Okay, so testimony!!!
I came to Christ when I was fifteen. My family moved into this small house across the street from a church. In a way it was a good change for us. Our old home had a lot of bad memories. My mom would lock my dad up in the backroom with a deadbolt and chain with the windows boarded up. She had some serious mental health issues where she was jealous of other women. So the windows were so he wouldn't see anyone, and the lock on the door was for when my older sister was home. He allowed her to do this and always turned his head for other women, even my sister. Mom didn't have an issue of him looking at me, because I was a kid. I was made to be the witness of him laying his hand on the Bible that he hadn't looked at other women at work from about four to eight years old. My mom mellowed out as I got older and my sister moved out. She removed the chain from the room and stuff. At fifteen, I'd go across to the church just to really get away from the arguing. I always loved God and wore the children's Bible out reading it when I was younger. I went to every VBS during the summer, but we normally only went to church for holidays. I got a seed planted in my heart though. I was so hungry for God's love, and when I finally understood my sin and what Jesus did for me on the cross, I was ready to receive that. Before I was saved, I had this horrible world in my head that I feel personally was demonic. I called her Magic and she would literally torture my character Judy in my mind obsessively. I would cry myself to sleep often. I was unable to stop. I used to pray for it to go away, and it didn't until I got saved. Then just like that, I came to Christ, and it was like the world ceased to exist. It is why I believe it was demonic, because it amazed me that I couldn't even think about her torturing me anymore when it was obsessive/torturous in my mind, for so many years.
After I got saved, probably it was like a week later my parents divorced also. It was actually a hard path, but a better path. I had nightmares come back of sexual abuse from my father when he watched me while my mom worked. And I started self-harm, cutting myself that next year. That became a long ten year struggle. I had horrible anxiety and PTSD, but God was with me through all of this. My mom had a series of heart attacks when I was 21 and developed dementia at a young age. She had to go into a nursing home and I found my life tail spinning. I was looking to kill myself when this pastor and his wife took me under their wings and saved my life.
I went into this faith based program called Teen Challenge for a year, graduating the program. It helped me work through past hurts and forgive both my mom and dad for things. I still struggled with self injury though, so took another year in an out of state faith based program where I grew even closer to Christ and was finally able to gain complete freedom.
I have been self injury free for the past ten years and now am married (6 years in June), with two beautiful children. I work at a faith based preschool where I am able to tell children about Jesus love all of the time. I was lily00 on CF.com since 2005. I always felt like a zero, why I had the zeroes with an uncapitalized name. But I changed that on there to Mayflower1, and chose Mayflower on here, because I am like the ship always pursuing a closer relationship with my Savior. And Numero uno, just because.
I know who I am in Christ Jesus now. So no, not the flower like lilies, but I think the flowers are pretty also.
My mom passed in 2017, but at least was happy to see me married and I like to believe she came to Christ and I will see her one day.
I have nothing but thanks to give to God, because I have had many tests in my life. I've made mistakes and still deal with anxiety at times, but I have tasted and seen that the Lord is good. And I am so very thankful He saved my life. I just have a lot to praise God about. I remember one roarshock (ink blot test), gave me a 99.9 percent suicidal tendency. It means basically I should have been dead I was so down and depressed about my life. But satan is a liar, because today I stand a transformed Sister.
""Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet, but one thing I do; forgetting what lies behind, and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on towards the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:13-14
I have many stories in me I think, but this was the big one... Thanks for reading!
I came to Christ when I was fifteen. My family moved into this small house across the street from a church. In a way it was a good change for us. Our old home had a lot of bad memories. My mom would lock my dad up in the backroom with a deadbolt and chain with the windows boarded up. She had some serious mental health issues where she was jealous of other women. So the windows were so he wouldn't see anyone, and the lock on the door was for when my older sister was home. He allowed her to do this and always turned his head for other women, even my sister. Mom didn't have an issue of him looking at me, because I was a kid. I was made to be the witness of him laying his hand on the Bible that he hadn't looked at other women at work from about four to eight years old. My mom mellowed out as I got older and my sister moved out. She removed the chain from the room and stuff. At fifteen, I'd go across to the church just to really get away from the arguing. I always loved God and wore the children's Bible out reading it when I was younger. I went to every VBS during the summer, but we normally only went to church for holidays. I got a seed planted in my heart though. I was so hungry for God's love, and when I finally understood my sin and what Jesus did for me on the cross, I was ready to receive that. Before I was saved, I had this horrible world in my head that I feel personally was demonic. I called her Magic and she would literally torture my character Judy in my mind obsessively. I would cry myself to sleep often. I was unable to stop. I used to pray for it to go away, and it didn't until I got saved. Then just like that, I came to Christ, and it was like the world ceased to exist. It is why I believe it was demonic, because it amazed me that I couldn't even think about her torturing me anymore when it was obsessive/torturous in my mind, for so many years.
After I got saved, probably it was like a week later my parents divorced also. It was actually a hard path, but a better path. I had nightmares come back of sexual abuse from my father when he watched me while my mom worked. And I started self-harm, cutting myself that next year. That became a long ten year struggle. I had horrible anxiety and PTSD, but God was with me through all of this. My mom had a series of heart attacks when I was 21 and developed dementia at a young age. She had to go into a nursing home and I found my life tail spinning. I was looking to kill myself when this pastor and his wife took me under their wings and saved my life.
I went into this faith based program called Teen Challenge for a year, graduating the program. It helped me work through past hurts and forgive both my mom and dad for things. I still struggled with self injury though, so took another year in an out of state faith based program where I grew even closer to Christ and was finally able to gain complete freedom.
I have been self injury free for the past ten years and now am married (6 years in June), with two beautiful children. I work at a faith based preschool where I am able to tell children about Jesus love all of the time. I was lily00 on CF.com since 2005. I always felt like a zero, why I had the zeroes with an uncapitalized name. But I changed that on there to Mayflower1, and chose Mayflower on here, because I am like the ship always pursuing a closer relationship with my Savior. And Numero uno, just because.
I have nothing but thanks to give to God, because I have had many tests in my life. I've made mistakes and still deal with anxiety at times, but I have tasted and seen that the Lord is good. And I am so very thankful He saved my life. I just have a lot to praise God about. I remember one roarshock (ink blot test), gave me a 99.9 percent suicidal tendency. It means basically I should have been dead I was so down and depressed about my life. But satan is a liar, because today I stand a transformed Sister.
""Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet, but one thing I do; forgetting what lies behind, and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on towards the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:13-14
I have many stories in me I think, but this was the big one... Thanks for reading!
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