False converted, than apostate

[poorlostapostate]

Hello all. I'm 31, grew up in a christian family. I've always believed in the Gospel in my mind and I've always had an intellectual acceptance, but I've never actually had a saving faith. I was incredibly deceived all my life about my relationship with God.

At 20 years old though, I went very close to become a christian. At the time, I was deeply convinced that I was a christian and that I had commited my life to God. What happened is that at 20, I started to consider getting right with God. I lived a sinful teenage, and I knew I wasn't on the right track and that I needed to get right with God. So at 20 years old I started to pray again, to go to church again and to read the bible again, like when I was a child. But note that even if I did all that, I still wasn't born again.

But one day, something happened. I don't know if it was my conscience or the Holy Spirit, but I realised how bad my life was, and that I hurted a loving God who was still willing to take me. I was in my car. I bursted out crying and I asked God for forgiveness and told Him that I wanted to stop sinning and live for Him. From that moment, many changes occured within me. I would pray with enthousiasm, would be excited to go to church, to read the Bible, etc. I had a thirst to live for God, I would even worship him.

But note that even with all those changes, I still wasn't born again. The big drama is that I was basing my salvation on those changes that happened in me, instead of putting my faith in the work of Jesus Christ on the cross for me. I intellectually knew that he died for my sins, but I hadn't had received it by faith in my heart. Instead, I figured that I was following Him, therefore I was christian and I had commited my life to God. You see how deceived I was ? I was CONVICED that I was walking with God at that time, but today I realised that I was deceived, because I didn't put my trust in the right place. I thought I had faith, but I was relegious without realising it.

Today I can't help wondering: why God let me be deceived like that ? Why didn't he told me that I was deceived and didn't actually commited fully my life to Him ? Because I'll say it again : I really thought I had given my life to Him. I would always ask Him to make me look like Jesus more and more. And I truly wanted to live for Him. Maybe I didn't actuallysurender EVERYTHING, but I wasn't conscious of that. My intents were not bad, or if they were, I wasn't realising it. So I just can't understand that God just let me think I was walking with Him.

And after a year, I started to fall into my old sins again. Sins I had forsaken. It got worse and worse. Little by little I was getting back into my sinful lifestyle, up to the point I stopped repenting and stopped seeking God. I consciously turned away from God and got back to my sins and became worse than I ever was. I am exactly like those spoken in 2 Peter 2.20, Hebrew 6 4-6, etc.

I lived 6 years like that. During those 6 years, I knew I wasn't living rightly. I wasn't at peace with myself, I knew I was on a very bad path. There were even a few times wherr I tried to repent and get back to God, but I loved my sins and my lust too much... I kept telling myself that I would reconcile with God, but later, which today I realised it was such a terrible mentality. I would never had thought that I would stay like that for 6 years.

After 6 years, I ended up being very depressed and mentaly very distressed. So now I just want to truly give my life to Jesus Christ. I now fully understand how lost I am without Him. I realise how much I am a bad sinner, which I never realised that deeply before.

Can God forgive my apostasy ? And why didn't he show me that I was a false converted when I thought I was walking with Him ?

 

[amadeus]

Hello all. I'm 31, grew up in a christian family. I've always believed in the Gospel in my mind and I've always had an intellectual acceptance, but I've never actually had a saving faith. I was incredibly deceived all my life about my relationship with God.

At 20 years old though, I went very close to become a christian. At the time, I was deeply convinced that I was a christian and that I had commited my life to God. What happened is that at 20, I started to consider getting right with God. I lived a sinful teenage, and I knew I wasn't on the right track and that I needed to get right with God. So at 20 years old I started to pray again, to go to church again and to read the bible again, like when I was a child. But note that even if I did all that, I still wasn't born again.

But one day, something happened. I don't know if it was my conscience or the Holy Spirit, but I realised how bad my life was, and that I hurted a loving God who was still willing to take me. I was in my car. I bursted out crying and I asked God for forgiveness and told Him that I wanted to stop sinning and live for Him. From that moment, many changes occured within me. I would pray with enthousiasm, would be excited to go to church, to read the Bible, etc. I had a thirst to live for God, I would even worship him.

