What do you think about that? Does it seem genuine, or does it put you on edge, etc?
Understanding MPD/DID & SRA/MK
- Thread starter TLHKAJ
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lilygrace
Well-Known Member
it seemed strange...
i feel a mix of both things. if that is possible.
Jostler
Well-Known Member
Lilygrace you have been on my mind a lot lately, and this may be a good time to explain some things.
Things about ministry boundaries and ministry accountability. I know in the past you have reached out to me in private message, and you got very short replies, which I am almost sure you felt were a rejection of you ,:/. But that was not the case. Ill try to explain this, I should have explained it before now. A very long time ago the Lord taught me that I was not allowed to develop intense private counseling/ministry relationships with women. Without some kind of witness, that kind of relationship can get toxic real fast. A lot of immorality has come out of male/female ministry relationships in the past. The time may be coming when I will have things to share with you in a more private setting than this open thread. If you desire to speak to me more privately in the future, I am open to it, with this one request? Will you include TLHKAJ in the PM for accountability sake? That will protect us both, and I know you trust TLHKAJ fully. I'm wanting to establish that kind of accountability as a standard any time I spend any length of time in private message with any of you girls here. Like I have never intended to make you feel unwanted or unimportant in my life. And I am afraid how I've treated your PM's have probably made you feel I was rejecting you personally. It is not so. In fact the opposite is true, I have paid close attention to your posts, and I pray for you often...daily.
This may sound funny, and may seem difficult for you to believe, but as I have prayed for you, and watched the transformation He is working jn you, He has placed a love for you in my heart that is very strong and very deep. Finding ways to actually express that love in healthy, holy ways that won't be misunderstood has been hard to do...so far. I think that may be changing. All I can say for sure is this: I am old enough to be your father, maybe grandfather
and I'll try to explain this...but in my heart you already feel like my daughter. Its been hard to say "I love uou" because that phrase can be understood (or misunderstood ) so many different ways. I pray that somehow, you will be able to know, by experience, a true father's love. A love that accepts you, as you are, right now, and a love that NEVER desires to touch you in unhealthy, unholy intimate ways. You have had way too much of that unhealthy, unholy defiling kind of touch.
A love willing to give its life to prevent any more of that abuse, a love that lives to protect you from that. And lives to give itself to provide a pace of protection....safety...in which you are fully free to become everything Jesus created you to be. Most of what the Lord has called me to do here can be done publicly, in a public thread like this. I may soon explain a bit more about how the Lord has instructed me to function here soon. For now, just understand He has a father's heart looking after you, a fierce protective love that earnestly desires to protect you from all harm. We'll see how He manages to work this out from here.
Things about ministry boundaries and ministry accountability. I know in the past you have reached out to me in private message, and you got very short replies, which I am almost sure you felt were a rejection of you ,:/. But that was not the case. Ill try to explain this, I should have explained it before now. A very long time ago the Lord taught me that I was not allowed to develop intense private counseling/ministry relationships with women. Without some kind of witness, that kind of relationship can get toxic real fast. A lot of immorality has come out of male/female ministry relationships in the past. The time may be coming when I will have things to share with you in a more private setting than this open thread. If you desire to speak to me more privately in the future, I am open to it, with this one request? Will you include TLHKAJ in the PM for accountability sake? That will protect us both, and I know you trust TLHKAJ fully. I'm wanting to establish that kind of accountability as a standard any time I spend any length of time in private message with any of you girls here. Like I have never intended to make you feel unwanted or unimportant in my life. And I am afraid how I've treated your PM's have probably made you feel I was rejecting you personally. It is not so. In fact the opposite is true, I have paid close attention to your posts, and I pray for you often...daily.
