in the same place.
And I’m not the same woman.
He sees me.
He is the lifter of my head.
He will walk me through the fire. It will not overtake me.
If any of you are walking through health fears, past trauma, or the aftermath of hard seasons — you’re not weak for feeling hesitant. Sometimes our bodies remember. But fear doesn’t get the final word.
We cling. And Jesus carries.
Today I take Vitamin D, and I’d be lying if I said I’m not a little hesitant.
It brings up memories from years ago when my MCAS Mass Cell Activation Syndrome was severely activated and I went undiagnosed for a long time. Back then, many medical professionals assumed I was anxious or dramatic. Some even questioned my mental health. But I was genuinely very sick.
Those years were some of the hardest of my life. I cried myself to sleep. I begged God for mercy. I didn’t believe He was cruel — I just couldn’t understand the breaking. My body felt like it was slowly failing, and I felt so alone in it.
In my desperation to heal, I went searching. I tried different natural paths and spiritual practices, things I didn’t fully understand at the time. I truly believed if I just did enough, visualized enough, believed hard enough, I could somehow will myself into health. The seeking became striving. The striving became frustration. And when nothing worked, it left me empty.
Eventually, I realized I had wandered into territory that wasn’t rooted in Christ. Not because I was rebellious [I had unknowingly been deceived] — because I was incredibly desperate.
So I let it all go and repented.
The books. The rituals. The certifications. The striving.
I laid it all at the foot of the cross.
Now I know the only way through anything — illness, fear, trauma, uncertainty — is not a new method, but clinging to Christ. Come what may.
“But You, O Lord, are a shield for me, my glory and the lifter of my head.” (Psalm 3:3)
“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you… When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned.” (Isaiah 43:2)
Today isn’t 2014.
My body isn’t in the same place.
And I’m not the same woman.
He sees me.
He is the lifter of my head.
He will walk me through the fire. It will not overtake me.
If any of you are walking through health fears, past trauma, or the aftermath of hard seasons — you’re not weak for feeling hesitant. Sometimes our bodies remember. But fear doesn’t get the final word.
We cling. And Jesus carries.
