It is scary how similar we are - I feel it when people are dying and I cannot be near them, it is an immense heartache in me that just will not subside. I have the same "problem" of wanting to help others sometimes to my detriment and yes it is imbalanced. I think we want to give too much and there are many times no reciprocation. We need time to charge our batteries. I learned it the hard way that we have to sew seeds but it us ultimately FATHERS garden and HE nurtures the seeds.
.yes, I always had a feeling that I needed to "do something." I think God can use that, as long as it's given and submitted to Him.
Totally agree with you. I ask that HIS will for our lives will become our reality and that our "will", will align with HIS will.
With my kids, I think this "knowing" they must do something can be maybe programming filtering through?
My eldest also said something to the extent of nostalgia for places in America...it is a longing to be in certain places. I always wanted to "go" home but I don't know where my "home" is, it used to drive me to tears because of this constant pain inside. It would be wonderful to one day sit and puzzle everything out, to know your beginning and everything in between, to just know what happened and what we were part of, and then to redeem as many people as we can to pull them from the kingdom of darkness.
I wish I had times like you spend with our LORD GOD. Everything with me is just a pit of darkness, a black hole at this stage of the fight, but I live in hope.
Talking about portals, I saw one "close-up" the other night. Loadshedding just started and I went out as I do many a night to look at the milky way the moon, etc and of course satellites. What was different that night, there was an ominous scary type of presence I usually don't feel but I ignored it. I guess that was my first mistake. And the whole time I was outside I was uneasy. The interesting thing about this was my son was in another part of the city also looking up at the same sky as I did. I send him a voice note of a "near miss" and he responded with a note that he also saw it. So I discounted the ominous feeling and remained outside still looking up at blinking satellites and then looked to the south side, and saw a portal "zipping up" would be the best way to describe it - When weird things happen or sometimes when I get a new type of memories I make voice notes about it. I was trying to explain away what I saw and when I released what I was doing I stopped. It was like my mind was telling me I didn't see what I saw and then later remembered the ominous eery weird feeling when I was outside and then it just fit together and accepted what I saw. I asked him if he looked at the southern sky, and he said no, and told him about it.
Do you know how many times I catch myself just thinking about all my memories, there is no rhyme or reason and the fact that my life is unknown to me...my life is a lie. That is the way I see it.
I was rather excited I thought I found a counselor who could help me. Turned out they love money more than helping people. It is so sad.
I pray you have a good evening.
Blessings