A Question For Christian Men

  • Welcome to Christian Forums, a Christian Forum that recognizes that all Christians are a work in progress.

    You will need to register to be able to join in fellowship with Christians all over the world.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon and God Bless!

MA2444

Well-Known Member
Jan 9, 2024
2,718
1,397
113
62
Columbus Ohio
Faith
Christian
Country
United States
I have a hypothetical for you.

Now as Christin men we are taugh to love everyone and to forgive everyone. And that's a good precept, so we do. But how far does it go?

Would you take to yourself a girl for your wife, if she is a previous sex worker? Yes or no?

I got asked this by a girl who had been a sex worker, but praise the Lord, she did find Jesus and that's a good thing. She has changed jobs and vows to never be a sex worker again. But would I take a girl that to wife? No, I would not. She got all mad at me because I said I wouldn't and she went off! Why not? Why be judgmental? Why wont I forgive? and a slew of stuff like that.

My position is, I didnt know her when she was a sex worker so I have nothing to forgive her of, and it's not up to me to judge her. I am a man and have prefrences that suit me as a man. Including, purity, wholesomeness, geez they're supposed to be virgin in White when they're married. How many men have acctually married a virgin? They dont want a woman who is totally ran through and everyone has been with her!

I think she got so mad that I said no, because she figured men should be Christian like and forgive her her past.

While it's good that she found the Lord and was forgiven for her sins, there are still earthly consequences.
A mass murderer may be forgiven of God, but they still have to face the consequences of their actions on earth. The poor girl tried to avoid the consequences of men not wanting her as a wife and woundn't accept that she is still accountable for her poor decisions and she has become less valuable to men who want a wife because of her past.

WHat do you think? Was I too harsh on her? Would you marry her?
 
  • Like
Reactions: Chains Broken

Rockerduck

Well-Known Member
Nov 7, 2022
1,438
1,227
113
70
Marietta, Georgia.
Faith
Christian
Country
United States
Sounds like the book of Hosea in the bible. God told him to take Gomer as his wife. So I say, if the Holy Spirit said to marry a former prostitute, then I'd do it. The Holy Spirit chose my wife for me, and we've been married 20 yrs.. I didn't care what her past was. God said this is your wife, so I obeyed.
 

quietthinker

Well-Known Member
May 4, 2018
12,588
8,142
113
FNQ
Faith
Christian
Country
Australia
I have a hypothetical for you.

Now as Christin men we are taugh to love everyone and to forgive everyone. And that's a good precept, so we do. But how far does it go?

Would you take to yourself a girl for your wife, if she is a previous sex worker? Yes or no?

I got asked this by a girl who had been a sex worker, but praise the Lord, she did find Jesus and that's a good thing. She has changed jobs and vows to never be a sex worker again. But would I take a girl that to wife? No, I would not. She got all mad at me because I said I wouldn't and she went off! Why not? Why be judgmental? Why wont I forgive? and a slew of stuff like that.

My position is, I didnt know her when she was a sex worker so I have nothing to forgive her of, and it's not up to me to judge her. I am a man and have prefrences that suit me as a man. Including, purity, wholesomeness, geez they're supposed to be virgin in White when they're married. How many men have acctually married a virgin? They dont want a woman who is totally ran through and everyone has been with her!

I think she got so mad that I said no, because she figured men should be Christian like and forgive her her past.

While it's good that she found the Lord and was forgiven for her sins, there are still earthly consequences.
A mass murderer may be forgiven of God, but they still have to face the consequences of their actions on earth. The poor girl tried to avoid the consequences of men not wanting her as a wife and woundn't accept that she is still accountable for her poor decisions and she has become less valuable to men who want a wife because of her past.

WHat do you think? Was I too harsh on her? Would you marry her?
Would you marry someone you didn't love or was incompatible with?
You can choose in this regard.....and it's clear what your choice is. You don't need to justify it to anybody.
On the other hand, if you loved a girl who had the background you've described and you felt compatible, then also you are free to choose and don't need to justify your choice to anybody.
 
  • Like
Reactions: MA2444

Rockerduck

Well-Known Member
Nov 7, 2022
1,438
1,227
113
70
Marietta, Georgia.
Faith
Christian
Country
United States
Salmon married Rahab the harlot. The Davidic line came from them and to Mary the mother of Jesus.