But note that even with all those changes, I still wasn't born again. The big drama is that I was basing my salvation on those changes that happened in me, instead of putting my faith in the work of Jesus Christ on the cross for me. I intellectually knew that he died for my sins, but I hadn't had received it by faith in my heart. Instead, I figured that I was following Him, therefore I was christian and I had commited my life to God. You see how deceived I was ? I was CONVICED that I was walking with God at that time, but today I realised that I was deceived, because I didn't put my trust in the right place. I thought I had faith, but I was relegious without realising it.

Today I can't help wondering: why God let me be deceived like that ? Why didn't he told me that I was deceived and didn't actually commited fully my life to Him ? Because I'll say it again : I really thought I had given my life to Him. I would always ask Him to make me look like Jesus more and more. And I truly wanted to live for Him. Maybe I didn't actuallysurender EVERYTHING, but I wasn't conscious of that. My intents were not bad, or if they were, I wasn't realising it. So I just can't understand that God just let me think I was walking with Him.

And after a year, I started to fall into my old sins again. Sins I had forsaken. It got worse and worse. Little by little I was getting back into my sinful lifestyle, up to the point I stopped repenting and stopped seeking God. I consciously turned away from God and got back to my sins and became worse than I ever was. I am exactly like those spoken in 2 Peter 2.20, Hebrew 6 4-6, etc.

I lived 6 years like that. During those 6 years, I knew I wasn't living rightly. I wasn't at peace with myself, I knew I was on a very bad path. There were even a few times wherr I tried to repent and get back to God, but I loved my sins and my lust too much... I kept telling myself that I would reconcile with God, but later, which today I realised it was such a terrible mentality. I would never had thought that I would stay like that for 6 years.

After 6 years, I ended up being very depressed and mentaly very distressed. So now I just want to truly give my life to Jesus Christ. I now fully understand how lost I am without Him. I realise how much I am a bad sinner, which I never realised that deeply before.

Can God forgive my apostasy ? And why didn't he show me that I was a false converted when I thought I was walking with Him ?

Praying for you!

 

[poorlostapostate]

I regret all what I have done. I was such a fool. Those 6 years turning my back on God, I regret so much. But I feel like I commited apostasy and it's too late. I am exactly like those descibed in Hebrew 6 4-6 ... ;-( I am in terrible pain, I wish I could die and disappear. I've been SO evil Wish I could get back in time. I just can't believe I fell away that badly. Can God forgive me ?

 

[Behold]

Today I can't help wondering: why God let me be deceived like that ? Why didn't he told me that I was deceived and didn't actually commited fully my life to Him ?

Salvation is not about you committing your life to God, or some idea you might have that is your attempt to be like Christ.

Salvation is God committing His Son to the Cross to DIE, on behalf of all your sin.

The Cross is the TRUE explanation of : "Salvation".

Most try to ignore The Cross, and explain salvation as "you do this, you get that".... and that is exactly how the Devil explains it.

But Salvation is not what you do.
Its What God Provided to you, for free so that by this provision you receive what God requires you to have so that He can take you, and keep you.

See the CROSS...for the provision.

 

[Pearl]

Hello all. I'm 31, grew up in a christian family. I've always believed in the Gospel in my mind and I've always had an intellectual acceptance, but I've never actually had a saving faith. I was incredibly deceived all my life about my relationship with God.

At 20 years old though, I went very close to become a christian. At the time, I was deeply convinced that I was a christian and that I had commited my life to God. What happened is that at 20, I started to consider getting right with God. I lived a sinful teenage, and I knew I wasn't on the right track and that I needed to get right with God. So at 20 years old I started to pray again, to go to church again and to read the bible again, like when I was a child. But note that even if I did all that, I still wasn't born again.

