self harm.

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lilygrace

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Nice to meet you lilygrace.

A little over 20 years. I'm not really sure why I did it. It was never for attention. It just felt like a compulsion.
im sure everyone has their own reasons. i believe i did it because of not being allowed to feel what i did or talk about stuff. etc.
i have been accused of doing it for attention and found that hurtful.
 
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Kaz

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im sure everyone has their own reasons. i believe i did it because of not being allowed to feel what i did or talk about stuff. etc.
i have been accused of doing it for attention and found that hurtful.
Well, should you ever feel compelled to do so again, please contact me here and maybe we talk it out before you hurt yourself. Jesus has already shed enough blood for all of us.
 
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April_Rose

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im sure everyone has their own reasons. i believe i did it because of not being allowed to feel what i did or talk about stuff. etc.
i have been accused of doing it for attention and found that hurtful.




That is hurtful because it's obviously a real problem that you have that you need help for.
 

Truman

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I started smoking to hurt myself. I have various types of scars on my arms.
I'm 62 and loving myself isn't easy.
I was rejected in the womb. From there, my personality was built on unbelief. My failed life shows it. God revealed this to me in 2000. Years later, my older sister, who watched my mother do it, described it to me in detail.
It was a surreal experience.
One day there will be no more death, no more mourning, no more crying, or pain. - Revelation 21:4
 

April_Rose

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What do you mean that you were rejected in the womb though? Did neither or one of your parents not want to have you or something? Is that what you mean? Sorry, I'm just a little bit confused. :/
 

Truman

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When my mother was young, she was sexually abused by an older brother. I guess when she learned I was a boy, her spirit rejected me. Though a tiny being, I may have responded by rejecting myself. If I responded the other way, I may have dishonored her. Either way, try as I may, life has not gone well for me.
Overcoming Rejection and Why You Need to
 

Kaz

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When my mother was young, she was sexually abused by an older brother. I guess when she learned I was a boy, her spirit rejected me. Though a tiny being, I may have responded by rejecting myself. If I responded the other way, I may have dishonored her. Either way, try as I may, life has not gone well for me.
Overcoming Rejection and Why You Need to
That's messed up. I'm sorry to hear that happened to your mother. It's incredible the awful things we as humans are capable of when unrestrained by God.
 
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Shattered

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Self-harm isn't a gambit to garner attention. It's a consequence of trauma on the part of the afflicted and as someone who sought to harm himself in the past I understand where you're coming from, @lilygrace . There are many different ways to inflict harm upon ourselves. Cutting is one of them. Suicide is another.

I struggled against suicidal impulses starting at the age of 11, which marked my first attempt at suicide. I butchered a wrist in a fumbling attempt to pierce the radial artery so I might bleed to death. I knew to cut lengthwise and not across the wrist, but this was to no effect. Some time later, I took an entire bottle of my mother's pills in a bid to put an end to my suffering but was discovered minutes after the deed. Another failed attempt at suicide, one of many over the years.

It hadn't occurred to me to use a firearm in commission of the deed. I spent my childhood living on secure military bases and my father never kept firearms in our quarters, so it wasn't until after I was honorably discharged from military service that firearms became my tool of choice. When I enlisted in the military, it was in the hope that I would finally meet my end in the commission of duty. The Gulf War was therefore my hope of death but this simply wasn't to be. I lived to suffer more...

I lost count of the times I would hide from others and point the muzzle of a firearm toward my head so the bullet would sever the brain stem... but I couldn't pull the trigger. I strained with all of my might but that trigger wouldn't budge. I was locked in that struggle until I surrendered in exhaustion. I couldn't live but neither could I die.

Fast-forward many years later when I was finally able to pull that trigger... but the bullet didn't fire. That was my final attempt at suicide. There are many ways in which we seek to harm ourselves, dear one.
 
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lilygrace

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thank you for posting here @Shattered
i have had two suicide attempts in the past (by pills) there are a lot of ways i tried to self harm other than cutting, etc.
 

lilygrace

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i actually dont care if i ever stop si. i deserve to hurt myself. i want to hurt myself worse than i ever have.
 

Mayflower

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i wish i could stop self harm. i thought God freed me of this but i dont want to say he didnt but i still do it....
seems i cycle from something to another.
i realize i can name what triggered me now.

When I struggled with self injury for about ten years, I think what helped me most was a list of things I liked to do. Like distraction techniques. Sometimes the urges linger for days, but eventually they do subside. Praying, especially in the spirit, helps. And you may not feel like taking in a lot of Bible, but if there is a verse or two that you have memorized that are your favorites, meditate on them. When the urges subside, then you can think about what triggered it and what to do about it. It is hard in shut down mode though or in "reset" to make any decisions concerning it. Journaling is good....I always liked muscle relaxation and deep breathing exercises. Helped with the tension/anxiety. I had urges actually last week or so. It was the first time I had them in years... I got through them just fine, but still in a "reset" mode as far as what thoughts/feelings were attached. It takes time and that is okay. You have to give yourself time and be patient with yourself.
 

Mayflower

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i actually dont care if i ever stop si. i deserve to hurt myself. i want to hurt myself worse than i ever have.

And here is a lie also lilygrace. You can choose to believe this or what the Bible says about you. This is what the Bible says:

11b0439c67ffca66faef33160d22c44f.jpg
 

April_Rose

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i actually dont care if i ever stop si. i deserve to hurt myself. i want to hurt myself worse than i ever have.




If you actually deserved that and God agreed with you then Jesus wouldn't have died for you. *HUGS* Please get help, you should really see a doctor ASAP.
 

April_Rose

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I like that because it is so true, thoughts of suicide and harming oneself are Satan's doing for sure.
 
J

Joy

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When my mother was young, she was sexually abused by an older brother. I guess when she learned I was a boy, her spirit rejected me. Though a tiny being, I may have responded by rejecting myself. If I responded the other way, I may have dishonored her. Either way, try as I may, life has not gone well for me.
Overcoming Rejection and Why You Need to

I can relate because I was adopted by lovely parents but still struggle with real pain of rejection. But as I read your post I'm reminded of Isaiah 49:13-16

3 Sing, O heavens; and be joyful, O earth; and break forth into singing, O mountains: for the Lord hath comforted his people, and will have mercy upon his afflicted.

14 But Zion said, The Lord hath forsaken me, and my Lord hath forgotten me.

15 Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee.

16 Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me.

We are frequently overwhelmed with negative feelings and emotions but the Lord wants us to come to Him and give Him our pains etc and He will comfort and heal us.
 
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Shattered

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My mother despised me and so I was disowned a long time ago. I wandered alone for decades without a home... that is, until the Lord claimed me as His own. I was adopted by Jesus Christ but that's not all. His mercy, kindness, and goodness humbles me so it's never easy to speak or write about these things.

Years later the Lord brought a woman into my life, someone who was rejected and disowned herself. Even her own children had abandoned her. She was old enough to be my mother and in fact, her first child was only a few days older than I was. She received me like I was family and I, in turn, honored her as I would have my own mother: I stood by her side and looked after her needs until she passed from this world. The mercy, kindness, and goodness of the Lord God is too excellent for my words.

The Lord gave her the son she deserved and bestowed upon me the honor of being that son. This was the greatest work of God I've witnessed on earth, too beautiful and wonderful for words.
 
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