This may sound funny, and may seem difficult for you to believe, but as I have prayed for you, and watched the transformation He is working jn you, He has placed a love for you in my heart that is very strong and very deep. Finding ways to actually express that love in healthy, holy ways that won't be misunderstood has been hard to do...so far. I think that may be changing. All I can say for sure is this: I am old enough to be your father, maybe grandfather
and I'll try to explain this...but in my heart you already feel like my daughter. Its been hard to say "I love uou" because that phrase can be understood (or misunderstood ) so many different ways. I pray that somehow, you will be able to know, by experience, a true father's love. A love that accepts you, as you are, right now, and a love that NEVER desires to touch you in unhealthy, unholy intimate ways. You have had way too much of that unhealthy, unholy defiling kind of touch.A love willing to give its life to prevent any more of that abuse, a love that lives to protect you from that. And lives to give itself to provide a pace of protection....safety...in which you are fully free to become everything Jesus created you to be. Most of what the Lord has called me to do here can be done publicly, in a public thread like this. I may soon explain a bit more about how the Lord has instructed me to function here soon. For now, just understand He has a father's heart looking after you, a fierce protective love that earnestly desires to protect you from all harm. We'll see how He manages to work this out from here.
Jostler
Well-Known Member
Me and TLHKAJ have been getting to know Addy a bit better in PM. Thankfully she understood and heartily embraced the need for ministry accountability and was completely comfortable making our conversations three way...for accountability sake. She is mature and wise enough in the Lord's ways to recognize accountability is wise. I just posted a bit of an introduction which I am going to copy/paste here. Its past time for you to have a little better sense of who I am.
lilygrace
Well-Known Member
Lilygrace you have been on my mind a lot lately, and this may be a good time to explain some things.
Things about ministry boundaries and ministry accountability. I know in the past you have reached out to me in private message, and you got very short replies, which I am almost sure you felt were a rejection of you ,:/. But that was not the case. Ill try to explain this, I should have explained it before now. A very long time ago the Lord taught me that I was not allowed to develop intense private counseling/ministry relationships with women. Without some kind of witness, that kind of relationship can get toxic real fast. A lot of immorality has come out of male/female ministry relationships in the past. The time may be coming when I will have things to share with you in a more private setting than this open thread. If you desire to speak to me more privately in the future, I am open to it, with this one request? Will you include TLHKAJ in the PM for accountability sake? That will protect us both, and I know you trust TLHKAJ fully. I'm wanting to establish that kind of accountability as a standard any time I spend any length of time in private message with any of you girls here. Like I have never intended to make you feel unwanted or unimportant in my life. And I am afraid how I've treated your PM's have probably made you feel I was rejecting you personally. It is not so. In fact the opposite is true, I have paid close attention to your posts, and I pray for you often...daily.
This may sound funny, and may seem difficult for you to believe, but as I have prayed for you, and watched the transformation He is working jn you, He has placed a love for you in my heart that is very strong and very deep. Finding ways to actually express that love in healthy, holy ways that won't be misunderstood has been hard to do...so far. I think that may be changing. All I can say for sure is this: I am old enough to be your father, maybe grandfather
A love willing to give its life to prevent any more of that abuse, a love that lives to protect you from that. And lives to give itself to provide a pace of protection....safety...in which you are fully free to become everything Jesus created you to be. Most of what the Lord has called me to do here can be done publicly, in a public thread like this. I may soon explain a bit more about how the Lord has instructed me to function here soon. For now, just understand He has a father's heart looking after you, a fierce protective love that earnestly desires to protect you from all harm. We'll see how He manages to work this out from here.
Jostler
Well-Known Member
Here's a copy of the introduction I wrote to Addy...its a bit long...but here goes:
My name is Dale, I'm 61. You might be very surprised to find out how He has me living right now. I am homeless. This past year, and how He has led me through it actually amuses me, because I know He is right up in the middle of all of it, using it all to mold me into what He desires me to be.
In November I lost the house I was living in. I spent a couple of weeks sleeping in my car at a local grocery store parking lot. Then He interceded through a long time homeless friend of mine and got me a place much better than sleeping in a parking lot. A local Lutheran church here allows a few homeless people to stay on their property behind the church building, and they allowed me to park my car under a tarp covered awning, like you might see RV owners buy and set up to store a motor home, under. It was a true blessing to be able to spend more time outside the car...out of the weather, under the shelter. And I didn't have to worry about the police rousting me because I was sleeping in a public parking lot. Someone gave me an apartment size refrigerator to use, TLHKAJ bought me a two burner hot plate and some lights for the shelter. I got a long extension cord and had electricity to run everything...but it was still very cold and cramped at night, sleeping in the car.....but it was certainly much better than the insecurities involved in sleeping in a parking lot. And I could feed myself decent food cheaply, not relying on fast food.
