Lacking True Fellowship

[Nancy]

Greetings all!
For the last 2 years I have been attending a local Church in which I get totally fed the Word of God...all filtered through scripture, I like the Pastor and the P/W is wonderful. There are only about 100 people at any given time during Sunday services. So, that is all great but...I have not connected with most of the women there. I suppose it is that we have loads of children, all ages in our Church (which is awesome! it is growing) and, I am not married and have no children. There just seems to be a disconnect in that sense. As a result, I know only a few people that seem to give me the time of day. Now, I realize there are a lot of young mothers in the Church and they are busy with their children and some have jobs as well. I have not given my testimony here yet as I am not quite ready to do that, lol, but I will say that my life up until the point of being saved is so very different than anybody in that Church...I feel we have Christ in common but, nothing else. I feel that I might be looking for another home Church with folks more my age (60) and possibly more singles. I am married to Christ and have been celibate and very contentedly so (totally His Grace) for many years. I am wondering if I should talk to the Pastor about this. It has been niggling at me for awhile now and I feel I need to act on it. Any thoughts?

-nancy

 

[Stranger]

Greetings all!
For the last 2 years I have been attending a local Church in which I get totally fed the Word of God...all filtered through scripture, I like the Pastor and the P/W is wonderful. There are only about 100 people at any given time during Sunday services. So, that is all great but...I have not connected with most of the women there. I suppose it is that we have loads of children, all ages in our Church (which is awesome! it is growing) and, I am not married and have no children. There just seems to be a disconnect in that sense. As a result, I know only a few people that seem to give me the time of day. Now, I realize there are a lot of young mothers in the Church and they are busy with their children and some have jobs as well. I have not given my testimony here yet as I am not quite ready to do that, lol, but I will say that my life up until the point of being saved is so very different than anybody in that Church...I feel we have Christ in common but, nothing else. I feel that I might be looking for another home Church with folks more my age (60) and possibly more singles. I am married to Christ and have been celibate and very contentedly so (totally His Grace) for many years. I am wondering if I should talk to the Pastor about this. It has been niggling at me for awhile now and I feel I need to act on it. Any thoughts?

-nancy

If you are unsure about whether to stay or not, then yes, I would talk to the pastor. I say that because you must trust him since you are being given the Word of God and enjoy the praise and worship there. And, I think those two things there are hard to find in a church today. So you might lose one of those or both when you move.

My immediate response is to say, stay where you are. But, I don't know your whole situation. I don't think we should always be looking for Christians our own age. The Spirit of God will work in both. A healthy church is one that has both old and young.

I believe connections between people are made by God. And He is able to make or send those to you whatever your decision. If you stay, He is there with you, and if you go, He goes with you.

Stranger

 

[Nancy]

If you are unsure about whether to stay or not, then yes, I would talk to the pastor. I say that because you must trust him since you are being given the Word of God and enjoy the praise and worship there. And, I think those two things there are hard to find in a church today. So you might lose one of those or both when you move.

My immediate response is to say, stay where you are. But, I don't know your whole situation. I don't think we should always be looking for Christians our own age. The Spirit of God will work in both. A healthy church is one that has both old and young.

I believe connections between people are made by God. And He is able to make or send those to you whatever your decision. If you stay, He is there with you, and if you go, He goes with you.

Stranger

Yes, God's Spirit will work in both and, thank you for the confirmation...my biggest struggle was leaving behind those 2 things-Praise and Worship and hearing the unadulterated WORD!
Funny thing just happened. One of the women from my Church just called me to ask if I wanted to be her Mary Kay model for a skin cleanser, I told her that, of course I would! God is working fast here!

Thank you for your advise and, I agree wholeheartedly with all you said Stranger...have a blessed night!
-nancy

 

[FHII]

Yes. Talk to the pastor. He is there to preach the Word and if he is doing that its a good thing. But he is also there to tend to the flock. And you have a need of fellowship which is important.

My wife had the same delemna when we first came in. She talked to the pastor and he created the means to fix it.

I tend to focus on truth in preaching, but fellowship is just as important. Both spirituality and historically. Both in 50 AD and today.

It is important that you connect with your brethren. Male and female. It doesn't mean you must have the same lifestyle or interests. It helps to take an interest in them. But you don't have to have them . but you must all agree in Christ and that is bind. Still, it helps to take an interest in their earthly life.

Proverbs 18:24 KJV
A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.

Jesus is that friend that is closer than a brother. But otherwise show yourself to be friendly. Having done that, its on them. Not you.

If that is the case. Either walk away or be the one who is the star! Be the one to make this scripture true. Be tge attraction and the example.

 

[Nancy]

Yes. Talk to the pastor. He is there to preach the Word and if he is doing that its a good thing. But he is also there to tend to the flock. And you have a need of fellowship which is important.

My wife had the same delemna when we first came in. She talked to the pastor and he created the means to fix it.

I tend to focus on truth in preaching, but fellowship is just as important. Both spirituality and historically. Both in 50 AD and today.

It is important that you connect with your brethren. Male and female. It doesn't mean you must have the same lifestyle or interests. It helps to take an interest in them. But you don't have to have them . but you must all agree in Christ and that is bind. Still, it helps to take an interest in their earthly life.

Proverbs 18:24 KJV
A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.

Jesus is that friend that is closer than a brother. But otherwise show yourself to be friendly. Having done that, its on them. Not you.

If that is the case. Either walk away or be the one who is the star! Be the one to make this scripture true. Be tge attraction and the example.

