I was raised in an independent Baptist church, and every Sunday I heard about sin, heaven, hell, & Jesus' death on the cross. I heard that I must believe in Jesus so I could be saved and not go to hell. When I was 13 years old we had a revival at our church. At the end of the message, the evangelist gave an invitation asking people to come to the altar to accept Jesus as their savior. He came out into the congregation, and started walking up to people asking them to go to the altar. I remember thinking to myself "I hope he doesn't come over here." Well, he did come over to me, my brother, & our dad. When he walked up to me & put his hand on my shoulder, I immediately started to walk down to the altar, and my dad and my brother followed me. We were read scripture from Romans & were led to say a prayer to accept Jesus as our savior. Then next week we were baptized together at church.
Later, as a young adult, I graduated from college, started a career as a classroom teacher, & got married. During those years I had serious doubts about all the things I had heard in church. I even began to doubt the truth of the bible, or if God was real. Finally, I came to believe that I didn't need Jesus or God in my life, & forgot about God & got on with my life.
Several years later I began to think about God again, probably because my mother would say something to us about going to church. We lived in the same town where I grew up. We did eventually go to our church occasionally, and for some reason I began to think about my "unbelief." I had thoughts that I could be wrong about my thinking that the bible was not true, and that God didn't exist. After awhile I decided that if I was wrong & the bible is true & God is real, that I could be facing a fearful & tragic future.
The thought of spending eternity in hell was frightening, and that fear eventually led me to a life of uncertainty, & misery. I doubted my salvation because I did not understand how God would save someone just for saying a prayer “in Jesus' name” and being baptized. I was confused about all the teaching I had heard growing up in a church. I was confused about God & the bible. I did not understand the meaning of “believing” in Jesus. I did not know what to believe or how to believe.
We started going to church, the same church where I grew up, and I pretended to be a Christian. I began to really listen to the sermons and even talked to our pastor about my doubts. One bible verse that I had trouble understanding was Romans 10:13. I just did not understand how "calling on the name of the Lord" saved someone.
I began looking for evidence that would prove to me that the bible is true, that God exists, and that Jesus does really save us, but there was something missing, a missing link, and I did not know what it was. I needed something to convince me that it was all true. I talked to several Christians & asked a lot of questions, read several books written by well known Christian authors like Dr. John R Rice & J. Vernon McGee about how to have assurance of salvation, and read several bible salvation tracts. But, I could not find any answers that convinced me of the truth about any of the teachings I had heard growing up in church. I did the things I heard at church that I thought were necessary to get God to save me like saying a prayer “in Jesus' name,” making a public confession of my faith, repenting of my sin, publicly confessing Jesus as my Lord & Savior, promising to follow Him the rest of my life. I tried to make myself have some sense of faith, I said the sinners' prayer over & over begging God to save me, and each time I would find relief from the doubts. But, then our pastor would say in one of his sermons that to be saved we must really mean business with God, and I would question myself as to whether I really did repent of all my sins, or did I really commit my life to Christ, or did I really believe in Jesus to save me, and the doubts would return. I could not find a lasting assurance of salvation, and I had no peace. I could not concentrate on my job or my family. I was obsessed with a dreadful fear of dying without ever knowing for sure if I had done the right things to get God to save me. I thought that I would never know for sure that I was saved.
One night, out of a sense of helplessness & desperation, I said a prayer to the God I wasn't sure existed. My prayer was, “God will you show me the truth about believing in Jesus?” Next, I did something I had never done outside of church; I found our family bible, sat down at my kitchen table, and opened the bible to the Book of John, the Gospel of John. I opened the bible to the Gospel of John because I had heard someone say that the Book of John was the best place to find out about Jesus. I did not know what I would find there but I was ready to accept whatever it was if it convinced me that it was real & the truth. As I started to read the Gospel of John I had no idea that my life was about to change forever.
Yes, I was desperate to know that Jesus is real & to know him as my Savior. I thought I would never know, for sure, that I had found Him or that I had enough faith in Him, or that I had really believed in Him. I was confused about what it all meant, and just wasn't sure about any of it being real. But, the moment I began to read John 1:1 for some reason I was seeing the words of the bible in a different way. I remembered reading the Book of John in Sunday School as a kid, and our teacher told us to memorize the first chapter, but it really meant nothing to me back then. But, that night, as I sat at my kitchen table reading that big family bible, the words came to life and something was telling me that I was reading the truth about Jesus. I realized that the missing link I referred earlier was the Holy Spirit showing me the truth that I so desperately needed.