But one day, something happened. I don't know if it was my conscience or the Holy Spirit, but I realised how bad my life was, and that I hurted a loving God who was still willing to take me. I was in my car. I bursted out crying and I asked God for forgiveness and told Him that I wanted to stop sinning and live for Him. From that moment, many changes occured within me. I would pray with enthousiasm, would be excited to go to church, to read the Bible, etc. I had a thirst to live for God, I would even worship him.

But note that even with all those changes, I still wasn't born again. The big drama is that I was basing my salvation on those changes that happened in me, instead of putting my faith in the work of Jesus Christ on the cross for me. I intellectually knew that he died for my sins, but I hadn't had received it by faith in my heart. Instead, I figured that I was following Him, therefore I was christian and I had commited my life to God. You see how deceived I was ? I was CONVICED that I was walking with God at that time, but today I realised that I was deceived, because I didn't put my trust in the right place. I thought I had faith, but I was relegious without realising it.

Today I can't help wondering: why God let me be deceived like that ? Why didn't he told me that I was deceived and didn't actually commited fully my life to Him ? Because I'll say it again : I really thought I had given my life to Him. I would always ask Him to make me look like Jesus more and more. And I truly wanted to live for Him. Maybe I didn't actuallysurender EVERYTHING, but I wasn't conscious of that. My intents were not bad, or if they were, I wasn't realising it. So I just can't understand that God just let me think I was walking with Him.

And after a year, I started to fall into my old sins again. Sins I had forsaken. It got worse and worse. Little by little I was getting back into my sinful lifestyle, up to the point I stopped repenting and stopped seeking God. I consciously turned away from God and got back to my sins and became worse than I ever was. I am exactly like those spoken in 2 Peter 2.20, Hebrew 6 4-6, etc.

I lived 6 years like that. During those 6 years, I knew I wasn't living rightly. I wasn't at peace with myself, I knew I was on a very bad path. There were even a few times wherr I tried to repent and get back to God, but I loved my sins and my lust too much... I kept telling myself that I would reconcile with God, but later, which today I realised it was such a terrible mentality. I would never had thought that I would stay like that for 6 years.

After 6 years, I ended up being very depressed and mentaly very distressed. So now I just want to truly give my life to Jesus Christ. I now fully understand how lost I am without Him. I realise how much I am a bad sinner, which I never realised that deeply before.

Can God forgive my apostasy ? And why didn't he show me that I was a false converted when I thought I was walking with Him ?

God's timing is always perfect. We all have to get to the place where we know that we need him and can do nothing of ourselves or in our own strength. And you got there and God has forgiven all your sins. He had his hand on you even through those times you have described. I heard that when bank tellers are being trained they get to handle a lot of real notes so that if or when they come across a fake one they will instantly feel the difference. I think this is what God allowed to happen in your life and now you absolutely know the real from the seemingly real.

 

[Lambano]

I regret all what I have done. I was such a fool. Those 6 years turning my back on God, I regret so much. But I feel like I commited apostasy and it's too late. I am exactly like those descibed in Hebrew 6 4-6 ... ;-( I am in terrible pain, I wish I could die and disappear. I've been SO evil Wish I could get back in time. I just can't believe I fell away that badly. Can God forgive me ?

That sounds to me like repentance, which would be impossible according to Hebrews 6:4-6, so you haven't fallen so far that Jesus can't pull you back up. Okay?

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous, so that He will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)

 

[poorlostapostate]

That sounds to me like repentance, which would be impossible according to Hebrews 6:4-6, so you haven't fallen so far that Jesus can't pull you back up. Okay?

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous, so that He will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)

But there's true and false repentance. I don't know which one of the two mine is.

 

[quietthinker]

But there's true and false repentance. I don't know which one of the two mine is.

Learn of me Jesus said, and you will find rest for your souls. Whatever else you think you know you can be assured that 'he who comes to me will I in no wise cast out....Jesus'

Deception has a million forms. In my estimation one of the primary indicators is the need/ compulsion to make lots of words repeatedly about what one thinks one knows.