Thank you FHII. Yes, I do believe Fellowship is very important esp. as Jesus say's not to forsake the gathering of the brethren. I believe it's also a way to grow together spiritually as a local body. Thank you for the input, and have a blessed day!

-nancy

 

[Helen]

I agree.
I'd talk to the pastor and give him a chance to "do something" rather than just leave.

The last church I left was the self same reason as you.
We were there for a year...I too loved the word, and the worship was better than most places..some gifts were in use too.
But talk about cold and unfriendly.
We invite people out to lunch after church. We invited people to come "for coffee"...
We pretty much could not get anyone chatting at the Potluck meals.

The only people that took us up on a meal was the pastor and wife.
And we were invited to their house....but the people...NO!!

I tithed to the church long after we left there.
Dave still pops in there once in a while on a Sunday.

I agree with you...fellowship IS important. "church" is not only for Sundays...but that is the impression I got from these people. The rest of the week, phtt.

This may sound odd, but I sometime believe in "tribe-ing"..some Christians in my life that I have met , I find instant connection...and it has lasted all my life. Even if I haven't seen them for years...we just pick up where we were. Others...nothing....acquaintance yes, but never a real "family" connection.
So, I think that is okay too...just like the song ( from Ezekiel )
Some are, and some are not...and that is how it should be in a true Body of Christ.
But the question remains... How do we find those bones which connect with ours. :)

The toe bone's connected to the foot bone,
The foot bone's connected to the ankle bone,
The ankle bone's connected to the leg bone,
Now shake dem skeleton bones!

The leg bone's connected to the knee bone,
The knee bone's connected to the thigh bone,
The thigh bone's connected to the hip bone,
Now shake dem skeleton bones!

The hip bone's connected to the back bone
The back bone's connected to the neck bone,
The neck bone's connected to the head bone,
Now shake dem skeleton bones!

The finger bone's connected to the hand bone,
The hand bone's connected to the arm bone,
The arm bone's connected to the shoulder bone,
Now shake dem skeleton bones!

Dem bones, dem bones gonna walk around
Dem bones, dem bones, gonna walk around
Dem bones, dem bones, gonna walk around
Now shake dem skeleton bones!

 

[Nancy]

Lol..dem ole bones....cannot let them get dry!!!
Thank you Grace, I would never just leave without discussing it with my pastor. I respect him too much. Whenever I think of leaving, I get very sad. Although, I do believe God is answering my prayer as one of the women actually CALLED me yesterday and asked if I would be her Mary Kay model for some skin thingy, I said of course I would!!! (not my thing tho, lol)....soooo, that is the first time anybody from the Church has ever called me. Her name is Ellie and is quite admired and respected...maybe this is a start?? I so hope it is.
Thank you Grace for sharing...and you're bone song

Be blessed!!!
-nancy

 

[Triumph1300]

Not an uncommon problem, Nancy.
I had a severe heart attack.
Spend time in the hospital.
Never a single word from anybody in the church we were attending.
Spend 5 weeks recovering. No cards, no calls... just nothing.
Only a small church with about 60 people at the most.
So, it's nothing new.

 

[Nancy]

Not an uncommon problem, Nancy.
I had a severe heart attack.
Spend time in the hospital.
Never a single word from anybody in the church we were attending.
Spend 5 weeks recovering. No cards, no calls... just nothing.
Only a small church with about 60 people at the most.
So, it's nothing new.

How sad though that this happens with the body of Christ...Jesus said to love each other and, I'm just wondering...where's the love!!! Lol. Well, I for one have a new fervency to pray for all the saints to soften their hearts and add a little heat to their tepidness!
Thank you Triumph, I hope your heart is doing well.
-nancy

 

[Windmill Charge]

Are there no older women, those whose children have left school or who have children in college attending the church?

Most churches have a midweek, midday ladies meeting, often run by the pastors wife.

As has been suggested talk to the pastor, but do some research.
Are there ladies of your age in the church or in the neighbourhood?
Why don't they attend this church, do they attend another church if so why?

Has the pastor thought of monthly fellowship groups meeting in homes with a cross section of people from the church?
What about an evangelistic ladies meeting where ladies meet and chat over food and listen to a gospel based talk linked to a subject of interest to the ladies.

Are you available to help in any of the youth meetings, as that would enable you to get to know mothers through their children.

 

[Nancy]

Are there no older women, those whose children have left school or who have children in college attending the church?

Most churches have a midweek, midday ladies meeting, often run by the pastors wife.

As has been suggested talk to the pastor, but do some research.
Are there ladies of your age in the church or in the neighbourhood?
Why don't they attend this church, do they attend another church if so why?

Has the pastor thought of monthly fellowship groups meeting in homes with a cross section of people from the church?
What about an evangelistic ladies meeting where ladies meet and chat over food and listen to a gospel based talk linked to a subject of interest to the ladies.

Are you available to help in any of the youth meetings, as that would enable you to get to know mothers through their children.

Ah yes, I have definitely looked into those things, I do help out in the kitchen allot or transporting those who have no cars to get around. There are many troubled folk who go to my Church as it is in the inner city. I have a woman living in my upstairs (2rooms and a bathroom) she is only a couple years younger than myself. She cannot afford an apartment on her ssi so, I only ask for $300.00 per month, including all but food. The children's ministry is pretty well covered. I am a greeter on Sundays.
There is no mid week except for Celebrate Recovery and Grief Share groups. I would LOVE to have a group of ladies at my house but, there is much work to be done here and it just isn't "company ready". There was a group called "Sermon Sisters" but, only myself and two others attended. That didn't last long.
I will see what the Lord has planned...I have a peace this will turn out just fine. Thank you for the suggestions!
-nancy