Where can I find a really shy woman for a relationship?

[ShyIntrovert]

But this just brings us back to your OP. If you want to go with this just be prepared for the sharpening that marriage is to a man.

Your fears are not unfounded. Because you are educated about how people are at this time in human history you can make a more informed decision about who to marry. But don't think that's going to make marriage a calk walk because it's not. It will be far more delightful if you marry a woman who understands marital obligations as you do. Don't get married without literally asking God if it's okay to marry the one you've chosen.

It's not how well you get along that determines a good marriage. It's how well you don't get along that determines that. Understand what I'm saying?

I was trying to explain you why celibacy is not always a better option.

And if anything yes, we should actually return to the OP.

 

[Ferris Bueller]

If that's what you believe, then you don't know a whole lot about the mindset of abusers.

The most dangerous time for an abused woman is when she leaves! How many times do we read/hear that an angry abusive man has killed his wife (and/or their kids) who had moved out and was separated from her husband?

Okay, so they should stay there and continue to get abused? Or, divorce them and sin against the Lord? Neither is the will of God. And how does out and out divorcing them protect them from the mindset of the abuser and their need to continue to abuse them?

 

[ShyIntrovert]

Yes, "THE" man, as in Adam; not ALL men. If it was ALL men, Christ wouldn't have said (I'm paraphrasing) that not all would be married. Marriage is a choice. Not all are called to marry.

Sure not all men. But then not all are called to remain celibate, either.

 

[Jane_Doe22]

Yes, "THE" man, as in Adam; not ALL men. If it was ALL men, Christ wouldn't have said (I'm paraphrasing) that not all would be married. Marriage is a choice. Not all are called to marry.

I agreed with that as well. My point was that *in general* men and women meant to be together and marriage is of God.

Obviously not every person will have the opportunity to be married.

But isolation- shunning all human company- is for no one. Everyone (single and married) should have other friends. The Bible speaks highly of friendship and supporting each other in our walk with Christ.

Also: “I’m horny” is NOT a valid reason to get married. A spouse who much more than an outlet for sexual disires. And getting married will NOT make anyone’s porn habit go away.

 

[TLHKAJ]

The problem with this is people start moving the boundaries of what constitutes 'leaving' a spouse. Maybe a person, especially a woman, feels their spouse has 'left' them emotionally and so they rationalize getting a divorce.

So if the husband actually leaves his wife, over and over ....into the hands of abusers ....would you see this as a man leaving his wife?

 

[ShyIntrovert]

But anyway, let's get back to the original topic.

This is becoming a typical Christian Debate Forum thread.

 

[Pearl]

But due to the trash divorce laws biased against men, a woman has a lot less to lose in a marriage than a man.

Exactly because that's how women work since the beginning of the times. If they sense that their man is weaker than they are, then they will lose their respect for them. This is the reason the vast majority of divorces occur these days.

What the? To England? No thanks.

What you have said has made me wonder about your background. You sound as though you have had bad experiences; perhaps your parents' marriage has not been a good example to you.

But I do wonder why you started the thread if you didn't want to hear the answers and take the wise advice offered.

Do you trust God with your life? If you do just leave it to him and take the pressure off. Let the Holy Spirit work in you, let that be your priority.

 

[Ferris Bueller]

I was trying to explain you why celibacy is not always a better option.

And if anything yes, we should actually return to the OP.

I'm 59 years old. I have four kids. I'll be married 40 years this June. I do not have a good marriage, and so I know all the pitfalls and problems that can present themselves in marriage. And so, speaking from this experience I will tell you what I believe to be the truth about this seemingly contradictory truth about getting married vs. not getting married.

First off, marriage, any marriage, is just going to be a challenge. By nature we feel, and think, and do what we want to feel, and think, and do. And we don't like anybody or anything hindering the fulfilment of those wants. Well, you can't do that in marriage. You will HAVE to learn to defer your own wants and ambitions, even in the best of marriages. Marriage is one of those things in life that God uses to teach us to crucify self. We get married with eyes focused on all the fun stuff. God sees the valuable character training you're going to get out of it, if you allow that to happen.

Bottom line is, God uses marital/sexual desire to bring us into situations and relationships that force us to become different, better people. Just as our need to make money brings us into situations and relationships in the workplace that force us to become different, better people. As long as you understand this I'm all for marriage. But marriage is an entirely voluntary relationship. But don't be uniformed. God is using your natural desire to bring you to places that he knows will be good for the development of your Christian character.

 

[Lambano]

The problem is that most (including myself) can't gain full control of their desires.

Humans are biologically programmed to seek intimacy.

I understand loneliness.
I understand sexual desire.

However, if you are not willing to take on the humility, the honesty, the forgiveness, the self-abnegation, the submission, the servant-mindset required of a man to make a marriage work, you're better off pleasuring yourself. Seriously. You'll save years of heartbreak and a ton of legal fees.

