Skky.... Oh baby, and I say baby being 46 and yet remembering well being 19! like yesterday. I remember crying and dying, more than once, so bad...that I couldn't lift myself off the floor, yet there was no relief on the floor either! ..but too weak in pain to even stand. Absolute misery, endless merciless pain...and the kind that will not allow you to be sensible...because nothing matters right then then the pain, and what will relive it.Besides some of these times one in particluar I want to tell you...During a 7 year separation from my Ex...who we were newly saved, called to ministry and doing Ministry on our own...in Bible college...had moved to a few states...built churches in the house...had a gifted ministry together...anointed...I had this boyfriend for 4 of those years...who was the type of people that "we" ..any of us in particular...are sooo attracted to...we lalughed and were alot alike in ways, and this attraction we both had "Never" diminished! He came to Mich from N Carolina, where I had moved back home to Mom's just for a time in order to go to Nursing School and did get to get my own place in awhile...he came up often...at times stayed with me for some time...It was God who laid such a conviction on me to leave Carolina and him and come here ...and ofcourse I cried and cried to leave him, yet couldn't deny God leading me...Then here...I remember standing in living room of my apt...while him at my parents...all them wondering what was wrong with me that I would not with peace let him keep staying with me...and in that living room I remember feeling such conviction that was so literal I could cut it with a knife...God had showed me he wasn't for me....but I hung on so long...Now I stood there in such pain, crying, alone...I did love that guy, but had to send him back...and it was killing me. Today married to a man God has proven over and over in many ways that "He" sent me...my life and family restored...and still on the path....now working for Masters for Family & Marriage counceling...And brother....after many years of deep hard pain...dying...I have only mentioned 10% of the things i've gone through and the pain...I've been like you more than once....thought i would die...could not go on living...no way!...without this man or that one...or boyfriend....This man I'm married to was also like you at a young age when his first wife left him for his best friend just after they had 3 kids...babies...He lived as a drunk...I have the newspaper with the car he wrecked in...looked like he should have died in it for sure! he has many physical battle scars today from life on him....He was so destroyed he's lucky he lived....and says so....My young man...it's ok...pain Does start to decrease in weeks...and moreso as time goes...you have to walk by faith....which means 'Knowing" some things that you can't feel right now! To walk through great pain is like walking through fire...you do it with confidence that the morning always comes! God always makes the valley of bacca a well! If it is meant to be...in God's best purpose for both of you...the best thing to do is both of you ask God...and no doubt he will speak in His still, small voice,,,or show you both...but Brother...we have to be prepared to hear God and not insist he answer according to our present human desires...it's the only way we will hear at all. And if you two then did feel it was the thing that you should be together....problems are something we will always have in life...they have nothing to do with love and committment. And then also...it's a tough one...but living together doesn't lead to God's divine blessings on our life...If we only live according to our desires today and not attempt to walk in god's ways...and I say...attempt...because only he can help us and with his mercy get us from our will into a way that will be his...then we're on our own Brother! Don't take this life on your own...it doesn't work.Love God more than any woman...like I have loved him more than any man...even this man I greatly love. Ask him to lead your life..and brother...if you give him your heart and needs and desires...and love him, which you do...Watch...your life unfold! Baby...if this is it...God can tell you both and make a way. sometimes he doesn't make a way because it isn't it...even though all our passion, mind and emotions think it is. Trust in this....that god always has had and still does have...a perfect plan for your life....and he is able and willing and again...able to bring it to pass...and in "it" you will find your highest joy, highest purpose, satisfaction, wholeness...fullfillment...no matter how you feel right now.A Secret...take the heavy focus, and I know it's hard, off what you feel you want and must have right now...and put it on Surrender to God...and Trust...that whatever is good in his eye...He can and will accomplish. And no matter what it is...have the unmovable faith that it is Good...and that it will lead you to not only what is the highest position for you in life....but also to your highest happiness....because this is so true!Let go a little...and let God do some work...don't fear it won't get done because you aren't doing it...I have seen him change the hearts of men many times...literally...He's got the power you don't have....and will use it toward your best if you put your first heart in him....don't worry to death about pain...pain comes with this life...pain also leads to wisdom in the end...knowledge and growth and wisdom, and when you know God...to an experience with "the Comforter"....so that later you will be able to comfort others with the comfort that was given to you...amen!You can make it...God wants you to...you have a life ahead of you, and with God as your God and Father...words cannot describe what glory lies ahead! Love siskim