If what you are saying is true than you worship a tyrant - an unknoweable, unloveable despot. A creature that created conscious beings with the capacity to break (become less than perfect) and then torture them for doing what they were designed to do. We cannot love anyone who is unpredictable, violent, and vindictive. It is impossible - all we can do is fear such a creature. Really, your relationship with such a creature is akin to an abusive marriage rather than a healthy, loving child-parent relationship.