"Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth, would care to know my name, would care to know my hurt" - Casting Crowns
So who am I but a saved sinner.
I was born and grew up in a religious home and always loved God, but I did not quite know Him. My religion (which shall purposefully remain unnamed) was more about obligation and doing, than a relationship. But I shall always thank my parents that they exposed me to God as a child
But not knowing Him lead to the expected result as the child became the teen and the teen became the man. I wandered away, always clinging to the notion of God, but not the tradition and ritual I was taught. Questioning seeking and finally coming up with the phrase Generic Christian
I got married, started life and went on for a while that way. I would occasionally listen or watch evangelists on tv and there was one I favored, not because he was especially good as a preacher but because he was a hoot to watch. One day his show wasn't that interesting and I started flipping channels. When I flipped to the 700 club
Now you can think what you want about Pat Robertson, but back in the early eighties the man preached salvation...and the LIBERTY of life In Jesus Christ. Coming from a "religious" back ground this was a whole new story. Jesus did all the work and all I had to was believe? Well that day through Praying with Pat Robertson this generic Christian became a born again Christian.
But I still didn't know much about God. After a time I started going to a bible preaching church and started learning, but Christianity was just part of my life, it was not MY LIFE.
And then in 1985 my world collapsed.
On a sunny summer Saturday my wife and I were doing house chores, I was putting together an entertainment center and she was cleaning the garage. I went out and checked on her a couple of times, but the third time I went she was not there. Just gone.
She had suffered from a mild epilepsy so I thought maybe she had a small seizure and wandered off. So I went about the neighborhood looking for her, but no results. I called her mom, and then expanded my search far and wide. But it turns out she was not that far away.
We called the police and spent a long sleepless night searching and waiting for a phone call.
In the morning we went out and asked the neighbors if they had seen anything, they hadn't but while we were talking the our neighbors wife went out to her garage opened the door and quickly closed it. and drove off in another car. A few minutes later the police showed up(for what I thought was a missing persons report) and started taping off the scene
In between my second and third visit my next door neighbor came out of his house high on angeldust and grabbed her from our garage and took her to his....and killed her.
It slowly dawned on me what had happened when the questions the police asked had little to do with her where abouts.
Suffice it to say on that day my world ended and I was a scrap heap on the side of the road.
And yet God was with me. He strengthen me and he guided me. At that point I knew I had two directions to go.....further into hell, or into God's arms. On that day I forgave the guy who did this, because I could not follow the road of hate that was the other choice
God did not take long setting me on the right track, something I was able to accomplish because of a rare and unique gift God gave me, that I never saw in the bible. One day (in the first week or so) I was standing in my sisters backyard where I was staying, smoking a cigarette, and I was thinking about her and praying when I heard her voice. All she said was "I am so happy". but it was in that tone of voice so rarely heard when everything was just right in the world. And in that moment I was able to let go of the horror of what happened to her, because SHE was past it, and in heaven with God. So I could get past the horror, which would have killed me.
Not long after than God moved me to go to bible college. But there was a problem. I had to sign an agreement that I would not drink do drugs or smoke. Well as I said I was a smoker, and I had stopped smoking many times....but I never quit. I just could not beat it. So I told God, if you want me to go to bible college you are going to have to do something. I had a pen to sign the agreement in one hand and a cigarette in the other. I took one last drag stubbed out the cigarette, signed the paper and never wanted another cigarette in my life. No withdrawals, no suffering...it was just gone.
It may sound crazy to say this serious event was fortunate, but my beautiful tender wife was in heaven with God, shut forever of the evils of this world and I was raised from the dead a new man with a new commitment, which bless God has never flagged.
I went to bible college thinking I was going to be a bible thumping pulpit pounding preacher, and then one day in a environment where "words" and "Prophecies" were as prevalent as seagulls at a dump, I got a word......one that did not at the time, but have since come to embrace. To be what later God describe to me to be a rock in the river. The river representing both the world and the church caught up in the world. To be be someone who stands in the midst of the on rushing water and tell the truth, to be that rock, and stand no matter how the water protests, being at least something to slow them down on their way to the waterfall leading to the abyss, and perhaps offering a hand hold to those caught in the river and maybe help them escape.
SN is derived from John the Baptist, who also stood for the truth, was a rock in the river, who told the truth no matter the consequences.
Anyway some 36 years have come between me and that fateful day, and life is life, happiness and tears, but God has been with me all the way, doing great things for me, and some with me.
in 1992 I remarried and we remain happily married today sometimes out of pure bone stubbornness. But I have always looked at stubbornness as a virtue.
