Why men don't want to get married

[HealthyShape]

I do want to echo @Wynona 's words, focus on one's self, and let God do the work in the other.

As I said, I rather lost interest in dating altogether. I do not even see nice women which I would like, anymore.

So, I will in no way try hard it. I have no reason, currently.

 

[HealthyShape]

You can if you're willing to unlearn what you're taught.

I was raised to believe that you couldn't trust a man with your life. That you had to maintain some level of independence. This mindset almost shipwrecked the marriage in the beginning.

A good marriage is not a "partnership" or a competition. It is a one flesh union. My husband is the head. Im like the body and I follow. I had to unlearn feminism completely to enjoy a happy marriage now.

One can unlearn or learn things that are done consciously. But there are tons of unconscious patterns, views, anxieties and reflexive reactions attained in childhood that are almost impossible to unlearn (or learn anew).

They may also heavily influence if one likes and wants to have children etc. Somebody from a big family will have a completely different view and psychological needs than somebody from a minimal family, and so on and so forth.

 

[marks]

As I said, I rather lost interest in dating altogether. I do not even see nice women which I would like, anymore.

So, I will in no way try hard it. I have no reason, currently.

I didn't date, myself. I'd met my wife when we were both 16, in school. I would run into her off and on over the years. We'd hang out, and one of us would move, or whatever it was, then we'd run into each other again. When I was 29, I realized, this is The One, and we were wed.

Much love!

 

[Wynona]

One can unlearn or learn things that are done consciously. But there are tons of unconscious patterns, views, anxieties and reflexive reactions attained in childhood that are almost impossible to unlearn (or learn anew).

They may also heavily influence if one likes and wants to have children etc. Somebody from a big family will have a completely different view and psychological needs than somebody from a minimal family, and so on and so forth.

Id say not only can we unlearn childhood patterns, its often our duty to for the sake of those around us or those coming after us.

My husband grew up poor in a trailer with constant fighting.

He has come up in life in all areas. He has a lucrative career trucking and is the most emotionally grounded man I know.

I was a spoiled middle class girl expected to go to college at all costs and devote to a career. Now Im a homemaking haven type lady and I support biblical patriarchy.

It can all change a lot.

 

[marks]

One can unlearn or learn things that are done consciously. But there are tons of unconscious patterns, views, anxieties and reflexive reactions attained in childhood that are almost impossible to unlearn (or learn anew).

I'd say, very difficult in some cases, but not impossible, or even almost impossible. Maybe impossible for someone who does not have the Holy Spirit living in them.

I have solid experience in this, it's my life story.

They may also heavily influence if one likes and wants to have children etc. Somebody from a big family will have a completely different view and psychological needs than somebody from a minimal family, and so on and so forth.

Absolutely true! Common cultural backgrounds also enhance the marriage. We can quote the same 40 year old TV show and know what it means. Having common expectations for that the Holidays should be like, there is a lot like this. Tastes in food.

Compatibility balanced with discovery. And then there is the fact that conflict brings out where we need growth, or healing from the Lord.

I'm not trying to, nor do I want to, dissuade you from your stance. If the Lord has someone to be with you, in His time it will be. I'll not try to second guess His plans!

Much love!

 

[Nancy]

While men can have family biologically almost at any age, the desire to have a wife and to marry is actually quite fading away starting at late 30's, early 40's, for men.

Testosteron levels decline and also priorities change, people are already used to their single lifestyle.

But who knows, with some AI breakthrough in longevity or with testosterone therapy, future can be different.

"Testosteron levels decline and also priorities change, people are already used to their single lifestyle."

You are not a woman and probably haven't been groped countless times by a male geriatric patient at work!

 

[Nancy]

HISterectomy-MENapause-MENses-GUYnecology (ew)- MENtal illness-MENstruel cramps-So, I think it's obvious where women's problems start!! Ahahaha!! J/K of course.

Got this from a video a family member sent me

 

[HealthyShape]

Even though there are few successful marriage stories (mostly of older people or on internet), statistically, it is not common.

I would summarize today's reasons into few categories:

1. The institution of today's western marriage - nothing good for men, tons of duties, both legal and social, frequent divorces, horror stories, extremely expensive...

2. Women (generally) lost their femininity, so they are not attractive to men and middle class men are not attractive to middle class women because of status
- many younger people stopped serious dating altogether, not just marrying

3. Younger generations are "broken" (both economically and psychologically) - nobody knows what is marriage for, what are the roles of each gender, why to have children, how to behave in marriage, how to solve parenting problems or relationship problems, people do not have money to have children or even their own house, everybody has some mental problem or health problem or other complications, most people have divorced parents or unmarried parents, so no good examples and patterns and no multi-generational support for a new young family...

