Huge falling-out with a supposed christian friend, feeling awful

[friedice]

Hi folks,

I feel really awful.
I had a huge irreversible falling-out with a christian who I believed was a friend who I have known for over 20 years.
This is a long story and describing it all would take pretty long.

Basically this person was helping me with some of my ocd issues. We have been emailing back and forth.
I really cherished this person and held this person in high regard! I was really thankful to this person.
And then at the beginning of 2025 this person confronted me with things which she said or believed about me which caught me TOTALLY
off guard!

I was absolutely shocked and traumatized. This person basically unloaded upon me and told me things which she believed about me
which I was ABSOLUTELY clueless about!
I had no idea that this person saw me in such a negative light! I know that I have a lot of issues. I struggle with anger and often times

I had to vent my anger and wrote this person emails where I ranted about people who made me angry (mostly politicians).
BUT this was NEVER towards this person!
Anyway, this supposed friend complained to me how negative and arrogant I had become over the years and told me that my emails
were unhealthy for her. I was not aware of this at all!


I was really totally shocked. I felt like this person must absolutely despise me.
Never, in all those years, had this person EVER told me that my emails were dragging her down!
In fact I often asked wether I was being a drag!


Anyway, after this incident I felt like the relationship is now totally destroyed. This was a breach of trust.
This person sees me in such a negative light, this simply cannot be corrected anymore.
I tried to! I sent this person several emails where I apologized and I said that I want to talk about this and
really address these issues. But she never took this offer up. None of the underlying issues have been erased!!!!

I apologized MULTIPLE times for dragging her down with my rants and told her that I did not want this but she
never apologized for traumatizing me. We never had had a falling-out up until this moment. Her angry tone totally
shocked me. I felt so rejected in this moment. This feeling is etched into my brain.


AND what also totally bothered me is that, even though I told this person that this incident was TRAUMATIZING to me
and I felt like somebody pulled the carpet under my feet and I ASKED for an apology simply to be able to get over this
she REFUSED to apologize!
I simply could not get over this. The "re-conciliation" was never complete or genuine. I couldn't really forget it.

After a few months of communicating again I now confronted her again and demanded and apology and then she brought forth the VERY
SAME ugly accusations against me, like she did a few months ago at the first falling-out!
She said that I am unthankful and reminded me of how much she has done for me and so on. But I'm not unthankful and I also told
this to this person! But it seems like my words never registered at all!

I felt like my apologies which I wrote back then would show my heart to her but obviously none of this mattered. She still sees me
in the same negative way she saw me back then. To me this shows that this thing is not fixable anymore. It's simply ruined. It's very
sad. I don't have many friends. Friends are precious. I cherished this relationship. I liked thinking of this person and considering
this person a friend. And now it's all lost and destroyed!

None of my words accomplished anything. I really wanted to fix this. I wanted to talk about it.
But if a person isn't even able to apologize and admit own faults then this is also revealing. Why could she not simply say something
like "I am really sorry that this traumatized you I didn't want that". Would this have been so hard?????



Anyway, the REAL PROBLEM now is that after this new falling-out, where I was confronted with the same ugly accusations, I was really angry
and I felt like now I have to defend myself and not simply apologize, like I did back then. So I fired back and told this person what I truly
think of her!


But now I feel bad and I'm scared and think "what if I am wrong?" "what if God is on her side?" "what if my perception is off?"
I really cannot tell who's "right" here. I feel like we both are to blame. I did things which upset this person, but she also did things which
really hit me!
I cannot determine wether I had a right to "defend" myself and tell her my opinion. Now I worry what if I was being too harsh? What
if she suffers now because of me? But then I think I also suffer because of the harsh words this person wrote me! Why should I always
have to hold back? I held back after the first falling-out where I ONLY apologized and tried to take all the blame.
But after the second falling-out I was really angry and disillusioned cause the relationship is destroyed now. This is clear to me now.
Back then I wanted to save it and fix it, but now this is different. Now I know that this person's opinion about me cannot be changed
anymore. She just despises me wether she's right or not.


Anyway, what I really suffer from now is not being able to "determine" wether I had a right to defend myself or an whose side God is.
Now I feel miserable all the time and simply cannot get over this and fear that God is angry at me now.
I am also sad for losing a supposed friend. This whole thing was really ugly. But at this point there is really nothing I can do.


The relationship is destroyed. There is nothing left to save. This person despises me and to be honest I also cannot trust this person anymore AT ALL!


The way she "unloaded" her anger and frustration upon me came so unexpected it just shocked me.
And this person, even though she knows about my ocd and anxiety and is a counselor (!), even scared me of God by implying
that I am "not right with God" because I dared criticizing a politician who she defends all the time no matter what!


This TOTALLY unsettled me! I felt like I was being manipulated. I cannot forgive this. This person
knows EXACTLY how vulnerable I am and still she dropped this on me and then didn't even explain to me what this is supposed to
mean! I felt terrible for days only because of this 1 comment from her!!!!


