Married Women (Sometimes Pastor's Wives) Flirt With Me In Church

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calvinlarson

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First of all, I'm not a perfect person, no one is. I don't expect anyone else to be perfect, whether they attend church or not, whether they're at church or not.

Having said that, I have attended a number of churches in my local area and noticed a trend. That is, the wives of pastors, namely of the lead pastors, have flirted with me in a very open, obvious way at multiple of these churches.

At one church for example, one the pastor's wives asked me a series of personal questions. I did not ask her any questions myself. She initiated the conversation and persisted when I did not continue with the conversation and let it wane. She asked me where I live (general vicinity) and told me where she lived (exact cross streets). She also made some comments about my physique and about me working out. None of the questions or points of conversation were extremely inappropriate, but it felt like it crossed the line of idle chit chat. It was more personal than I anticipated.

What made this situation feel a bit odd was that her husband/lead pastor was just a few feet away. I didn't feel uneasy about the conversation while it was taking place, but thinking about it later, her light flirtation and her husband being so close by just seemed odd, I didn't really piece together what happened until later.


Another pastor's wife was a bit more obvious. When I speak to a married woman at church it's never in a flirtatious way. I talk to married woman in the same way as I talk to bro's. Jovial, joking, nothing that could ever be interpreted as sexual talk even in the wildest imagination. This wife apparently enjoys winking and smiling. It's definitely open flirtation. This is a very prominent church and considering how busy and public everyone's activity is, there is conceivable pathway to anything even remotely inappropriate happening.

Nonetheless, I wonder what leads pastor's wives to behave in this way, even light flirtation just doesn't seem to be the way to go. I can say the pastors won't ever put themselves in a situation where their behavior could be interpreted as questionable.

It doesn't anger me, I'm not even stressed about it. It's just a little disappointing and I wonder if I can find a church where this type of thing doesn't happen. It actually seems to be the norm interestingly enough.
 

Pearl

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Perhaps the women you mention were just being friendly and you were over reacting. How long had you known them? If you were new to the church it's natural that they would want to know about your circumstances and where you live. And perhaps if it was obviously inappropriate you should have said something there and then.
 

Marymog

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First of all, I'm not a perfect person, no one is. I don't expect anyone else to be perfect, whether they attend church or not, whether they're at church or not.

Having said that, I have attended a number of churches in my local area and noticed a trend. That is, the wives of pastors, namely of the lead pastors, have flirted with me in a very open, obvious way at multiple of these churches.

At one church for example, one the pastor's wives asked me a series of personal questions. I did not ask her any questions myself. She initiated the conversation and persisted when I did not continue with the conversation and let it wane. She asked me where I live (general vicinity) and told me where she lived (exact cross streets). She also made some comments about my physique and about me working out. None of the questions or points of conversation were extremely inappropriate, but it felt like it crossed the line of idle chit chat. It was more personal than I anticipated.

What made this situation feel a bit odd was that her husband/lead pastor was just a few feet away. I didn't feel uneasy about the conversation while it was taking place, but thinking about it later, her light flirtation and her husband being so close by just seemed odd, I didn't really piece together what happened until later.

Another pastor's wife was a bit more obvious. When I speak to a married woman at church it's never in a flirtatious way. I talk to married woman in the same way as I talk to bro's. Jovial, joking, nothing that could ever be interpreted as sexual talk even in the wildest imagination. This wife apparently enjoys winking and smiling. It's definitely open flirtation. This is a very prominent church and considering how busy and public everyone's activity is, there is conceivable pathway to anything even remotely inappropriate happening.

Nonetheless, I wonder what leads pastor's wives to behave in this way, even light flirtation just doesn't seem to be the way to go. I can say the pastors won't ever put themselves in a situation where their behavior could be interpreted as questionable.

It doesn't anger me, I'm not even stressed about it. It's just a little disappointing and I wonder if I can find a church where this type of thing doesn't happen. It actually seems to be the norm interestingly enough.
Here today.....gone tomorrow.