4. No reason to actually date or marry, in an economically developed society. In the past, marriage was a way how to survive, how to get some money or status etc. Children were needed to help you when you were old. But society works differently now and marriage or children are frequently rather obstacles to achieving a better economical situation.

 

[Wynona]

Even though there are few successful marriage stories (mostly of older people or on internet), statistically, it is not common.

I would summarize today's reasons into few categories:

1. The institution of today's western marriage - nothing good for men, tons of duties, both legal and social, frequent divorces, horror stories, extremely expensive...

2. Women (generally) lost their femininity, so they are not attractive to men and middle class men are not attractive to middle class women because of status
- many younger people stopped serious dating altogether, not just marrying

3. Younger generations are "broken" (both economically and psychologically) - nobody knows what is marriage for, what are the roles of each gender, why to have children, how to behave in marriage, how to solve parenting problems or relationship problems, people do not have money to have children or even their own house, everybody has some mental problem or health problem or other complications, most people have divorced parents or unmarried parents, so no good examples and patterns and no multi-generational support for a new young family...

4. No reason to actually date or marry, in an economically developed society. In the past, marriage was a way how to survive, how to get some money or status etc. Children were needed to help you when you were old. But society works differently now and marriage or children are frequently rather obstacles to achieving a better economical situation.

I would say 1 and 2 and 3 are generally true.

Especially number 2. Its taken me years to deprogram from feminism. Ages 20 to now 30.

3. I Agree with, but we have to figure out how to break generational curses no matter how awfully we were set up. Also, we have the internet now. Somewhere, there's someone sharing wisdom on these topics who has figured things out. Ive found many of them. Also, Scripture is a great road map out of the nightmare. I found my purpose as a woman in Genesis 2, further clarity of my role in Proverbs 31 and Ephesians 5, and the deathblow to feminism in Titus 2:3-5.

But 4, I disagree with. Children are a financial investment. They are worth the money.
The United States is in a population crisis because people think having families is no longer necessary and due to feminism pushing women to focus exclusively on career during their fertility years.

 

[Wynona]

so no good examples and patterns and no multi-generational support for a new young family...

Here's a pattern I wish I was shown earlier.

If I had to marry again, as in my current husband was no longer with us, there's a few things I would do differently.

1. No dating.
Modern dating just fed into a sense of entitlement because of the gifts, and taught me to crave attention from different men. Worst of all, there's nothing about it that teaches or reinforces wifely wisdom.

Id only meet with men willing to do boring interview style meetups to figure out if we're suited to marry.

2. No huge expensive wedding. The marriage is whats important, not the ceremony.

3. Id get a Godly male advisor to join the interviewing to help weed out some bad options.

4. Things Id "advertise" loyalty, submissiveness, nurturing, home-centered domestic skills, "put you first" mentality. Would not advertise education and career background.

 

[ProverbsInPink]

Eastwood's character in,Two Mules For Sister Sarah, makes a good point.
No woman in her right mind would want to marry a guy like that.

 

[soberxp]

Actor: I'm not getting married because you became a nun.

 

[HealthyShape]

The United States is in a population crisis because people think having families is no longer necessary and due to feminism pushing women to focus exclusively on career during their fertility years.

You may personally disagree with that view, but if we are talking about a developed society, it is how it turns out. Japan, South Korea, the EU... all developed parts of the world have significantly less children than for example countries in Africa, India or South America.

Modern post-industrial economies are not too compatible with slow family living. For the middle class, family becomes a burden full of duties and expenses and basically only poor or very rich people can afford to manage it successfully (with either time or money). A middle-class people who need to work from the morning to the evening just to get by comfortably in the system - how can they even think about adding two or more children to the mix, to pay their schools, bigger house etc.

However, AI, robotization and the boost of productivity because of this technology may shake the status quo significantly. Maybe, people will have some regular income without work or the work will be so short in time and done from home that, traditional families might experience some renewal.

 

[HealthyShape]

Here's a pattern I wish I was shown earlier.

If I had to marry again, as in my current husband was no longer with us, there's a few things I would do differently.

1. No dating.
Modern dating just fed into a sense of entitlement because of the gifts, and taught me to crave attention from different men. Worst of all, there's nothing about it that teaches or reinforces wifely wisdom.