 

[Pearl]

"HELPMEET" Not doormat. Amen.

Yes @Nancy and I heard once that the word helpmeet in Genesis is the same word to used to describe the Helper, the Holy Spirit. A person who runs the race along side you, who loves you warts and all and supports, inspires and encourages you.

 

[ShyIntrovert]

I understand loneliness.
I understand sexual desire.

However, if you are not willing to take on the humility, honesty, forgiveness, self-abnegation, submission, servant mindset required of a man to make a marriage work, you're better off pleasuring yourself. Seriously. You'll save years of heartbreak a ton of legal fees.

I'm not really desperate anyway, and will have in mind not to get married for the wrong reasons.

Also, "pleasuring oneself" is a sin.

 

[Pearl]

Great! And I mean that. But when, at the end of the day, it comes down to deferring to his call on a certain matter and not yours because he's in authority are you all in?

Like in a dance partnership he leads and I follow. We don't push each other and sometimes he will agree that my way is best and sometimes his way is best. It's not heavy.

 

[Mink57]

Okay, so they should stay there and continue to get abused?

Of course not!

[/QUOTE]Or, divorce them and sin against the Lord?[/QUOTE]
How do you know if her divorce is "sinning"? Do you believe that ALL marital unions are "in God's eyes"? Besides, if it is a sin, it's a FORGIVABLE one. Above all, God is about mercy and forgiveness.

Neither is the will of God. And how does out and out divorcing them protect them from the mindset of the abuser and their need to continue to abuse them?

It doesn't protect them in ALL cases. But she's living separately from the abuser, she won't have to deal with the relentless day-to-day abuse. If he abuses her on the phone, she can hang up. If he shows at her house uninvited, she can get a restraining order. If she wants to go out to a restaurant, she can use HER money, and not have to depend on his.

 

[Mink57]

I'm not really desperate anyway, and will have in mind not to get married for the wrong reasons.

Also, "pleasuring yourself" is a sin.

Bible verse please...

 

[Ferris Bueller]

I actually agree with Ferris on this one. There's a reason my wife carries a Glock 48. (Though her abusive ex has long gone on to face his judgment, whatever that may be.)

Now, about this physical abuse...let's talk...

 

[Lambano]

Also, "pleasuring oneself" is a sin.

There are worse ones.

 

[ShyIntrovert]

Bible verse please...

1 Corinthians 6:18-20
18 Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.

19 Or know ye not that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit which is in you, which ye have from God? and ye are not your own; 20 for ye were bought with a price: glorify God therefore in your body.

Note that fornication means ANY sexual act not involving a married person. And "pleasuring oneself" is basically fornication with oneself, which can be counted as a sin of pride.

(And yes, I will admit that I struggle with it, but I'm convinced that it is a sin and that I should avoid it at any cost. I just won't lie about it.)

 

[Mink57]

Sure not all men. But then not all are called to remain celibate, either.

Nor are they 'called' to have as much sex with their wives as they want!

The Bible does say, "that each of you know how to a acquire a wife for himself in holiness and honor, not in lustful passion as do the Gentiles who do no know God;" 1 Thessaonians 4: 4-5

I know some versions replace the word "wife" with "vessel" (and other versions dismiss the word entirely)

 

[Ferris Bueller]

How do you know if her divorce is "sinning"?

Because the Bible plainly says what the grounds for divorce are.
But don't get me wrong. As far as the abused spouse divorcing the abusive spouse is concerned. I don't have an ounce of condemnation for them. I understand. Let them sort it out between them and the Lord.

Do you believe that ALL marital unions are "in God's eyes"?

Yes.

Besides, if it is a sin, it's a FORGIVABLE one.

But to purposely sin thinking that God will automatically forgive you is ground a Christian should never tread.

Above all, God is about mercy and forgiveness.

Yes, but that's not a license to do what we want knowing it's wrong ahead of time.

It doesn't protect them in ALL cases. But she's living separately from the abuser, she won't have to deal with the relentless day-to-day abuse. If he abuses her on the phone, she can hang up. If he shows at her house uninvited, she can get a restraining order. If she wants to go out to a restaurant, she can use HER money, and not have to depend on his.

But that's what separating without getting a legal divorce does too.
The abuser will most likely move on to another relationship and then the abused has God's green light to divorce. I mean, if the abuser hasn't already divorced them first. I think it's sound advice. The abused stops getting abused, and they don't sin against the Lord. But each person has to sort this out for themselves between them and God. They are responsible for themselves before the Lord. I offer no condemnation to an abused spouse divorcing their abuser. God is the only one able to judge the situation.

 

[Ferris Bueller]

Nor are they 'called' to have as much sex with their wives as they want!

And this is the big issue that the OP has to think about. Marriage is hardly a guarantee of sex. You have to marry knowing it may be one of those wants and desires you have to forgo, which defeats the reason for getting married, if that was the reason why you got married.