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Understanding MPD/DID & SRA/MK

Discussion in 'Addiction & Recovery Forum' started by TLHKAJ, Sep 23, 2020.

  1. lilygrace

    lilygrace Well-Known Member

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    i dont feel forced. i just....when i was caught on an actual SA forum my mom told me i might make the incest victims feel unsafe or violated and i wasnt abused by anyone at all.
     
  2. Addy

    Addy Well-Known Member

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    SWIM in it... SATURATE yourself in it... for it is like medicine to heal and give strength... It is reprieve from pain... it is a STRENGTHENER...
    These are wise words that Jostler has spoken.... take joy when it comes... and set all else aside.
     
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  3. TLHKAJ

    TLHKAJ Well-Known Member

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    You're not mental, @lilygrace .... you're broken.
     
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  4. TLHKAJ

    TLHKAJ Well-Known Member

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    How did she catch you on the SA site?
     
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  5. lilygrace

    lilygrace Well-Known Member

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    idk that was a long time ago.... i did schoolwork and homework at the same time... i think i was in my junior year o fhigh school work. it was on the computer me an dmy sister used and i would delete the history.
    but i would definitely switch sthe screens....
    at that point i dint really say anything about family on there...
     
  6. truthquest

    truthquest Well-Known Member

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    It sounds like your mother and my mother have a lot in common. My mother not only denied and tried to hide the sexual abuse by my father and stepfather but she also chose our stepfather over her own children when she was told by Children's Services that she either had to leave my stepfather or lose her children to foster care. Well, she chose to stay with our stepfather and we went into foster care.
     
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  7. lilygrace

    lilygrace Well-Known Member

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    i am sorry fo ryou :( in my mind she should have chose her children. thank you for your response. you seem patient with me.....
    um...yeah. my mother that she thinks i want her to hate him because i asked her not to talk to him about my mental health...
    and she said 3 years ago and this week that if i had this situation with a daughter and my husband i would do the same
     
  8. truthquest

    truthquest Well-Known Member

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    She is taking his side and defending him. She is choosing him over you!!!! And only a sick and twisted mother would do that and then have the nerve to tell you that you would do the same thing.
     
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  9. lilygrace

    lilygrace Well-Known Member

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    to be fair i think she is choosing him cos of finances....but still ...its :(
    ill never know if she had the money that she would have left..
    she threatened to stay with one of her sisters to get away from him but then that would have left me still here.so idk.
    my frien dthinks shes fawning to spend time with him so he wont do it to me and it just appears unloyal.. so idk.

    im sorry for being awful here :(
     
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  10. Addy

    Addy Well-Known Member

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    @Mayflower.... I promise you... I assure you with full confidence that HE will exchange your mourning for JOY.

    If you are feeling JOY... SWIM in it... PICKLE yourself in it... LOL... THROW yourself head first in it... and PRAISE HIS HOLY NAME...
    You will be filled with a PEACE that comes with that JOY and you will understand things that cannot be explained with words.
    Suffering does something in the supernatural realm that we do not understand.
     
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  11. truthquest

    truthquest Well-Known Member

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    Yeah, I've heard that one before. Just like my mother. But she managed just fine after he died.
    Why would that have left you still there?
    As if it would make a difference if she spent time with him.
    Amazing that you think you're the awful one in this scenario.
     
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  12. Addy

    Addy Well-Known Member

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    @Mayflower ... Worship music helps... it really does...
     
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  13. Addy

    Addy Well-Known Member

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  14. lilygrace

    lilygrace Well-Known Member

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    well she said there is no room for me to live with her and her sister....and this week she was saying "one of us has to leave, you, him or me... "
    and then she said she has to tell him about my mental health and cant lie and say we are going to the mall every week or he will think thats weird.
    so i don tknow.
    wlel im the awful one here and on the forums.

    thank you for talking to me.
     
