First I would like to state that I have not shared my story with many. I have only shared this with friends and family while we were already in discussion about our beliefs, Religion and God in general. I may have told this to maybe 20 people in total, but everytime while I'm in the middle or at the end of telling somebody something in me tells me that I should tell more people.
I don't because it makes me feel like a hypocrite or "preaching" while I do not follow in the foot steps of God on a daily basis. I don't feel "right" telling my experience to people because I'm not a religious person by the eyes of many but still have belief and pray almost daily.
First before my story I would like to delve deeper in my belief system. While I know it may differ than many here and may sound a bit blasphemous but I do not believe that you have to go to Church to worship or speak with God.
I believe that you can have one-on-one with God at any time, at any place. I believe that he is every where, watching everything at all times. I don't feel the need to go to church just to PROVE that I am his child and that I speak to him.
He is my father and when I speak to him I decide to keep it personal between Him and I. And every time I do speak to him either aloud or inside of my head then at that very time I'm inside of our, His and Mine, personal church.
I will admit right now that I have not read the Bible. I have a few scriptures here and there but I don't feel the NEED to read the entirety to try to fear, love or understand him. He is the silent father. The guiding hand that allows you to travel your road but won't leave you astray if you ask for help, but will certainly allow you to depart from his path if you choose to and even though it might hurt him, as his child, he will allow you to choose your path. If you want more explanation then feel to PM me. I digressed enough.
I was a young man living in Las Vegas, Nevada at the time while I was feeling very lost in my religious world. Nothing horrible was going on in the world or in my personal life. I remember constantly thinking about all the times that I spoke to God and received nothing in return, at least nothing in return on what I could physically see.
One night it reached a boiling point that about an hour before I went to bed I considered becoming an atheist, a non believer, I was going to start believing in science other than our father, our creator.
I was laying in bed staring up at the ceiling angry, agitated, confused and quite honestly hurt. Then I closed my eyes and even though I told myself I wouldn't speak to him again I asked him "God, if you're really there you're going to have to show me right now. Make me believe again in you. Make a sound in the room. Make a noise. Do anything. Please make me believe."
I laid there for maybe 3 to 5 minutes with nothing in return. After I was about to give up and open up my eyes it was at THAT moment I felt like the center of my heart literally opened in my chest without any pain in it at all and a wash of warm liquid entered it and surrounded it. It felt as if I were a new born and you were getting that perfect temperature of water running across my head and hair for the first time and trusting my mother it wouldn't reach my eyes, nose or mouth, but it was in and around my heart.
When I first felt that it almost took my breath away, but I stayed still, I allowed it to flow through and around my heart. After a few moments I opened my eyes and I sat up and I just felt this presence around me and in my room. I felt like he was there in my bed room, without words, telling me that he was there.
At the time I was big time into chatting online so the first thing I did was hop on my computer and told a few online friends what happened. I felt like I was on a "high" with his love. I had to share what I felt but had nobody to share it with but the few people on my friends list.
Now? I don't know. I feel like he showed me that he was real for a reason and I don't know what to do with it. As I said previously I have only shared my experience with only a few family members and friends. It's as if I have this knowledge that I feel compelled to keep secret to only ones that I'm in deep religious conversations with.
Now? I still feel very human. Filled with flaws and sin. I regret to admit but I have sinned even after him showing himself to me. The worst I have done after is stealing when poor. And every time I have done that I look into the sky and say "I'm sorry" and I mean it Every. Single. Time.
Now?I still, even after that experience, do not know how to live life without sin. But I do know and believe that he loves me and everybody that still lives with sin in our daily lives.
I don't because it makes me feel like a hypocrite or "preaching" while I do not follow in the foot steps of God on a daily basis. I don't feel "right" telling my experience to people because I'm not a religious person by the eyes of many but still have belief and pray almost daily.
First before my story I would like to delve deeper in my belief system. While I know it may differ than many here and may sound a bit blasphemous but I do not believe that you have to go to Church to worship or speak with God.
I believe that you can have one-on-one with God at any time, at any place. I believe that he is every where, watching everything at all times. I don't feel the need to go to church just to PROVE that I am his child and that I speak to him.
He is my father and when I speak to him I decide to keep it personal between Him and I. And every time I do speak to him either aloud or inside of my head then at that very time I'm inside of our, His and Mine, personal church.
I will admit right now that I have not read the Bible. I have a few scriptures here and there but I don't feel the NEED to read the entirety to try to fear, love or understand him. He is the silent father. The guiding hand that allows you to travel your road but won't leave you astray if you ask for help, but will certainly allow you to depart from his path if you choose to and even though it might hurt him, as his child, he will allow you to choose your path. If you want more explanation then feel to PM me. I digressed enough.
I was a young man living in Las Vegas, Nevada at the time while I was feeling very lost in my religious world. Nothing horrible was going on in the world or in my personal life. I remember constantly thinking about all the times that I spoke to God and received nothing in return, at least nothing in return on what I could physically see.
One night it reached a boiling point that about an hour before I went to bed I considered becoming an atheist, a non believer, I was going to start believing in science other than our father, our creator.
I was laying in bed staring up at the ceiling angry, agitated, confused and quite honestly hurt. Then I closed my eyes and even though I told myself I wouldn't speak to him again I asked him "God, if you're really there you're going to have to show me right now. Make me believe again in you. Make a sound in the room. Make a noise. Do anything. Please make me believe."
I laid there for maybe 3 to 5 minutes with nothing in return. After I was about to give up and open up my eyes it was at THAT moment I felt like the center of my heart literally opened in my chest without any pain in it at all and a wash of warm liquid entered it and surrounded it. It felt as if I were a new born and you were getting that perfect temperature of water running across my head and hair for the first time and trusting my mother it wouldn't reach my eyes, nose or mouth, but it was in and around my heart.
When I first felt that it almost took my breath away, but I stayed still, I allowed it to flow through and around my heart. After a few moments I opened my eyes and I sat up and I just felt this presence around me and in my room. I felt like he was there in my bed room, without words, telling me that he was there.
At the time I was big time into chatting online so the first thing I did was hop on my computer and told a few online friends what happened. I felt like I was on a "high" with his love. I had to share what I felt but had nobody to share it with but the few people on my friends list.
Now? I don't know. I feel like he showed me that he was real for a reason and I don't know what to do with it. As I said previously I have only shared my experience with only a few family members and friends. It's as if I have this knowledge that I feel compelled to keep secret to only ones that I'm in deep religious conversations with.
Now? I still feel very human. Filled with flaws and sin. I regret to admit but I have sinned even after him showing himself to me. The worst I have done after is stealing when poor. And every time I have done that I look into the sky and say "I'm sorry" and I mean it Every. Single. Time.
Now?I still, even after that experience, do not know how to live life without sin. But I do know and believe that he loves me and everybody that still lives with sin in our daily lives.
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