It wasn't long after that I got very sick. I had no intention of going to a doctor, my life, and health are in His hands. But, those around me could see i was very ill. They thought I had COVID and were concerned I might infect everyone else, so they really pressed me to go to the hospital. I thought I probably had COVID too, so I understood their fears..and for their sake I agreed to go to the hospital.
My name is Dale, I'm 61. You might be very surprised to find out how He has me living right now.
I am homeless. This past year, and how He has led me through it actually amuses me, because I know He is right up in the middle of all of it, using it all to mold me into what He desires me to be.In November I lost the house I was living in. I spent a couple of weeks sleeping in my car at a local grocery store parking lot. Then He interceded through a long time homeless friend of mine and got me a place much better than sleeping in a parking lot. A local Lutheran church here allows a few homeless people to stay on their property behind the church building, and they allowed me to park my car under a tarp covered awning, like you might see RV owners buy and set up to store a motor home, under. It was a true blessing to be able to spend more time outside the car...out of the weather, under the shelter. And I didn't have to worry about the police rousting me because I was sleeping in a public parking lot. Someone gave me an apartment size refrigerator to use, TLHKAJ bought me a two burner hot plate and some lights for the shelter. I got a long extension cord and had electricity to run everything...but it was still very cold and cramped at night, sleeping in the car.....but it was certainly much better than the insecurities involved in sleeping in a parking lot. And I could feed myself decent food cheaply, not relying on fast food.
It wasn't long after that I got very sick. I had no intention of going to a doctor, my life, and health are in His hands. But, those around me could see i was very ill. They thought I had COVID and were concerned I might infect everyone else, so they really pressed me to go to the hospital. I thought I probably had COVID too, so I understood their fears..and for their sake I agreed to go to the hospital.
I knew God is my life, so going to the doctor would not change that, so it felt right to agree to their demands to alleviate their fears I might be contagious.
well, the hospital admitted me immediately. But I did not have COVID. I had a blood borne infection that had taken up residence in my heart valves and the infection was destroying the function of my heart valves. That was what was making me feel so bad. The valves were not working right, allowing blood to flow backward in my heart leaving me very physically weak. The also found a life threatening imbalance in my blood electrolytes...my body was almost completely depleted of potassium.
- they put me on a massive course of very strong IV antibiotics to address the blood infection, and supplements to address the electrolyte imbalances. A week later they felt I was strong enough, and did open heart surgery to replace all 4 of my heart valves. A week after that was another major surgery to install a pacemaker.
- I spent most of the next two months flat in a hospital bed, caught COVID IN THE HOSPITAL....lol
- I lost about 70 lbs and got a couple of persistent bedsores to fight with.
- But God was working. There are some small buildings here on the church property homeless people are living in. One was empty, a resident had died here not long before I arrived. He left behind an empty 10ft X 10ft square shack, and it was a huge mess. Full of trash and filth. God inspired my homeless friend to get that shack cleaned up so I could live in it when I returned from the hospital. More help came along and a gracious benefactor provided several hundred dollars to buy materials, and Al ( my homeless friend ) spent several weeks installing insulation and sheetrock in the shack....turning it into a very clean place to live. They bought a used mattress and box spring for me to sleep on. So wonderful to not need to sleep in a car any more. That would have really, really been a trial trying to recover from two major surgeries. God spared me that.
- I might be homeless, for now, but man oh man, I live like a king of homelessness God is GOOD! I live indoors, out of the weather, with small space heater keeping me warm on cold nights, refrigerator, a way to cook food for myself, and a coffee maker. What more could man really want? Lol
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TLHKAJWell-Known Member
God has a plan. We just need to follow and cooperate with His plan.
- Today at 4:32 PM
JostlerWell-Known Member
There was so much good news in so much of all this. They did a thorough angiogram...ran a camera through all my major arteries and discovered they are all clean as clean can be. No blockages...no plaque. I was very close to major heart failure for a bit, but never had a heart attack. My heart muscles are healthy. I don't need to be concerned about heart disease. Once the valves were fixed, my heart is healthy. My experience of COVID was completely asymptomatic. I caught it, but experienced no symptoms of it. My body threw that off without getting sick. There were some problems that cropped up because of them treating me for it, but that's another story. They treated me with Remdesevir, which can cause bleeding in the brain, along with some very strong blood thinners. I ended up with a small aneurysm that has pretty severely impaired my vision, and very severely affected my sense of smell. The olfactory disturbance fixed itself, but my eyesight has continued to slowly degrade.
