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[St. SteVen]

They say "choose your friends wisely" I have learned that it's garbage advice.

Yes, bad advice.
I choose friends quite carelessly. = LOL
I make fiends in line at the store checkout.
At work and everywhere I go. Why not?

 

[St. SteVen]

Trust me you got better options in a store checkout line then I did at school!

My work is weird. I'm not around very many people. I work second shift with just one other guy. The other people are teachers, and they are just about all married women. When I'm around them, I haft to be careful so that I don't get into trouble with my boss. If one is friendly then I am friendly back. I have learned that after 20 years, I can not start a friendship with one that doesn't already want to be friendly to me first. One time I was just trying to make small talk, and got reported for it.

Ain't life grand?

What are your options?

 

[Gottservant]

I'm starting to realise: when I think of arguing with someone, I'm not being their friend.

Thanks to the OP for the inspiration behind this insight!

 

[bluedragon]

Sitting in the dining room with my Brother and Sister in Law one night talking about our history. (I was an Air Force brat.) Constantly moving, constantly changing. My Sister in Law said "I envy you, living in different places, seeing different people, different things." I countered with "Funny, I envy you. You started in the first grade with a group of friends and graduated high school with some or most of those same friends. Want to know what I saw?" Held my hands apart and said this is what I saw of friends out the back of the station wagon when we left for the last time .....Closing my hands until they were together .....

The other side of the table sometimes looks distinctly different when you realize a different view of life ....

 

[Gottservant]

I can tell you now, that this problem (of replacing friends), becomes a much bigger problem, on the way past Armageddon - whole nations will fight over who is what friend.

I think you've nailed it, a true friend doesn't even think of replacing friends - we just need to be praying that the world will not run out of friends, before its too late!

 

[Wrangler]

Can a person care too much?

It is good to have a gentle heart but wisdom comes from God and we must be wise not to let others nor the world trample on the peace, love & joy God gives us through the fruit of the Spirit !

Well said.

My Bible Study leader was fond of repeating an observation of the Bible. Constantly, we are told some version of "Don't go too far left. Don't go too far right."

In my exhaustive study of human history, our story is filled with the penduluum swinging too far left and too far right. Societal evolution never stops right in the middle. Inertia always take it too far, requiring pain and suffering and effort to get it back where it needs to be.

This dynamic invariably happens at the individual level also. We care too little and then too much.

A guide I've used to not care too much is not to care more than the other person. Just yesterday this happened. My wife came home in a panic. There was a problem with her cell phone and she elevated not being able to receive a cell phone call with not being able to breath. I was aware of a short term solution and shared it with her. She did not want a solution! She wanted the self-induced drama that comes with having a problem.

Not getting satisfaction from me to emote with sufficient alacrity, she called her daughter and passionately told the whole story all over again. Her daugher was at least the 3rd person she shared this drama with. As Senator Padmé Amidala said to Darth Vader on Mustafa ... You're going down a path I cannot follow.

 

[Wrangler]

As someone that has had lots of troubles making and keeping friends around. I have become skeptical of everyone.

It is wise to be prudent but not to become jaded.

I struggled with what you are talking about 3 decades ago. In short, people disappointed me. I realized it was my fault. I expected too much from them. People have their own problems, are not God and cannot always be there for you. They have their own BS to deal with.

But if the friendship is not based on romance, then I think making the cut causes unnecessary hurt.

I'm speaking from experience, of lots of women online cutting me off for every and any unknown reason. I assume, since, I wasn't being pushy with them, that they must have found a boyfriend and wanted to cut ties with all other males. The sad thing is, I can't replace those ladies as easily as they seem to be able to replace boys.

A lot to unpack here.

1st, it is not prudent to be in a committed romantic relationship and allow temptation with member of the opposite sex to disturb that bliss. You say you were not tempted? Stop being so damn self-centered. Consider the possibility that the woman is tempted and cutting you off is her prudent and virtuous action.

2nd, the whole replacability between males and females deserves its own thread. In short, women tend to have larger social circles. This is why men feel the loss more deeply when their smaller group shrinks. A co-worker told me a few months ago that his social life exclusively revolves around his wife and 3 small children. (His wife probably has 600 friends on Fakebook.)

 

[Wrangler]

None of it matters in my life because there is nobody for me to physically hang out with. NOBODY! And nowhere to go to meet people.

Do you like yourself?

Many of your posts reveals extreme self-centeredness. Although it is counterintuitive, if you focus on serving others, you will find the answer.

 

[Wrangler]

It makes no difference there is nobody around me to serve. And anytime I tried serving others, they didn't care or appreciate it.

Also try common interest groups.

After his divorce, a guy from church played tennis with me and a few others. We became friends.

He also bikes, kayaks, plays volleyball and Pickleball. Besides the common interest, is the fellowship.

 

[Nhisname]

I realize that I'm not a perfect person. In fact nobody is. I have always tried to be a good guy, respectful of others etc. And yet both in real life and online, I have often been on the short end of the stick. I can tell you first hand, that it feels awful when you get discarded as if you don't matter.

From the time I was little to current times, I have lost every so called friend this way.

There is something else that really bothers me. Whenever a woman gets a boyfriend or gets married, she feels that she needs to cut ties with all other men. The idea is to be devoted to just one man. And yet sooner or later, keeping this in practice doesn't last. What I mean by this is, if she is involved in work, church, or even online, there will be times when interaction with other men will happen. In fact it's unavoidable, and it should be ok, as long these are not romantic relationships. A controlling jealous boyfriend or husband has got to be a terrible thing to live with! The key is just don't be romantic, save that stuff for your husband only.

You might be wondering, "how come that upset you so bad?" Answer: It has always been very difficult for me to find people online to click with. In the early days, I was trying to get a girlfriend. But the problem I kept running into was that the women I would meet lived a long distance away. Therefor the relationship couldn't go into the romantic realm.

I don't consider, that so called "romantic stuff online" as truly real. It's more like pretend. Sure it can lead to sin! I'm not going to debate that truth, all I'm saying is, anything you do online is only held together by a thread. The internet is a good place to meet people, but it's not a good environment to keep things going forever.

Considering how hard it is to make friends online, and how hard it is to keep friends online, it really stunk whenever a girl friend, would get a boyfriend, and then abandon me. At first it would take me days to find someone else. Then it started taking months. Now it takes years. I'm almost 44 years old, and I'm sick of going through this kind of cycle. That is why I would prefer to find male friends, and talk about real life situations.

I guess I'm hoping that if you people read this, it will help you to better understand why I feel the way I do.

I've never been one to have close friends too, it always bothered me. One time at work I was ignored everytime I tried to be friendly and I asked God why.....He said what do you have in common with the world? Everr since then I've been happy to just have Jesus. I believe he was protecting me.

 

[ButterflyJones]

You're entitled to your opinion.