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QUOTE (followerofchrist @ Feb 17 2009, 08:17 PM)
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I have read much in scripture of God hardening the hearts of people and of some just having heardend hearts. The meaning here is quite clear. What use is a heardened heart? Does it feel, does it compassion, does it love as Christ loves? Certainly not.My reason for bringing this here is a personal reason. I fear that, well I am quite sure that I myself have such a heart. Growing up with the family life I have had it was necessary for me to build up walls to protect myself. I've done it for years and apparantly done a much better job than I ever imagined. For since I became a christian, around a year and a half ago, this is one thing about me that has not seemed to have changed. I'm about as easily hurt or moved emotionally as your average rock. I will give you a few examples, just a few months ago my sister informed me that our parents were getting divorced and everyone in the family, aside from myself, had been aware of it for some time. Why I was left out I don't know, but anway, my reaction was...well rather lacking. A mere "Huh, well...ok." sufficed. And when my father informed me that my step mom, who I have grown up with since I was 1 yr old, had been having affairs for years, I didn't so much as flinch. Of course I pitied my dad but it really had no effect on me. And being the reader I am I have read a few books on martyrs and what not, never very pleasant stories if you have ever read one, such books like
Jesus Freaks. Very inspiring indeed, but as far as emotional effect on me, there was none. It matters not how horrific, how tragic, sad, or depressing a thing may be; you shall not see a tear escape my eyes. I realize that being so stoic is not normal, and not right at all. I have been very aware of this for some time. And for months I have prayed for God to soften my heart, to allow me to feel. And I am still as dead to emotion as ever. No matter how much I want it, desire it, long for it, or beg for it; a softened heart does not seem to be in my grasps. Has anyone else experienced such...lack of feeling? Or does anyone know a cause for this? I merely want to feel...I would greatly appreciate a friendly point in the right direction. Thanks~Follower
Hey follower, I can empathize with your situation here. I came from a pretty rough childhood, no need to get into much detail on that but soon after leaving home I enlisted in the Military. While in service I was trained to put aside compassion and emotion and became very cold. I was involved in a number of conflicts overseas that further "hardened" my heart with the numerous atrocities I witnessed by men. To this day I have very little fear of anything other than God and failures which I consider a great blessing; however I would never cry or mourn over anything.Before I changed my evil ways society considered me the perfect unfeeling, coarse, emotionless man, completely separate from good or bad effects of circumstance or conscience, literally what every soldier is trained to be. And this “character” I excelled at.Nowadays I do not cry nor am I emotional over any situation. I have a certain “detachment” in most “panicky” situations and I believe God has given me this “sound mind.” By his mercy and Grace towards me I have learned he has taught me how to exercise the same. Nothing wrong with that. Truthfully every Child of God must “keep” the “soil” of their hearts in order to resist this “hardening” that is so welcomed and encouraged in today’s society by allowing the Spirit of God to work through us.Let me share a story;Soon after I left my first service with the US Marines, I was united with my family in southern Oklahoma. While there I wrestled greatly with my “coarse” character and knew that it was not how Christ would deal with certain situations. It was certainly how my flesh was trained to respond naturally. One morning I went to the pantry to feed the family dog and inside the large bag of food I saw that a very small young mouse had fallen into the bag and was unable to jump or climb out. If my flesh were allowed to have its way I would have killed the little creature with little or no remorse and justified the act by ridding the house of this unwelcome vermin. God had a different plan, however, and I was overcome with pity and compassion for the little mouse. I realized he had in reality fell into what he would have considered “a paradise of unlimited food” but in that act had sealed his fate as well. It must be noted here that there was and is no good thing in me, other than Christ, so the compassion I felt welling up in me was not mine, it was indeed Christ’s. So to make a short story of it all, I gently caught the little creature and released him outside unharmed.The next day at church during the praise service my mother came to me and said she had a word from God for me, it was this; “As you have shown mercy to the least of these, I will show you mercy.” I was overcome. Really what can you say to that? I certainly believe I have done more wrong and evil in one hour of my life than that little mouse will ever in his entire life, but God has chosen out of his grace to show me mercy that can never be earned. That last sentence is the key to this post. I stated before that I never cry….but there is one thing that I weep openly and freely at, that is, when I still myself and meditate on the mercy and grace that my Heavenly father has shown me all throughout my life. In that I realize that when I do show these same attributes of God towards others it is not me that does but Christ in me. And thinking on all the times I deserved his wrath he instead showed me mercy and love I go to pieces.So give it a shot, consider all he has done for you, and he’ll begin to soften your heart and give you a heart of flesh, and the heart of Christ will shine forth.You will begin to see this as you exercise these recollections of grace during praise, and it will burst forth, for you cannot contain it.God bless and keep you as he always has,General-