Why do you keep changing churches?

Curious Mary
 

Heavenbound

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First of all, I'm not a perfect person, no one is. I don't expect anyone else to be perfect, whether they attend church or not, whether they're at church or not.

Having said that, I have attended a number of churches in my local area and noticed a trend. That is, the wives of pastors, namely of the lead pastors, have flirted with me in a very open, obvious way at multiple of these churches.

At one church for example, one the pastor's wives asked me a series of personal questions. I did not ask her any questions myself. She initiated the conversation and persisted when I did not continue with the conversation and let it wane. She asked me where I live (general vicinity) and told me where she lived (exact cross streets). She also made some comments about my physique and about me working out. None of the questions or points of conversation were extremely inappropriate, but it felt like it crossed the line of idle chit chat. It was more personal than I anticipated.

What made this situation feel a bit odd was that her husband/lead pastor was just a few feet away. I didn't feel uneasy about the conversation while it was taking place, but thinking about it later, her light flirtation and her husband being so close by just seemed odd, I didn't really piece together what happened until later.


Another pastor's wife was a bit more obvious. When I speak to a married woman at church it's never in a flirtatious way. I talk to married woman in the same way as I talk to bro's. Jovial, joking, nothing that could ever be interpreted as sexual talk even in the wildest imagination. This wife apparently enjoys winking and smiling. It's definitely open flirtation. This is a very prominent church and considering how busy and public everyone's activity is, there is conceivable pathway to anything even remotely inappropriate happening.

Nonetheless, I wonder what leads pastor's wives to behave in this way, even light flirtation just doesn't seem to be the way to go. I can say the pastors won't ever put themselves in a situation where their behavior could be interpreted as questionable.

It doesn't anger me, I'm not even stressed about it. It's just a little disappointing and I wonder if I can find a church where this type of thing doesn't happen. It actually seems to be the norm interestingly enough.
Dude you should give those pastors a shout. There’s good churches keep looking
 

farouk

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One must remember also that a false accusation can wreak havoc in Christians circles.

Preachers' wives are often put in the position of being expected to welcome strangers and try to put them at their ease; they have to do it over and over and over, sometimes. The fact that there is a huge variety of temperaments among those who visit churches is an additional factor and it can be hard for those who are doing the welcoming to assess instantly how people are going to react.
 

calvinlarson

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Dude you should give those pastors a shout. There’s good churches keep looking

I appreciate that. I actually like both of the churches I have been attending recently. The pastors are of integrity and are faithful to the gospel in large part.

I am not concerned about the pastor's wives behaving in an inappropriate way beyond light flirting. Having said that, I don't want to put any extra effort into maintaining reasonable boundaries either.

It's really odd how tense some of these simple conversations can be.

One must remember also that a false accusation can wreak havoc in Christians circles.

Preachers' wives are often put in the position of being expected to welcome strangers and try to put them at their ease; they have to do it over and over and over, sometimes. The fact that there is a huge variety of temperaments among those who visit churches is an additional factor and it can be hard for those who are doing the welcoming to assess instantly how people are going to react.

Yeah I don't think this rises to anywhere near the level of sexual harassment much less assault. Was it inappropriate then? It's a matter of intent (impossible to prove), and subjective feelings on the part of the recipient (a mild sense of disappointment).

The larger point is that married women even in church, even pastor's wives are testing the boundaries of appropriate behavior on a very regular basis. If this is how women behave at church then think about what it's like outside of church.
 
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Helen

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I appreciate that. I actually like both of the churches I have been attending recently. The pastors are of integrity and are faithful to the gospel in large part.

I am not concerned about the pastor's wives behaving in an inappropriate way beyond light flirting. Having said that, I don't want to put any extra effort into maintaining reasonable boundaries either.

It's really odd how tense some of these simple conversations can be.



