Hi Ernie,
what do you mean by that? Not being able to tell wether you're "in" faith or feeling confused or getting doubts or being scared of losing
your faith? I have all that. Been having it for a long time. It started focusing on my faith not long after becoming a christian. It's really
totally damaging like trying to drive with your handbrake on or going in circles all the time. What sucks is that normal christians don't
understand how this is. I have emailed with ministries and talked to pastors over the phone and tried to describe my struggles to them
and some of them even claimed to understand ocd but none of their advice, like "proclaim bible verses to generate faith", helped me one bit. It only made me feel like a hamster in a wheel struggling to generate faith for things like healing. I never got to a point where I felt
like "now I have faith". And it also didn't help me with doubts and fear. But they say fear cancels out faith which means that if I can't
turn off fear then it's all useless.
Or for example what about "believe when you pray that you receive and you shall have it".
How on earth is someone who struggle with
fear supossed to meet those requirements? I have been struggling with this ever since and found no darn solution for it! *cry*
I don't even dare to pray and ask for something cause I already think what if I fail again how shall I deal with the disappointment? Then I rather not even try it cause I know failing again would only hurt my faith even more. It's a vicious circle with no way out.
What helps
to a certain degree is focusing on
grace-based teachings and avoiding calvinistic,lordship salvationists. This stuff is
pure poison.
I can recommend JB Hixson (his gospel explanation videos),Yankee Arnold,Andrew Farley and Les Feldick.
Mark DeJesus also has a ton of videos on youtube which I believe can be helpful.