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lilygrace

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i hate to come across as bad but i have had such a hard time getting support offline. any beginning support you try for could be great at first and then there is a chance that any of the cult will contact these people and make you look nuts...
i honestly think people are seriously afraid to help me now at this point especially since i dont know all that happened while away. or they are in on it... i dont know.

i am struggling with denial myself lately so im just.... saying what i am aware of.
 

truthquest

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Regarding the serious threats and punishments, one time I had to go to the ER. I was driving and approaching a red light. All of a sudden I felt this excruciating pain on the left side of my head, the whole left side. I could barely concentrate on driving. Then the pain moved into my face and down into my chest. I pulled over at a convenience store and sat in the car till the pain subsided. The ER tests showed nothing. Nothing at all. Nothing that would have caused that level of pain.
Even though it may sound...unbelievable, I am convinced that I was attacked by some kind of weapon as a punishment for speaking about SRA. And I do have a high pain tolerance. So it's not like I'm going to make a big deal out of pain unless it's really bad and I'm not going to the ER either unless it's really bad.
 
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TLHKAJ

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i hate to come across as bad but i have had such a hard time getting support offline. any beginning support you try for could be great at first and then there is a chance that any of the cult will contact these people and make you look nuts...
You've hit the nail right square on the head, sis!!

Here is a truth that every survivor who seeks freedom has to face ....and that is, that all our lives, we have been surrounded by cult ....family, friends, pastors, doctors, coworkers, neighbors, etc. Everywhere I go, they make sure to move the cult nextdoor, and/or activate/notify nearby cult of my presence and whereabouts.
 
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lilygrace

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Regarding the serious threats and punishments, one time I had to go to the ER. I was driving and approaching a red light. All of a sudden I felt this excruciating pain on the left side of my head, the whole left side. I could barely concentrate on driving. Then the pain moved into my face and down into my chest. I pulled over at a convenience store and sat in the car till the pain subsided. The ER tests showed nothing. Nothing at all. Nothing that would have caused that level of pain.
this morning i woke up with almost my whole back and side very numb and tingly yet burning too :( i dont know what it is. feet and hands and face are tingly too.
 
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TLHKAJ

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Even though it may sound...unbelievable, I am convinced that I was attacked by some kind of weapon as a punishment for speaking about SRA.
I believe it, sister. It's the first thing that came to mind when I read your previous post.

Just last week, one of my daughters mentioned how scary it was when they were younger and a sudden attack would hit .... usually while I was driving or while in walmart or specific other stores. (Walmart is often a place where accessing happens for survivors.) I would suddenly get zapped and experience severe muscle spasms that would render me unable to walk for half an hour or longer. There would be a man nearby watching us....usually the same man. My kids began to call him "the man in the white truck" because he would show up wherever we were or drive by our house. (We lived well outside city limits and 2 miles down a gravel road.) He would drive by, roll down his window, make eye contact and wave. Sometimes, he'd sit in the road at the edge of our yard and watch.

But yes ....electronic harassment, possibly EMF. That happened to me severely ....to me and my son Matthew who went Home to be with the Lord ....lots more I could say ....but it causes dizziness and heart racing/pain.
 

TLHKAJ

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this morning i woke up with almost my whole back and side very numb and tingly yet burning too :( i dont know what it is. feet and hands and face are tingly too.
I'm so concerned bc of that vax .....or combination of that and other things (you know) .....but we will definitely be praying for you!!
 

truthquest

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I was also given an overdose of radiation during a CT scan. I know it for a fact. I believe the tech was under mind control and being used for that purpose on people like me. She was told to do that. I suffered in so many ways after that happened. I could barely lay my head on a pillow the pain was so bad. I couldn't swallow food and gagged. My eyes were swollen and my oldest son is the one who brought that to my attention. My hair fell out. As time passed, it would feel like I had bumped my head in different places, very painful....And of course I had stage 3 breast cancer. I'm not sure if that's related to it or not.
 
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lilygrace

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I'm so concerned bc of that vax .....or combination of that and other things (you know) .....but we will definitely be praying for you!!
it could be from that. either way its been life changing. i have had hardly any energy now but this has gradually happened the past couple years too..
thank you.
 