Who am I....I am a saved sinner.
So who am I but a saved sinner.
I was born and grew up in a religious home and always loved God, but I did not quite know Him. My religion (which shall purposefully remain unnamed) was more about obligation and doing, than a relationship. But I shall always thank my parents that they exposed me to God as a child
But not knowing Him lead to the expected result as the child became the teen and the teen became the man. I wandered away, always clinging to the notion of God, but not the tradition and ritual I was taught. Questioning seeking and finally coming up with the phrase Generic Christian
I got married, started life and went on for a while that way. I would occasionally listen or watch evangelists on tv and there was one I favored, not because he was especially good as a preacher but because he was a hoot to watch. One day his show wasn't that interesting and I started flipping channels. When I flipped to the 700 club
Now you can think what you want about Pat Robertson, but back in the early eighties the man preached salvation...and the LIBERTY of life In Jesus Christ. Coming from a "religious" back ground this was a whole new story. Jesus did all the work and all I had to was believe? Well that day through Praying with Pat Robertson this generic Christian became a born again Christian.
But I still didn't know much about God. After a time I started going to a bible preaching church and started learning, but Christianity was just part of my life, it was not MY LIFE.
And then in 1985 my world collapsed.
On a sunny summer Saturday my wife and I were doing house chores, I was putting together an entertainment center and she was cleaning the garage. I went out and checked on her a couple of times, but the third time I went she was not there. Just gone.
She had suffered from a mild epilepsy so I thought maybe she had a small seizure and wandered off. So I went about the neighborhood looking for her, but no results. I called her mom, and then expanded my search far and wide. But it turns out she was not that far away.
We called the police and spent a long sleepless night searching and waiting for a phone call.
In the morning we went out and asked the neighbors if they had seen anything, they hadn't but while we were talking the our neighbors wife went out to her garage opened the door and quickly closed it. and drove off in another car. A few minutes later the police showed up(for what I thought was a missing persons report) and started taping off the scene
In between my second and third visit my next door neighbor came out of his house high on angeldust and grabbed her from our garage and took her to his....and killed her.
It slowly dawned on me what had happened when the questions the police asked had little to do with her where abouts.
Suffice it to say on that day my world ended and I was a scrap heap on the side of the road.
And yet God was with me. He strengthen me and he guided me. At that point I knew I had two directions to go.....further into hell, or into God's arms. On that day I forgave the guy who did this, because I could not follow the road of hate that was the other choice
God did not take long setting me on the right track, something I was able to accomplish because of a rare and unique gift God gave me, that I never saw in the bible. One day (in the first week or so) I was standing in my sisters backyard where I was staying, smoking a cigarette, and I was thinking about her and praying when I heard her voice. All she said was "I am so happy". but it was in that tone of voice so rarely heard when everything was just right in the world. And in that moment I was able to let go of the horror of what happened to her, because SHE was past it, and in heaven with God. So I could get past the horror, which would have killed me.
Not long after than God moved me to go to bible college. But there was a problem. I had to sign an agreement that I would not drink do drugs or smoke. Well as I said I was a smoker, and I had stopped smoking many times....but I never quit. I just could not beat it. So I told God, if you want me to go to bible college you are going to have to do something. I had a pen to sign the agreement in one hand and a cigarette in the other. I took one last drag stubbed out the cigarette, signed the paper and never wanted another cigarette in my life. No withdrawals, no suffering...it was just gone.
It may sound crazy to say this serious event was fortunate, but my beautiful tender wife was in heaven with God, shut forever of the evils of this world and I was raised from the dead a new man with a new commitment, which bless God has never flagged.
I went to bible college thinking I was going to be a bible thumping pulpit pounding preacher, and then one day in a environment where "words" and "Prophecies" were as prevalent as seagulls at a dump, I got a word......one that did not at the time, but have since come to embrace. To be what later God describe to me to be a rock in the river. The river representing both the world and the church caught up in the world. To be be someone who stands in the midst of the on rushing water and tell the truth, to be that rock, and stand no matter how the water protests, being at least something to slow them down on their way to the waterfall leading to the abyss, and perhaps offering a hand hold to those caught in the river and maybe help them escape.
SN is derived from John the Baptist, who also stood for the truth, was a rock in the river, who told the truth no matter the consequences.
Anyway some 36 years have come between me and that fateful day, and life is life, happiness and tears, but God has been with me all the way, doing great things for me, and some with me.
in 1992 I remarried and we remain happily married today sometimes out of pure bone stubbornness. But I have always looked at stubbornness as a virtue.
Who am I....I am a saved sinner.
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