How should Christians with the freeze response to trauma relate to Dt 22:23-27? (Trigger Warning)

[DuckieLady]

I know one thing, sis ... it isn't love. He knew her history, he knew she wasn't comfortable with certain things, and yet he still did it ... against her will (which she expressed). It is abuse.

yes, i agree. that guy is a word i cant use on this forum. it starts with an A. and just so you know, his behavior and HIS responses don't mean squat. I was cruely tortured and never reported it because the guy was laughing and acted like it was a joke. now i see what happened and how horrifying it was- his demeanor means nothing. don't let that part confuse you.

 

[lilygrace]

pushing him off? that's a clear indicator. that is rape... that counts as physically fighting back and he is guilty.

but a lot of poeple would say that just pushing cant stop him if hes already worked up. whether it goes as far as rape or not .
thats what botheres me.

 

[Grailhunter]

Deuteronomy 22:23-24

If a man happens to meet in a town a virgin pledged to be married and he sleeps with her, you shall take both of them to the gate of that town and stone them to death—the young woman because she was in a town and did not scream for help, and the man because he violated another man’s wife. You must purge the evil from among you.

Freeze Response
"Compared with other types of trauma (e.g., war, motor vehicle accidents), tonic immobility is more frequent and severe in cases of (childhood and adult) sexual violence [2]. For survivors of sexual violence, tonic immobility is “an involuntary response to an inescapable threat” [3]. Women are also more likely to experience tonic immobility during a sexual assault if they have a previous history of sexual violence, in childhood or adulthood. [4]

A survivor who does not outwardly appear to resist a perpetrator by physically fighting, saying ‘no,’ and/or yelling for help will often be judged by friends, family, and systems responders (e.g., justice system, health services) who lack training on trauma. Survivors who experience tonic immobility may experience more victim-blaming when disclosing and/or reporting sexual violence. Survivors may also be more likely to blame themselves for not actively, outwardly resisting."
-The ‘Freeze’ Response to Sexual Violence

This response can also happen in non-violent situations.

Your freeze response is absolutely true. The rabbit in the road...the deer in the headlights.
But the Old Testament is not addressing this.
The Old Testament sees it as the destruction of property.
Would anyone want her after being raped?
Could her father get a fair bride price for her?
Would her husband what anything to do with her?
If she married a Pagan, she would be stoned.
They are almost looking at it as an act of mercy.
Harsh time.
Same thing goes for a bride that does not spot blood the first time.
The Mosaic Law allowed for her new husband to kill her and leave her at her father's door.

 

[lilygrace]

yes, i agree. that guy is a word i cant use on this forum. it starts with an A. and just so you know, his behavior and HIS responses don't mean squat. I was cruely tortured and never reported it because the guy was laughing and acted like it was a joke. now i see what happened and how horrifying it was- his demeanor means nothing. don't let that part confuse you.

A lot of people won't see it as abuse if it's a boyfriend unless you get someone nice online support

 

[DuckieLady]

but a lot of poeple would say that just pushing cant stop him if hes already worked up. whether it goes as far as rape or not .
thats what botheres me.

NOPE... Not true at all. Men and women alike are responsible for their own brakes. He has brakes - just didn't use them. You used your brakes.

A lot of people won't see it as abuse if it's a boyfriend unless you get someone nice online support

You know, I have thought about that a lot and in personal situations for myself. We tend to see things through the eyes of the world sometimes. The world says it's fine if it's your boyfriend and the world says that sexual contact is expected if it is your boyfriend. Like you are "supposed" to do that.

Ah, but "The wisdom of this world is foolishness to God."

God sees everything through his eyes and expects us to stick to his commands. Therefore, in God's eyes, you were not married - and nothing was expected of you and nothing should have happened. In God's eyes, in the scenario you stated, that is a woman being taken advantage of.

God doesn't care at all what the rest of the world thinks. It is 100% about what he knows.

It is better to stay away from any situation that strikes a match; that might lead to a fire that can't be put out, and keep the marriage bed pure- but as I said, you used your brakes.

 

[DuckieLady]

@lilygrace

There's two trains heading towards one another and both trains know they're about to crash. Train A stops. Train B sees what's about to happen, but keeps going. The trains collide.

Which train is at fault?

 

[lilygrace]

Train b i guess?

 

[lilygrace]

Anyway. Sorry for taking over your thread

 

[amigo de christo]

Deuteronomy 22:23-24

If a man happens to meet in a town a virgin pledged to be married and he sleeps with her, you shall take both of them to the gate of that town and stone them to death—the young woman because she was in a town and did not scream for help, and the man because he violated another man’s wife. You must purge the evil from among you.

Freeze Response
"Compared with other types of trauma (e.g., war, motor vehicle accidents), tonic immobility is more frequent and severe in cases of (childhood and adult) sexual violence [2]. For survivors of sexual violence, tonic immobility is “an involuntary response to an inescapable threat” [3]. Women are also more likely to experience tonic immobility during a sexual assault if they have a previous history of sexual violence, in childhood or adulthood. [4]

A survivor who does not outwardly appear to resist a perpetrator by physically fighting, saying ‘no,’ and/or yelling for help will often be judged by friends, family, and systems responders (e.g., justice system, health services) who lack training on trauma. Survivors who experience tonic immobility may experience more victim-blaming when disclosing and/or reporting sexual violence. Survivors may also be more likely to blame themselves for not actively, outwardly resisting."
-The ‘Freeze’ Response to Sexual Violence

This response can also happen in non-violent situations.

WHAT this simple means is , she consented with it . This has nothing to do with anything else . IT just means she was in agreement .
Its like two meeting up and doing the deed in agreement . I know folks misunderstand this . But dont worry or over think on it .
IF a woman is not doing it willfully , THEN ITS RAPE PEROID . They wont be held accountable . ONLY if they agree willfully , wanted it , etc .

 

[DuckieLady]

Train b i guess?

There you go! You're train A. So now you hopefully know that's a weight that you don't have to carry.

Anyway. Sorry for taking over your thread

You didn't <3 That's what it is for, and part of your name is the same as my oldest daughter's so maybe that's why I care so much. <3

 

[amigo de christo]

Let the Glorious LORD be praised my friends . Let us continue in the sound doctrine in our bibles .
Learning and growing in the grace of our Glorious GOD .
Rejoicing and always thanking HIM for the mercy of His grace which has been given us IN JESUS CHRIST .
LET the lambs sound those praises out unto the glorious LORD . Be diligent , for satan does creep about seeking whom he may devour .
WHOM we must resist through FAITH IN JESUS . NOW let the LORD BE PRAISED .

 

[lilygrace]

There you go! You're train A. So now you hopefully know that's a weight that you don't have to carry.


You didn't <3 That's what it is for, and part of your name is the same as my oldest daughter's so maybe that's why I care so much. <3

you're sweet <3