Knowing Jesus not only gives birth to the desire to share him with others, it also shuts up one repetitively mouthing off about ones perceived superior understanding.

Ask that you may learn of him.....he will direct you......and you might like to listen to some of the podcasts the links of which are in my signature below.

 

[amigo de christo]

But there's true and false repentance. I don't know which one of the two mine is.

false repentance would mean you still love the sin . If you sorrow for the evil you did , then rest assured its not false .
BUT IT IS TIME to move on and stop looking back . INSTEAD thank GOD a whole lot
that HE had the mercy to TURN YOU BACK TO HIM . SO dont look back . TIME to move forward in the LORD
and put it all behind you and get FIRED UP for the glorious LORD and be continually thanking him .

 

[Lambano]

But there's true and false repentance. I don't know which one of the two mine is.

You're going to make yourself neurotic. You trying to talk yourself out of hope?

I remember this from a seminar that I found helpful:

"Repentance isn't changing yourself; repentance is God's methodology for changing you. Repentance is agreeing with God about who He is, who you are, what you've done, and what needs to change."

Whether your repentance is true or false is up to you.

 

[poorlostapostate]

false repentance would mean you still love the sin . If you sorrow for the evil you did , then rest assured its not false .
BUT IT IS TIME to move on and stop looking back . INSTEAD thank GOD a whole lot
that HE had the mercy to TURN YOU BACK TO HIM . SO dont look back . TIME to move forward in the LORD
and put it all behind you and get FIRED UP for the glorious LORD and be continually thanking him .

Well I don't even know if I love them or hate them... I abstain myself from sinning, I want to change, but deep in my heart I think I still have an attraction to my fleshy lusts, even if my mind hate them. Which is very scary. I don't even know what I want and who I am. There's a battle inside of me, and it feels like it's gonna last forever. I should NEVER EVER have apostasied. It totally messed up my heart.

Please guys, if you have a sin in your life that you know you should repent of, do it NOW. Not later. I chose to "repent later" whick was infinitely fool. Jesus died on the cross to deliver people from sin. Not as an excuse to keep on sinning.

 

[dev553344]

Remeber that Paul made himself an enemy to Jesus and his followers. So don't be too hard on yourself if you've turned around to love God.

 

[poorlostapostate]

How does repentance work ? Because I want to repent of my sins to God, but I feel like I'm not drawn by the Holy Spirit but only by myself. I don't feel this conviction that God wants me. I just know that I have to repent, but I don't think this is true conviction... Can I still ask God for forgiveness and believe that I am forgiven, even if I don't feel anything ?

 

[quietthinker]

How does repentance work ? Because I want to repent of my sins to God, but I feel like I'm not drawn by the Holy Spirit but only by myself. I don't feel this conviction that God wants me. I just know that I have to repent, but I don't think this is true conviction... Can I still ask God for forgiveness and believe that I am forgiven, even if I don't feel anything ?

you decide.....and what you do decide becomes your reality.

 

[dev553344]

How does repentance work ? Because I want to repent of my sins to God, but I feel like I'm not drawn by the Holy Spirit but only by myself. I don't feel this conviction that God wants me. I just know that I have to repent, but I don't think this is true conviction... Can I still ask God for forgiveness and believe that I am forgiven, even if I don't feel anything ?

You can start by attending church services and serving God there. That way you can enjoy the enticings of the Holy Spirit. That's how I originally repented. That and not wanting to go to hell. If you have not been baptized and prayed over to receive the Holy Spirit then you should have that done.

 

[Ziggy]

God wants all of us. He loves all of us.

Repentance is a change in the direction of your life. Letting everything go, leaving it all behind and walking a new path and following Him who leads you.
Confidence. Not in yourself but rather trusting God that he will and has kept his promises.
This is that mustard seed. You have to believe it to receive it. This is the foundation of faith. It's in the believing.
But you have to step out and move forward. It's that leap of faith. Like walking off a cliff and knowing he will catch you.
Sometimes he lets us fall. We get back up again stronger than before. Because we know that He is always there waiting for us to come to Him.
You need to have this kind of believing. And as you already know, it's not easy but it is necessary.
God is waiting for you to ask him to heal you. And you must have confidence in believing he has.
Your doubt is what is standing in your way.
This too must be repented of. Leave your doubts behind you and step into faith.
Know it in your heart that God loves you and is choosing you to follow him.
And go.