That night, as I read the Gospel of John, the Holy Spirit opened my spiritually blind eyes for me and “I got it.” It was as though I was a blind person who suddenly could see; He brought me out of darkness into light; He showed me who Jesus is and what He did for me when He died on the cross to pay the penalty for my sins. I saw that it wasn't about me; not about anything “I” could do, but about what Jesus had already done. The Holy Spirit completely convinced me that the Bible is the absolute truth, that God is real, and that Jesus is God who became a man so He could pay the penalty for my sins that I could never pay myself. God showed me how to “believe in Him” as He convinced me that all the things I had heard in church as a kid, and all that I was reading that night were His way of not only saving me from spending eternity in hell, but also is His way to change me now by giving me a new heart. Immediately my troubled soul was overwhelmed by an enormous sense of relief, and I forgot about all the things “I” was doing to get God to save me as I cast my helpless self upon Jesus. The Holy Spirit “turned on the light for me,” me & I “got it.” That was the moment I saw Jesus as the one who did all that God required for my sin to be forgiven. I wasn't thinking about how much faith I had, or if I really meant business with God, or if I really believed, or about making promises. I didn't need to try to believe, I didn't need to work up a sense of “faith.” I realized that to “believe” in Jesus is the same as to “depend on” or to “rely on” Him just like a child depends on their parents to take care of them. I knew without a doubt that Jesus was waiting for me to come to Him. I found myself talking to Jesus as though He was right there in the room with me. I was thanking Him for saving me and asking Him to change me His way, and that He did.
Later, I found another scripture that really helped me to better understand Romans 10:13; that scripture was the next verse Romans 10:14, “How shall they call on Him in whom they have not believed? And how shall they believe in Him of whom they have not heard? and how shall they hear without a preacher?”(KJV) I saw that Romans 10:13 alone was just words without faith, but that together Romans 10:13-14 means that I believe in Jesus before I call on Him or that I called on Him because I believe Him.
I will use another scripture here although at that time I knew nothing about it but it helps to explain what actually happened to me that day: Ephesians 2:8-9 “For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:” “Not of works, lest any man should boast.” God gave me the right kind of faith to believe just like this verse says, it is a gift of God. The faith God gave me was focused on Jesus’ death on the cross, and also believing that Jesus will do what He said He will do in John 6:37, and that’s “saving faith.” The “wrong kind of faith” was focused on myself, on what “I” was doing to try to get God to save me.
I found the truth about “believing” in Jesus when I turned to God through reading His Word, and by the convincing power of the Holy Spirit. Today, 50+ years have passed since that night, and I still have the peace of knowing, without any doubt, that Jesus did not turn me away. It is a peace that cannot be explained to someone who has not found that peace for themselves.
My wife also, became a believer.
John
Later, as a young adult, I graduated from college, started a career as a classroom teacher, & got married. During those years I had serious doubts about all the things I had heard in church. I even began to doubt the truth of the bible, or if God was real. Finally, I came to believe that I didn't need Jesus or God in my life, & forgot about God & got on with my life.
Several years later I began to think about God again, probably because my mother would say something to us about going to church. We lived in the same town where I grew up. We did eventually go to our church occasionally, and for some reason I began to think about my "unbelief." I had thoughts that I could be wrong about my thinking that the bible was not true, and that God didn't exist. After awhile I decided that if I was wrong & the bible is true & God is real, that I could be facing a fearful & tragic future.
The thought of spending eternity in hell was frightening, and that fear eventually led me to a life of uncertainty, & misery. I doubted my salvation because I did not understand how God would save someone just for saying a prayer “in Jesus' name” and being baptized. I was confused about all the teaching I had heard growing up in a church. I was confused about God & the bible. I did not understand the meaning of “believing” in Jesus. I did not know what to believe or how to believe.
We started going to church, the same church where I grew up, and I pretended to be a Christian. I began to really listen to the sermons and even talked to our pastor about my doubts. One bible verse that I had trouble understanding was Romans 10:13. I just did not understand how "calling on the name of the Lord" saved someone.
I began looking for evidence that would prove to me that the bible is true, that God exists, and that Jesus does really save us, but there was something missing, a missing link, and I did not know what it was. I needed something to convince me that it was all true. I talked to several Christians & asked a lot of questions, read several books written by well known Christian authors like Dr. John R Rice & J. Vernon McGee about how to have assurance of salvation, and read several bible salvation tracts. But, I could not find any answers that convinced me of the truth about any of the teachings I had heard growing up in church. I did the things I heard at church that I thought were necessary to get God to save me like saying a prayer “in Jesus' name,” making a public confession of my faith, repenting of my sin, publicly confessing Jesus as my Lord & Savior, promising to follow Him the rest of my life. I tried to make myself have some sense of faith, I said the sinners' prayer over & over begging God to save me, and each time I would find relief from the doubts. But, then our pastor would say in one of his sermons that to be saved we must really mean business with God, and I would question myself as to whether I really did repent of all my sins, or did I really commit my life to Christ, or did I really believe in Jesus to save me, and the doubts would return. I could not find a lasting assurance of salvation, and I had no peace. I could not concentrate on my job or my family. I was obsessed with a dreadful fear of dying without ever knowing for sure if I had done the right things to get God to save me. I thought that I would never know for sure that I was saved.
