Perhaps I am of a different kind of breed.
I do believe that "willful sins" will make a person lost;
And yet I have stood outside with people who needed to smoke a cigarette while church was going on.
Because I understand that grace, when properly executed, will bring deliverance from sin rather than making a man more licentious; as when it is taught as being a license for sin.
You tolerate that person's sinful patterns and behaviours in the hope that something that you say will get through to them and they will repent unto true salvation.
Being gentle in this is important.
Sometimes putting aside your theology in order to reach the person may indeed be necessary.
Standing outside with a smoker may not be the preaching ministry in which you are hitting them over the head with the Bible; but it is often more effective in that it should be clear that that person already knows that he is sinning by smoking that cigarette. What he needs is the understanding that he is accepted by you and that therefore the One whom you represent may also accept him, though he feels condemned by his behaviour, from the One whom you represent.
It may even be that he stands condemned (for the Holy Spirit convicts of judgment) and that this is the reason why he feels condemned.
However, if he feels accepted by you, he will be coming back to church and it is at church that he may finally get the message that will change his life.
I think I previous had a dig at you for prophetic "you" messages, and you explained that you didn't mean it the way it sounds. I was tempted to have another dig at your "prophecy" but I refrained.
Actually, cigarette smoking isn't one of the components listed in Paul's Galatian 5 works of the flesh. Jesus said it is not what goes into a person that defiles him but what comes out - ie, through his mouth, and it ain't cigarette smoke!
But having said that, because our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit, it could be a sin to do anything that could damage it and shorten our life expectancy. The same could be said of binge eating, and being a workaholic and allowing ourselves to experience undue stress. Driving over-fast and recklessly, as well as not looking both ways before crossing the road could definitely shorten our lives! Going into a gay bar and referring to them as fairies could certainly damage your body!!
But if we see a fellow believer engaging in the works of the flesh as identified in Galatians 5, then there are instructions about how we as brethren correct them in love. We go to them privately first, rather than, as my friend experienced, having their sin blurted out before 400 people in a church service and being told publicly that he is not fit to receive the Lord's supper. And all my friend did was to visit another woman from the church to get counselling advice because of difficulties with the woman he was engaged to. He was treated as if he had sex with the other woman and in so doing was unfaithful to his fiance. But he did nothing of the sort, and going to a woman in the church for counselling is certainly not a sin. But the church leader was so legalistic that even breaking wind in church was the unforgiveable sin to him!
Going to a person privately preserves dignity. It is when he won't listen that you take another person with you. And if he is still obstinate, then that is when his infraction is reported to the leadership of the church. But we are talking about an action that could being discredit on the church, not because he was in the habit of cursing the four-letter version of "gosh darn the blankety heck" when he hit his thumb with the hammer!
I would privately correct a brother in Christ if I found out that he was in the habit of hitting his wife and children when he got angry with them. That is the type of sin that we must give correction for, because it gives the impression that someone can praise God in church on Sunday, then go home and beat up his wife and children. Or if a married brother is getting too friendly with the single female church secretary. He would need to be warned about faithfulness to his family.
The devil is very cunning and deceptive, and he can, through a gradual process, snare a person into sin. Often other brethren in the church see it before he does, and that is the time when faithful brethren need to get the person aside and show him or her the deviant path that is being taken. If we can do that, we can save a brother or sister in Christ from disaster and ruin, and retain the integrity of the church's witness to the world.
