So, I had written this online review of a church; but never posted, It mainly helped me get my thoughts out. I've thought many times that posting it would make me feel better. I really have no idea if it would or not. But it would certainly explain a lot. I want to stress there are so many issues besides this one, but at this point I just feel abused by most Christians; and that wouldn't be a problem if the secular world were treating me the same--but they're not. they're kinder, at that for me is a huge a problem. anyways, here's the review I never posted about that church:
It's been a long time since I've been to this church. I kept trying to think of why. There were a lot of things that happened, and we both played a part. I know that my actions certainly made the situation uncomfortable, there's no denying that. But I accepted that, and apologized, and as best as I could, accepted responsibility. The problem is that the pastor and his family did not take any responsibility. The pastor said my actions have consequences, the problem is that my actions were a consequence of his family's actions.
I served this church for 5 years, maintaining close friendships with many, including the pastor's family. I felt very close to the pastor's family, until one day, completely out of the blue, the pastor's family just ignored me. No discussion, no warning, no nothing. It was 100% complete abandonment. Then, in the midst of the abandonment, the pastor's son approached me to tell me I was barely tolerable.
This would lead to my first mental breakdown (long story short - Shizophrenic Bipolar), whereby I turned myself into the police, believing I had hurt them in someway. I said some pretty alarming things, no doubt, but in all of this, my concern as that I would rather sacrifice myself than to make them uncomfortable. So really, this is the only sticking point for their argument.
After a brief stay in the mental facility, I was advised to speak to the pastor by the assistant pastor. The assistant pastor said he does not think I offended the pastor's family. The pastor said the same...sort of. He said there's no animosity, and he doesn't feel slighted. So let me ask you, if I did nothing wrong, why in the world was I banned from Bible studies? His exact words were: "I can come to Main worship and Men's Breakfast." Now, I get the fact that Bible studies are smaller and there is the sense that things would be uncomfortable, but this seemed a bit too extreme to me.
I explained to the pastor that I felt like they didn't really want me there. He said, in these exact words, "Your feelings are not my responsibility," On the contrary, when you abandon someone without a word, and insult someone, their feelings are 100% your responsibility. We have a responsibility to each other, as Christians, to love one another in deed and truth, and understanding that your abandonment and your insults are spiritual murder are absolutely your responsibility.
Not only did he say that, but he also insisted I was welcome, and that they would treat me with kindness and respect. Then I would go home to find out his entire family had blocked me all over social media, which caused a great deal of confusion in my mind. I felt like I was receiving a million mixed signals.
A few weeks before this all happened, the pastor preached a message where he said something along the lines of, "If they knew this about me, could they still love me." It is true they saw a very messed up side of me. I don't blame them for being uncomfortable. But I wanted to believe, just once, that someone could see this very dark place of me, and say that they're still going to walk with me, and walk through it. Instead, I was shunned and ostracized, and the hard part to swallow is that the ostracism started just from me being annoying, not even from the dark place I had mentioned.
The pastor said we can't control what other people do, only how we respond. I suppose there is truth there that we can't control people, but I do sort of expect better from a pastor. He then said, "If someone does not want relationship, let them go, and embrace them when they come back," and also that their boundary was "Needing the space they need to process." Well, it's been 5 years, and I have given them tons of space. So now I have to say this was the pastor filling me with false hope.
What made this even more confusing, was that the pastor's family would also, years later, like my statuses on facebook, as if everything was just fine between us. It wasn't okay, certainly not in my eyes. There were a few people who reached out and told me they heard what had happened...and it became quite apparent that the story they got was very one-sided, of course with me having been cast as crazy.
I want to stress...I had minimal issues with other church members, and I love them dearly. They are some of the friendliest church members I have ever met, and I think they were caught in between a rock and a hard place regarding this situation. I even still love the pastor's family dearly in spite of everything that happened. I want to stress that I know I'm focusing on a few very painful months, but I also knew a really great side of the pastor's family for many years before that, too. I did feel like they were dedicated to helping me grow in my faith, I felt like they gave me a place to belong, which is why what happened was even so much more devastating. I also want to stress that they do have great relationships, so maybe your relationship with them will be better.