Yeah I don't think this rises to anywhere near the level of sexual harassment much less assault. Was it inappropriate then? It's a matter of intent (impossible to prove), and subjective feelings on the part of the recipient (a mild sense of disappointment).

The larger point is that married women even in church, even pastor's wives are testing the boundaries of appropriate behavior on a very regular basis. If this is how women behave at church then think about what it's like outside of church.


No one can please anyone I guess.

So many complain that they go to church week in and week out, no one speaks to them, so they move on to try and find a friendly church.

And some complain that people are much too friendly.

No one wins I guess...
 

calvinlarson

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A pastor has a "friendly conversation" where he is "doing his best" to "welcome" a new member of the congregation:

1. He initiates and keeps re-initiating conversation even though the woman is clearly uncomfortable and attempts to (politely) break off conversation.

2. He exploits the fact that she is not going anywhere since she is preparing a cup of coffee and doesn't want to drop everything and/or protest, creating a scene.

3. He is smiling, admiring her body, and leering at her up and down and tells her "you look fit. Do you work out?"

4. He asks where she lives and gives her his address.

5. He winks at her and welcomes her back anytime.

If this pastor were in any way well known or prominent, he would become an immediate target of the "metoo" movement for objectifying a woman and for exploiting his position within the church.

And yet some claim that pastor's wives are being "judged unfairly" and condemned for behaving in exactly the same way that would bring condemnation upon a pastor or male church member. Talk about a double standard and hypocrisy.

In a woman's mind, women are always right, holy, just, pure and innocent whereas men are the ones who are constantly making false accusations and are therefore evil. Cognitive dissonance and it's finest.

No one can please anyone I guess.

So many complain that they go to church week in and week out, no one speaks to them, so they move on to try and find a friendly church.

And some complain that people are much too friendly.

No one wins I guess...
 
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calvinlarson

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Perhaps the women you mention were just being friendly and you were over reacting. How long had you known them? If you were new to the church it's natural that they would want to know about your circumstances and where you live. And perhaps if it was obviously inappropriate you should have said something there and then.

When my wife and I were at our closest, we periodically crushed on other people. We did not pursue them, though. It almost seemed like a reflex. Having both experienced it, we cut each other some slack in that regard.

Winking and smiling, complimenting someone on their body and physical fitness, asking a total stranger for private information such as their address and giving out one's own address unsolicited are all forms of pursuing.
 
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ScottA

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First of all, I'm not a perfect person, no one is. I don't expect anyone else to be perfect, whether they attend church or not, whether they're at church or not.

Having said that, I have attended a number of churches in my local area and noticed a trend. That is, the wives of pastors, namely of the lead pastors, have flirted with me in a very open, obvious way at multiple of these churches.

At one church for example, one the pastor's wives asked me a series of personal questions. I did not ask her any questions myself. She initiated the conversation and persisted when I did not continue with the conversation and let it wane. She asked me where I live (general vicinity) and told me where she lived (exact cross streets). She also made some comments about my physique and about me working out. None of the questions or points of conversation were extremely inappropriate, but it felt like it crossed the line of idle chit chat. It was more personal than I anticipated.

What made this situation feel a bit odd was that her husband/lead pastor was just a few feet away. I didn't feel uneasy about the conversation while it was taking place, but thinking about it later, her light flirtation and her husband being so close by just seemed odd, I didn't really piece together what happened until later.


Another pastor's wife was a bit more obvious. When I speak to a married woman at church it's never in a flirtatious way. I talk to married woman in the same way as I talk to bro's. Jovial, joking, nothing that could ever be interpreted as sexual talk even in the wildest imagination. This wife apparently enjoys winking and smiling. It's definitely open flirtation. This is a very prominent church and considering how busy and public everyone's activity is, there is conceivable pathway to anything even remotely inappropriate happening.

