Self-harm isn't a gambit to garner attention. It's a consequence of trauma on the part of the afflicted and as someone who sought to harm himself in the past I understand where you're coming from,
@lilygrace . There are many different ways to inflict harm upon ourselves. Cutting is one of them. Suicide is another.
I struggled against suicidal impulses starting at the age of 11, which marked my first attempt at suicide. I butchered a wrist in a fumbling attempt to pierce the radial artery so I might bleed to death. I knew to cut lengthwise and not across the wrist, but this was to no effect. Some time later, I took an entire bottle of my mother's pills in a bid to put an end to my suffering but was discovered minutes after the deed. Another failed attempt at suicide, one of many over the years.
It hadn't occurred to me to use a firearm in commission of the deed. I spent my childhood living on secure military bases and my father never kept firearms in our quarters, so it wasn't until after I was honorably discharged from military service that firearms became my tool of choice. When I enlisted in the military, it was in the hope that I would finally meet my end in the commission of duty. The Gulf War was therefore my hope of death but this simply wasn't to be. I lived to suffer more...
I lost count of the times I would hide from others and point the muzzle of a firearm toward my head so the bullet would sever the brain stem... but I couldn't pull the trigger. I strained with all of my might but that trigger wouldn't budge. I was locked in that struggle until I surrendered in exhaustion. I couldn't live but neither could I die.
Fast-forward many years later when I was finally able to pull that trigger... but the bullet didn't fire. That was my final attempt at suicide. There are many ways in which we seek to harm ourselves, dear one.