TLHKAJ

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I was also given an overdose of radiation during a CT scan. I know it for a fact. I believe the tech was under mind control and being used for that purpose on people like me. She was told to do that. I suffered in so many ways after that happened. I could barely lay my head on a pillow the pain was so bad. I couldn't swallow food and gagged. My eyes were swollen and my oldest son is the one who brought that to my attention. My hair fell out. As time passed, it would feel like I had bumped my head in different places, very painful.
I'm so sorry that happened to you!!
It kinda reminds me of something that happened to me at the dentist. (And I don't like dentists anyway due to traumas the cult did as a child concerning dentists. My sister had the same experience.) Anyway, the technician gave me gas .... the dentist's wife worked there and she told him how much to give me. When she left, he raised the levels and then walked out. I knew something was wrong bc I felt ....not good!! I willed myself to stay awake ....the dentist's wife walked in and saw the levels and gasped!! She lowered the levels back down and I didn't see that technician again. But I am convinced he tried to kill me.
 

truthquest

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I'm so sorry that happened to you!!
It kinda reminds me of something that happened to me at the dentist. (And I don't like dentists anyway due to traumas the cult did as a child concerning dentists. My sister had the same experience.) Anyway, the technician gave me gas .... the dentist's wife worked there and she told him how much to give me. When she left, he raised the levels and then walked out. I knew something was wrong bc I felt ....not good!! I willed myself to stay awake ....the dentist's wife walked in and saw the levels and gasped!! She lowered the levels back down and I didn't see that technician again. But I am convinced he tried to kill me.
I wouldn't put anything past those evil, sadistic people.
 
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lilygrace

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I'm so sorry that happened to you!!
It kinda reminds me of something that happened to me at the dentist. (And I don't like dentists anyway due to traumas the cult did as a child concerning dentists. My sister had the same experience.) Anyway, the technician gave me gas .... the dentist's wife worked there and she told him how much to give me. When she left, he raised the levels and then walked out. I knew something was wrong bc I felt ....not good!! I willed myself to stay awake ....the dentist's wife walked in and saw the levels and gasped!! She lowered the levels back down and I didn't see that technician again. But I am convinced he tried to kill me.
i personally hate the dentist. they rarely actually find cavities but it does hurt.

when i was 12 they said i had a cyst in my jaw and they had to remove it. i never felt any pain. i feel arthritic from it now. i just ....i don tknow. i guess a cyst can be painless. i chose to be awake for t hat surgery but i dont realy think leaving the "cyst" woul dhave killed me.

before then they removed a tooth and i dont recall them ever saying it was rotted. i was a child who never ate much sweets or anything. and they jokingly said i was a hollywood star and they want my tooth cos im famous.

so idk. this stuff is really silly compared to the above...
 
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truthquest

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One more and off to sleep I go, I hope. Speaking of dentists /and/or oral surgeons, when I was 17 I had to have all four of my wisdom teeth cut out. I asked them what they were giving me to put me under. They said, sodium amytal. I didn't know any better. I just thought it was what they used for anesthesia for all their patients. When I was coming out of it or out of the influence of it, I was laying on a stretcher. These nurses came over and were trying to help me off the stretcher. I was in a hostile mood, angry, and didn't know why. I was still groggy and could barely walk without falling unless I was very strong willed, which I was. I told those nurses, get away from me!! I can walk by myself. I don't need your help. They said, let her go ahead and bust her head on the floor then.....Years later comes the flashbacks. I was being interrogated while under the influence of that drug. They wanted to know what I could remember and who I had been talking to about it. They really made me angry. I felt so violated, humiliated, with no privacy at all, being forced to tell the truth about everything they asked. Really bad experience.
 

TLHKAJ

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It is definitely a balance when dealing with hurt. I know Paul learned to praise in the storms in life/be content. I could do more of this.
This has often been my lifeline. God has used music in powerful ways throughout my life, especially in relation to healing. He has at times directed me to listen to very specific songs and drawn me to just be in His presence so He could refresh and strengthen me in preparation to face difficult memories. Just be in His presence, sister. It's the best thing you can do. That's where you receive strength. It has been scientifically proven that the brain can only process as much trauma as the level of joy a person possesses. This verifies the scripture.... The joy of the Lord is your strength!

So get in His presence and let Him pour His love over you ....rejoice in Him. And let Him lead....
 

lilygrace

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This has often been my lifeline. God has used music in powerful ways throughout my life, especially in relation to healing. He has at times directed me to listen to very specific songs and drawn me to just be in His presence so He could refresh and strengthen me in preparation to face difficult memories. Just be in His presence, sister. It's the best thing you can do. That's where you receive strength. It has been scientifically proven that the brain can only process as much trauma as the level of joy a person possesses. This verifies the scripture.... The joy of the Lord is your strength!

So get in His presence and let Him pour His love over you ....rejoice in Him. And let Him lead....
i personally believe God has so far shown me what is truth and what is false in my life about memories. there is work to be done. i talk to T privately that as i get closer to God he would show me if something isnt true to have it confirmed.
many people told me i am not meant to figure things out. i think that is wrong now... or trying to believe it.
in honesty it is "easier"and a comfort zone to ignore all this.
i personally feel we are ineffective if we dont know the truth

this week it is music for me....not as much scripture.

each and every day the gaslighting increases sometimes. i do not believe i am meant to not figure that out either.