The happy thread was dead. Long live the happy thread!

[pandaflower]

---

I took an elevator up to the eleventh floor for a meeting. As I got out, the operator said “Have a good day, son.”
“Don’t call me son,” I said. “You’re not my dad.”
He scratched his head, “No, but I brought you up, didn’t I?”
After my meeting, I got back on the elevator to go back down, and the same operator was there. I said nothing to him, but when we got to the ground floor, he said to me, “I’m sorry.”
“Because you thought you were my dad?” I asked him.
He shook his head. “No, son, because I let you down.”

 

[pandaflower]

Three brothers ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.
One night the 96-year-old fills up the bath, puts his foot in, and pauses. He yells down the stairs, “Was I getting in or out of the bath?”
The 94-year-old yells back, “I don’t know, I’ll come up and see.” He starts up the stairs and pauses, then he yells, “Was I going up the stairs or coming down?”
The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having coffee listening to his brothers. He shakes his head and says, “I sure hope I never get that forgetful.” He knocks on wood for good luck.
He then yells, “I’ll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who’s at the door.”

 

[pandaflower]

A Navy man walks into a bar, gives the bartender a conspiratorial wink, and says, “Quick, pour me a drink, before the trouble starts.” The bartender pours a drink and watches as the Sailor downs it in one gulp.
The Sailor slams the glass down on the bar and says, “Quick, give me another one before the trouble starts.” The bartender pours another glass and the Sailor drinks it as quickly as he had the first. The Sailor pauses, lets out a belch, and demands a third drink ‘before the trouble starts.’ After several rounds of this, the bartender says, “Look Sailor, you’ve been talking about trouble for ten minutes. Just when is this ‘trouble’ going to start?”
The sailor looks at the bartender and grins. “The trouble starts just as soon as you figure out that I don’t have any money.”

 

[pandaflower]

What’s the main use for leather in the world?
Holding cows together.

 

[Matthias]

 

[Matthias]

 

[Debp]

I've had cats that never got on the kitchen counters.

 

[Debp]

 

[Debp]

 

[Debp]

 

[pandaflower]

View attachment 66555

I keep hearing that kid taunt. "I'm not touching you!I'm not touching youuuuu!"

 

[Matthias]

* And soon they shall have it. *

 

[pandaflower]

 

[pandaflower]

 

[Matthias]

 

[pandaflower]

 

[pandaflower]

 

[pandaflower]

 

[pandaflower]

 

[Matthias]