It's been a long time since I've been to this church. I kept trying to think of why. There were a lot of things that happened, and we both played a part. I know that my actions certainly made the situation uncomfortable, there's no denying that. But I accepted that, and apologized, and as best as I could, accepted responsibility. The problem is that the pastor and his family did not take any responsibility. The pastor said my actions have consequences, the problem is that my actions were a consequence of his family's actions.
I served this church for 5 years, maintaining close friendships with many, including the pastor's family. I felt very close to the pastor's family, until one day, completely out of the blue, the pastor's family just ignored me. No discussion, no warning, no nothing. It was 100% complete abandonment. Then, in the midst of the abandonment, the pastor's son approached me to tell me I was barely tolerable.
This would lead to my first mental breakdown (long story short - Shizophrenic Bipolar), whereby I turned myself into the police, believing I had hurt them in someway. I said some pretty alarming things, no doubt, but in all of this, my concern as that I would rather sacrifice myself than to make them uncomfortable. So really, this is the only sticking point for their argument.
After a brief stay in the mental facility, I was advised to speak to the pastor by the assistant pastor. The assistant pastor said he does not think I offended the pastor's family. The pastor said the same...sort of. He said there's no animosity, and he doesn't feel slighted. So let me ask you, if I did nothing wrong, why in the world was I banned from Bible studies? His exact words were: "I can come to Main worship and Men's Breakfast." Now, I get the fact that Bible studies are smaller and there is the sense that things would be uncomfortable, but this seemed a bit too extreme to me.
I explained to the pastor that I felt like they didn't really want me there. He said, in these exact words, "Your feelings are not my responsibility," On the contrary, when you abandon someone without a word, and insult someone, their feelings are 100% your responsibility. We have a responsibility to each other, as Christians, to love one another in deed and truth, and understanding that your abandonment and your insults are spiritual murder are absolutely your responsibility.
Not only did he say that, but he also insisted I was welcome, and that they would treat me with kindness and respect. Then I would go home to find out his entire family had blocked me all over social media, which caused a great deal of confusion in my mind. I felt like I was receiving a million mixed signals.
A few weeks before this all happened, the pastor preached a message where he said something along the lines of, "If they knew this about me, could they still love me." It is true they saw a very messed up side of me. I don't blame them for being uncomfortable. But I wanted to believe, just once, that someone could see this very dark place of me, and say that they're still going to walk with me, and walk through it. Instead, I was shunned and ostracized, and the hard part to swallow is that the ostracism started just from me being annoying, not even from the dark place I had mentioned.
The pastor said we can't control what other people do, only how we respond. I suppose there is truth there that we can't control people, but I do sort of expect better from a pastor. He then said, "If someone does not want relationship, let them go, and embrace them when they come back," and also that their boundary was "Needing the space they need to process." Well, it's been 5 years, and I have given them tons of space. So now I have to say this was the pastor filling me with false hope.
What made this even more confusing, was that the pastor's family would also, years later, like my statuses on facebook, as if everything was just fine between us. It wasn't okay, certainly not in my eyes. There were a few people who reached out and told me they heard what had happened...and it became quite apparent that the story they got was very one-sided, of course with me having been cast as crazy.
I want to stress...I had minimal issues with other church members, and I love them dearly. They are some of the friendliest church members I have ever met, and I think they were caught in between a rock and a hard place regarding this situation. I even still love the pastor's family dearly in spite of everything that happened. I want to stress that I know I'm focusing on a few very painful months, but I also knew a really great side of the pastor's family for many years before that, too. I did feel like they were dedicated to helping me grow in my faith, I felt like they gave me a place to belong, which is why what happened was even so much more devastating. I also want to stress that they do have great relationships, so maybe your relationship with them will be better.