All things work together for the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28
 
  • Like
Reactions: Pisteuo and MA2444

JohnDB

Well-Known Member
Feb 7, 2010
4,938
3,223
113
TN
Faith
Christian
Country
United States
While it's good that she found the Lord and was forgiven for her sins, there are still earthly consequences.
And this is the crux of the matter right here.

People don't want to have negative consequences for their actions....but each choice leaves a mark....you can't unstrike a match even if you blow it out. It's forever changed.
And where she might be okay to be friendly towards....still wouldn't want to marry her.

And where a former sex worker is an extreme....there are guys who don't like people who have particular professions like lawyers, schoolteacher, doctor, nurse or politician. Not because these professions are even remotely sinful but they do tend to be identity changing due to the nature of the professions. And that identity change is not considered a positive by everyone.

I get what you are saying....
She may be forgiven....but that doesn't change her past or every attitude she has developed from living that lifestyle. Some guys want/need more in a spouse...no judgement from me about that.

Where it's not impossible to change from a past like that....you can't reasonably expect that someone who spent years in that profession is completely changed and has erased every attitude developed from their profession in a few months.

And this still is not addressing the issue of her former customers are out there...where they may not be exactly running around in the same circles as you....they exist and they still will pop up at gas stations or grocery stores for decades. And when people see you with her...they will believe something about you that isn't true.
 

Peterlag

Well-Known Member
Jul 20, 2022
3,325
964
113
New York
Faith
Christian
Country
United States
I have a hypothetical for you.

Now as Christin men we are taugh to love everyone and to forgive everyone. And that's a good precept, so we do. But how far does it go?

Would you take to yourself a girl for your wife, if she is a previous sex worker? Yes or no?

I got asked this by a girl who had been a sex worker, but praise the Lord, she did find Jesus and that's a good thing. She has changed jobs and vows to never be a sex worker again. But would I take a girl that to wife? No, I would not. She got all mad at me because I said I wouldn't and she went off! Why not? Why be judgmental? Why wont I forgive? and a slew of stuff like that.

My position is, I didnt know her when she was a sex worker so I have nothing to forgive her of, and it's not up to me to judge her. I am a man and have prefrences that suit me as a man. Including, purity, wholesomeness, geez they're supposed to be virgin in White when they're married. How many men have acctually married a virgin? They dont want a woman who is totally ran through and everyone has been with her!

I think she got so mad that I said no, because she figured men should be Christian like and forgive her her past.

While it's good that she found the Lord and was forgiven for her sins, there are still earthly consequences.
A mass murderer may be forgiven of God, but they still have to face the consequences of their actions on earth. The poor girl tried to avoid the consequences of men not wanting her as a wife and woundn't accept that she is still accountable for her poor decisions and she has become less valuable to men who want a wife because of her past.

WHat do you think? Was I too harsh on her? Would you marry her?
Who came up with the idea that said Christians should not judge others?

1 Corinthians 6:2-5
Do ye not know that the saints shall judge the world? and if the world shall be judged by you, are ye unworthy to judge the smallest matters?

Know ye not that we shall judge angels? how much more things that pertain to this life?

If then ye have judgments of things pertaining to this life, set them to judge who are least esteemed in the church.

I speak to your shame. Is it so, that there is not a wise man among you? no, not one that shall be able to judge between his brethren?
 
  • Like
Reactions: doctrox and MA2444

MA2444

Well-Known Member
Jan 9, 2024
2,718
1,397
113
62
Columbus Ohio
Faith
Christian
Country
United States
Would you marry someone you didn't love or was incompatible with?
You can choose in this regard.....and it's clear what your choice is. You don't need to justify it to anybody.
On the other hand, if you loved a girl who had the background you've described and you felt compatible, then also you are free to choose and don't need to justify your choice to anybody.

I wouldnt be worried about what people think. But when some girl posed that question to me in a forum, I said no and boy that little girl just trounced on me big time, lol. Like I had some sort of obligation to take what I get.
 

MA2444

Well-Known Member
Jan 9, 2024
2,718
1,397
113
62
Columbus Ohio
Faith
Christian
Country
United States
And this is the crux of the matter right here.

People don't want to have negative consequences for their actions....but each choice leaves a mark....you can't unstrike a match even if you blow it out. It's forever changed.
And where she might be okay to be friendly towards....still wouldn't want to marry her.