One night, out of a sense of helplessness & desperation, I said a prayer to the God I wasn't sure existed. My prayer was, “God will you show me the truth about believing in Jesus?” Next, I did something I had never done outside of church; I found our family bible, sat down at my kitchen table, and opened the bible to the Book of John, the Gospel of John. I opened the bible to the Gospel of John because I had heard someone say that the Book of John was the best place to find out about Jesus. I did not know what I would find there but I was ready to accept whatever it was if it convinced me that it was real & the truth. As I started to read the Gospel of John I had no idea that my life was about to change forever.
Yes, I was desperate to know that Jesus is real & to know him as my Savior. I thought I would never know, for sure, that I had found Him or that I had enough faith in Him, or that I had really believed in Him. I was confused about what it all meant, and just wasn't sure about any of it being real. But, the moment I began to read John 1:1 for some reason I was seeing the words of the bible in a different way. I remembered reading the Book of John in Sunday School as a kid, and our teacher told us to memorize the first chapter, but it really meant nothing to me back then. But, that night, as I sat at my kitchen table reading that big family bible, the words came to life and something was telling me that I was reading the truth about Jesus. I realized that the missing link I referred earlier was the Holy Spirit showing me the truth that I so desperately needed.
That night, as I read the Gospel of John, the Holy Spirit opened my spiritually blind eyes for me and “I got it.” It was as though I was a blind person who suddenly could see; He brought me out of darkness into light; He showed me who Jesus is and what He did for me when He died on the cross to pay the penalty for my sins. I saw that it wasn't about me; not about anything “I” could do, but about what Jesus had already done. The Holy Spirit completely convinced me that the Bible is the absolute truth, that God is real, and that Jesus is God who became a man so He could pay the penalty for my sins that I could never pay myself. God showed me how to “believe in Him” as He convinced me that all the things I had heard in church as a kid, and all that I was reading that night were His way of not only saving me from spending eternity in hell, but also is His way to change me now by giving me a new heart. Immediately my troubled soul was overwhelmed by an enormous sense of relief, and I forgot about all the things “I” was doing to get God to save me as I cast my helpless self upon Jesus. The Holy Spirit “turned on the light for me,” me & I “got it.” That was the moment I saw Jesus as the one who did all that God required for my sin to be forgiven. I wasn't thinking about how much faith I had, or if I really meant business with God, or if I really believed, or about making promises. I didn't need to try to believe, I didn't need to work up a sense of “faith.” I realized that to “believe” in Jesus is the same as to “depend on” or to “rely on” Him just like a child depends on their parents to take care of them. I knew without a doubt that Jesus was waiting for me to come to Him. I found myself talking to Jesus as though He was right there in the room with me. I was thanking Him for saving me and asking Him to change me His way, and that He did.
Later, I found another scripture that really helped me to better understand Romans 10:13; that scripture was the next verse Romans 10:14, “How shall they call on Him in whom they have not believed? And how shall they believe in Him of whom they have not heard? and how shall they hear without a preacher?”(KJV) I saw that Romans 10:13 alone was just words without faith, but that together Romans 10:13-14 means that I believe in Jesus before I call on Him or that I called on Him because I believe Him.
I will use another scripture here although at that time I knew nothing about it but it helps to explain what actually happened to me that day: Ephesians 2:8-9 “For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:” “Not of works, lest any man should boast.” God gave me the right kind of faith to believe just like this verse says, it is a gift of God. The faith God gave me was focused on Jesus’ death on the cross, and also believing that Jesus will do what He said He will do in John 6:37, and that’s “saving faith.” The “wrong kind of faith” was focused on myself, on what “I” was doing to try to get God to save me.
I found the truth about “believing” in Jesus when I turned to God through reading His Word, and by the convincing power of the Holy Spirit. Today, 50+ years have passed since that night, and I still have the peace of knowing, without any doubt, that Jesus did not turn me away. It is a peace that cannot be explained to someone who has not found that peace for themselves.
My wife also, became a believer.
John