I just fear what if God is now totally angry at me? How shall I know?


This is how it ALWAYS is when I have problems with other people. I am ALWAYS insecure and wreck my brain trying to "figure" out if I am right or not.

Even when I feel like somebody clearly did me wrong then I still have to go through this all the time trying to reassure myself. It's awful.

 

[quietthinker]

Giving you support is difficult, not because it's difficult to give but because you justify yourself after admitting you made mistakes....then finding blame in the other person.

 

[friedice]

Giving you support is difficult, not because it's difficult to give but because you justify yourself after admitting you made mistakes....then finding blame in the other person.

As I said we both made mistakes. I just don't feel like my mistakes justify the way she reacted towards me.

I can understand her being frustrated or dragged down or what now. But what traumatized me is how this frustration and anger

came TOTALLY unexpected! Had she ever told me in love that I am dragging her down and that I am being too negative then this

would have been totally different. Then I wouldn't have been so shocked.


And also her not being able to apologize to me, even though I apologized mulitple times to her, is also not okay imo.

 

[quietthinker]

As I said we both made mistakes. I just don't feel like my mistakes justify the way she reacted towards me.

I can understand her being frustrated or dragged down or what now. But what traumatized me is how this frustration and anger

came TOTALLY unexpected! Had she ever told me in love that I am dragging her down and that I am being too negative then this

would have been totally different. Then I wouldn't have been so shocked.


And also her not being able to apologize to me, even though I apologized mulitple times to her, is also not okay imo.

Had you considered she had been patient with you for years and any messages she sent were not heard....then the dam burst?
Will you blame her for her burst dam? Will you justify yourself in an attempt to take the heat off yourself?
Perhaps what she had to say needed to be taken notice of even if it wasn't very diplomatic?

 

[Rockerduck]

Regular people have good intentions and Christians try to be more so, however, most do not understand mental health problems that only a therapist does. The exasperation your friend had on you is the fact she realized the helplessness on her part, and to a regular person, you are playing the victim and its all about you. Face it, just go to a therapist. No one can understand your problems. If you had stated that you were seeing a therapist, I believe this relationship would be different.

 

[Debp]

Now I feel miserable all the time and simply cannot get over this and fear that God is angry at me now.
I am also sad for losing a supposed friend. This whole thing was really ugly. But at this point there is really nothing I can do.

God is not angry at you. If you feel unsettled, talk to the Lord about it. If you feel the need to confess it all to Him, do so. That will help renew your sense of fellowship with the Lord.

1 John 1:9 is always a good verse to remember:

9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

The only thing you can do is to apologize to her again. If she won't accept your apology or if she continually condemns you, leave her to the Lord and try to move on.

Read the Word of God, the Bible, for verses to help in your situation, verses of comfort or about help in times of trouble.

 

[amigo de christo]

Giving you support is difficult, not because it's difficult to give but because you justify yourself after admitting you made mistakes....then finding blame in the other person.

This is true my friend . And its hard to see and watch it .
LOOK if when we do wrong the simpiest thing to do is not demand an aplogoy
but rather we simply repent . THIS could easily have been fixed .
It had been different if the person had falsely accused them , but even the writer of this admits
THEY were angry , ranting and etc .
One thing i do know . IF when we are accused of another of doing wrong , AND what we were doing is not wrong
but rather true . THEN DONT heed the advice of the other .
BUT if we do be found to be in error , DO NOT JUSTIFY it , and do not demand an apology either .
My simple advice would be , GET OVER IT .
I mean they actually had mended the relationship
THEN the writer of said post DEMANDS yet again an apology . And then has such sorrow
that the relationship is broke . But my question is , WHO broke it and WHY was it broke .
It would be different had they been falsely accused .

 

[amigo de christo]

God is not angry at you. If you feel unsettled, talk to the Lord about it. If you feel the need to confess it all to Him, do so. That will help renew your sense of fellowship with the Lord.

1 John 1:9 is always a good verse to remember:

9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

The only thing you can do is to apologize to her again. If she won't accept your apology or if she continually condemns you, leave her to the Lord and try to move on.

Read the Word of God, the Bible, for verses to help in your situation, verses of comfort or about help in times of trouble.

After a few months of communicating again I now confronted her again and demanded and apology and then she brought forth the VERY
SAME ugly accusations against me, like she did a few months ago at the first falling-out!
Who did what again . It was not the other lady that all of a sudden demaned an apology
It was the writer of this that DEMANED an apology , EVEN MONTHS after the relationship had been mended .
There could be real good reason this writer is having such feelings .
Look when we do wrong and another brings it up . WHY get angry and why not rather repent .
If one falsely accuses us , THEN we would correct them . But even the writer of this post
admitted they did g et angry and did rant . So by what little info i have to go on
It seems the LOG might be in the eye of the writer . But i dont have all the details
and can only go on what i see THEM WRITE themselves .

