I prevailed against that horrible fury but that came at a great cost. I was physically ill and longed for death.
I was young and so much more resilient back then. The Lord has revealed much since He made it known that I have DID. I have struggled with denial but His Spirit encourages me, bidding me to look at the scars and disfigurement I bear in this body as a memorial of what I have endured. I see them and so I remember.
Yes, I lost so much. Bones were broken, repeated bouts with illness robbed me of my strength, and I live with crippling pain each day. For the longest time I wondered about the illness which nearly took my life a number of years ago... but I wonder no longer. I know what caused it.
For what proved to be the last time, I/alters waged war against the fury of berserker and prevailed. God planted me in the life of a female survivor; I protected her life with my own and faced the evil men sent to kill her. I stood between her and their guns, their campaign of terror, and vows to take her life.
Her safety and survival became my reason for being and purpose for existing on this earth. I was trained in subterfuge and so I'm adept at moving silently and remaining unseen; I heard them long before they made their appearance but they never knew I was there. I surveilled them during their drunken revelries... I observed how they wasted ammunition and that their marksmanship was such that they wouldn't be able to make a kill shot at a moving target. They would be lucky to hit me at all because they would never see me coming until it was too late.
Yes, their life was in my hands and this was the moment of decision. The rage arose because their evil was a stain on this earth. It would be so easy to take them out in an ambush but I'm not a killer. The rage demanded their blood but I refused to satisfy this because I'm not a killer. All I had to do was let go but I would not yield... I had overcome the rage so many times and because lives were on the line, I would do what was right and just regardless of the cost. I was was able to delay paying that price because the one committed to my care was still in danger.
I wouldn't kill them. I would play with their minds by carrying out a psychological operation intended to convince them that I was absolutely fearless and more dangerous than they were. I would charge at them with nothing but a flashlight in hand in the dead of night. I would stand outside howling and bellowing at the moon so they could hear me in the hills beyond the tree line, promising that I would tear their throat out with my bare hands. When I heard them coming from a mile away, I would emerge into the darkness and position myself close to their location...
And scare the daylights out of them by yelling like a lunatic from my concealment. I never sleep!, I promised. When you show up I'm always out here somewhere, waiting for you to make a fatal mistake. Go ahead, do it. You will never see me coming and you will surely die. I'm ready to die, are you?
I sacrificed everything and the operation was a success. Once a sufficient period of time elapsed without a trace of her tormentors and would-be killers, the time arrived to pay the price that overcoming the fury of the berserker requires. However, it turned out to be more than I could afford and so I started withering away. I was so ill... it destroyed my mind and ravaged my body. I was a dead man.