  15. truthquest

    truthquest Well-Known Member

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    Seriously? She actually said that? Do you mean to tell me that she is that selfish and self centered that she cares more about herself than she cares about her own daughter? And I guess her sister agrees with her? You know what, I have an aunt like that too. She wonders why I never visit her, after the way she treated me as child making me sleep on the porch with the dogs.
    It should be him that has to leave. So it's "you, him or me". Not "me and you". Because you know he's not going anywhere. Is there a police department in your city? I bet they could make him leave after you tell them what he's done to you.
    It's not about your mental health. She's afraid that he will find out that you might be talking about his sexual abuse.
    No you are not!!! Your mother has destroyed your self esteem, confidence, feeling of safety and security and feeling of self worth. She sounds like a total control freak. I would tell her exactly where she could go.
    I'm trying to help you.
     
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  16. lilygrace

    lilygrace Well-Known Member

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    I don't think my aunt knows about it. I am more kept away from her and I'm scared to tell her.. i feel she would actually believe me .... But my mom acted weird when I told her about my ex... She's been very possessive about my aunt since i came home from rehab.
     
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  17. truthquest

    truthquest Well-Known Member

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    Does your aunt care about you and can you trust her? You're "kept away" from her? Who keeps you away from her? Do you have a phone? Can you call her? You need somebody to talk to and who will be a support system for you. Do you have friends? I mean real friends who will help you. Don't be scared to talk to your aunt if she can be trusted and if she really cares about you.

    When I turned 18, I was kicked out on the street. I had been in foster care for ten years. I moved in with a friend until I could get my own place. She was a real friend who helped me.
     
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  18. Shattered

    Shattered Well-Known Member

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    The alter is frozen in time and space, living and reliving discrete events in a cycle without beginning or end. His rage is terrifying but his honesty shakes me, and I was speechless when the Lord spoke on his behalf. I marveled and cried out,

    "How can this be, Lord? He roars and lashes out blindly! If I don't keep him imprisoned then he will inflict harm upon an innocent and You know that I cannot not live with this, Lord. I would rather die than allow him freedom!"

    The Lord responded swiftly. Have I forgotten how I screamed with rage at Him when He spared me from the grave? How the desire of my heart was denied and because I was blind and could not see, He was exceedingly merciful and kind toward me? Was I not dumbfounded when the Lord God Almighty praised me for being forthright in His presence, withholding nothing in my heart from Him? There was no lie on my lips.

    Yes, I screamed in rage at God until I was hoarse. When the truth arrived and I grasped the futility of screaming at the Lord, I collapsed and wept until I lost consciousness. His Spirit stirred me, soothing my soul and renewing my strength, promising that He would never depart from me. So it went for two years while Christ healed this body and restored my mind... but making me whole again would be a work which will last all of my days on this earth. I didn't truly understand that until earlier this year...

    Now I understand. I'm dismayed, ashamed, and horrified at what this alter has done to you, your only desire being to join yourself to the will of Jesus Christ who chose us both. He wants to declare scathing judgments and cut you off... but he's blind and cannot see, trapped in a living hell inflicted upon us many, many years ago. The Lord speaks for him in his defense, reminding me of the mercy He extended toward me, commanding me to extend the same merciful love toward him.

    But he has hurt you, @Jostler , more than once. No, I haven't been able to live with what he has done and I'm at fault for not holding him back. I'm guilty of what he has done because he is me, and I am him.
     
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  19. lilygrace

    lilygrace Well-Known Member

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    yes. i can text my aunt anytime but i feel like there was a warning i don tknow about about not telling anyone.
    i was accused this past week of telling everyone in a church i go to. i had not. it is an insult to my nature. mom insists i told my one ex friend. i had not. against my nature to tell a friend i dont really like...or trust.
     
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  20. Shattered

    Shattered Well-Known Member

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    I feel that way about myself, @lilygrace . My brother is right about the appropriate time to discuss matters, and that time is now...

    But I'm ashamed and fearful of hurting him all over again. I'd rather spare him. I totally get where you're coming from. This is where @TLHKAJ 's counsel is needful for us, sister. She's been going through these things for many years so she does indeed know about what we're going through.

    I'm relieved that the ire of the alters seems directed at men and not women, but that's little consolation because my brother is just as important as my sister is to me. The Lord is exceedingly wise, having put both TLHKAJ and @Jostler into my life, knowing that my sister would always be able to get through to me regardless of the storm. Christ provides for us that way, and it's hard being a survivor to begin with.

    This stuff tears us apart over and over again. The Lord knows that.
     
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