For when for the time ye ought to be teachers, ye have need that one teach you again which be the first principles of the oracles of God; and are become such as have need of milk, and not of strong meat. For every one that useth milk is unskilful in the word of righteousness: for he is a babe. But strong meat belongeth to them that are of full age, even those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil.
Therefore leaving the principles of the doctrine of Christ, let us go on unto perfection; not laying again the foundation of repentance from dead works, and of faith toward God, Of the doctrine of baptisms, and of laying on of hands, and of resurrection of the dead, and of eternal judgment. And this will we do, if God permit. (Hebrews 5:12-6:3)
Once you see that the Nicolaitans in your church do not want you learning these things, and instead want to keep you from suckling on milk, your only response is to divert to things you know. Your church does not teach the fulness of Christ, it never has and neither have many Protestant denominations grasped this. If the Holy Ghost is an "earnest" a down payment, what does the full payment look like? Is the high calling of Christ Just for the "elect" or the Clergy class, or for all the faithful in Christ Jesus?
Read Philippians 3:12-21.
Read again Romans 8
Read 1John 3:1-3
For both he that sanctifieth and they who are sanctified are all of one: for which cause he is not ashamed to call them brethren, Saying, I will declare thy name unto my brethren, in the midst of the church will I sing praise unto thee. (Hebrews 2:10-11)
Are you required to submit to proper authority or are you a spiritual anarchist?
Heb 13:17