Id only meet with men willing to do boring interview style meetups to figure out if we're suited to marry.

2. No huge expensive wedding. The marriage is whats important, not the ceremony.

3. Id get a Godly male advisor to join the interviewing to help weed out some bad options.

4. Things Id "advertise" loyalty, submissiveness, nurturing, home-centered domestic skills, "put you first" mentality. Would not advertise education and career background.

I would be careful with too much submissiveness though. First, it becomes boring after some time. Second, if a woman is too dependent on the man in common decisions, it also becomes a burden, to micromanage everything.

I dated various types and I would say some balance is the best. Femininity, but also a proactive way of thinking, of support and coming with some ideas/solutions, too.

 

[Wynona]

I would be careful with too much submissiveness though. First, it becomes boring after some time. Second, if a woman is too dependent on the man in common decisions, it also becomes a burden, to micromanage everything.

I dated various types and I would say some balance is the best. Femininity, but also a proactive way of thinking, of support and coming with some ideas/solutions, too.

I believe submission is not the same thing as "doormat" or "limp ragdoll". I have an advisory influence role to play in marriage that is important to my husband.

A Christian wife is to view her purpose as a helpmate and a companion to her husband. She takes charge of doing things in a way that makes his life easier.

My husband doesn't micromanage how I run the home or even how I make his life easier. By now he simply trusts that I will. The cooking and cleaning that feminists hate for women to do are great ways to add value. The man can then focus on finances, having a vision for the future, protection, and leadership.

I actually love the delegated roles. I don't care how many dishes I wash since I dont have to pay bills. My husband does this for me so I can look after my babies but even before the babies. He has the harder role. In return, I let him relax at home and I become his peace.

 

[Wynona]

You may personally disagree with that view, but if we are talking about a developed society, it is how it turns out. Japan, South Korea, the EU... all developed parts of the world have significantly less children than for example countries in Africa, India or South America.

Will look into this more.

 

[Wynona]

However, AI, robotization and the boost of productivity because of this technology may shake the status quo significantly. Maybe, people will have some regular income without work or the work will be so short in time and done from home that, traditional families might experience some renewal.

Ive never heard such a positive view of AI for families before. Interesting.

 

[HealthyShape]

I believe submission is not the same thing as "doormat" or "limp ragdoll". I have an advisory influence role to play in marriage that is important to my husband.

A Christian wife is to view her purpose as a helpmate and a companion to her husband. She takes charge of doing things in a way that makes his life easier.

My husband doesn't micromanage how I run the home or even how I make his life easier. By now he simply trusts that I will. The cooking and cleaning that feminists hate for women to do are great ways to add value. The man can then focus on finances, having a vision for the future, protection, and leadership.

I actually love the delegated roles. I don't care how many dishes I wash since I dont have to pay bills. My husband does this for me so I can look after my babies but even before the babies. He has the harder role. In return, I let him relax at home and I become his peace.

I think most women today need to have a job too, because having just one income is frequently insufficient, risky and it may be rather some emergency than a comfortable situation.

Living on just one income is a luxury most families cannot afford. Which also changes the dynamics at home.

 

[Wynona]

I think most women today need to have a job too, because having just one income is frequently insufficient, risky and it may be rather some emergency than a comfortable situation.

Living on just one income is a luxury most families cannot afford. Which also changes the dynamics at home.

I have no issue with women making money and if they need to work, they ought to.

I disagree however that one income is just a luxury for the few. You can make it work provided you are willing to sacrifice a certain lifestyle.

For example, you may have to live with just one car with no payments on it. It all depends on how badly you want one income vs dual income.

I became a housewife on a shoestring budget, since my husband drove a cab at the time. We budgeted and never missed a bill payment. But, knowing I was dependent incentivized my husband to get his CDL. He makes plenty for us to live on now.

I would say many one income households start out with low incomes but the breadwinner is then incentivized to push at a career.

 

[Wynona]

I actually love the delegated roles.

Im a die hard fan of biblical patriarchy, femininity, and roles but the ironic thing is that Ive learned more from my husband's masculine mindset since I stopped competing with him. I use this mindset to gain success in other areas.

For example, I had a shopping addiction but I looked at my husband and saw his contentment with maybe one video game purchase every three months. I asked him to coach me on his mindset and Ive been able to let go of consumerism entirely since.

Unfortunately, while men are taught to do what is right regardless of feeling, women are encouraged to do what is right for *them*. But pushing this mindset away has allowed me to accomplish a lot more.