 

[amigo de christo]

God is not angry at you. If you feel unsettled, talk to the Lord about it. If you feel the need to confess it all to Him, do so. That will help renew your sense of fellowship with the Lord.

1 John 1:9 is always a good verse to remember:

9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

The only thing you can do is to apologize to her again. If she won't accept your apology or if she continually condemns you, leave her to the Lord and try to move on.

Read the Word of God, the Bible, for verses to help in your situation, verses of comfort or about help in times of trouble.

not to mention , if you and others only knew some of the names i been called
and not for even doing wrong , but for pointing ONLY TO JESUS CHRIST .
but words are words , i expect persecution and must pray only their forigiveness
THOUGH there will be no fellowship with those who preached another gospel .
BUT words . we aint seen anything yet . Wait till its in your face and in person
and WAIT till even laws are changed and real threatenings and actions come upon us
f or not compromising and not conforming .
WE , as a generation , are way to entitled and feel we need to have mans approval .
NO . THE ONLY APPROVAL we NEED is OF GOD . we do all else for the sakes of the peoples
for their good AND THAT DO INCLUDE CORRECTION .

 

[grumix8]

Pray for that person. Give good idea put that person in prayer request. Continue for her. The lord will help ya. I seen a lot of christian doing things like that. They all feel scared but later repent prayer and prayer help. Don't give up we are on hard tests but love will help us.

 

[Prycejosh1987]

Sadly, just because someone says they are christian it doesnt mean they do not cause problems to others. I choose to take everything christian say with a pinch of salt and take it all at face value. We should deal with people as souls not as we see them in this world.

 

[Big Boy Johnson]

most do not understand mental health problems that only a therapist does.

Mental health problems = demonic activity

Cast the old devil out in Jesus' Name!

 

[quietthinker]

Mental health problems = demonic activity

Cast the old devil out in Jesus' Name!

Those who think they know are always quick to advise, no matter what the issue!

 

[Big Boy Johnson]

Those who think they know are always quick to advise, no matter what the issue!

Those who don't know nuthin are always quick to be of no help at all.

 

[Rita]

@friedice .
The Lord knows more about us than we often know about ourselves. Sometimes reactions cause very negative words to be spoken, we are all human, and it sounds like there are a lot of reactions within the emails from both of you. Maybe take a step back and asked The Lord to work through everything that has been said and ask the Holy Spirit to help you evaluate with fresh eyes. Equally pray for your friend, that she may do the same. Reconciliation is not impossible but it may require both of you to be honest with yourselves, and that is never easy, but very valuable.
Everything is so raw at times but because words impact we often reject everything without evaluating, this is where pride can creep in on both sides.
I will pray for you and your friend xxx

 

[Rockerduck]

Mental health problems = demonic activity

Cast the old devil out in Jesus' Name!

Easy to say. Have you ever cast a demon out? I've seen them, some are fighters and you have to prepare for surprises.

 

[Big Boy Johnson]

Easy to say. Have you ever cast a demon out? I've seen them, some are fighters and you have to prepare for surprises.

The devil is scared of me because I know how to use God's Word, the Sword of the Spirit, to punish demons if they try to hang around me.

They don't like pain inflicted by God's Word coming out of the mouth of believers so the old devil doesn't hang around me at all.

Have you ever even cast a demon out? Do you know HOW to use the Sword of the Spirit effectively??

 

[Rockerduck]

The devil is scared of me because I know how to use God's Word, the Sword of the Spirit, to punish demons if they try to hang around me.

They don't like pain inflicted by God's Word coming out of the mouth of believers so the old devil doesn't hang around me at all.

Have you ever even cast a demon out? Do you know HOW to use the Sword of the Spirit effectively??

Yes, if you have never done this, you'll wet your pants, they will do their best to scare you, and they know you already. Just stand firm, and yell come out in Jesus' name as loud as you can and no matter how many they are they will come out, watch out, they will go into someone else close by, they don't just go away quietly.

 

[Big Boy Johnson]

Yes, if you have never done this, you'll wet your pants, they will do their best to scare you, and they know you already. Just stand firm, and yell come out in Jesus' name as loud as you can and no matter how many they are they will come out, watch out, they will go into someone else close by, they don't just go away quietly.

I'm a veteran of the demonic wars fought for control of my own soul unlike all you arm chair quarterbacks providing color commentary who aren't even in the game. Posers

 

[amigo de christo]

Sadly, just because someone says they are christian it doesnt mean they do not cause problems to others. I choose to take everything christian say with a pinch of salt and take it all at face value. We should deal with people as souls not as we see them in this world.

verily verily i say unto thee , just because someone says they are christain , DONT MEAN THEY T RULY ARE ONE .
And that is a fact .
We should examine all things one says and one does and do so against scripture . that JESUS , HIS words
the words of THE HOLY GOD .
Cause i too once could and did lip i was a christain , but boy i sure had myself decieved on that one .