Nonetheless, I wonder what leads pastor's wives to behave in this way, even light flirtation just doesn't seem to be the way to go. I can say the pastors won't ever put themselves in a situation where their behavior could be interpreted as questionable.

It doesn't anger me, I'm not even stressed about it. It's just a little disappointing and I wonder if I can find a church where this type of thing doesn't happen. It actually seems to be the norm interestingly enough.
That is not flirtation...that is them treating you, welcoming you--like family.

Heaven forbid if they gave you a hug or picked a piece of lint off your sweater--oh the scandal!

No, you have it wrong, borderline pious. If you don't believe it, the next time it happens, reach out and give them a hug and see what happens.
 
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calvinlarson

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That is not flirtation...that is them treating you, welcoming you--like family.

Heaven forbid if they gave you a hug or picked a piece of lint off your sweater--oh the scandal!

No, you have it wrong, borderline pious. If you don't believe it, the next time it happens, reach out and give them a hug and see what happens.

A male member of church staff could NEVER approach a new woman at church with a hug, or pick lint off her sweater. You are mad if you believe a pastor or male member of staff would even think of doing this.

If you don't believe me, next time you are at church (or anywhere for that matter) reach out and give a woman you've never met before a hug and pick lint off her sweater. Better yet, record it on your phone and record the results here. :)

In a best case scenario, you will immediately develop a reputation as the "old pervert at church" who everyone should stay away from, women and children in particular.

In a worst case scenario, her significant other will stomp on your face in retribution for fondling his wife.

But since you are so confident of your claim, do try it out for yourself and like I said, be sure to press "record." :)

It is amazing how out of touch with reality some people are.
 
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ScottA

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Winking and smiling, complimenting someone on their body and physical fitness, asking a total stranger for private information such as their address and giving out one's own address unsolicited are all forms of pursuing.
No... If a cousin introduced you to another cousin, you might [hopefully] do the same thing. As I said, that's normal, that's family.
 

ScottA

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A male member of church staff could NEVER approach a new woman at church with a hug, or pick lint off her sweater. You are mad if you believe a pastor or male member of staff would even think of doing this.

If you don't believe me, next time you are at church (or anywhere for that matter) reach out and give a woman you've never met before a hug and pick lint off her sweater. Better yet, record it on your phone and record the results here. :)

In a best case scenario, you will immediately develop a reputation as the "old pervert at church" who everyone should stay away from, women and children in particular.

In a worst case scenario, her significant other will stomp on your face in retribution for fondling his wife.

But since you are so confident of your claim, do try it out for yourself and like I said, be sure to press "record." :)

It is amazing how out of touch with reality some people are.
No... that stuff happens [harmlessly] all the time. You are being pious.

Moreover, you are being a busybody (look up the biblical definition). The actions of other are not your concern. Examine your own self. Matthew 7:3
 

calvinlarson

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No... If a cousin introduced you to another cousin, you might [hopefully] do the same thing. As I said, that's normal, that's family.

I would not wink at my cousin that I had just met. Nor compliment them on their body while staring at their body up and down.

You are out of touch with reality. I suggest you seek help.

Nice try changing your argument though. I look forward to your video recording of you hugging random women and picking lint off of their sweaters. :)
 
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ScottA

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I would not wink at my cousin that I had just met. Nor compliment them on their body while staring at their body up and down.

You are out of touch with reality. I suggest you seek help.

Nice try changing your argument though. I look forward to your video recording of you hugging random women and picking lint off of their sweaters. :)
No...it is you who are out of touch with reality. You only describe yourself as being overly pious and a busybody.

1 Peter 4:15
But let none of you suffer as a murderer, a thief, an evildoer, or as a busybody in other people’s matters.
 
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Willie T

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Winking and smiling, complimenting someone on their body and physical fitness, asking a total stranger for private information such as their address and giving out one's own address unsolicited are all forms of pursuing.
And it all just came right out of your own imagination. Shrinks call that "Projecting."
 
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