- anyway, my life is in His hands. Recovering from the surgeries has been slow, but bit by bit I am improving.
doing open heart surgery meant ripping my whole chest open, and cutting my whole sternum in half. They spread my whole chest open to get my heart out to do the surgery replacing the valves. Pretty violent surgery and its taken a while for that much bone to heal back up. Its pretty much healed now and I'm mostly just slowly regaining strength again
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Jostler
Well-Known Member
sorry that was so long...just a small introduction, and some recent experiences He has added to my testimony . He is good
. He is good
Jostler
Well-Known Member
I sincerely appreciate that Mayflower. Very much. Prayer is one of the very most powerful things we can offer each other. I pray for you too...and will continue to. And for everyone else that posts here...and for a few on this forum that never post here at all
Jostler
Well-Known Member
For quite some time my primary role here has been to pray a lot, and post very little....that has now changed a bit...I'll be posting more often now I think. I don't know what it was, but something "broke open" in the spirit realm, in a good way. I feel like the Lord is moving very strongly....in spite of so many of us feeling like they've had some rough days lately. He is up to something...and its going to be good.
Jostler
Well-Known Member
I kinda think it's funny...I have asked the Lord for the opportunity to see His miracles made manifest. We want to see His power manifest in our sight...but we don't want to NEED a miracle ourselves . Well, I'm in need of His miraculous power exercised on my behalf I guess that might be how He is getting me ready to answer my petition to see His power. I am sure glad He is in the miracle working business I'd have no hope if He were not in that business. If all I could see was in the natural...I'd lose hope. But, in Him I can see something greater than what my natural eyes can see.....
. Well, I'm in need of His miraculous power exercised on my behalf I guess that might be how He is getting me ready to answer my petition to see His power. I am sure glad He is in the miracle working business I'd have no hope if He were not in that business. If all I could see was in the natural...I'd lose hope. But, in Him I can see something greater than what my natural eyes can see.....
Jostler
Well-Known Member
Shattered
Well-Known Member
I'm wearing blinders at the moment so I'll catch up with previous pages later. It's going to be an all-nighter but that's okay... it's just one of those nights. I'm a veteran of the all-nighter.
@Jostler and I share much in common, coming close to the grave on more than one occasion during our time here on earth. And yet it pleases the Lord that we're different in other ways, an affirmation of His many-membered Body and the diversity which is suitable for His purpose. The hand is not the foot and the elbow is not the shoulder, but fitting together in unity with the Head who is our Lord Jesus Christ, we carry out His will on earth. On earth as it is in heaven.
My brother was raised up in the churches whereas I was not brought to the sheepfold that way. The Lord came to me (seemingly) out of the blue, choosing me from this world and claiming me as His own. I was unaware of my shattering until earlier this year, so decades passed before the Lord made the truth known to me. He prepared me for this but that doesn't make the ordeal any easier to bear. Yes, I walk in the knowledge of His will and purpose but being shattered and fragmented is unlike anything I've faced in this world.
Walking with the Lord is a simple matter where I'm concerned, which explains why I struggle to understand some of the things which my brothers and sisters with experience in the churches take for granted. On more than one occasion the Lord has sent me to a doctor and I don't struggle with this at all... it's His will and in spite of whatever struggles I face, I obey His voice. The Lord has given me three doctors and in giving these doctors to me, bids me to follow their advice. Therefore when one of these doctors arranged for a CT scan of my chest the Lord said to me, Do as they desire and do not be afraid. I am with you always.
I already knew what they would find: precancerous growth in my lungs... permanent damage to the lungs (a long story, but I've been gassed more than once)... damage to my kidneys... and moderate arterial calcification. Lung cancer is the legacy of my mother's lineage, having ended her life on earth in addition to the lives of her father and four of her six brothers. I accept this with gladness and I'm not afraid. I'm joyful!
