Recently all of a sudden i have been having audible hallucinations. It's a demon. It tells me I'm going to go crazier. That this is my nw normal. That it hates me and can make my worst nightmare come to life. That he is pensive about all my thoughts that I'm hopeless. That I should do this and that. That I should suck duck pussy. Never would I ever think such a thing. Inreally made him mad. That I will see him later. I rebuke all of his lies in Jesus name and command him to leave me alone. Tells me my worst nightmares and to eat poop and how much he hates me. How that I don't look like a normal non threatening person. Me realizing I'm shaking and my eyes start twitching. Oh this is your new normal. You don't look unprocessed at all. I can make all the nightmares come true. You should not have thought that or rebuked me. Do u understand me. It's hard for me to dress myself or go to the bathroom because my eyes start to climb the walls. I become disoriented. Went to the phcyward, but they won't accept me because I am not suicidal and I can't go to the bathroom or change lone when this comes upon me. I will be happily eating dinner and the next thing you know have to go lay down, trembling, sweating, trying to breath. My chest hurting, my face straining, my heart pounding and my last breathe I'm praying desperately to you God I commit my spirit. I rebuke the demon in Jesus name. Command it to leave me alone. Beg for a night of sleep. Pray the pills work. Pray I make it to the bed without going limp and falling or staring at the floor trying to remember what I'm doing and how to dress into my pj's. Counting down the minutes until bed time. Making 12 years seem short and five minutes of this dialog in my brain 5 years. Can't think straight, not managing the time, can't remember or think at all. Can't look people in the eye or follow their conversations and the conversations they are having with me. Praying to God for deliverance and that people don't give up on me or God. Can't go to church anymore. Some people at church are praying for me because they heard I needed prayer. No details. Accept my pastor and his wife know. They have not contact me. I feel like they don't care. For July 4th my mom made them desert and my dad gave it to them. You think it'd be the other way around. You think one would fast and pray or fix a meal knowing full well we've been up or hours and going to the hospital. My mom having to cancel work she needs to go to to keep her job. The only income they have. I can't even walk straight or look in the mirror when I get episodes. The demon preys on every thought I have. It's hard for me to function even eat. I have never done drugs in my life, alcohol, sex, porn, witch craft. Yet I'm having a demon trying to take over even my eye contact. do I look Christian like that. I look demonic. How about a lifetime of this. I pray with all my heart for it to leave period. It tells me there is no hope. That God damns me. I say no he will never leave or forsake me. Then the whole thing starts over again. I'm very pensive about you do u understand me!!! Do u understand me!!!! I pray I have no triggers on trigger words on anyone's conversations. I just need a miracle.. I've been praying my heart out and my parents are too. Just seems I've gotten worse and nothing works.
