How to Create Zany Prophecies...

[rockytopva]

How to create prophecies keeping them as zany as possible with a Gary Larson type outline...

1. Skeleton - Come up with some rough prophecy
2. Brain - Keep the thought small so it can appear as zany as possible
3. Health - Make sure your content appears out of context with the rest of the word (noting American prophecies are generally not as healthy as foreign ones).
4. Content - Create your desire for final outcomes such as - "Run fer yer lives!"
5. Adding – If you can appear such as Ellen White or a Charles Taze Russell you really did well! Even if your date predictions fail people will still follow you!

 

[rockytopva]

The scientist, Isaac Newton, had the best reply, I believe, against the zany...

"And I heard the man clothed in linen, which was upon the waters of the river, when he held up his right hand and his left hand unto heaven, and sware by him that liveth for ever that it shall be for a time, times, and an half." - Daniel 12:7

From a folio cataloged as Yahuda MS 7.3g, f. 13v:

"So then the time times & half a time are 42 months or 1260 days or three years & an half, reckoning twelve months to a year & 30 days to a month as was done in the Calendar of the primitive year. And the days of short lived Beasts being put for the years of lived kingdoms, the period of 1260 days, if dated from the complete conquest of the three kings A.C. 800, will end A.C. 2060.

It may end later, but I see no reason for its ending sooner. This I mention not to assert when the time of the end shall be, but to put a stop to the rash conjectures of fancifull men who are frequently predicting the time of the end, & by doing so bring the sacred prophesies into discredit as often as their predictions fail. Christ comes as a thief in the night, & it is not for us to know the times & seasons which God hath put into his own breast." - Isaac Newton

 

[Truth7t7]

The scientist, Isaac Newton, had the best reply, I believe, against the zany...

"And I heard the man clothed in linen, which was upon the waters of the river, when he held up his right hand and his left hand unto heaven, and sware by him that liveth for ever that it shall be for a time, times, and an half." - Daniel 12:7

From a folio cataloged as Yahuda MS 7.3g, f. 13v:

"So then the time times & half a time are 42 months or 1260 days or three years & an half, reckoning twelve months to a year & 30 days to a month as was done in the Calendar of the primitive year. And the days of short lived Beasts being put for the years of lived kingdoms, the period of 1260 days, if dated from the complete conquest of the three kings A.C. 800, will end A.C. 2060.

It may end later, but I see no reason for its ending sooner. This I mention not to assert when the time of the end shall be, but to put a stop to the rash conjectures of fancifull men who are frequently predicting the time of the end, & by doing so bring the sacred prophesies into discredit as often as their predictions fail. Christ comes as a thief in the night, & it is not for us to know the times & seasons which God hath put into his own breast." - Isaac Newton

Sir Isaac Newton was an unsaved seasoned "Occultist", Rosicrucian, Alchemy, Kabbalah

 

[Always Believing]

How to create prophecies keeping them as zany as possible with a Gary Larson type outline...

1. Skeleton - Come up with some rough prophecy
2. Brain - Keep the thought small so it can appear as zany as possible
3. Health - Make sure your content appears out of context with the rest of the word (noting American prophecies are generally not as healthy as foreign ones).
4. Content - Create your desire for final outcomes such as - "Run fer yer lives!"
5. Adding – If you can appear such as Ellen White or a Charles Taze Russell you really did well! Even if your date predictions fail people will still follow you!

Zany interpretations of prophecy are fine, so long as they are not then prophesied.

It may end later, but I see no reason for its ending sooner. This I mention not to assert when the time of the end shall be, but to put a stop to the rash conjectures of fancifull men who are frequently predicting the time of the end, & by doing so bring the sacred prophesies into discredit as often as their predictions fail. Christ comes as a thief in the night, & it is not for us to know the times & seasons which God hath put into his own breast." - Isaac Newton

I.e. when the Son says He will not know the time, until the Father commands Him to come to earth for a second time, neither will we.

Basically, those prophesying His return, are saying the Father has already told them, what He does not tell the Son until the last moment.

I knew a man that said he was the 'last Elijah',a nd prophesied the Lord's return for January of last year. What did he do in February? I think he prophesied the Lord delayed His coming, so that the Last Elijah could get more people into his churches, and get more offerings and tithes.

Some of the biggest scams on naive sheep is end times prophecies, that require the sheep to stop worrying about their own selfish lives, and start giving all to the end times prophet.;)

If anyone starts getting really 'urgent' from the pulpit about the Lord's return, and turns it into a local church recruitment drive, it's time to find another church with a pastor who cares for the welfare of the sheep, not shearing the sheep.

Not for that we have dominion over your faith, but are helpers of your joy, for by faith ye stand.

 

[rockytopva]

Zany interpretations of prophecy are fine, so long as they are not then prophesied.


I.e. when the Son says He will not know the time, until the Father commands Him to come to earth for a second time, neither will we.

Basically, those prophesying His return, are saying the Father has already told them, what He does not tell the Son until the last moment.

I knew a man that said he was the 'last Elijah',a nd prophesied the Lord's return for January of last year. What did he do in February? I think he prophesied the Lord delayed His coming, so that the Last Elijah could get more people into his churches, and get more offerings and tithes.

Some of the biggest scams on naive sheep is end times prophecies, that require the sheep to stop worrying about their own selfish lives, and start giving all to the end times prophet.;)

If anyone starts getting really 'urgent' from the pulpit about the Lord's return, and turns it into a local church recruitment drive, it's time to find another church with a pastor who cares for the welfare of the sheep, not shearing the sheep.

Not for that we have dominion over your faith, but are helpers of your joy, for by faith ye stand.

Thanks for the input! And God bless my friend!

 

[Always Believing]

Thanks for the input! And God bless my friend!

I know it all too well, because I've witnessed it and lost a wife in the process. No tears, because God has given me a better one, that is faithful to our marriage first, and not to pastors and bishops and deacons, that she isn't even married to.

 

[Patrick1966]

 

[Patrick1966]

I know it all too well, because I've witnessed it and lost a wife in the process. No tears, because God has given me a better one, that is faithful to our marriage first, and not to pastors and bishops and deacons, that she isn't even married to.

 

[rockytopva]

 

[David in NJ]

Love the Far Side

 

[ButterflyJones]

Sir Isaac Newton was an unsaved seasoned "Occultist", Rosicrucian, Alchemy, Kabbalah

And what has that to do with his observation.

Zany prophets, especially those who don't read the Bible , are false. And claim to know the mind of God as they lie through their teeth.

 

[ButterflyJones]

Love the Far Side

Me too.

He's back.

The Far Side Comic Strip by Gary Larson - Official Website | TheFarSide.com

Visit the official online home of The Far Side comic strip by Gary Larson for your daily dose of Gary’s classic cartoons.

www.thefarside.com

 

[David in NJ]

And what has that to do with his observation.

Zany prophets, especially those who don't read the Bible , are false. And claim to know the mind of God as they lie through their teeth.

Zig Zag prophets cannot see the straight and narrow

 

[Raccoon1010]

Most zany prophecies come from failed attempts at interpreting the bible for sure. That just goes to show how well the mind functions. And maybe you could use that as a mental acuity gauge

But probably the most accurately predicted events are in the blind date arena. It's not hard to predict utter defeat when it's eminent.

 

[ButterflyJones]

Zig Zag prophets cannot see the straight and narrow

Maybe because they roll up too many Zig Zags?

 

[David in NJ]

Maybe because they roll up too many Zig Zags?

You got me busting a gut here.............