I've been close to death before... very close... and the Spirit of the Lord was both with me and upon me. Indeed, the Lord spoke His promise when I was in the shadow of death, that my place is with Him always. While I endure in this world I'm in His presence day and night, and I hear His voice and know Him. His Spirit was pleased to part the veil so I might witness His glory in the heavenly places so I know where I am right now... not on earth alone.
My reward comes and when it does, I will be with the Lord in fulness. That is the desire of my heart!
@Jostler and I share much in common, coming close to the grave on more than one occasion during our time here on earth. And yet it pleases the Lord that we're different in other ways, an affirmation of His many-membered Body and the diversity which is suitable for His purpose. The hand is not the foot and the elbow is not the shoulder, but fitting together in unity with the Head who is our Lord Jesus Christ, we carry out His will on earth. On earth as it is in heaven.
My brother was raised up in the churches whereas I was not brought to the sheepfold that way. The Lord came to me (seemingly) out of the blue, choosing me from this world and claiming me as His own. I was unaware of my shattering until earlier this year, so decades passed before the Lord made the truth known to me. He prepared me for this but that doesn't make the ordeal any easier to bear. Yes, I walk in the knowledge of His will and purpose but being shattered and fragmented is unlike anything I've faced in this world.
Walking with the Lord is a simple matter where I'm concerned, which explains why I struggle to understand some of the things which my brothers and sisters with experience in the churches take for granted. On more than one occasion the Lord has sent me to a doctor and I don't struggle with this at all... it's His will and in spite of whatever struggles I face, I obey His voice. The Lord has given me three doctors and in giving these doctors to me, bids me to follow their advice. Therefore when one of these doctors arranged for a CT scan of my chest the Lord said to me, Do as they desire and do not be afraid. I am with you always.
I already knew what they would find: precancerous growth in my lungs... permanent damage to the lungs (a long story, but I've been gassed more than once)... damage to my kidneys... and moderate arterial calcification. Lung cancer is the legacy of my mother's lineage, having ended her life on earth in addition to the lives of her father and four of her six brothers. I accept this with gladness and I'm not afraid. I'm joyful!
I've been close to death before... very close... and the Spirit of the Lord was both with me and upon me. Indeed, the Lord spoke His promise when I was in the shadow of death, that my place is with Him always. While I endure in this world I'm in His presence day and night, and I hear His voice and know Him. His Spirit was pleased to part the veil so I might witness His glory in the heavenly places so I know where I am right now... not on earth alone.
My reward comes and when it does, I will be with the Lord in fulness. That is the desire of my heart!
Jostler
Well-Known Member
Funny you mention the "Body" of Christ, and its "many membered" nature. That has been very much on my mind lately, specifically relating to His promises to ensure that Body is going to be brought into full maturity. (Elhesuans 4). I believe much of His focus and activity among us right now is related to causing us to become mature, corporately. I believe He is very focused on that right now. That encourages me because a mature corporate Body cannot be unless the individual "members become mature. A Body cannot fully manifest the will of the fully mature Head (which is Jesus), unless the Body is as mature as the Head is. Astonishing thought...but look at His promise:
Ephesians 4:13 NKJV — till we all come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ;
Ephesians 4:13 NKJV — till we all come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ;
Jostler
Well-Known Member
think about that...what in the world is that going to actually look like??? I don't think I can really imagine what walking in the measure of the stature of the FULLNESS of Him? But that is His promise....
Jostler
Well-Known Member
its an incredible blessing to be born in this generation...He is going to do things in us, and through us He has never done before in human history!
Jostler
Well-Known Member
and look at how He plans to bring this maturity:
Ephesians 4:15-16 NKJV — but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ— from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by what every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share, causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love.
Ephesians 4:15-16 NKJV — but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ— from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by what every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share, causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love.
Jostler
Well-Known Member
Jostler
Well-Known Member
Jostler
Well-Known Member
Jostler
Well-Known Member
@Shattered
That may have seemed a bit off topic, but the timing seemed like a setup to open up the topic. Its time for us to be studying it, and discussing it i think
That may have seemed a bit off topic, but the timing seemed like a setup to open up the topic. Its time for us to be studying it, and discussing it i think