Not only that but I'm pretty sure that anyone we sleep with, we have soul ties to. And not only her, but everyone that she has slept with! And what does her yellow arches sign say? 5000 served? But they dont advertise that, lol.

I get what you are saying....
She may be forgiven....but that doesn't change her past or every attitude she has developed from living that lifestyle. Some guys want/need more in a spouse...no judgement from me about that.

Where it's not impossible to change from a past like that....you can't reasonably expect that someone who spent years in that profession is completely changed and has erased every attitude developed from their profession in a few months.

Right. You can take the girl out of the trailer park, but you can take the trailer park out of the girl. The match has been struck!
 
  • Like
Reactions: JohnDB

Spyder

Well-Known Member
Jan 9, 2024
629
610
93
Holt
Faith
Christian
Country
United States
Letting my imagination run with this.... This woman is a "new Christian." I wouldn't plan to yoke with a Christian who has yet to grow. The question was asked of you way too early. There would be time to get to know the person who was just "born again" and then consider the possibility of marriage. I would need to see some time elapse between the person just 'born" and what she becomes in maturity.
 

MA2444

Well-Known Member
Jan 9, 2024
2,718
1,397
113
62
Columbus Ohio
Faith
Christian
Country
United States
Who came up with the idea that said Christians should not judge others?

1 Corinthians 6:2-5
Do ye not know that the saints shall judge the world? and if the world shall be judged by you, are ye unworthy to judge the smallest matters?

Know ye not that we shall judge angels? how much more things that pertain to this life?

If then ye have judgments of things pertaining to this life, set them to judge who are least esteemed in the church.

I speak to your shame. Is it so, that there is not a wise man among you? no, not one that shall be able to judge between his brethren?

That is a good observation. That girl used Matthew 7:1-5 on me. Well, she used 7:1 but I kept reading lol. It always rubbed me the wrong way when they say you cant go through judging people. And that sounds like a good thing.

But we have to make judgments even every day on this world. And we best have good judgment.

But the thing is, Good Judgment comes from Expeience.
Experience comes from poor Judgment! But judging people really of goodness or worthiness isnt really up to us. So I think deciding whether or not to marry her is less about Judgment and more about, can I trust this girl who has had such a past? Trust is earned and develops over time. Sure would not want to find out two years in to the marriage to find out, you cant trust her. So a good judgment call is in order way before any marriage.

I've never had any trouble turning girls down. I'm an old ugly codger now but was very much handsome when I was in the market so I've had girls approaching me a lot in my life. They still do is the weird thing! It should have stopped with me getting older but it hasnt yet. Why is that? I think it can only have one answer to it. There's too much competition for men now so...maybe I look like a man with a job? She wants to put her on my payroll?!
 

MA2444

Well-Known Member
Jan 9, 2024
2,718
1,397
113
62
Columbus Ohio
Faith
Christian
Country
United States
Letting my imagination run with this.... This woman is a "new Christian." I wouldn't plan to yoke with a Christian who has yet to grow. The question was asked of you way too early. There would be time to get to know the person who was just "born again" and then consider the possibility of marriage. I would need to see some time elapse between the person just 'born" and what she becomes in maturity.

That's right. And that is true whether she is a ex-sex worker or a Believer since childhood. But! I always thought that this is supposed to be a given no matter who the girl. That's wh they call it courting her?
 

Peterlag

Well-Known Member
Jul 20, 2022
3,325
964
113
New York
Faith
Christian
Country
United States
That is a good observation. That girl used Matthew 7:1-5 on me. Well, she used 7:1 but I kept reading lol. It always rubbed me the wrong way when they say you cant go through judging people. And that sounds like a good thing.

But we have to make judgments even every day on this world. And we best have good judgment.

But the thing is, Good Judgment comes from Expeience.
Experience comes from poor Judgment! But judging people really of goodness or worthiness isnt really up to us. So I think deciding whether or not to marry her is less about Judgment and more about, can I trust this girl who has had such a past? Trust is earned and develops over time. Sure would not want to find out two years in to the marriage to find out, you cant trust her. So a good judgment call is in order way before any marriage.

I've never had any trouble turning girls down. I'm an old ugly codger now but was very much handsome when I was in the market so I've had girls approaching me a lot in my life. They still do is the weird thing! It should have stopped with me getting older but it hasnt yet. Why is that? I think it can only have one answer to it. There's too much competition for men now so...maybe I look like a man with a job? She wants to put her on my payroll?!
I judge people based on how they look, talk, live, who they vote for, what church they go to, and what they post here. I judge people every single hour.
 

