Clean Jokes Thread

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Mancunian

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My friend pretended that she didn't like swimming in Africa's longest river.

I think that she was in denial.
 

Mancunian

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I invited a giant panda to lunch, he was so ungrateful. After eating all my food he pulled out a gun shot my windows out and left without a word.


I looked up Giant Panda in an encyclopedia to see if this was typical behaviour.

It said: Giant Panda.. Eats shoots and leaves.
 

Mancunian

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A man walks into a bar with his pet Newt.
The barman asks what the Newts name is... The man replies "it's Tiny"... The barman asks why Tiny?
The man replies "because he's my Newt".
 

Mancunian

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I visited my childhood home recently. I knocked on the door and asked the people there if I could have a look around as I was feeling nostalgic.
They slammed the door in my face...
It's the last thing that you would expect from your parents.