I will be praying for you. That God may give you rest from your fears and doubts.
Hugs

 

[Deborah_]

How does repentance work ? Because I want to repent of my sins to God, but I feel like I'm not drawn by the Holy Spirit but only by myself. I don't feel this conviction that God wants me. I just know that I have to repent, but I don't think this is true conviction... Can I still ask God for forgiveness and believe that I am forgiven, even if I don't feel anything ?

1) Repentance is a change of attitude. Changes in behaviour follow automatically.
2) If you're wanting to repent, you are being drawn by the Holy Spirit. Repentance isn't a natural human desire.
3) It's not necessary to "feel" conviction or anything else.
4) God has promised to forgive all who repent. Either you believe His promise or you don't. And belief isn't a feeling, either!

I'm wondering if you've ever really taken on board the fact that becoming a Christian is primarily submission to Jesus' authority. (In other words, there's more to it than just forgiveness of sins). The fundamental Christian confession is "Jesus is Lord!" (Romans 10:9) If you're under His authority, then you obey Him. And baptism is (amongst other things) an act of obedience - so if you're wanting to return to God and haven't been baptised, that would be a good place to start.

From that moment, many changes occured within me. I would pray with enthousiasm, would be excited to go to church, to read the Bible, etc. I had a thirst to live for God, I would even worship him.

But note that even with all those changes, I still wasn't born again. The big drama is that I was basing my salvation on those changes that happened in me, instead of putting my faith in the work of Jesus Christ on the cross for me.

True faith affects our lives in many ways, as the presence of the Holy Spirit produces spiritual fruit. I would say that the changes that you describe are evidence that you were born again. I had similar experiences; that was how I discovered that something strange and wonderful had happened to me (because I became a Christian without knowing it at the time!). If you've drifted away since then, that doesn't undermine the genuineness of your original conversion. This is why the Bible urges us to "persevere", because the temptations of the world are very strong.

But Christ's love for you is also very strong. He's the Good Shepherd who knows and loves His sheep, and if one of them gets lost, He hunts for it in order to bring it back into the fold. He will welcome you with open arms... so stop trying to analyse your motives, and just return.

 

[Lambano]

Well I don't even know if I love them or hate them... I abstain myself from sinning, I want to change, but deep in my heart I think I still have an attraction to my fleshy lusts, even if my mind hate them. Which is very scary. I don't even know what I want and who I am. There's a battle inside of me, and it feels like it's gonna last forever.

There is a part of you that loves your sins. That's normal, and quite biblical. Paul describes it in Romans chapter 7, if you want to look it up.

 

[Lambano]

I don't feel this conviction that God wants me.

I've been there. Despite what you feel, you're going to have to trust that God DOES love you and want you.

That's what faith is grounded in.

I don't need to quote the applicable Bible verse at you for this one, do I? C'mon, we all know it.

 

[stunnedbygrace]

Well I don't even know if I love them or hate them... I abstain myself from sinning, I want to change, but deep in my heart I think I still have an attraction to my fleshy lusts, even if my mind hate them. Which is very scary. I don't even know what I want and who I am. There's a battle inside of me, and it feels like it's gonna last forever. I should NEVER EVER have apostasied. It totally messed up my heart.

Please guys, if you have a sin in your life that you know you should repent of, do it NOW. Not later. I chose to "repent later" whick was infinitely fool. Jesus died on the cross to deliver people from sin. Not as an excuse to keep on sinning.

This is not some strange thing you are experiencing. You are seeing that the flesh will always war against the Spirit and are hungering for true righteousness and to be free of the enemy of your flesh.