MA2444

Well-Known Member
Jan 9, 2024
2,718
1,397
113
62
Columbus Ohio
Faith
Christian
Country
United States
I judge people based on how they look, talk, live, who they vote for, what church they go to, and what they post here. I judge people every single hour.

Yes. I was the youngest kid so got to hang out around older people who always had problems and talked about them freely. I was able to learn from that and I discovered young that, you can tell within 60 seconds (usually) if the girl is wife material or not.
 

Chains Broken

Well-Known Member
Oct 26, 2023
282
409
63
United States
Faith
Christian
Country
United States
You did nothing wrong, she asked you a question then got mad because she didn't like the answer.

Being forgiving and nonjudgmental as in Matthew 7 doesn't mean you can't protect yourself from bad decisions, and you can forgive and love someone without having to marry them.
 

strepho

Active Member
Jan 31, 2023
482
143
43
52
Meriden
Faith
Christian
Country
United States
Jesus forgives a woman in gospel of Luke. Jesus was at house of Simon, a pharisees. The woman came in repented and asked Jesus to forgive her sins.

Luke chapter 7:36 to 50.

She lived sinful live.

Jesus did forgive her sins.

Let's analyze this.

Siimon, religious leader. Was HYPOCRITE. The pharisee taught traditions of men and false doctrine. They were fleecing people.

The sinful woman repented, and confirmed to God's standard. She became follower of Jesus.
Incidentally, she was at crucifixion.

Matthew chapter 5:20

But I say unto you, that except your righteousness shall exceed the righteousness of the scribes and pharisees, ye shall in no case enter into kingdom of heaven.

Self righteous people will not go to heaven
Those who refuse to repent.

Pride was the factor for Simon the pharisees. Pride is of satan. It leads to hell.

Humility is the key. The sinful woman demonstrated humility. And repented.

Epistle John, chapter 2

Difference between sinners and habitual sinners.

Christian people will sin. But they repent and try not to sin.

Habitual sinners don't care, and won't repent. Self righteous are in this category.
Wicked
Heathen
Reprobates
These people are going to hell. It's holding place for the spirtualty dead or wicked until judgement day.
Read Luke chapter 16. Richman and Lazarus.

There's two sides of the gulf.
Righteous in paradise.
Wicked/reprobates/self righteousness in hell.

Christian people are to forgive other Christians. I don't believe it applys to heathen people.
Only Jesus can forgive sins and give holy spirit. Many people have spirit of stupor.
Corinthians chapter 2 to document.

I hope this helps.
 

Behold

Well-Known Member
Apr 11, 2020
18,033
7,371
113
Netanya or Pensacola
Faith
Christian
Country
Israel
WHat do you think? Was I too harsh on her? Would you marry her?

Here is what you should do if you are looking for a wife or a husband.

Pray.... "Father God, please send me the MATE that you want me to have, who is perfect for me, as you understand what that means most of all, for me".


Pray that, and wait.
If you can't wait, then make sure the person you have "fallen in love with", is actually a Christian, and not just a water baptized religious...

If you dont know the difference, then you're have a faith and belief system issue that needs to be resolved before you marry what isn't a Christian, or perhaps they marry what isn't...
 

ThePuffyBlob

Well-Known Member
Dec 16, 2019
1,232
470
83
in a secret chamber and needed help
Faith
Christian
Country
Philippines
Here is what you should do if you are looking for a wife or a husband.

Pray.... "Father God, please send me the MATE that you want me to have, who is perfect for me, as you understand what that means most of all, for me".


Pray that, and wait.
If you can't wait, then make sure the person you have "fallen in love with", is actually a Christian, and not just a water baptized religious...

If you dont know the difference, then you're have a faith and belief system issue that needs to be resolved before you marry what isn't a Christian, or perhaps they marry what isn't...
what if the father does not want you to have a partner like them

Revelation 14:4 These are they which were not defiled with women; for they are virgins. These are they which follow the Lamb whithersoever he goeth. These were redeemed from among men, being the firstfruits unto God and to the Lamb.

and having a partner is of the world

someone ik used to focus only on God but then when he got married

1 Corinthians 7:32-34
But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.

He seems to have forgotten the feeling he experienced while preaching the word of God. When I told him about the potential war between the Philippines (Phl) and China (Cn), he mentioned joining the reserves to prioritize his family. He's also been losing money and drowning in debt due to his contracting job. Being too kind to his employees, he now says he should become a cruel boss to make money instead of losing it.

but didn't he was just on the right path but then he took a turn towards the wrong direction

In my country, the elders often express their desire for their children to marry, believing it's difficult to grow old alone.

and because of that I also experience some anxiety about it
 

Hepzibah

Well-Known Member
Aug 13, 2012
1,104
802
113
Faith
Christian
Country
United Kingdom
I have a hypothetical for you.

Now as Christin men we are taugh to love everyone and to forgive everyone. And that's a good precept, so we do. But how far does it go?

Would you take to yourself a girl for your wife, if she is a previous sex worker? Yes or no?

I got asked this by a girl who had been a sex worker, but praise the Lord, she did find Jesus and that's a good thing. She has changed jobs and vows to never be a sex worker again. But would I take a girl that to wife? No, I would not. She got all mad at me because I said I wouldn't and she went off! Why not? Why be judgmental? Why wont I forgive? and a slew of stuff like that.

My position is, I didnt know her when she was a sex worker so I have nothing to forgive her of, and it's not up to me to judge her. I am a man and have prefrences that suit me as a man. Including, purity, wholesomeness, geez they're supposed to be virgin in White when they're married. How many men have acctually married a virgin? They dont want a woman who is totally ran through and everyone has been with her!

I think she got so mad that I said no, because she figured men should be Christian like and forgive her her past.

While it's good that she found the Lord and was forgiven for her sins, there are still earthly consequences.
A mass murderer may be forgiven of God, but they still have to face the consequences of their actions on earth. The poor girl tried to avoid the consequences of men not wanting her as a wife and woundn't accept that she is still accountable for her poor decisions and she has become less valuable to men who want a wife because of her past.

WHat do you think? Was I too harsh on her? Would you marry her?
That was a bit judgmental of her.
 
  • Like
Reactions: MA2444

Grailhunter

Well-Known Member
Jun 19, 2019
11,717
5,456
113
67
FARMINGTON
Faith
Christian
Country
United States
I have a hypothetical for you.

Now as Christin men we are taugh to love everyone and to forgive everyone. And that's a good precept, so we do. But how far does it go?

Would you take to yourself a girl for your wife, if she is a previous sex worker? Yes or no?

I got asked this by a girl who had been a sex worker, but praise the Lord, she did find Jesus and that's a good thing. She has changed jobs and vows to never be a sex worker again. But would I take a girl that to wife? No, I would not. She got all mad at me because I said I wouldn't and she went off! Why not? Why be judgmental? Why wont I forgive? and a slew of stuff like that.

My position is, I didnt know her when she was a sex worker so I have nothing to forgive her of, and it's not up to me to judge her. I am a man and have prefrences that suit me as a man. Including, purity, wholesomeness, geez they're supposed to be virgin in White when they're married. How many men have acctually married a virgin? They dont want a woman who is totally ran through and everyone has been with her!

I think she got so mad that I said no, because she figured men should be Christian like and forgive her her past.

While it's good that she found the Lord and was forgiven for her sins, there are still earthly consequences.
A mass murderer may be forgiven of God, but they still have to face the consequences of their actions on earth. The poor girl tried to avoid the consequences of men not wanting her as a wife and woundn't accept that she is still accountable for her poor decisions and she has become less valuable to men who want a wife because of her past.

WHat do you think? Was I too harsh on her? Would you marry her?

For this reason I say to you, her sins, which are many, have been forgiven, for she loved much; but he who is forgiven little, loves little.” Then He said to her, “Your sins have been forgiven.” Luke 7:47

Some people can forgive, some can not. There by the grace of God go you and I. At times we forgive others and times we ask God for forgiveness and at times we want to forgive ourselves. If she has found the Lord her past life is not remembered by God, nor should it be remembered by you unless you want God to remember your sins. Forgiveness is a tenet of Christianity. Christ had mercy on us, what are we if we do not show mercy for others? We take but not give?

From there you have to follow your heart. Sometimes God puts people in our path to test our Character. What have you done to her life? Part of this Christian journey is about how we impact the lives of others. If she loves you, what have you done to the one that loves you? And will you ever deserve love again.